The Pastor's Wife

[pinkmail]

Yeah, just got in a new situation :confused:

I have been married for 3 years and as far we are very happy together and we have a little girl. I am in my mid. 30 and my husband just turned 50.

As we got married my husband moved to my little hometown and feels comfortable as far. We are frequenting a little Spanish speaking church where my father has been the pastor for over 10 years.

Now he spoke to us that he would like to retire… and he was thinking about my husband to become the new pastor… I was almost shocked! :eek: We are really engaged and very busy in the church and my husband is even preaching and teaching. Actually he could imagine to be the new pastor. But I am really struggling and my stomach is already all messed up. Since my father is almost 70 I was thinking: OK, as long as he feels fine we will attend the church and than we can look for a close, local (bigger) church. Do not misunderstand me, I love the people and I really want to be there for everybody, but I feel tired, I feel left alone, I feel like my relationship to GOD should be much better. Probably I would like to attend a church where I can sit down and relax :cool: GOT gave me a lot of gifts and I am using them – but sometimes I feel more like a MUST rather than LOVE. Right now I am feeling a heavy something on my shoulder. I know most of the people of our church only speak Spanish, so for them it would be very hard to go somewhere else…

My husband is also the kind of person who is very enthusiastic about many thing but than I have to push him.
I feel like a mouse that has been caught.

What shall I do? I already asked for some time to think about… but…

Please help.

[Reg]

Welcome to our group of SA survivors.

Not sure if I'm the right one to respond to you. Just wanted to welcome you.

My first thought was to talk to other Pastor's wives. Here are a couple of websites that may give you some ideas.

http://pastorswife.com/

http://www.angelfire.com/tx2/christianpoetry/pastorswife.html

After reading the poem on the last one I can understand your apprehension.

Hopefully, our ladies here can add to this. I believe some have had practical experience in dealing with this.

[SpinningHead]

Welcome!

I think when in doubt...don't.

God gave you instincts for a reason...and if this was something He wanted you to do, you'd be feeling a peace about it.

Good for you for asking for time to think about it.

[ex-shep]

Welcome!

I think when in doubt...don't.

God gave you instincts for a reason...and if this was something He wanted you to do, you'd be feeling a peace about it.

Good for you for asking for time to think about it.


Spinning definitely has a point. As I always say, gut level feelings can be wonderful God given indicators.

[Jerry]

Isn't it funny how "Pastors" are called to service,,,,,,while their wives are dragged along kicking and screaming ??????? If your husband is called,,,,he should follow his heart,,,,,,but remembering that "his" call isn't necessarily "Your" call .......The Pastor and his wife are human beings,,,,not "Bookends" ;)
Love Jerry

[Voyager]

Probably I would like to attend a church where I can sit down and relax :cool:

Or better yet, how about just "relax". Who needs church anyway? 99% of the people here have been abused by church. I need church like I need a hole in my head.

:eek:

[Willow]

Oh jeepers!!!! I don't understand why they don't involve the wives in these decisions! You are as much a pastor as the pastor! I remember seeing all the men lined up at the front of my last church... getting ordained. And the women sat quietly and meekly on the front row. I was really upset about that. They should have been ordained beside their husbands as they do as much ministry as he does. And if they are not willing to be ordained... then perhaps they should have the choice to attend another church? Of course that would raise a lot of eyebrows!

Have you talked to your husband yet pink? Would he hear you if you told him you are not up to "his" calling??? It hurts me to see you sidelined in the decision. It's not right and I wish it didnt' happen that way.

I'm adding this blurb after reading Jerry's response to you... he's RIGHT! Your husband's calling is not your calling. You and he need to have a conversation about this... that you may not be right by his side like he expects without asking you...

[pinkmail]

Oh jeepers!!!! I don't understand why they don't involve the wives in these decisions! You are as much a pastor as the pastor! I


Actually we BOTH have been asked. And I was even asked before my husband was asked… ;)
My husband is very comprehensive and he would never accept if I do not feel comfortable. He told me, that I have to feel called and feel that I want to do it; otherwise it is better not to do it. So he is not taking his own decision.
His faith is very strong and sometimes I feel miles away from him and GOD. Right now I am even struggling and arguing with GOD… Last night was one of those nights. Actually I am not even in the right forum, since I haven't been really "abused". :(

Anyway, the fact that now that it is "up to me" does not make it easier, actually it makes it even more difficult. Can you understand my situation? :(

I mean, this is nothing that will happen today and tomorrow. We asked for ½ year to think and pray about. But as long my relationship to GOD is not as it used to be, I or we can not take this responsibility. And this is hurting me, since I could help some good believers, but I am not strong enough to do it.

Love, :)
Pinkmail

[Willow]

I completely understand why it would be harder to have the decision rest on your shoulders. I have to admit to being relieved that you are part of the decision though!!! I had a whole nother scene etched in my mind from how it was at my old church!

Sounds like you have a good daddy and hubby :)

This is a decision you can only make. I think taking 6 mos to decide is a great idea. Work on your own heart and healing in that time. At the end of the 6 months you may feel more strongly in one direction or another. Ministry can be so exhausting! I don't think I could do it again... but if God wants you to do something, he can equip you to do it. If the emotional ability isn't there... then maybe you weren't called to it?

[pinkmail]

Hello Willow

Thanks for the great Answer :)
Pinky