When You Are Ready To Try Again: Going Back to Church

[Anna Marta]

I found this article on the spiritual abuse recovery site (in the library section) see URL below. It was written by Jeff VanVonderen.

Hugs,
Anna Marta

http://www.spiritualabuse.com/dox/backtochurch.htm

[ex-shep]

It is a good article. For me the Lord tapped me on the shoulder when I was ready to go back to church. I did experience one shepherding church. I did have a good experience in a Methodist church until it took on a strange political agenda. Tammy's former group in Texas could not be more open and transperent. My wife usually attend a large church east of Cleveland. Lately we have been at a church closer to home. It could not be more accomondating.

I wish I had a sure fire formula when it is ready to go back. It was 20 years out of my group experiences when I was ready. I wish it were sooner; otherwise I cannot complain.

I can readily relate to the members who would rather hear a life insurance pitch or deal with Honest Al's Used Car Emporium and Part Time Bible College than find a healthy church. There are no easy answers to the original thread.

[Voyager]

Even in the case of church discipline (1 Corinthians 5) there are two goals in removing a person from the fellowship. The first is to protect the sheep from someone who is unrepentant and is having a negative influence on the flock. The second is to benefit the person and even attempt to bring him back into Christ and into fellowship (see 2 Corinthians 2).


Sorry Jeff, I just can't swallow this crap anymore. I have no interest in submitting myself to "church discipline" ever again. Good luck finding someone on this forum who will.

:(

[Willow]

Sorry Jeff, I just can't swallow this crap anymore. I have no interest in submitting myself to "church discipline" ever again. Good luck finding someone on this forum who will.

:(

In any group of people... sometimes you have to kick out trouble makers. I don' t have a problem with this... what I have a problem with is when they kick people out for trumped up reasons... or for just being human and having human problems... like homosexuality...

[Anna Marta]

In any group of people... sometimes you have to kick out trouble makers. I don' t have a problem with this... what I have a problem with is when they kick people out for trumped up reasons... or for just being human and having human problems... like homosexuality...

Me too! :cool:

[Elisabeth]

In any group of people... sometimes you have to kick out trouble makers. I don' t have a problem with this... what I have a problem with is when they kick people out for trumped up reasons... or for just being human and having human problems... like homosexuality...

That's the truth, Willow! We are all human and have human problems. I just got a wonderful e-mail on how God loves us no matter what our problems are (even homosexuality.) But, yeah, if there's a troublemaker, sometimes you do have to kick them out. But only if that person is a real troublemaker - most argumentative people you don't have to kick out, you just have to be smarter than they are, and sometimes let their venom go in one ear and out the other. :D

[Voyager]

I guess the problem I have with the article is that it implies that the ultimate goal of any spiritual abuse victim should have to be going back to a church. Church is not something in my future, it's something in my past - and it's going to stay that way, for my own mental and emotional health.

:cool:

[Willow]

I agree with you there Voyager. I doubt I'll go back to church any time soon... and if I do, it'll be a completely different kind of church. I still can't stomach the idea though. I was exploring different unity churche's today online... and just can't even seem to get to the point that I want to leave the safety of my own home to go to a religious facility.

I guess the problem I have with the article is that it implies that the ultimate goal of any spiritual abuse victim should have to be going back to a church. Church is not something in my future, it's something in my past - and it's going to stay that way, for my own mental and emotional health.

:cool:

[yeshua'smags]

Sorry Jeff, I just can't swallow this crap anymore. I have no interest in submitting myself to "church discipline" ever again. Good luck finding someone on this forum who will.

:(

Umm...*raises hand* I will! As long as the discipline is honorable and based on God's truth and not man's.

[Voyager]

Umm...*raises hand* I will! As long as the discipline is honorable and based on God's truth and not man's.


Good luck finding that somewhere. I could never trust a man to dole out "God's discipline" ever again. Just the idea of it makes me nauseous.

Maybe some of you folks still trust humans to be representatives for God. I lost that ability permanently, and don't want it back. It would be easier for me to believe that dogs can fly.

:cool:

[Elisabeth]

Maybe some of you folks still trust humans to be representatives for God. I lost that ability permanently, and don't want it back. It would be easier for me to believe that dogs can fly.

:cool:

That's just it, Voyager. People aren't supposed to be representatives for God. There is only one mediator between us and God, Jesus Christ. What the role of a pastor or other spiritual leader should be is someone who leads people toward God through his teachings and actions. When a leader tries to be a representative for God, then they are getting to an unbiblical, abusive place.

[Anna Marta]

Well, my cat can't fly., on her own anyway! But she has been known to have flown minus the ejection seat after biting someone's toes in bed!!!

Having said that, I had the opportunity to attend my daughter's church while in the states. Because of the medical crises I did to get to know the visiting pastor, who happens to be my age, in a second marriage to a bass player who also is a sound engineer, (eerily similar). I attended the church regularly for the 9 weeks I was there and even joined in a women's bible study. It was not a perfect place, but I would consider attending it when we finally move.

The funny thing is that I would attend it for social reasons much like I would a club kind of thing. I do not think I could bring myself to join as a member though. At least not for a long long long long long time... To be honest, I do miss the good parts of having a circle of people who I chose to befriend and having fun with them, but that was in the international community up in the capitol city. I haven't done well in small town Norwegian churches.

I may just be blowing hot air here... and it could all change when we move. It is just that I actually like to worship with lots of people.

Anna Marta

[Voyager]

The funny thing is that I would attend it for social reasons much like I would a club kind of thing.

That's more along the lines of what I have been looking for too. I have already determined what my morals are, so I don't need a spiritual leader to tell me how to live or how much money I should give him. I would just like to find a place to hangout once a week where we could have a potluck dinner, games for the kids, maybe play cards or watch movies - with people who have good morals. That seems to be hard to find. I know there are a lot of clubs like the Masons, the Moose Lodge, and all that kind of stuff... but I don't know anyone at any of those clubs.

I've often thought about starting my own social club. It would just be a lot of work.

:cool:

[Hope 98]

I've been attending my current church home for 6 years now. I haven't joined as a member, and I have disagreements with the "official doctrine" of the church. I may NEVER be a member. But I love the people there and I've seen so many of them share God's love in an unmistakable way.

Voyager - I don't like the idea of "church discipline" myself - it factors into my non-member status.

Sometimes, I think my husband and I are a part of this church because we wouldn't know how else to socialize or make friends. I know that I would stop attending if I felt uncomfortable, unhappy, or unwanted there, and I would not spend one second worrying about whether or not God still loved me.

Willow - you seem to have found a wonderful group of people who really care about you and vice-versa. They are better than your former church group and you are blessed to have them (and they you). I don't think you need a "church".

Voyager - I don't think there are many here who would make an issue out of whether or not you are attending a church. I know that I wouldn't, and I hope you aren't getting the impression that returning to church is the goal of this forum. It is not something that I've ever seen here.

Of course, everyone is entitled to an opinion....

[Willow]

Willow - you seem to have found a wonderful group of people who really care about you and vice-versa. They are better than your former church group and you are blessed to have them (and they you). I don't think you need a "church".

true Hope... I just need a safe place where I can find a soul mate is all. I have great friends who feel like family to me. Heck... maybe I don't need a soulmate either... but it bugs me that I don't have one.

[ex-shep]

true Hope... I just need a safe place where I can find a soul mate is all. I have great friends who feel like family to me. Heck... maybe I don't need a soulmate either... but it bugs me that I don't have one.

In the early years of recovery, it drove me batty. Then I was content to be single. I had a group of friends at church, in recovery, and fellow bus enthusiasts. I was pretty much set. Today I have a wife and two cats. That seems to work just fine too.

[ex-shep]

The church I attend is very accomondating. We have the whole cross section of Cleveland. The satelite church has homeless and people with disabilities. One challenged member had an outburst. We stopped and prayed for her. It is a definitely a come as you are church.