started reading the bible again this week

[outcast]

I just wanted to share with my fellow forumers that after almost 2 years of not being able to stand to read the bible on a regular basis b/c of the trigger scriptures used by my old church, I have actually been able to do so again as of this week.

It started when the youth pastor at our new church preached a couple of weeks ago about the importance of having time alone with God. We attend a southern baptist church now and I like that that denomination doesn't delve alot into personal revelation where scripture is concerned. That is how the youth pastor preached and God used it to speak to me because it was just scriptural passages.

As I began, I prayed and asked God what to read and felt that it would be appropriate to start with the epistles. The third time I read, I did stagger across a trigger scripture. It was the one in Romans that says that God "calls those things that be not as though they were."

This was a biggie where I used to attend b/c the cult church was heavily into the word of faith movement. Stumbling across this passage almost made me put up my bible. Instead, I prayed and asked God to show me what this passage should mean to me - not just what they claimed it meant. He did, and then I was able to move on and read some more. The feelings of nausea had passed for the moment.

I know I will encounter these triggers again as I continue to read the bible. I also know that there will be times when maybe what the cult taught was not wrong just b/c they were the ones teaching it. I have to be ready for that. It would be much easier for me if I could just blindly chunk all the things they taught me over the years - but I cannot.

Again, I just wanted to share this big moment with you all. Feel free to share your own experiences with this and your responses to mine.

[ex-shep]

What might help is looking at the trigger scriptures in proper context. A bible dictionary, concordance, or commentary should provide some proper illumination. It took me a long time not cringe either.

Congratulations on your efforts. Keep up the good work, but feel free to take a break if overwhelmed again. Sounds like you have a good handle on it. Next latte on me.

[outcast]

What might help is looking at the trigger scriptures in proper context. A bible dictionary, concordance, or commentary should provide some proper illumination. It took me a long time not cringe either.

Congratulations on your efforts. Keep up the good work, but feel free to take a break if overwhelmed again. Sounds like you have a good handle on it. Next latte on me.

Yeah. I really like the downloadable software E-sword. It has all those things built into the scripture passages and is wonderful for deep studying.

I'm looking forward to the latte, btw, and thanks for sharing. It is nice to know I am not alone.

[ex-shep]

Yeah. I really like the downloadable software E-sword. It has all those things built into the scripture passages and is wonderful for deep studying.

I'm looking forward to the latte, btw, and thanks for sharing. It is nice to know I am not alone.

will have to try it if funds ever thaw. Interesting.

[outcast]

will have to try it if funds ever thaw. Interesting.

Actually, it is free. I will post the weblink for it later if you are able to download it to the computer you are currently using.

[ex-shep]

Actually, it is free. I will post the weblink for it later if you are able to download it to the computer you are currently using.


Go ahead and post it. I do not have internet access at home. Cannot afford it. As soon as the cats can eat, may reconsider. :o

[outcast]

Here it is. :) Enjoy.

http://www.e-sword.net

[outcast]

Go ahead and post it. I do not have internet access at home. Cannot afford it. As soon as the cats can eat, may reconsider. :o

Gotcha. I have cats myself and I totally understand. They are like my own children.

[ex-shep]

Gotcha. I have cats myself and I totally understand. They are like my own children.


Aren't they?

[outcast]

Aren't they?

Yes indeed. Since hubby and I haven't had kids yet they have been good - dare I say - substitutes for children. We have a beautiful white persian that someone abandoned in our neighborhood a few years back (Harry), and a new black kitten name Squeaker. They are loving and needy little blessings - all at the same time. But, I certainly wouldn't give anything for either one of them. Parenting them has often reminded me of God's great love for me as his child and that is a wonderful thing to remember when one is going through this process. :)

[Anna Marta]

Yeah. I really like the downloadable software E-sword. It has all those things built into the scripture passages and is wonderful for deep studying.

Thanks for the tip! We are checking it out. We have a program called Logos that is good, but you have to buy it.

Anna Marta

[Elisabeth]

I'm still getting triggered and overwhelmed enough that I can't consistantly read the Bible. However, knowing that God loves me no matter what helps a whole lot! :D

[outcast]

I'm still getting triggered and overwhelmed enough that I can't consistantly read the Bible. However, knowing that God loves me no matter what helps a whole lot! :D

*Big hug* I know how you feel dear. I still have those days myself. :)

[abbey]

Glad to hear you are back in the word. I myself cant do it yet. I can pray and attend church, but i cant read the bible. It really angers me that the abuse led to that! Good luck....

[outcast]

Glad to hear you are back in the word. I myself cant do it yet. I can pray and attend church, but i cant read the bible. It really angers me that the abuse led to that! Good luck....

Thanks abs...

It seems like I still have days when it is harder than others, but I am relieved too b/c I noticed that it was becoming harder to recall things that I new the bible talked about. I didn't like that at all. :(

[Hope 98]

I could barely open a Bible for the longest time. When I was finally ready, I dug straight into some of the hardest passages and just read them over and over again while I asked God to show me exactly what he meant.

It took some time, but I DID start to understand how people misused passages and I didn't feel the same icky way I used to when I read them.

I also read the gospels over and over and over before I read anything else. It has been unbelievably valuable to me to really know what Jesus said and did. Not many who ask "WWJD?" actually KNOW!

[Anna Marta]

Not many who ask "WWJD?" actually KNOW!

Oh, that hits home! I know very well what Jesus would do, often I just don't want to do it cause it's too hard, inconvenient, uncomfortable or unfair (to me!)

It's easier to play ignorant and innocent. :cool:

Anna Marta

[Carmen]

I'm happy for you, Outcast. :) I think that reading it does bring so much into my life. After I threw out all those word-faith notes and books and started over it was hard. I had to rethink all of those key passages (and even change the way I had learned to interpret the bible), but just knowing that the verses had another meaning than the one "they" used to tell me kept me going and hungry for the truth. After not really having been fed anything substantial all that time, my appetite was enormous.

I'm not suggesting you read a lot until you are ready. You might want to take it in small bites if your stomach is still queasy.

Wishing all the best for you, Outcast. :)

[ex-shep]

I'm still getting triggered and overwhelmed enough that I can't consistantly read the Bible. However, knowing that God loves me no matter what helps a whole lot! :D

Bible call in shows on the radio helped me sort out the wheat from the chaff. Bible Answerman and a similar show produced out of Moody Bible Institute helps. It may not work for everyone. I was comfortable with it and could listen to it in sizeable doses.

[outcast]

I'm happy for you, Outcast. :) I think that reading it does bring so much into my life. After I threw out all those word-faith notes and books and started over it was hard. I had to rethink all of those key passages (and even change the way I had learned to interpret the bible), but just knowing that the verses had another meaning than the one "they" used to tell me kept me going and hungry for the truth. After not really having been fed anything substantial all that time, my appetite was enormous.

I'm not suggesting you read a lot until you are ready. You might want to take it in small bites if your stomach is still queasy.

Wishing all the best for you, Outcast. :)

Thanks Carmen for both the wishes and the good advice. :)

I guess I am still taking it in small bites so to speak. So far I have been reading mostly at night and I had noticed a nice change in my mindset this week. I had skipped a couple of nights due to just being busy and I didn't feel condemned about it at all! Instead, I was able to just move on and reconcile myself to the fact that I would read it when I had time again. It had been a busier week than usual and I knew in my heart that God understood that and that He was more interested in my reading to hear from Him than He was in my meeting some sick sort of quota.

I am trying to give myself plenty of time to mentally/emotionally adjust to this b/c I don't want to risk going back to unhealthy mindsets.

[Elisabeth]

Thanks Carmen for both the wishes and the good advice. :)

I guess I am still taking it in small bites so to speak. So far I have been reading mostly at night and I had noticed a nice change in my mindset this week. I had skipped a couple of nights due to just being busy and I didn't feel condemned about it at all! Instead, I was able to just move on and reconcile myself to the fact that I would read it when I had time again. It had been a busier week than usual and I knew in my heart that God understood that and that He was more interested in my reading to hear from Him than He was in my meeting some sick sort of quota.

I am trying to give myself plenty of time to mentally/emotionally adjust to this b/c I don't want to risk going back to unhealthy mindsets.


I am at the point now where I can start reading the Bible again; I am in a study on Daniel and I love it. I like what you said about God understood and was more interested your in reading to hear from Him than in meeting quota, and not wanting to risk going back to unhealthy mindsets. I realize that trying to meet a sick quota and going back to unhealthy mindsets are dangers for me too, with my SA church encouraging daily reading, and the leader twisting scriptures. So what you have said really helps me for getting back with Bible reading. :D

[outcast]

I am at the point now where I can start reading the Bible again; I am in a study on Daniel and I love it. I like what you said about God understood and was more interested your in reading to hear from Him than in meeting quota, and not wanting to risk going back to unhealthy mindsets. I realize that trying to meet a sick quota and going back to unhealthy mindsets are dangers for me too, with my SA church encouraging daily reading, and the leader twisting scriptures. So what you have said really helps me for getting back with Bible reading. :D

Yay! I am glad that my words helped in some way. I think it is so sad that we have a hard time with this issue, but it also makes me angry at our abusers for taking something that was supposed to be a gift from God like the bible and turning it into a way to control and manipulate. :(

I remember that I used to enjoy the book of Daniel as it has some really interesting things in it. I pray that God will really speak to you as you study it.

Thanks again for sharing and I am glad that you are able to read the bible right now too. Even in this it is nice to know I am not alone. *hug* :)

[Reg]

So glad to hear that you're reading the Bible again.

If you read it like a love letter from a Father to His children it is amazing how different it becomes. Try to stay in the New Testament as much as possible.

I would only tackle to OT when you sense the amazing Grace God has given us.
The first part of the OT I would read are the Psalms of David. I then like Proverbs for their wisdom in dealing with life.