outcast
07-20-2007, 04:19 PM
I had coffee today at my home with a wonderful woman whom I have known for about 5 or 6 years. She attended the cult church when I did, left around the time that I did and attended the next SA church we attended. Now she is at the current church we attend. Let me state that she did not know we were attending the current church - she just ended up there a month or so ago.
As we were discussing the various church situations with each other, I was mostly listening to her talk b/c she already knows my opinions and was wonderfully supportive of me when I was first dealing with things. Her main frustration at present with all the church situations we share is that she hasn't been able to connect with people in a permanent and intimate manner. She is feeling very lonely.
We had a good talk and afterwards I realized that it is funny how two people can face the same unhealthy environments and yet come away from the experiences with different woundings and issues. Granted, I was quite a bit more involved in both of the unhealthy churches we attended than she was - which I am sure opened me up to hurt in different areas than she was feeling.
Since the point of this forum is mostly to share what we have been through and what has helped us through it, I thought I'd share this experience with the forum family along with the thought that we never really know what other people are feeling and thinking - even though they might be walking right along side us. I had no idea my friend was feeling so lonely and bereft. She had no idea of the twisted ideology I had been subjected to for years. We neither of us knew that we had the potential to comfort one another b/c we had both isolated ourselves from others in the body.
I came away from the situation realizing that I needed to be more aware of what others are thinking and feeling wherever I am. We will all view things through the lens of our past experiences. I must remember that not everyone shares my lens.
As we were discussing the various church situations with each other, I was mostly listening to her talk b/c she already knows my opinions and was wonderfully supportive of me when I was first dealing with things. Her main frustration at present with all the church situations we share is that she hasn't been able to connect with people in a permanent and intimate manner. She is feeling very lonely.
We had a good talk and afterwards I realized that it is funny how two people can face the same unhealthy environments and yet come away from the experiences with different woundings and issues. Granted, I was quite a bit more involved in both of the unhealthy churches we attended than she was - which I am sure opened me up to hurt in different areas than she was feeling.
Since the point of this forum is mostly to share what we have been through and what has helped us through it, I thought I'd share this experience with the forum family along with the thought that we never really know what other people are feeling and thinking - even though they might be walking right along side us. I had no idea my friend was feeling so lonely and bereft. She had no idea of the twisted ideology I had been subjected to for years. We neither of us knew that we had the potential to comfort one another b/c we had both isolated ourselves from others in the body.
I came away from the situation realizing that I needed to be more aware of what others are thinking and feeling wherever I am. We will all view things through the lens of our past experiences. I must remember that not everyone shares my lens.