Theodora
12-23-2004, 07:52 AM
Dear "Beautiful Dreamer"--
What a lovely "handle!" First of all--welcome to the forum. I hope that you will find this to be a place of understanding and healing for you. I read your first post with much empathy---and not a little anger growing out of my own experience as a chronically ill person that your illness has had so little understanding from those around you. In answer to your question---as others have affirmed here for you---YES! I too would think that you have experienced "spiritual abuse" in the kind of belief system which others have tried to impose on you. I hope that you'll "stick around" and that we can have a chance to get to know one another a bit and that our experiences here can help you in your recovery.
I am relatively isolated because of my illness---complicated enough that I won't go into it except to tell you that dealing with a fair degree of depression is part of it. I have been helped by a LOT of reading by those who have "been there/done that." Not to "preach at" you when you don't need more "well-meaning" souls trying to set you straight, but the following came to mind as POSSIBLE resources which might help you too. As always, as the saying is in recovery circles: "Take what works and leave the rest!"
1. Catherine Marshall, wife of a well-known/well-celebrated Presbyterian preacher of the 1950's, e.g. Peter Marshall, wrote a book called Light in My Darkest Night which deals with her crisis of faith after having prayed in confidence that her grandchild would be healed, only to have the child die. Her other inspirational books are a testament to how deeply grounded her faith has remained.
2. Henri Nouwen, a Roman Catholic priest who wrote extensively in the latter part of the 20th century, also suffered from depression. His reflective, psychologically grounded writing has been the source of much healing for me.
3. Philip Yancey's work, such as "Disappointment with God."
4. The on-line ministry booklets called "Discovery Series" seem to me to be good "thought-starters" for personal growth. (They have a topic index at http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/) Specifically, a helpful one for me was "When Hope is Lost; Dealing with Depression" If interested, see http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/cb973/)
5. Another ministry series is published by Abbey Press---Extensive and also well-grounded psychologically for working through a WIDE range of topics, especially dealing with illness and grief. Their on-line catalog is at http://www.carenotes.com/
In their "Health and Healing" section are the following possibilities:
When the Healing isn't Happening
Letting Tears Bring Healing and Renewal
Letting Illness Bring You Closer to God
Other sections listed include:"Pain and Suffering" and "Depression"
I've used these (and passed them on various places) for years and have liked them VERY much because 1) they are "topic-specific" and use what I call a "feel-with" (as opposed to "preach at" approach) and 2) because they all include a good mini-bibliography for further reading at the end of the pamphlet.
A current on-line sample, "Holidays are for Giving and Forgiving" is available in PDF format by clicking on a link on the main page.
Though they encourage bulk orders (at $.75 per title regular price---less if ordered in quantity)--they will also accept orders for individual titles---or DID...the last time I tried this. (I've been trying to establish a CareNote ministry in my church for some time---with only varying success. At the moment, I'm at an impasse because of my health. Cost IS a factor for this series, but, as I envision it, used as a "sampler file" for healing ministry, they could be very effective.)
6. The on-line daily meditations of other chronically ill people at "Rest Ministries." Though written by the patients themselves---meaning that the quality of the meditation varies enormously (as does the "theological" quality!)--I have been reassured to find voices of faith coming from those who are also struggling in their own lives. If interested, see http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/chronicpaindevotional/
I think they also have a chat board, but I've not been able to use that because of limitations with my computer program.
Well---"enough and more than enough!" As I said..."take what works and leave the rest." I hope something in the above is helpful. If I may suggest---DO continue to do what YOU need to do for YOU to support yourself. It seems evident to me that those you've mentioned do NOT understand your situation. I think I could write a small "book" on my thoughts as to why that may be so and why they are so locked into their own point of view---but that would probably be more about ME than helpful for you, so I will spare you the speculation. The point for me would be that I think it's evident that 1) they do NOT understand and therefore are not a good source to help you find your way toward your own grounding in faith and so 2) you need to use what energy you have toward finding what help you can as you work through your pain and what that means for you both emotionally and spiritually, rather than dealing with previous perspectives.
Blessings to you and yours this day. You will be in my prayers.
Theodora
What a lovely "handle!" First of all--welcome to the forum. I hope that you will find this to be a place of understanding and healing for you. I read your first post with much empathy---and not a little anger growing out of my own experience as a chronically ill person that your illness has had so little understanding from those around you. In answer to your question---as others have affirmed here for you---YES! I too would think that you have experienced "spiritual abuse" in the kind of belief system which others have tried to impose on you. I hope that you'll "stick around" and that we can have a chance to get to know one another a bit and that our experiences here can help you in your recovery.
I am relatively isolated because of my illness---complicated enough that I won't go into it except to tell you that dealing with a fair degree of depression is part of it. I have been helped by a LOT of reading by those who have "been there/done that." Not to "preach at" you when you don't need more "well-meaning" souls trying to set you straight, but the following came to mind as POSSIBLE resources which might help you too. As always, as the saying is in recovery circles: "Take what works and leave the rest!"
1. Catherine Marshall, wife of a well-known/well-celebrated Presbyterian preacher of the 1950's, e.g. Peter Marshall, wrote a book called Light in My Darkest Night which deals with her crisis of faith after having prayed in confidence that her grandchild would be healed, only to have the child die. Her other inspirational books are a testament to how deeply grounded her faith has remained.
2. Henri Nouwen, a Roman Catholic priest who wrote extensively in the latter part of the 20th century, also suffered from depression. His reflective, psychologically grounded writing has been the source of much healing for me.
3. Philip Yancey's work, such as "Disappointment with God."
4. The on-line ministry booklets called "Discovery Series" seem to me to be good "thought-starters" for personal growth. (They have a topic index at http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/) Specifically, a helpful one for me was "When Hope is Lost; Dealing with Depression" If interested, see http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/cb973/)
5. Another ministry series is published by Abbey Press---Extensive and also well-grounded psychologically for working through a WIDE range of topics, especially dealing with illness and grief. Their on-line catalog is at http://www.carenotes.com/
In their "Health and Healing" section are the following possibilities:
When the Healing isn't Happening
Letting Tears Bring Healing and Renewal
Letting Illness Bring You Closer to God
Other sections listed include:"Pain and Suffering" and "Depression"
I've used these (and passed them on various places) for years and have liked them VERY much because 1) they are "topic-specific" and use what I call a "feel-with" (as opposed to "preach at" approach) and 2) because they all include a good mini-bibliography for further reading at the end of the pamphlet.
A current on-line sample, "Holidays are for Giving and Forgiving" is available in PDF format by clicking on a link on the main page.
Though they encourage bulk orders (at $.75 per title regular price---less if ordered in quantity)--they will also accept orders for individual titles---or DID...the last time I tried this. (I've been trying to establish a CareNote ministry in my church for some time---with only varying success. At the moment, I'm at an impasse because of my health. Cost IS a factor for this series, but, as I envision it, used as a "sampler file" for healing ministry, they could be very effective.)
6. The on-line daily meditations of other chronically ill people at "Rest Ministries." Though written by the patients themselves---meaning that the quality of the meditation varies enormously (as does the "theological" quality!)--I have been reassured to find voices of faith coming from those who are also struggling in their own lives. If interested, see http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/chronicpaindevotional/
I think they also have a chat board, but I've not been able to use that because of limitations with my computer program.
Well---"enough and more than enough!" As I said..."take what works and leave the rest." I hope something in the above is helpful. If I may suggest---DO continue to do what YOU need to do for YOU to support yourself. It seems evident to me that those you've mentioned do NOT understand your situation. I think I could write a small "book" on my thoughts as to why that may be so and why they are so locked into their own point of view---but that would probably be more about ME than helpful for you, so I will spare you the speculation. The point for me would be that I think it's evident that 1) they do NOT understand and therefore are not a good source to help you find your way toward your own grounding in faith and so 2) you need to use what energy you have toward finding what help you can as you work through your pain and what that means for you both emotionally and spiritually, rather than dealing with previous perspectives.
Blessings to you and yours this day. You will be in my prayers.
Theodora