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abbey
08-09-2007, 05:02 PM
I think its time to share what happened to me:

in 2000, i was saved and filled with the holy spirit for 3 months! also, i was healed from 25 years of addiction to alcohol, real supernatural stuff. My marriage was a sham, we ived in seperate bedroooms, and raised our son. When i married my husaband i had my fingers crossed, it was a business partnership as opposed to a "i love you forever" kinda thing.

i didnt understand the bible, as i was told most of it was symbolic. after reading corinth 7, i decided to disobey it. certainly GOd understood that my marriage wasnt real.He didnt.

I left my husband due to nervous breakdown. And i left my son there too. But this was after i asked family to take us in. my family wouldnt take my son, my heart was shattered!

I worked 77 hours a week to get a home for me and my son. when i purchased a mobile home, my husband said i cant have my child back. I was crushed. soon after, i ended up in pysch ward after pysch ward after pysch ward. i was a broken down woman.

I abandoned god? wasnt he supposed to protect me? I never read the bible or attended church, the only christian i knew lived in san diego. he ran a deliverance ministry. i thought it was just a casting out of demons thing. i was mislead. he invited me out there to get well. i assumed they were compassionate, loving people who understood m pain. i was wrong.

at my wits end, i bought a plane ticket to sd. looking for godly help. first thing the leader asked me was, what happened. i told him i left a bad marriage. he said to repent.

when i repented, i was flooded with the presense of god. like a constant waterfall, gushing down on my being. i rejoiced, but was confused that god didnt understand a bad marriage. i repented of every sin i commited. 'hey, these people knew what they were doing. another time, the leader spoke in tounges over me and layed hands on my head, as he did this, a heat came from his hands and also the power of the holy spirit entered threw his hands...i was flipping out! But then things went crazy.

the first time i noticed i was in a cult was when the leader said that a former member LEFT GOD when she LEFT the group. inwardly, that was a red flag, but i didnt express it out to the group. i felt that they were brainwashing me not to leave. i soon noticed other strange and unpleasant things. they said there group was a chosen few, highly blessed in gods eyes. they also were so called prophets. The said i was commanded by god to bring 1000's to jesus thru a music ministry. i laughed ! Im 40 years old. i cant sing anymore. they also said that they could see my father in the spiritual realm. he was screwed. he wasnt in heaven or hell, but outside the body in some limbo???? they said he never surrendered to christ and was in agony. They said i had the same heart and if i didnt lay my life down in their group, id suffer the same fate.

since i fell away from god at the beginng of my salvation, they said they were suprised that god didnt kill my son, like he killed davids. I was floored! they also said my son was idolatry. That i was forced to give him up, like abraham was to sacrafice issac. they said i was like i was wrestling with god. to stay in their group and "follow the lord' or go back home and suffer gods wrath. i went home.

they also said i had mpd. that i was suffering from multiple personality disorder and that all people are 'broken' they said all the parts needed to be united in christ.they claimed i was mpd, and i couldnt leave their holier than thou group. i needed to be united in christ. what a$$holes.

so they filled me with fear. dire consequenses if i left. they claimed all menatl illness is demons. nope---all bad things are demons. from add to a toothache! I wasnt convinced.

well this is long enough. just a little of my terrible adventures in a cult. they were NUTZ!

ex-shep
08-09-2007, 08:45 PM
I did skim the post. I am sorry to hear of your struggles. It is equally sad that you were taken advantage by your group during a period of vulnerability is also disgusting. . The fact the only reality was the group itself was a red flag for me. To leave my groups was equally anathema. Thanks for having the courage to come forward. Next latte on me.

butterfly
08-09-2007, 09:16 PM
Thanks for sharing Abby.
I know you have gone thru alot of stuff after getting out of the cult.

I have told you this before I see God working in your life.
Your out of the cult.:) You made it home safe.:) You have seen your son.:)
You weren"t hurt in the house fire.:)
Your cancer was found out early enough.:)
I know you went thru hell with these happenings to your life.

In the storm you are in God"s blessings are right next to you.

With my hubbys stroke we went thru hell our lifes forever never the same.

But during that twister time we saw alot of blessings. God helped us He was there. Shirley

Anna Marta
08-10-2007, 05:04 AM
My Dearest Abbey,

What a blessing you are! I just HAD to sit down and write back to you.

I can see God all over the place in your story! Talk about protection, wow you were protected big time!

I see myself in you a lot. I had (have?) the tendency to make decisions and "assume" God will make it right and end up being absolutely shocked when he left (leaves) me holding the bucket! :eek:

For me that's where the understanding that God actually does act like a parent finally got into my head. I don't make my kids decisions for them, nor do I step in and take the consequences for their bad decisions, but I am there to comfort them and help pick up pieces when they are ready to finally take responsibility. Unless I had done that they would never have learned the consequences of doing dumb or dangerous things and continued in a life of fantasy and frolic thinking someone one else would clean up their messes. Frightening how much I treated God like that, just like you I had no problem blaming Him and getting pissed off with Him for not bailing me out. After all He is supposed to be the all wise, loving, great dad, right? It wasn't until I had children that I understood His modus operandi.

Your suffering must have been horrible in a loveless marriage with an addiction. It is hard enough to fight addictions with a loving supportive family.

What a shock to realize you were in a cult! But remember - you did sense it, the fact that you were not convinced is KEY. Regardless of mental breakdowns, alcohol and whatever else - there was nothing wrong with your reasoning process on that level - and that comes only from God.

The desire to seek and have supernatural and ecstatic feelings that lead to "out of this world of woe" kind of experiences and the ability to fool ourselves into thinking are going to last... is part of our own problem too. We want to escape to a place where things are so much simpler and black is black and white is white and a strong loving, caring father/mother figure will make things right for us. Oh man, do I know about that too!

Abbey, only the strong go for real help! The weak continue to pretend good feelings are the answer and refuse to dig deeper and deal with truth about God and about themselves. There's no shame with having needed psychiatric help, as a matter of a fact, it is a sign of health to get it, go through the process and learn from it. Do you know how many people desire such help but can't afford or can't allow their egos to have it? So they suffer silently alone...

I am SO proud of you!!!! Your presence and your honesty is a gift to all of us. You don't hide your pain, your doubts or your needs and that is good for all of us. We can reach out and identify and pray and see ourselves in you and respect your honesty and humility.

I thank God that you are Abbey and that you chose to be here and that He is continuing to lead you in so many ways through people, books and whatever on the long long journey to recovery. God's job is to help us to become the person we truly want to be - the one He designed us to be and that we deep in our hearts we yearn to become. That's where you are heading and you come closer all the time, as do we all who struggle and love.

I hope this wasn't too long of an answer. I apologize for that. My heart is so full of thoughts and good wishes for you. Know that I pray for you, as do we all.

May your heart know shalom this day.
Anna Marta

SpinningHead
08-10-2007, 06:45 AM
(((((((((Abbey))))))))))))

Those people are idiots! :mad:

I ever mention that?? :rolleyes:

You are much loved here for exactly who you are!

abbey
08-11-2007, 08:45 AM
Thanks for sharing Abby.
I know you have gone thru alot of stuff after getting out of the cult.

I have told you this before I see God working in your life.
Your out of the cult.:) You made it home safe.:) You have seen your son.:)
You weren"t hurt in the house fire.:)
Your cancer was found out early enough.:)
I know you went thru hell with these happenings to your life.

In the storm you are in God"s blessings are right next to you.

With my hubbys stroke we went thru hell our lifes forever never the same.

But during that twister time we saw alot of blessings. God helped us He was there. Shirley

shirley you have the sweetest spirit:)

abbey
08-11-2007, 08:48 AM
thx for listening and responding. yes, ex-shep i was vulnerable and they ran with that ball! The sad thing is this is only about a 3rd of what happened. I find that i can only release it in little spurts. Sharing the entire story would be overload.

love ya anna marta and SH!

Jerry
08-11-2007, 09:07 AM
they said they were suprised that god didnt kill my son, like he killed davids.

Absalom was not killed by God,,,,,,,,,,He was killed by a man called Joab during a war of insurrection he led against his father "David".....Further his death was NOT the result of anything that David did or didn't do......
So there you have it sweetie ;)
Love Jerry

abbey
08-11-2007, 05:36 PM
Absalom was not killed by God,,,,,,,,,,He was killed by a man called Joab during a war of insurrection he led against his father "David".....Further his death was NOT the result of anything that David did or didn't do......
So there you have it sweetie ;)
Love Jerry

Well these clowns expressed to me that when david sinned with bathsheba, that god killed their first child out of consequence for sin. Pretty friked up way to express that to a frightened wounded scared lady like myself. Im still steamed that they said in a sense, i deserved to lose my only child for badksliding.

These people were not right in the brain! God is very loving from my experience. But He wont withold correction from a constsant sinner. I just explain to God that Im human and weak. All of us are sinners! Christian or not, its in our vey nature to seek pleasure. Sex, drugs, money etc. Its human nature to desire these things....

I just hope he understands my weakness.

see ya jer

Hope 98
08-11-2007, 06:34 PM
I just hope he understands my weakness.




If there is anything I am convinced of it is that He understands better than we do ourselves.

Your needs are on my heart.

Jerry
08-12-2007, 04:21 AM
Well these clowns expressed to me that when david sinned with bathsheba, that god killed their first child out of consequence for sin. Pretty friked up way to express that to a frightened wounded scared lady like myself. Im still steamed that they said in a sense, i deserved to lose my only child for badksliding.


Well Abbey,,,,,,,the clowns are wrong again ;)....... God told David that because of his(Davids) behavior his household would not know peace.There was no specific punishment.....God was merely advising David that there was consequences to his unacceptable behavior ,,,like a wise father....God didn't inflict these consequences.

Love Jerry

ex-shep
08-12-2007, 05:26 PM
thx for listening and responding. yes, ex-shep i was vulnerable and they ran with that ball! The sad thing is this is only about a 3rd of what happened. I find that i can only release it in little spurts. Sharing the entire story would be overload.

love ya anna marta and SH!

Understood. I had to approach my recovery in short bursts as well. I like to call them control releases.