Crises of Faith

[Anna Marta]

I just came across an article in Time Mag entitled "Mother Theresa's Crisis of Faith". It can be found at http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1655415,00.html

A book has been written from a collection of her private letters. It is entitled Come Be My Light

I read this with great interest. It allowed me to come to a better understanding of those dark nights of the soul many people experience. I know I have had those times when heaven feels so silent and myself so isolated from my Father God that I wonder if it all ever really existed or had I been dreaming had just woke up.

I think that I need to get a hold of this book as well as some of the older stories such as: St. Augustine's Confessions and Thomas Merton's The Seven Storey Mountain.

For me it is time to go deeper into the lives of the older giants of faith and discover their struggles because I think God can use it to help me understand my own. These greats were bullied, abused, isolated and all other kinds of abused for their beliefs... I ask myself if my suffering could be any worse, but more importantly where my sorrow and suffering will lead me?

I prayed many many years ago and I asked to have the gift of great faith and to become a faithful follower. I wanted Father God use me. As I spend this last year in the mountains and forest here in Norway with nothing to do other than whatever my hand finds to do... (see scripture) I think God is teaching me about how He answers requests like mine.

I haven't figured it all out yet, but I do know that I will not allow the earlier bitterness and resentment that followed the time of anger to linger. I don't know how to fight it when it pops up like a scene from a horror movie and I see the darkness that lies dormant in my heart. I am capable of hatred and I am ashamed to admit it. But confusingly at the same time I seem to have a great deal of love and yearning to love and forgive... it can just be too much sometimes.

I want to be a part of the great Body of Christ with other believers without suspicion and fear. The reality has become for me that I must make a choice.

I guess I should hit the submit button before the delete key... I hope you bear with me as I try to put my life into perspective. I would dearly appreciate any input from you, my dear friends on the journey.

shalom,
Anna Marta

[hoipoloi]

Anna Marta

You speak to my own spiritual condition here, as my other contribution on the real church might show.

[Willow]

I actually felt a fresh breeze blowing when the news did the commentary on Mother Teresa's honest struggles. None of use are above the human condition... not even Mother Teresa. Can you imagine how she must have been affected by seeing all the horrors and pain of others? Of course she suffered emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. Who wouldn't? The thing that is outstanding is that she didn't discontinue her work. That's the superhuman feat!

[Anna Marta]

You pegged it Willow! It's when the human possibilities come to an end that God is able to really show His power. I wonder if many have simply not allowed themselves to come to end of "me" often enough to allow Him to do what He does best. I have heard it said that it is God we doubt because we know ourselves and what we are and are not capable of, it is Him we are not so sure about.

Actually I think on this forum we have seen the same kind of God's power displayed over and over again in the lives of those who continue beyond what "I" would think was humanly possible for someone to bear and go on... to accomplish good stuff. Funny, I bet there are lots of us who have absolutely NO idea how much we have helped others (both on this forum and in our private lives) as we do what we think we no choice but to do... survive and care about others.

[Jerry]

I haven't figured it all out yet, but I do know that I will not allow the earlier bitterness and resentment that followed the time of anger to linger. I don't know how to fight it when it pops up like a scene from a horror movie and I see the darkness that lies dormant in my heart. I am capable of hatred and I am ashamed to admit it. But confusingly at the same time I seem to have a great deal of love and yearning to love and forgive... it can just be too much sometimes.

And the Lord God said,"Behold,,the man is become as one of Us,to know good and evil "............................ ;)

[Crisol]

Dear Marta...

Before reading mother's Teresa lifes,Always I had my suspicions. She choose to be a poor person and live in the midlee of poor people. She has the power to help people but she did not. I think she was an a slave of a religious system and she never had a real encounter with God to make her free completely. I read a article about how much money she received from all over the world to help these poor people, but what happened is that money went directly to the church. Today is the same. A lot of people send money for Mothers Teresa Fundation, but not one of these people see a penny. She was more obedient to the church than God and that make me upset.

If I have the power of help people and I prefer to give the money to the church, that's mean I am more obedient to the system than God.
God want us to be free from any system, church o human being in this world. We live here, but we are not from here.

The church was using mother teresa to represented the church in the world, but not Jesus. Jesus gave her the resources, power, but she had a mask of false love for the poor. If you have money, why she did not wanted to used these resources that God gave her?. Sorry Ana Marta, but is my opinion. Don't take my opinion personal please. But think about it...she was rich, she has money and she sended the money to the church and maybe she would do a lot more in a practical ways for the poor people if she used this money in the way God wanted her to used it. I feel sorry for her, but to me, she was a simple woman with not faith at all, but not because she was a saint, is because she was under human authority but not under God's Authority. When we are under a system authority, we can't feel His Presence, we can't feel JESUS love, because not a system or church or human being can give us that the only God of Universe can give us. She could not received because she prefer to be obedient to a man than God.

God bless you all

[Jerry]

The church was using mother teresa to represented the church in the world, but not Jesus. Jesus gave her the resources, power, but she had a mask of false love for the poor. If you have money, why she did not wanted to used these resources that God gave her?. Sorry Ana Marta, but is my opinion. Don't take my opinion personal please. But think about it...she was rich, she has money and she sended the money to the church and maybe she would do a lot more in a practical ways for the poor people if she used this money in the way God wanted her to used it. I feel sorry for her, but to me, she was a simple woman with not faith at all, but not because she was a saint, is because she was under human authority but not under God's Authority. When we are under a system authority, we can't feel His Presence, we can't feel JESUS love, because not a system or church or human being can give us that the only God of Universe can give us. She could not received because she prefer to be obedient to a man than God.

God bless you all

It isn't about money or deed,but rather intent of the heart ....Mother Teresa isn't great for her deeds to the poor.....Mother Teresa is Great for the "Judgment" she brought to those appointed power over her accomplishments ;)

[Anna Marta]

Sometimes, God just makes me laugh out loud! How about this meditation for today??? :D:D:D:D:D


NACR Daily Meditation for Saturday, Aug 25, 2007

************************************************** **********

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my
heart?Psalm 13:1-2

Sometimes our spiritual distress is centered on questions about God. Where
is God? Why doesn't God help? At other times our spiritual distress is centered
on questions about ourselves. What is wrong with me? How come I'm still
struggling this much?

Doubts about ourselves can be profoundly troubling. We wonder if our faith
will survive the struggle. We wonder if our faith is strong enough. Often
we feel like spiritual failures. The kind of spirituality we have been taught
does not envision 'good' Christians as people who wrestle with their thoughts
and are sad everyday. We think of 'good' Christians as people who trust
God and manage to smile in the midst of any circumstances. When we can't
manage to do this, we question and criticize ourselves.

But wrestling with our thoughts and experiencing sorrow day after day is
often a part of the recovery process. It is not a sign of failure to engage
in this hard work. It is a sign of courage. And it is a sign that our faith
is alive and struggling. People of real faith struggle in life. People of
real faith are people who wrestle with thoughts and who feel sorrow in their
heart.

Lord, I get so tired of thought-wrestling.
And I am so weary of heart-sorrow.
How long, Lord?
How long does this wrestling and sorrow go on?

Help me, Lord, not to experience this struggle as spiritual failure.
Help me to see this hard work as drawing me closer to you.
Remind me today that you are with me in all of this.
Remind me today that you understand.
Amen.

Copyright 1991 Dale and Juanita Ryan