Hello again

[thehow1963]

Hello everyone. I have not been around for a while. I thought I was recovered from the whole mess of spiritual abuse. But i guess it isn't so. we have moved from michigan to new york. i took a position with a nationwide advocacy group. it is going good do far. we moved here in september. we have still been searching for a church and still have not found one. i have a friend in michigan whom i have not spke with in almost nine years. he recommended that we find abig church and sit and do nothing for awhile. so that is what we plan on doing. there is just something about little churches to me right now. everyone knows you when you don't want to be known.
the reason i brought up about not being recovered yet is because of the following situation. we were going to a church here in ny about 3 weeks ago. the worship leader began to play "open the eyes of my heart." i immediately began to cry. i went to the bathroom to try and compose myself, but it did not work. my family and i ended up leaving. you see at the abusive church in mi my two oldest sons and i were the worship team. god was really beginning to use us with that ministry. one person even wanted the music we were playing to be recorded because it ministered to her. so we began to record the music. in doing this we had to set up mics and other equipment. when the pastor asked why we were doing this i explained it to him. within 3 weeks he began to lead worship and wanted us to "assist" him with it. during one of the music times he completely embarrased my older sons by telling them to play quietly when he was ministering and prophesying before God. by telling them i really mean he was practically yelling at them. my second oldest left the stage while the music was going on. he completely left the church. my oldest left about four months later. then my wife, i and my other two left. after all of this i have tried to play with them and they literally will not play together. they will play by themselves but to all of us togetherr. it amazes me what a power hungry man will do to keep the attention on himself instead of wanting others to succeed.:mad: anyway that is why i had to leave the service at this new church in ny. old feelings resurfaced. tell me anyone will this crap ever go away.:confused: thanks for your comments on this. i know it seems long, but this is the only way i cna get it out

Howie

[Jerry]

old feelings resurfaced. tell me anyone will this crap ever go away.:confused:

Dear Howie,,,
It's kinda like "crap" in the yard.Yes eventually the rain and weather dissolve it......It's just that sometimes we step in it before the rain can do it's work ;)

Love Jerry,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Good to see you ;)

[SpinningHead]

We left our old church in sept 05'. Now we're in a completely different state, different people, different culture and a different church. This church had just built a brand new building using many of the same features we had designed for our old church. As much as we thought we were over it and in a place of being amused, it still bothered us greatly. We continued to go to this church and the more we went, the less it bothered us. We just ended up saying, this is what a healthy church can accomplish.

If this church that you're going to now is healthy, the more you go and just expose yourself to some spiritual healthiness & healing, the less those old abusive wounds will hurt. They will continue to demonstrate both on stage & in their lives what a healthy worship attitude can accomplish.

I'm sorry your previous pastor was such a jerk. :mad: I hope that you & family will feel that same sweet worship spirit that you once had.

[jane]

Howie-

like shrek.......it's about layers for me.......the inner part of the onion has a smaller circumference.......that's what I tell myself.:D

I was struck by your story........You were singing in the old church, "Open the eyes of my heart Lord......."

and your eyes were open by what followed there after. Sounds like answered prayer to me.

Too bad the song had to trigger you at the new church.

jane

[FreeinJesus]

Welcome back Howie!

I won't be much help because we haven't been out of our abusive church but for 7 months....we are still in the *early stages* I guess.

Obviously that song was a trigger for you. :(

It was really hard for me the first few times we started attending another church. Even now, when this church sings the same songs as X....((shudder)). I want to forget about being back there, but triggers bring the thoughts & emotions back sometimes. :( It might be too early to say, but I think it *is* getting better. I think God is helping me to get stronger, even if it's baby-steps.

I hope it gets better for you & your family. This is a hard road all of us are on. God will help.:)

I could relate w/ the small church thing.....our abusive church (I call it the X) anyhow, it was small. I think it's easier to control a smaller crowd & when Xpastor found out someone wasn't seeing eye to eye...it was wierd, but it was as if there was a concerted effort to get you so upset that you were forced to leave. The *sermons* he would belch out were so very upsetting & then he'd pray "God purge our church from those who are not of *us*".... & counseling sessions were nothing but "you need to change your attitude" or "the devil is working on you"....you'd leave feeling really bad & you didn't do anything wrong but have a difference of opinion, & of course that could never be tolerated. How dare anyone question such a godly & righteous man? (I wish they had a little green faced sick man icon for here!!):rolleyes:

Anyhow I wish you & your family the best. I think your friend's suggestion is good, find a large church where you can just stay in the background for a while. Take whatever time you need. Some books & articles I've read have said that just to spend Sunday at the beach & thinking about God & just have a special scripture verse to talk about w/ your family. I don't think God is just about "church"....at least "church" the way men view it. Could be wrong there...but it's how I see it after what we have experienced.

I hope all goes well...what an incredible change that must have been for you & your family. We hope to move soon back to our home state, as we were brainwashed, coerced & manipulated into moving here for the "true church".:( It's humiliating, however at that point in time I was very naive & would have done just about anything, believing I was doing if for God & His kingdom....then you realize it's for a MAN & that man aint Jesus. :( :( The Ethiopian Eunuch went on his way rejoicing & was never required to move back to Jerusalem if a "true church" didn't pan out...our Xpastor ADDED to the gospel, though he'd never admit it. He planted the seeds that we didn't measure up...he yelled at my husband about "how come you haven't moved yet?!" he made me cry...this wonderful "man of God" (insert green little smilie vomiting) :mad:

I'm just giving you a little of what happened to us..
:(:rolleyes:

I think I'm in the Twilight Zone from time to time...a number was done on our heads, but God is there. He will help you too Howie. Many people here have been through so much & have managed to heal. Though I think it's like going through a war...you never forget it & you are never the same because of it. :(

Hang in there & God bless!
FreeinJesus