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View Full Version : We left. Join me in celebrating. And praying too. . . .


QueenKnitter
08-18-2007, 08:24 PM
I came in here last Fall, I think. Things were ebbing and flowing. But we got an ultimatum -- shut up or get fired. So we made a third option -- we quit.

It was weird in that final ultimatum meeting. When the #1 man sat there pulling out his Bible and started to use it to get me to shut up, I thought, "You're kidding, right? You? You're as bad as all the rest? Wow. I'm so embarrassed for you." This was the man for whom I bought VanVonderen's book The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse just a year earlier. I'm sure he hasn't read it.

I can list my blog (http://www.drslewis.org/camille/index.php) here now. I don't care who knows. It's done.

I am getting everything from gentle prods to outright bullying about my blog. And my husband's (http://www.drslewis.org/grant/). Go read them. They are not. that. bad. Seriously. I mean, there's so much we COULD say. Tsk-tsk.

I'm getting the heebie-jeebies now. I listened to a lecture from a grad (http://www.lifeoffaithministry.com/about.html) from our former employer in which he describes his departure from another "sister" organization. He kept using the term "high control groups." The whole thing freaked me out. He was describing EVERYTHING that happened in our departure and is still happening now 3 weeks later. Creepy. . . .

A friend told me it would take me 1 year to detox. My husband and I started to realize some things a few weeks ago. It's weird:

One day we were driving home from church, and my husband and I both discovered that God had been speaking to us through the sermon/communion that day in the exactly same way. It wasn't necessarily what Pastor was saying either; it was more indirect, and so it seemed *very* much from God.

But both of us realized how all-consuming working for that organization is/was. We felt at a distance from fellowship at church because we wouldn't have time or emotional resources to minister or even be ministered to. We're supposed to attend morning church on that campus, but that "church" isn't one since they don't deliver the sacraments -- never have (no wonder the services are dead). We haven't tithed -- ever. Why? Because our salary was so low we didn't think we could swing it.

DO YOU SEE? That organization, that business was so all-consuming that they were cutting us off at the knees from being actively and properly involved in a church. That's SO WRONG! And sure -- they'd say, "Well, we weren't stopping you from that. That's YOUR fault." :/ Classic abuser posture.

We realized this week that we were really no longer fundies when Grace was our guide. That's when we left. It just took 3 years to actually go.

Sigh. . . .

Camille (my real name!)

Willow
08-18-2007, 09:01 PM
Wow Camille! I'm glad you're finally out! Don't count on being detoxed in 1 year tho. I feel like I'm still detoxing and I left my church 6 years ago!

Satscout
08-18-2007, 09:41 PM
*hugs* check your PM's, QK...

Satscout
08-18-2007, 11:39 PM
:D you made my night, QK...

I started on the "other side" aka the NACR forum. I didn't start reading/posting over here until the meltdown a few years ago when the combined board was born. But I've made a LOT of friends along the way. Nice to add an old one to the mix. :)

Anna Marta
08-19-2007, 02:33 AM
Dear Camille,

Congratulations to you and your husband!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D

"Snakes in Suits" by Babiak and Hare was helpful for our detox time. We were able to share a lot of "ah ha!" enlightenments. The book describes the methods psychopaths use in organizations. It has been a great help for us to be able to recognize the behaviors, even if the person is not a full blown psychopath, we are now better able to "see things more clearly."

AND we learned that even trained and seasoned professionals get fooled too! That really made us feel less stupid and embarrassed.

According to the book their method is: Assess - Manipulate - Abandon - Ascend. They look for victims who will be useful based on their position, talents and usefulness. They then charm them until they have established a solid bond of friendship of some kind and establish power over them. At this point, they can use them for their own purposes while ruthlessly undermining the victims attempts to be successful. Eventually when either the victims usefulness is no longer needed or they are challenged or feel threatened they quickly abandon the victim. They either drop them cold leaving the person confused and hurt or attempt to destroy their reputation resulting in the person's isolation, rejection and possible destruction (in the organization and/or personal life). Sadly the last "A" Ascension upward in the organization to a position of greater power is often more the case than their being caught and disgraced.

The road back is a lot more enlightening for personal development. It has helped us to remember that God can and does help us to use everything for good. We may be wounded, but we sure are in a better position to help others and have a great deal more wisdom now.

Love
Anna Marta

Reg
08-19-2007, 08:48 AM
Camille,

Welcome back.

Good for you to take control over the situation. I know, it's tough to do things like that but in the long run you feel so much better for it. By doing so, you are well on your way to recovery.

Had a chance to read a bit of your blog and hubbies. Boy, does he ever have his act together. Now that you are free, I'm sure you will see Our Father step in and do things for you that you may not have seen before.

butterfly
08-19-2007, 02:19 PM
Carmilla,
I like the reply from Reg. :D

I am glad you and your hubby are on the grace side.:D:D
Butterfly