so it's official... [Archive] - Christian Recovery Forums

Satscout

09-18-2004, 09:06 PM

Here we are.

The old forum is now officially the archive...

and I got beat to be the first to post! :p ;)

ok, ok...

Gotta have SOME sense of humor, since the computer went down this afternoon (that is, the network at the hospital was experiencing "intermittent Internet connectivity issues" :mad: :( ) and I just got done catching up. Sorta.

PLUS, it was a rough afternoon because Mr. I'm-going-to-Indiana-in-a-few-weeks was rubbing salt in my wounds, and I had to rather forcefully and tearfully remind him that I don't get any true vacations OR any relief from Andrew-care, and taking time off work wouldn't change that. And we got his schedule for this week, and he had to call his supervisor and let her know - in no uncertain terms - that I have a required meeting at the hospital Wed. morning and though I will get back from clear on the other side of town as fast as I can, I can't guarantee it will be in time for him to get to HIS work by 11 am...

And the crowning glory - he has to work payday Saturday again.

This has NOT been a good day, crowning yet another NOT-good-week.

Australia isn't near far enough away... *(sigh)*

And I can't go to bed yet. Andrew is way too awake for that. :(

Ah well...

Sharon

Emerging

09-18-2004, 10:15 PM

(((Satscout))), what a hard day for you, and yep, we be here. I wish there was something I could do to help care for Andrew or well, get you a break from all the action. I'm sorry that your husband doesn't seem to be as supportive as it seems he could be ... though on my part I will admit that while my biological clock went off, apparently my ex's never really did, deep down, and so he's ditched our daughter and now we wait for him to ditch his own son. Since he let his gf give our daughter the boot, his emails to her have been sooo cruel, so I'm doing nothing for the present ... God only knows just how cruel he might become towards his own children.

I think in recovery we all know how hard life is and we do develop compassion for the struggles of those around us ... but it's not Christlike to be a doormat and boy isn't it hard to juggle all those balls and know when to be gentle, or when to be firm, or when to be a peacmaker, or when to not put up with any of it. :confused:

My own son is not in a good place - by innocently trying to make up for what his father wasn't giving him, I've inadvertently created quite a self-centered little boy. ok, young man ... but still so selfish and manipulative. I've been barely making it the past couple years at a job that's NO fun ... but at least it pays the bills ... but it's sucked the life right out of me and ... I got distracted.

And my little flock scattered. :(

So now I have two chilluns to round up ... and they are NOT happy that I've been qutie noticably shortening the proverbial leash, not happy at all. But I have to do it or they will pay for it for years to come. I share this so that I hope you see that I am in no way trying to preach at you, but commiserate with you. I have given myself this weekend to somewhat selfishly figure out why my life isn't working and what do I need to do to get it back on track because things cannot continue like this for me and there be a happy outcome.

So I have realized that I am no longer the person I was 3 years ago, before my memories began to resurface. That person loved what she loved ... is it what I love? Or did I somehow feel *compelled* to do those things and now there is no joy in them? What are *my* dreams and hopes in life? My accounting degree is so *not* me! Yes, I can do accounting, but I hate accounting!!! There, I said it!! ... so my job, should I choose to accept it, is to figure out what I *enjoy* doing ... and somehow I sense that once I do that, my dream job will be "right there, ready for me". But how do I "get there"? How do I live a life of happiness? How can I be a happy child again? :confused:

Children don't worry, they have this innate love of life, ... they have faith.
We all see them "getting right back to it" after something goes wrong ... they have hope.
They share so willingly, they get mad but then get past it and over it, they love us soooo much despite all our errors and foibles ... they have charity.

I am wondering if this is why Jesus said to be as little children ... paraphrased as "don't worry, just do your best and be happy with it." :D Children certainly do that and they accomplish sooo much until grownup worries begin to eat away at them.

I wonder..... :rolleyes: