questioning beliefs

[Ontheroad]

:confused:
[COLOR=SeaGreen]Hi all,

I am struggling with an issue and wonder if anyone here has been able to come to terms with anything similar. Here it is:

I grew up going to various churches, some of which included "nondenominational" churches. I left my church of 12 years about 8 months ago (has it been that long?). It was a former Maranatha church, but held some of the same beliefs that nondenominational-type churches have, including an emphasis on spiritual warfare and on prophetic occurrences. In fact, the majority of the spiritual/emotional abuse I and others endured from my former pastor was in the name of spiritual warfare and in the guise of prophetic discernment given to him about us. He used this as a weapon to browbeat and demoralize us, both in private counseling sessions and openly as a church from the pulpit. He constantly claimed to be given special discernment and prophetic personal words about us, which were almost always words of rebuke. He would take those of us he was "counseling" (yeah, right) through many hours of deliverance, claiming to have special discernment and God-given ability to detect specific spiritual strongholds and demons in people that were hindrances in our lives and to the church. He also claimed to have discernment on territorial spirits. He believed in a term called "proxy intercession", which means that sometimes God uses a leader (i.e., him) to cast spirits out of others which has a simultaneous effect of removing spirits that are over cities or territories. In other words, if he cast a spirit of pride out of me or someone else he was counseling, at the same time, a spirit of pride was being removed from over our city or geographic region. Many times, this proxy intercession/deliverance sessions would include hours of intensive (almost violent) "deliverance" techniquest: yelling, calling spirits to "come forward", lecturing me to ask God to forgive me for the sins I or people in my past family history or people in the community had committed to allow the spirit "in". It really did a number on me mentally.

My struggle is this: I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I don't want to assume that everything about spiritual warfare or prophetic giftings that I have been taught about in both in the abusive church and in other churches I attended in my childhood, was in error. But I am so gun-shy and even scared of anything remotely related to that stuff. I have friends who left the same church I did, but still believe there is valid spiritual warfare and prophetic giftings, just not in the way our former pastor/church believed. I don't know how to separate it all out, though. Have any of you had similar struggles with beliefs from former churches - where you don't know which beliefs to keep, which ones to throw out, etc? I don't even trust my discernment level much right now to be able to sort it all out.

Thanks i n advance for any insights or advice. This is a great forum. [COLOR=SeaGreen]

[ex-shep]

Yes, I do. Given the programming, especially in your group, you may want to abstain from church involvement for a short period to give your mind a chance to heel and to let the tapes in your head disintegrate.

I did not go anywhere on Sunday mornings for about 3 or 4 months. It was too traumatic for me. I too came out of radical pentecostal enviroment. I was watching reruns of Sesame Street on Sunday morning. It was as much as this damaged mind could handle.

Some former members find mainline or liberal churches good for recovery. There is a chance to worship without too heavy a demand.

Up to 2 years ago, I could not stand anything remotely evangelical. Now I have found a Methodist church much to my liking. For me, it was worth the wait. I have had to go slow and not worry about. It came together in time

The withdrawal phase is the pits. I hope can get out of soon and be able to stop and smell the roses.

[Beautiful_Dreamer]

To borrow a phrase...been there, done that, got the Tshirt:) Seriously, I have had similar feelings to where I felt it was too traumatic to go to some churches. I have found that mainline churches can be a place to heal, if for no other reason than that you can often read a statement of belief for the denomination or have an idea of what they believe *before* you get involved. I know there are some good non-denom churches out there but it will be a long time before I am comfortable in another one again for many reasons.

I liked the church itself I was part of but the problem came when some members I was in close proximity with got a lot of their beliefs from TBN and did not temper it with their own study. I would reccomend either staying away from networks like that altogether or being very discerning about who and what you listen to.

you will get through it. It will be tough, I know, but you will get through it and stronger as a result. Hang in there.

[Katie]

I don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I don't want to assume that everything about spiritual warfare or prophetic giftings that I have been taught about in both in the abusive church and in other churches I attended in my childhood, was in error. But I am so gun-shy and even scared of anything remotely related to that stuff. I have friends who left the same church I did, but still believe there is valid spiritual warfare and prophetic giftings, just not in the way our former pastor/church believed. I don't know how to separate it all out, though. Have any of you had similar struggles with beliefs from former churches - where you don't know which beliefs to keep, which ones to throw out, etc? I don't even trust my discernment level much right now to be able to sort it all out.


On the road, I have had many of the same feelings. I have allowed myself the grace and understanding that the pendulum of my beliefs, values, and emotions would swing wildly for a time. This has proven true over the past 9 months for me. There is no rush to have it all sorted out. In fact, at the moment, I'm more comfortable not having things all figured out. I believe that I am in a more humble and tolerant place than when I "knew it all."

Through this process, I have begun to identify the things that are truly important to me. Servanthood, humility, and brokenness are at the top of my list. I hold tight to the things that I know are true, that God is good, loving, and faithful.

Concerning the prophetic, the part that I hold on to is that God speaks to his people, and I know His voice. Concerning spiritual warfare, at the moment I am feeling like it is mostly hype. I believe in prayer that is sincere and heartfelt. Much of what has been done as spiritual warfare doesn't ring true to me.

I don't know if this helps. I feel like my slate was wiped almost clean. I think I'll take my time and let God teach me as I go. I trust Him. ;)