Teaching Gets to Me Big Time

[hornblower]

I listen to a popular teacher on Tv and I like her a lot. Meaning I get what she says more than the others that seem to make me somewhat nauseated. This last week or so she has been teaching on a popular teaching that I have strongly always been against........to the max against! For some reason though it really bugs me that I feel this way about this teaching. I know what I dont like is that some people act anyway like they think they can quote scriptures and make things happen positively just because they are doing that.
grrrrrrrrrr
I guess this all plugs into the fact that when my daughter was attacked often afterwards people would tell me to do this or that to make things better. Or.......I should have done this or that and if I would have this thing this attack that happened to her would not have happened. This literally drove me crazy!
I hope you guys can understand that feeling.
In fact this whole thing sets off the abuse cycle again inside of me, I feel like that preachers wife is screaming those same wordsa at me again and again.......
"Whats wrong with you?????? You started out so well!" she said!
"PEOPLE ARE SO sick and tired of hearing about your RAPED daughter!"

My daughter WAS NOT RAPED! and I told her that and then I said this prooves this is nothing but gossip and it should be stopped right away!

She just laughed at me.
Laughed?

This teacher says our thoughts make us who we are and that often our thoughts can be from the devil..little comments he puts in to make us rethink everything we know........thoughts of condemnations and depression...........thoughts of suicide.......thoughts of past hurts.........thoughts of painful things people have said to us. Memories of our abuse.
She says its not that WE 'make' things positive happen but because our outlook and thought life changes and instead of being negative about our situations we are more positive and then we are more likely to not 'go around the mountain one more time'.........this positive thinking gets us free and will get us into the promise land..........she quoted several scriptures to proove this thought process. I know they can also quote several scientific findings too.
I grew up with My mother all wrapped up into positive thinking and I have to admit by the time she died even though she did have alzheimers she was the most positive person I ever knew when she was older anyway. However when I was young she used this positive thing to block out all 'adverse' talk that came her way which was anything that she might have done wrong. Never did I ever hear my mother ever admit to doing one single thing wrong. I on the other hand could do no right and neither could my father.
I didnt see this as being the kind of positive that I wanted to live in.

The kind that blinds you to everything else and everyone else in the world. She even went so far as to completely deny my own sexual abuse by her own brother which she stood by and let happen right in front of her.....thereafter she always said I was making the entire thing up.........never mind he did the same thing to my sister and almost every couisn I have.

So You see I have reason to hate this teaching.
This lady teacher also says that we are simply agreeing with God not making positive things happen like we have a power over inanimate objects this part of that teaching always bothered me too since my sister in law and my own brother did these kinds of things and still do and they believe in white magic and dont know the Lord. My brother is dead now but it was painful to listen to this teaching even making him feel guilty for having cancer which he sincerely believed. Ill never forget him looking at me with such releaf when I told him dont put that on yourself............loads of people get cancer every single day and they dont do anything to deserve it at all.
You see these people believe in carma...........so therefore what you do gets you what you need in order for you to learn from what you are doing or some such crap..........YOU NEED CANCER?????????????? I dont think so!

As usual I know I am saying too much but........honestly I want to get better but for some reason this just keeps on bringing me to a worse place inside of myself. On the other hand maybe it helps some people and I dont want to say that its wrong if its right to do these things.

She says we can change the way we think.

Why is this hurting me? Is it me? Is it the teaching? Is she right and I am wrong?
The thing that hit me the most is how she says she used to think 'whats wrong with me?' Yeah I think that thought and yeah it is pretty stupid to think that way isnt it ? like why not think whats right with me instead? Why not think............. do the dishes..........go smell a flower..........give someone a card or a hug or something? Walk the dogs and quit griping that its so cold. She said its stupid to sit around not liking yourself because you dont get another person to be you.........you are who you are stuck with..........yep shes right last time I looked Im not getting another order filled for me!

And really Im not so bad after all. My life has a lot of obstagels but you know its not IRAQ over here is it now?

I dont know.
what do you think?

[Jerry]

Sweetheart,,,,,I think your doing ok.......Jesus never said ,,,Follow me and everything will be "Hunky Dory".....I wish people would think more before engaging the mouth ;)
Love Jerry

[amandaF]

I'm sorry what you've heard has hurt you :(
Nothing's ever that black and white, in my opinion!

[Willow]

Heya hornblower,

It seems like you've been exposed to an extreme teaching that blows something good all out of perspective. Like your mom... she couldn't even see reality because she used the positive thinking as a way to be in denial of painful thoughts.

At the same time... constantly dwelling and stewing on negative and painful memories and fears of the future really can throw a person into despair and depression. I'm one that has some real pain and fear that tend to engulf my mind.

Here's what I'm working on for myself:

The key element is first of all finding a God I can trust... one who I can turn it all over to when I am having these thoughts. I say "finding a God" because not all of us have loving concepts of God in our heads. The punishing God doesn't work... he agrees with our negativity and slaps us down, creating more pain. This kind of god does not help us let go of our concerns.

Once I have a firm connection with my new caring and forgiving God, I can catch myself in the pain and fear and invite him into the situation. I say this prayer every day:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Then I can redirect my thoughts onto things I have control over and am able to do something about. This sets me into positive and constructive action. Creative ideas come to me about what to do next.

This morning I woke up very distraught about new developments in my work place. The man in my meeting suggested I not tell my boss everything about the new developments in order to protect my job. However... God, in his infinite wisdom, put it in my heart to be completely honest with my boss and see where the chips fall. I can't control this one, so I might as well give it to God and trust there will be a positive outcome. Maybe not the outcome I expect or want... but I'm not in control of that... God is.

I sure hope this helps...

Amy

[Judy]

Hi,

I'll bet I know who you're talking about, too. If I'm right, I agree with you that I like most of her teaching but I hate the idea that we can just CHOOSE to get better, make our worlds better, etc. Excuse me, but it's not that simple! Unfortunately, that is a prevalent attitude among Christians these days, and like many things in the spiritual realm, there is a degree of truth in that teaching but it's also possible to find much error in it.

I suspect that it bothers you because you are discerning two things: it's not honest, and the Christian life is not just a matter of willpower.

One thing I've learned in my spiritual walk is that God really values honesty! He can work with honesty, even if we sound like we have no faith. He cannot work with us in areas where we are in denial or trying to fool ourselves or anyone else.

And as most people know, recovery is often about surrender, not willpower. There is strength in weakness. In many cases, we have tried for too long to "gut it out" and do what we're supposed to do. We've hidden our weaknesses and our doubts and confusion. We've TRIED until we can't try any more. Now it's time to lay it all down, admit our weaknesses, admit that we can't do it on our own, and get dirt honest. That is where we'll find healing.

There may come a time when you comprehend the kernels of truth in that teaching you object to so much. For now, I think you would be wise to listen to your heart and reject it. In any case, if it bothers you a lot, it's probably not something you need to know right now. Just rest and let it go.

Judy

[jane]

hornblower-

it bothers you because it is a lie.

the problem with most lies is that there is always some truth to it....that is why we get confused.

i go one step futher in my beliefs....those teachings that you talked about? sounds like blasphemy to me.........them folks telling things to be like they are God.....they forget themselves.....we are the created not the creator.

the rain falls on the just and the unjust.....

and job was quite a servant of God......

so the teachings are false in my opinion; they don't line up with scripture.

JMO

hugs to you for the stress you endured but thankgoodness you reacted- you can sense when something isn't quite right and that is a good thing!

jane

[hornblower]

thankyou all so much for responding and helping me with this. Its been something that honestly has plagued me all along my christian life, The very first church I went too I felt like I was gaining weight. I was a new christian and pardon me but christians eat too much......I (before going to churches and such)spent all of my time starving to fit in with the thin women in the magazines, scared to death my husband would leave me or beat me or some other horrid thing because that was the life I was used too. (before Jesus) Everything I did or thought was to please a man. I felt like I had no personal worth at all. The pressure would build and build until I was ready to drink myself into oblivion or some other kooky thing.

So then I start going to church because Im now a christian and guess what Im gaining weight and I cant seem to stop it so Im concerned about it and believe me I needed to be more than I knew.......
Ill never forget what a man said to me in the church one of the elders I am sure or the assitant pastor........Im sure he thought I was beyond silly for being so concerned about my weight which at that time was really no problem (but I knew without a doubt it was coming) He said its simple just move your hand from one leg to the other.........???????????????????? He had told me to place on e hand on one of my legs and then he said move it to the other and so I did...........that was his answer like overcoming a lifetime of (I still to this day have this huge problem and yes I am very overwieght now) painful experiences is just that simple..........just do it. I often think of the Nike commercial. 'Just do it!'
If only it could be true for me.
I dont know why now that I am a christian that its not true but somehow its not any longer true. I dont seem to be able to simply use my willpower.
It scares me because I dont want to sin.
I used to believe that God was this huge man in the sky that always had His finger waving at me as if to say bad, bad, bad, girl..........
That idea is now so completely gone but not because I made it go away or because I worked on thinking better.
The only answer I have for it being gone is grace. God just did that for me. The day He revealed Himself to me is the day I for once and for all time knew I was at last loved just as I am without changing one thing still...........more than anything I wanted to change............I wanted to do so much better and I still do.
Maybe its not my message or something this positive thinking thing or this name it and claim it crap and that is what I think of naming it and claiming it as if all you have to do to make my daughter well is just to say it out loud several times a day and then it will work.
I guess the part of it that really stinks for me is the part where this person doesnt have my daughter...........why wouldnt she be happy as she says..........what is there for her to not be happy about? Im sure there is a lot of stress in her world that I dont doubt with all of that business going on and speaches and planes to catch.........but she has acheived her goals in life and her family is well and even if they werent Ill bet it wont be mental illness that attacks them. Dont get me wrong I dont want anything to happen to her shes been through plenty already and it looks like she encourages lots of women and even men so thats good........
but
will she come sit here with me some night and be my friend while I wonder if my daughter made it home safe ??????????
Will she understand when I tell her about the ton of screaming that went on today here by me and my husband because my daughter was calling a potentially dangerous person and stirring up more trouble and nothing we could do would make her stop?
Will she be here for me to cry it all out?

Her life doesnt resonate with mine at all really. Ive had some of her own problems in life and then Ive had a lot more. Then even more.
What I dont understand is why she is there and I am here?
Why is it that these people that preach to us have life better?
Paul didnt have life better. Peter didnt have life better. John didnt. James didnt. They all suffered a lot too. They were broke like me.........doesnt sound like they had much in the way of family maybe they did maybe they didnt.........Paul didnt thats for sure he was so forsaken by almost everyone.

I have had some pastors for friends and they those pastors that I felt like God sent me to just to talk with them they were having it really really hard just like me.

Doesnt it feel like that (like some big thing is not quite right here at all! Like its just a bunch of buy my next book deal spend more money on this next formula) when someone who has it better is telling you to do this or that and things will be better but .............truth is no matter what I do it wont get better untill my daughter and I and my home is well again.

I am trying to put my mind on better things.........but its hard. That teaching feels like more condemnation to me.
When I was asking my husband what he thought about it all.........he threw a newspaper article over to me about how in England they are sending in false worshippers into the churches to study why churches are loosing congregations..........like any good business they are trying to bring in the best the cream of the crop so to speak so they are hiring people now to study why its happening.......churches are loosing people..........yeah duh!

Maybe its because like you are saying here there is no honesty any more. If there is one thing I hope I have learned from my Jesus its to always be honest and tell the truth no matter what. Especially with myself. It also has helped me to be honest with others it doesnt make them like me much because they seem to be looking for a star to hitch a ride on too but hey Im not Tom Cruise................sometimes I think I see in the people I am around like who are you????????? I think they see something that scares them this honesty thing.

What difference does it make anyway I cant change who I am and if God cant do it when Im asking Him every single day then maybe its because God doesnt want to change me.

Thankyou all I love you guys............