It isn't fair

[Katie]

Hi! I'm new here.

So do you ever get over spiritual abuse?

A part of me is angry that I am even posting here. I don't want to be a victim. I am angry that this ever happened to me, and that now my life is full of the consequences. I am angry that I have to be continually forgiving in order to keep my heart right. I am angry that I still think about this every day.

It's been almost a year, and I would like to just forget it and move on. But instead I am a changed person. I am scarred, I am cynical, and I am sad.

At the time we left, my husband and I both felt very strongly that it was God's will for us to leave without accusing the leader and without defending ourselves. I feel good about obeying God. But the silence of no one knowing what really happened is difficult.

I hate being perceived as though we are in error. I hate that close friends turned their backs on us and gave their loyalty to the abuser. I hate the fact that even the friends who stayed true to us, continue to follow this leader and have no clue what happened. I hate the fact that we are outside and alone while the leader is surrounded by admirerers.

The fact that no one knows causes me doubt and uncertainty. I have searched my heart, over and over. Yet when I lay all of the facts out, I can see that what happened to us was very wrong. I can trust God that there will be a day when all wrongs are made right, but I know that I will probably never see that day. I am sorry that I still wish I would. It is just so incredibly hard to live under the misperception of everyone who is or used to be your friends.

I want to be heard, I want to be understood, and I want to be vindicated. I didn't realize until writing this, how much I have held in. I feel it all, but have no place to express it. I haven't even poured out all of these thoughts to the Lord. I just keep going to Him over and over repenting for bitterness and forgiving again. I can see that I need to be more honest with Him about how much this all hurts.

[Florence]

Welcome Katie!
Many of us here will understand your feelings, struggles, wounds, and yearnings. You have certainly captured my own. One of the things I need to keep reminding myself of is that it's okay to be angry - just read a few of the Psalms and you'll see all kinds of anger being expressed - toward the "bad guys" and toward God. Even God is angry about what has happened to you, and since you were made in His image, you can expect to be angry and not feel guilty for it. It's what we do with our anger that gets us in to trouble - and it sounds like you have responded with grace and dignity and I commend you for that.

I know, too, what it's like to be labeled as the "bad person" and how difficult it is to have those I considered friends abandon me simply because they believe in blindly following the "leader" - whether they know about the abusive treatment or not. You are right - you really cannot defend yourself. Those who defend themselves usually just end up looking more like the "bad person" than ever.

If someone asks me about what has happened, I reply honestly and with what I hope is seen as tenderness. I don't volunteer information. I do have a couple of close friends in whom I am able to be completely honest and share my heart - they are in no way involved in my church situations (in fact, they live in other states) and I am so thankful to have those listening ears and that unconditional love. I pray that you have a friend or two like that as well. And if not, I know that you will find them here on this forum.

Blessings, to you dear Katie. Please remember that no one is able to snatch you out of the Father's hand.

Florence

[Dolphin]

I am sorry your friends do not understand. That hurts deeply. They should be your frineds still because of who they are. It shows you that they are just part of a church clique and they are not really thinking for themselves.

[Jerry]

Dear Katie,,,
Yup your sure right,lots of things to be angery about.You also have a wonderful gift,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Disearnment",,,,,,How wonderful that your no longer one of the "Lemmings" WELCOME :D
Love Jerry

[Jerry]

I can see that I need to be more honest with Him about how much this all hurts.
Dear Katie,,
Thats the Key!!!!!!!,,,,,,If you are angry with God,,,,,,TELL HIM!!! He is a BIG BOY,,,,,He can take it,,,,,And He loves you ;) See when you get honest with God,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,THEN,,,,,,,,,,,,,He can help you in a tangeable way ;)
Love Jerry

[Katie]

Florence, Dolphin, and Jerry,
Thank you for the welcome and understanding words.

I spent quite a bit of time reading here yesterday. Some of the things that I read have been very helpful and some of them helped me to understand why everything felt so stirred up again.

My husband and I began attending another church this fall. On Wednesday of this last week, I went to my first women's gathering. Everyone was very nice, and it should have been a fun time. But Thursday I felt close to tears most of the day.

The things I have read here helped me to see that I am angry about having to start all over again with making friends and possibly not ready for that yet. I make friends easily, but now I'm not sure I'm willing to invest myself in that way.

Someone posted that it feels like such a waste of time. I am feeling like we spent the best years of our marriage and our childrens' childhoods in friendships that have vanished in an instant. No matter what we do now, we will never have that history with other people.

Also, this Christmas season has been really hard, not having parties or programs to attend. I really don't want to be a part of their church, and yet I miss so much of my life that was involved there. The emptiness and loneliness make it feel like they must have been right.

Thanks again for listening and for your kind words.

[Voyager]

Also, this Christmas season has been really hard, not having parties or programs to attend. I really don't want to be a part of their church, and yet I miss so much of my life that was involved there. The emptiness and loneliness make it feel like they must have been right.

I can relate with your feelings Katie. I had invested myself into a church for 12 years before I realized that it was abusive. Once you begin to see the abuse for what it is, it becomes almost impossible to support it with your attendance and finances.

They were not right Katie - no more than Saddam Hussein was right. But I am sure that many people in Iraq wish that Saddam was still in power. Even though things will eventually away from be better without the dictator in control, the transition can be very painful.

The reason people stay in spiritually abusive groups are for the same reasons you gave here. The church offers friendships, programs, activities, and things for your kids to be involved in. It's a complete package-deal. The only problem is that you have to give up your opinions and your identity to be "worthy" enough to receive the benefits - not to mention your hard-earned tithes.

The fact is, Katie, you bought those relationships. Now that you are no longer paying your dues, they are gone. It's a very sad reality to wake up to, but that seems to be the only logical conclusion. It's too bad that those relationships were not purchased with the blood of Jesus and the unconditional love of God. If they were, you would still have them.

:(

[Voyager]

At the time we left, my husband and I both felt very strongly that it was God's will for us to leave without accusing the leader and without defending ourselves. I feel good about obeying God. But the silence of no one knowing what really happened is difficult.

When I left my spiritually-abusive church in late 1998, I had planned to do the same thing - keep my mouth shut. I was still under the brainwashing effects of the "touch not mine anointed" doctrine that I had heard so often. However, shortly after I left the church, the pastor declared me "mentally ill" from the pulpit. When I heard this, I declared war. I was not about to let this go unchallenged.

To give you a little background, I had been involved in the music ministry of this church of 500 members for 10 years. I had also been teaching the adult Sunday School class for several years before I left. Because of my influence in the church, the pastor had decided that I needed to be discredited - hence the "mentally ill" label. From that point forward, I was shunned and snubbed in public by the members of the church.

I made a promise to myself that I was going to clear my name. So I began subtly distributing anti-cult literature to the members of the church. One time, three of us who had escaped the church put fliers on how to spot spiritual abuse on all of the cars in the parking lot during a Sunday service. Another time I sent out books on spiritual abuse to almost a dozen members. Most of the books were confiscated and burned.

My efforts eventually paid off. In 2001, around 100 people exited the church in a mass exodus. Many of them contacted me and thanked me for opening their eyes. Just six months ago, tha abusive pastor was terminated and driven out of town. Unfortunately, the church has dwindled down to around 100 members and is now struggling to survive. I believe it will eventually fold, because the charismatic leader who started it is now gone.

I would not recommend that anyone do what I did. I paid a dear price for it. But as you have learned, being quiet doesn't seem to make things any better. You are still being shunned and isolated.

:cool:

[Jerry]

Dear Katie,,,
The "Hard Truth" is,,,,,,that a friendship that can vanish in an instant,or at all for that matter, is not nor was it ever a friendship.God loves loyality,loyality we give Him and loyality we give eachother.This is a hard thing to see,,,,,,but you will make new memories ;)
Love Jerry

[ex-shep]

When I heard this, I declared war. I was not about to let this go unchallenged.



I made a promise to myself that I was going to clear my name. So I began subtly distributing anti-cult literature to the members of the church. One time, three of us who had escaped the church put fliers on how to spot spiritual abuse on all of the cars in the parking lot during a Sunday service. Another time I sent out books on spiritual abuse to almost a dozen members. Most of the books were confiscated and burned.

My efforts eventually paid off. In 2001, around 100 people exited the church in a mass exodus. Many of them contacted me and thanked me for opening their eyes. Just six months ago, the abusive pastor was terminated and driven out of town. Unfortunately, the church has dwindled down to around 100 members and is now struggling to survive. I believe it will eventually fold, because the charismatic leader who started it is now gone.


I like you. I wish more people had the Moxie you have. Bugs Bunny would be proud of you. Especially after viewing Long Haired Hare with his famous line, "Of course, you know this means war"

The shepherding group that I lost a friend tried to set up at a State University campus close where I lived. I and a friend went to work with photocopies in hand. I happened to have a newspaper of a former group member. Everywhere the group put up posters, we taped the article with the headline "[Former member]'sa story. How she joined and how she was Deprogrammed". Nobody bothered to show up at the recruitment meeting. The group was gone by the end of the quarter. Not bad for two dollars in nickels for the library copy machine.

Sad to say the group is still doing the same old same old. I hear an internet with the implication that Satan will try to attack you if you leave the group, and we are here to protect you.

In case keep up the good work. Next latte on me. :D

[Janice]

Welcome to the forum Katie.
There are alot of us who understand EXACTLY how you feel. This is a very good place to vent and get things off your chest.
About being more honest with God about how you feel....He already knows :D
But...He loves for you to tell Him anyway. ;)
May you find this forum a safe and comforting place. love, Janice

[Reg]

Hi Katie,

Your right. It isn't fair. It does feel like a lot of your life is wasted and the losss can be somewhat overwhelming.

Here's a post I sent on the old forum from an entry in my journal.

July 3 2004 - LOSS OF FRIENDS

Yesterday Len & Mary started their weeks' vacation at my cottage in Muskoka. They are the first to rent it this year. In fact, they are the first one to rent it period! I went up a couple of hours before they arrived to finish putting up the new shears Mom bought for the large front window overlooking the lake. They are beautiful and give the place a touch of class. When Len & Mary arrived, I briefly went through my list of things to remind them about some things.

Then Len & I sat on the deck to have a couple of beer and a chat. Up until then it felt a bit like we were strangers. That is a terrible shame. Lennie was one of my best friends in the WCG. He was one of my earliest friends also after I started attending in 1968. I've know him & his brother Corky for well over 30 years. We used to do so much together in those early years. I can still remember the apartment they lived in on Burnhamthorpe Rd. One day I drove my bicycle all the way across Toronto from Bathurst St to their place and then we went for another long ride to Oakville and 16 Mile Creek.

We used to go on camping trips with the teenagers & younger couples when we were in our 20's. I can still remember Clancy's farm and the bus trips Gord Stockdale organized, especially the one to Picton and the sand dunes. It was great. I remember when Harold caught about a dozen frogs and threw them in one of the girls tents late at night when they were sleeping. Did he have to pay for that. :) Those were the best times I had in the WCG and some of my fondest memories. Where are all those people that I knew and we all thought we would always know each other forever? Gone. Who can I share these precious memories with now that will understand what it was like other than those I shared those times with? No one.

The really sad thing now is that it seems like all those years were wasted because I no longer have any relationship with any of these people except Lennie and that one is strained.

He and Mary live close by me here in Hillsburgh. I can walk to his house in about 5 minutes. Yet, I have not gone over to their place in over 7 years. Except for a couple of times regarding small matters regarding some investments they have with me, they haven't been to my house in that same period of time. I have invited them over a few times around Christmas saying that Mom is coming up for a few days. They never came despite the fact that Mary is also Ukranian and knows she likes to talk to Mom and would most likely like to come. I feel it's Lennie who won't. He is a stubborn Dutchman and since leaving the WCG along with his brother is somewhat bitter and now he can exhibit quite a temper. He is angry about what happened to him and his family in the WCG. They grew up in the WCG and all of their immediate and extended family attended since the early 60's. They have quite a story to tell themselves.

And with Lennie, that is the exact opposite of the way he was when I knew him in the WCG. He was always the one who laughed things off and was more a peacemaker when Corky and I got into it. He used to be more laid back and easy to get along with. It was Corky who was more dominant and forceful. I remember Lenny as more of a pussy willow type, never wanting to upset or offend anyone. Now, that's all changed. He expresses his anger now and no longer stuffs. He can be rather direct and seems to relish in confrontation.

So now, all those good memories of the past good times are basically lost because I have no one to share them with, I have had to sort of restart my life 3 times over at least. My childhood memories and all the kids I grew up with I can hardly remember because I have had no one to share them with. My young adult years and motorcycle days also. Most of my adult years from age 23 to 52 (29) are lost along with all the people I developed friendships and relationships with. GONE!

Then the biggest blow bringing me to the point of suicide when my wife. Lilly left me resulting in my divorce in 1989. Those were the darkest days of my life. I went through a depression for a couple of years virtually alone. The WCG offered little or no help. They had no support groups or program for separated or divorced people. BBC, my present church has an excellent Divorce Recovery Workshop that I recently went through. We just got together for a BBQ at Renne's & Geraldine's home. It was great. It's unfortunate I didn't go through a similar program when I was hurting so much. I had virtually NO SUPPORT from my church (WCG) when I needed it the most. I felt like a defected human being that must have a major flaw and that no one really wanted me or cared for me. I still can feel that way at times. It's like a flashback. I couldn't talk to anyone about Lilly leaving me. I had to SCREAM ‘THE SILENT SCREAM' and shed those invisible tears that filled me up inside.

Looking back, it's perhaps that incident and the WCG not being there for me when I needed them that I resent the most. I have a webpage http://www.marktab.org/borrow2.html where I wrote about the incident of my divorce and the reasons why. I titled it "An Example of Spiritual Abuse"

I wrote it originally as an email on the WCGnet. It's a mailing list started when the BIG changes started occurring around 1996. It helped a lot of us to process the trauma many of us felt and provided a place to vent the many injustices and lies that were exposed over the transpiring years. We mentioned the term spiritual abuse, yet it was very new to us and we had difficulty to put a name or a face to it. So I wrote about my divorce, how a visit from one of the ministers of the WCG drove a wedge between my wife and I. He was obnoxious to my wife who told me she never wanted him in our house again. I felt she was in a ‘bad attitude'. How could she say that & feel that way about a minister of Jesus Christ? Meanwhile, I defended him (sic) and Lilly came to realize she had to leave the church but couldn't without leaving me. She knew how loyal I was and knew I would keep telling her she wasn't praying or studying the Bible enough. Of course, this was the party line of the WCG. Like a cure-all and an answer for all our problems. The supportive, caring human factor was rarely, if ever, factored in. Small groups to share and care for one another was NON-EXISTENT! A symptom of legalistic, high performance groups/churches/cults.

[ex-shep]

Also, this Christmas season has been really hard, not having parties or programs to attend. I really don't want to be a part of their church, and yet I miss so much of my life that was involved there. The emptiness and loneliness make it feel like they must have been right.

Thanks again for listening and for your kind words.[/QUOTE]


Ouch, I can relate. The first Christmas out of my group was an emotional hell. My friends were gone, I was penniless, I was sharing a room in a roomminghouse with a member still in the group, and I had "loving supportive" parents who could not understand why somebody so bright could get in dumb group like mine and waste four years of my life and relish blaming the victim. The thing that made it bearable was I had a couple a friend who were exit counseled at the group we left. So I was not alone there. I also typed up a factsheet of the my group. It was quite liberating. For the first time, I felt as if I had accomplished something.

Of course you already got my prayers for solace during the holiday season.

[Katie]

Voyager, Jerry, Ex-Shep, Janice, and Reg

Thank you so much for your comments.

I have spent time reading the posts since the beginning of the new forum. I have appreciated and learned from all of your posts. There were many things I could have responded to, but I decided I'd just start from here so that my responses would be "current."

Just a few comments before I move on....

Voyager, I agreed with many of your thoughts on forgiveness. It should never be a manipulated response by someone else. I also agreed with many of the other ideas that were shared. The thing that has helped me to deal with this has been to look at forgiveness as simply giving up my right to demand justice. I have chosen to release this right to God, and trust Him to exact the appropriate judgment. It does not let my abuser off the hook or excuse what was done. It is just my choice to step out of the role of judge and jury. This has brought me peace. I am still working on praying for my "enemies," and must admit that it is difficult for me to wish good for them unless I see their repentance.

Jerry, I love your pointed, direct and wise comments.
Ex-shep, I appreciate your empathy for those who have experienced things similar to you.

Janice, I've prayed for your back. How is it going?

Reg, every article you've posted has been interesting and helpful. I wish I had begun a journal several years ago. I could write an epic saga by now. It would have been helpful to keep track of the turn of events. I would never believe it could turn out as it did.

One thing that I have struggled with is seeing that evil can prevail, at least for awhile, and possibly indefinitely. This was very disillusioning to me at first. The greatest shock of the entire episode of abuse was that truth would be pushed to the side and the agendas of men would take precedence over what is right.

Interestingly, we have heard from several members from our former church recently. The comments have been nice, things like, "we miss you, wish you were still here, it's just not the same without you, you are the only ones who really cared." It is nice hearing all these things, yet frustrating that no one sees beyond that to the seriousness of why we would leave in the first place. Not to mention the realization that we could never go back.

Well, I have to go for now. :)

[Janice]

Janice, I've prayed for your back. How is it going?


How sweet of you to think of me when you're struggling yourself. Thanks you so much for praying for me!!!!

The prayers have helped tremendously!!!!

I am feeling MUCH better!!!!!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

[Jerry]

Dear Katie,,,
I go back from time to time and review posts,mostly to see if I need to apoloigze for being an ass :rolleyes: .This isn't a jibe at you or anything.A really good friend of mine told me this quip once.It's one of those off-handed remarks that makes more sence the longer you think about it:He said,,,"Show me the verse where Christ said,,,,Follow me and life will be fair" :D
Love Jerry

[Savedbygrace]

Florence, Dolphin, and Jerry,

Also, this Christmas season has been really hard, not having parties or programs to attend. I really don't want to be a part of their church, and yet I miss so much of my life that was involved there. The emptiness and loneliness make it feel like they must have been right.

Katie,

Hi there! Wow, when I read this, I really felt like you put into words what I am struggling so much with. Not just with Christmas, but with life. Since I left my abusive church in Sept. I feel like my foundation is gone. I have begun to think about how maybe I had built my house on the church and its members, instead of on the Rock, Jesus Christ. I have been going to another church that is about as different as night and day from the old, but will it ever feel like home for me or my kids? I am struggling. As a single mom with two little ones to care for, I loved the closeness I felt at my intimate little church. I long for that feeling again. But I do not long for the insanity of the leader and his wife. I do not miss the gossiping, and the scheeming to keep things looking good on the outside. I do not miss the liesand deception, the legalism, and the cliques. I miss the friends that I thought were real, but who are now gone. I miss feeling like I was home on Sunday mornings. It saddens me that my 7 and 3 year olds feel like they were ripped from their friends.

But I know that life will go on. I know that GOD DID NOT CHANGE. He is still God. He is still in control. He is still worthy, almighty, compassionate, gracious, forgiving, all knowing, all loving, abba father, Lord of all. It is me that is lost. I am His lost little sheep, and I know He will move Heaven and Earth to help me find my way back. One day at a time, I am learning that to recover and to trust again is going to be a process, it is goinf to take time...but it is worth it.

Thanks for sharing...you really helped me to not feel so crazy...

Trish

[Beautiful_Dreamer]

Reg, does Lilly know you have left the group and did you ever marry again?

That is exactly what I think of when I think of spiritual abuse-being shunned for no real reason in your time of greatest need. Didn't Christ say 'what you do to the least of these, you also do to Me"? ...

And even if people do not shun *you* (generic you), I have learned to be on the lookout when I hear people gossip like what I heard...I know that people are going to talk and everything but the thing is, I feel that if someone is going to gossip about other people in such a catty manner *to* you, then they will more than likely do that *about* you too. That has been my experience, anyway. Hearing the other people gossip showed me they were not people I could trust if I had major issues...

[Ontheroad]

Katie,

Hi there! Wow, when I read this, I really felt like you put into words what I am struggling so much with. Not just with Christmas, but with life. Since I left my abusive church in Sept. I feel like my foundation is gone. I have begun to think about how maybe I had built my house on the church and its members, instead of on the Rock, Jesus Christ. I have been going to another church that is about as different as night and day from the old, but will it ever feel like home for me or my kids? I am struggling. As a single mom with two little ones to care for, I loved the closeness I felt at my intimate little church. I long for that feeling again. But I do not long for the insanity of the leader and his wife. I do not miss the gossiping, and the scheeming to keep things looking good on the outside. I do not miss the liesand deception, the legalism, and the cliques. I miss the friends that I thought were real, but who are now gone. I miss feeling like I was home on Sunday mornings. It saddens me that my 7 and 3 year olds feel like they were ripped from their friends.

But I know that life will go on. I know that GOD DID NOT CHANGE. He is still God. He is still in control. He is still worthy, almighty, compassionate, gracious, forgiving, all knowing, all loving, abba father, Lord of all. It is me that is lost. I am His lost little sheep, and I know He will move Heaven and Earth to help me find my way back. One day at a time, I am learning that to recover and to trust again is going to be a process, it is goinf to take time...but it is worth it.

Thanks for sharing...you really helped me to not feel so crazy...

Trish

I can somewhat identify with what you two are feeling during this Christmas season. Since I left my abusive church in April, I have lost all of my long-time friends in one way or another. Several won't afiliate with me anymore because I left, one I found out had been deceiving me by slandering me behind my back for years and is not really my friend, two have moved to different states in the last two months, and the last one - well, our relationship just isn't the same anymore. She has pulled way back, probably because she is hurting too. I didn't have any friends to exchange gifts with this year or hang out with for Christmas gettogethers. It's been sad and lonely. I, too, wonder sometimes how to ever trust enough to make close friends again. It seems to daunting of a task. I am sorry that others here are struggling with similar things.

[Reg]

Reg, does Lilly know you have left the group and did you ever marry again? .
Beautiful_Dreamer, That was back in 1989 and she does know.
Here's a webpabe I wrote about that. http://www.marktab.org/borrow2.html

She has since remarried and divorced again and now lives common-law with three kids from her common-law husband.

As far as me, no, I did not remarry.

[Willow]

I'd marry ya in a heartbeat Reg :)

[Katie]

Jerry,
Very true! You mean this Christian walk isn't supposed to be all sunshine and roses?

Trish,
We are not crazy. Although there are those who might want us to believe that we are.
I understand how you are feeling. It is odd to still miss a place even after you understand the dysfunction and the necessity of leaving. I think it is often that type of closeness and intimacy that has the most potential to become control.

Ontheroad,
That is almost exactly how it has been for me. Losing friends has been difficult for me because I thought the friendships were real. Earlier this year, I had purchased 3 really cute gift bags and gifts for 3 friends that I've always done an exchange with. They are still sitting under my tree. One of the friends called last week and said maybe we can do our exchange in January. I'm not sure if she just meant her and I, or all 4 of us. That would be kind of weird, because the one who called is the only one who has maintained any contact with me.

[Reg]

I'd marry ya in a heartbeat Reg :)
Awe shucks. What's a guy supposed to say. :)

It's been a long while since my divorce and I kinda like the freedom of being single again. ;)

[Willow]

Singleness can be a blessing, eh?

[Reg]

Singleness can be a blessing, eh?
Hi Amy,

I am involved with a small group that consist mostly of divorced people and they understand. Last night I was at a monthly get-together with the people who took the Separate Road course for divorced people. This is their website www.differentroad.com - It is now underconstruction and should be up and running later next year. I know Barb, the one who disigned the course well. We found out that we attended the same public school together and her best girlfriend was in my class in high school.

We got into a discussion about this. The gals find it hard to believe that a guy can cope in today's world because of all the pornography and sexually addicted guys. I simply said that although you may think so, all guys are not like that. We talked about how some can live as a single person but how difficult it is in this sex-addicted society. They finally agreed it may be possible but reluctantly so.

I was reading 1Cor 7 this morning and it was similar in Paul's day.

Like Paul said in 1Cor 7:2 But, [to avoid] fornication, let each have his [own] wife, and let each have her own husband. (MKJV)

Then he says 1Co 7:7 For I would that all men were even as I myself am. But each has his proper gift from God, one according to this manner and another according to that. (MKJV)

So, for most it's not possible.

However he said 1Co 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and the widows, It is good for them if they remain even as I. (MKJV) but....

1Co 7:9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn. (MKJV)

So, it's all a matter of self-control. And that's different than willpower. Self-control comes from God. It is a component of The Holy Spirit mentioned in Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, 23 meekness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (MKJV)

Whereas willpower comes from us. It is human power.

Finally Paul says in 1Co 7:37 But [he] who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but who has authority over [his] own will (and has so judged in his heart that he will keep his virginity) he does well. (MKJV)

And that's about where I am now. It would be good to read the whole chapter of 1Cor 7. I believe it has been misinterpreted by many. Paul gives these instruction because of the terrible time of persecution they were going through at the time. He wasn't against marriage.

He says in 1Co 7:26 Then I think this is good, because of the present necessity; that [it is] good for a man to be so. (MKJV)

Taken from the commentary:

Ver. 26. "I suppose, therefore, that this is good".] The opinion of the apostle, the sentiment of his mind, his judgment in this case were, that it was better, more advisable and eligible, for persons that were single to continue so; his reason for it follows,

"for the present necessity"; by which is meant not the shortness of life, and the necessity of dying, when husband and wife must part, ......but the present time of persecution, under which the churches of Christ were;.... for a time of great affliction and distress, just as the apostle does here; because this was the present case of the Christians, he thought it most prudent for such as were single to remain so; since as they were often obliged to move from place to place, to fly from one city to another, this would be very incommodious for married persons, who might have young children to take care of, and provide for; see "#Mt 24:19 Lu 23:29"

[Willow]

Hi Reg,

I haven't been through a divorce. I do OK on my own... although you have witnessed how lonely I get sometimes. I hope you took my comment as flattery and not something to be anxious about. I meant it as pure encouragement :)

I'm really glad you have a strong community to be part of Reg.

Amy

[Reg]

Hi Reg,

I haven't been through a divorce. I do OK on my own... although you have witnessed how lonely I get sometimes. I hope you took my comment as flattery and not something to be anxious about. I meant it as pure encouragement :)Amy
I sure did Willow. :o I was flattered.

Better to be single and happy than married and miserable. I know how it feels both ways. :p :(