Counseling Session

[Savedbygrace]

I saw my old counselor today and talked about the situation at my old church. She has been with me for the psat 2 years, and listened to the stories of abuse, she is the one who helped me to define the problems, and when I have decided in the past to stay, she worked with me on setting boundaries. Well, the big blow-out that finally caused me to leave was over 2 months ago, and I saw her for the first time today to discuss it.

I told her all the details. Her first comment was if I could see that the church was "ABUSIVE" I was blown away. She is so perceptive. I guess that confirms what I already knew, I have a really great counselor. I told her YES I knew it was abusive, and told her about this website I have been on seeking support.

What she helped me to see is a pattern I have of being in abusive "families" or situations, and how I try to have these abusive people accept me. My family of origin is the first example. Then my marriage. Then the church. It was so clear to her, and she was able to help me see it for myself.

She also told me that she believes that my severe reaction to the breaking of relationships at church (Shaking, rage, physical illness, diziness, inability to sleep or eat) was PTSD. The whole rejection and abandonment I suffered at the hands of the church leadership was an instant trigger back to the rejection and abandonment suffered when my husband committed suicide. My reaction to this stress is to look outside myself to ease the pain. (Hmmm...I better take is VERY slow with this new man I am dating).

I am still recovering from it all. I still have clouded hazy thoughts about God. It is like the love I once experienced is eluding me. I am sure some can relate. My problem is that I blame myself for this distance I feel. I feel like I am a failure. Like God (actually my old pastor) is telling me I am not working hard enough at the relationship. That I have to work harder, pray longer, study more to earn a relationship with God. That is what is my core false belief. Let me say that again. FALSE BELIEF. FALSE BELIEF.

Oh, how do I begin to heal from this? Help me please.

Trish

[Satscout]

I am still recovering from it all. I still have clouded hazy thoughts about God. It is like the love I once experienced is eluding me. I am sure some can relate. My problem is that I blame myself for this distance I feel. I feel like I am a failure. Like God (actually my old pastor) is telling me I am not working hard enough at the relationship. That I have to work harder, pray longer, study more to earn a relationship with God. That is what is my core false belief. Let me say that again. FALSE BELIEF. FALSE BELIEF.

Oh, how do I begin to heal from this? Help me please.

Trish
(((((Trish)))))

The bad news: You went through h***.

The good news: You are now conscious of it, with help are identifying the problems, and are in a position to begin working on the problems (including utilizing the professional help of a counsellor trained to guide you along the way).

Therefore, you are NOT a failure. You are loved. You do not "earn" a relationship with God. It is a gift of grace. HE chased after YOU. He came to die for YOU. He wooed YOU with the Holy Spirit to become one of His children. He loves you and delights in you.

So fight false beliefs with truth.

Have you ever read "A Wrinkle in Time"? Meg is trying to rescue her brother from an IT, described physically as a big disembodied brain that controls the world in which they find themselves. She tries every other diversionary tactic in her arsenal - including reciting the Table of Elements - and IT has almost sucked her in. IT tries to tell her to give in, give up, don't delude yourself. NOBODY LOVES YOU... and reflexively, she responds. "Mrs. Who loves me." Earlier in the story, a character named Mrs. Who specifically told her to remember that she loved her. And she used that truth - and the truth that she loved her brother - to escape and save him with her.

(((((Trish))))) You are not alone.

Sharon

[Voyager]

My daughter doesn't have to earn my love or work at our relationship - and guess what? I still love her! How much more does God love you Trish? A WHOLE LOT MORE!!!

:cool:

[Jerry]

Oh, how do I begin to heal from this? Help me please.

Trish

Dear Trish,,,
The beginning is complete,,,,,,time to write the book.

[Savedbygrace]

Dear Trish,,,
The beginning is complete,,,,,,time to write the book.

Can't you see, I am practicing here???? :D

Trish

[Savedbygrace]

My daughter doesn't have to earn my love or work at our relationship - and guess what? I still love her! How much more does God love you Trish? A WHOLE LOT MORE!!!

:cool:

YES!!!! I know it, that is my problem, I KNOW it in my head...but it is such a long journey from the head to the heart...:confused:


Thanks Voyager,

Trish

[Savedbygrace]

(((((Trish)))))


So fight false beliefs with truth.





Thank you Sharon...This helps me lots.

Love you,

Trish

[Kerrin]

.

What she helped me to see is a pattern I have of being in abusive "families" or situations, and how I try to have these abusive people accept me. My family of origin is the first example. Then my marriage. Then the church. It was so clear to her, and she was able to help me see it for myself.


:( Trish,
You coud've been writing my story, (and probably many others too).
Do go slow with your new friend. I waited 10 Years and then married, and i am so messed up still, I guess I always will be. I think the difficult thing is I didn't "check' to see if my new hubby could "cope" with me and support me.
This past week has been HELL!!!!
I will pray for you, and pray for me too,
((((((Trish)))))),
Kerrin.
P.S When R U going to write the book, can I get a copy? :D

[Savedbygrace]

Good day! My Aussie sister! So good to "SEE" you! Read my thread on the other forum about taking things slow with my new friend. Not exactly in my nature...so I need to be in constant prayer....

I hate being so high mainenance.

Praying for you. Sorry your week has been hell.

Trish

I will write as soon as the committees in my head quiet down a bit so I can concentrate. (Imagine if my new friend saw that, he'd be running for the hills!!! :D

[Kerrin]

([I hate being so high mainenance. )


;) G'day, to you too,
I haven't read your other thread yet but I will!
I smiled at your being "high maintenance",
I sent my hubby an email today telling him I didn't think he could"maintain" me for that very reason!!!!!!!!!!! (ihaven't heard from him all day :o )I mean, I think I am just too much hard work, and can't cope. Maybe I'm just too scared to really let go again, sometimes I feel I'm "testing" him.........and he fails! :eek: (I'm horrible!)
I haven't entered counselling yet, but tomorrow I am going to make an appointment. My DR says i have Post traumatic stress disorder from all the childhood abuse, my violent first marriage and of course the"church"..
Get some rest sister!!,
Love Kerrin

[Jerry]

Dear Karrin and Savedbygrace,,,
Sorry but you two have the wrong attitude ;) High Maintainance???? Your darn right you guys are High Maintainance!!!! you are both wonderful christian ladys,,,,,you should accept nothing less than a man who is devoted to you ;)
Love Jerry

[ex-shep]

I will write as soon as the committees in my head quiet down a bit so I can concentrate. (Imagine if my new friend saw that, he'd be running for the hills!!! :D[/QUOTE]

Just you don't love them. I refer to as the Obssesion Channel. Comimg up next, It's Name that Shame. Tonight March 23, 1974 and "you blew it" [Maniacal laughter and suspense theme]

In such situation it pays to remember Richard Nixon's 1972 Energy speech to turn off all unneeded appliances. :D

[Jerry]

Loved your post Shep,a bit sinical but pretty cool :D
Love Jerry

[Savedbygrace]

Dear Karrin and Savedbygrace,,,
Sorry but you two have the wrong attitude ;) High Maintainance???? Your darn right you guys are High Maintainance!!!! you are both wonderful christian ladys,,,,,you should accept nothing less than a man who is devoted to you ;)
Love Jerry

Thanks Jerry! I will agree with you on this one! Kerrin, we are worth the effort!

Love you!

Trish