Triggers

[Pinkie Pie]

I was triggered this weekend in church.

It got me to thinking about triggers. Does anyone have any thoughts on whether a trigger means that we have not completely healed in that particular area, or it's just a defense mechanism and we may very well already be healed in that area?

This particular incident was about the possibility of me having to sit in a seat other than where I have sat for the last year - close to the pastor's wife. I won't go into the particulars, this same issue came up last year and this forum helped me to work through it. That's why I was so surprised at the anxiety and fear that rose up in me so suddenly yesterday about the whole issue.

After church my pastor could tell something was bothering me so I went ahead and told him and his wife I was worried about having to move to another seat. I was embarrassed to tell him, so I told him it was "dumb" what was bothering me. He said if I wanted to tell him, he would listen. So I told him what it was, he said, "That's not dumb. That's signicant to you." And then his wife reassured me that she was not going to push me away or leave me or abandon me - she knew that the issue was not about getting to sit where I want, but needing to feel safe.

I guess I'm hoping that it was just a knee jerk reaction, but it really bothers me that I may still not be healed in this area. It's like, even in my healing there's an element of fear or anxiety in me, because I never know when a trigger is going to "hit" me.

[Voyager]

Many of us on this forum have been spiritually raped. The symptoms are very similar to that of an actual rape. Let's say a woman gets raped by a police officer. From that point on, she may never feel comfortable around policemen. Likewise, victims of spiritual abuse may feel uncomfortable being around spiritual "authority" figures. I don't know if that can ever be "healed".

:confused:

[Ontheroad]

I know that most definitely, I still get triggered. I've been away from my abusive church for 8 months, but have still had encounters involving my ex-pastor and other church members even recently. I have wondered, too, how long does it take to reach the point where triggers no longer are an issue? I know I get frustrated that sometimes I can still be sent into a tailspin of fear over a trigger. For me, certain songs set me off (I was in the music group at my former church for 11 years), as do other things, like a phrase or sermon content.

I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this. Recognizing what it was that triggered you is a big step, though. Sometimes I will find myself triggered and it may take a while before I can figure out what it was.

I hope you are feeling better now. It sounds like your new pastor and his wife handled it beautifully. I hope you find much healing with them.

[Voyager]

I believe that fear is the most powerful motivating factor used in a spiritually abusive environment. Shame and guilt tie for second place. It takes a while for the fear to wear off. I've been away from my spiritually abusive church for six years now, and I am much less fearful to see my former pastor than I was when I first exited the group. I actually have no fear of it at all - in fact, I would welcome the opportunity to address my concerns. The pastor would probably be the one fearing my tone of voice and fleeing.

I believe that education is the biggest key. Once you see how duped we were to believe all of the hokey nonsense that we choked down, you begin to lose the fear of it all. It becomes like a joke after a while - with the abuser wearing the clown suit.

Fear is relative to what we believe. Once a false source of fear is exposed for what it is, it loses its grip on our lives. It only has as much power as we give it in our minds.

:cool:

[ex-shep]

Those who treat sex and love addiction have the concept of evasive manuevers. As part of counseling on relapse prevention, recovery sex and love addicts are taught have a plan ready in case they are suddenly hit with a trigger out of nowhere.

There is also the concept of pyschic occurance where blast from the past will diabolically come out of nowhere. I had to develop a fire drill just in case. Some former group members I could have a pat response, "It just wasn't the Lord's will for me to stay there". Others I had to have rock hard boundaries. I was a way of protecting myself.

Margaret Singer had the concept M.S.D for minimize suppress and divert. Minimize was "underreacting" to the trigger. Suppression, for me, means not to let the trigger live in my head rent free. Divesion is the evasive manuever. Thank goodness to day I can grab my cel phone step away and call someone. [I have been battling a trigger at work].

Maybe the anthem for recovering group members should be the Who song What Get Fooled Again. It's a thought

[Satscout]

Does anyone have any thoughts on whether a trigger means that we have not completely healed in that particular area, or it's just a defense mechanism and we may very well already be healed in that area?
Is a trigger a defense mechanism? Certainly. And defense mechanisms may still remain for years, though in some cases I think they can be trained down. *little frown...* But I don't know whether one can ever be "completely healed" short of heaven... as there will be memories, "scars", residual triggers and the like - the abuse aftermath - as long as there is a person to HAVE memories, scars, and residual triggers...

Of course, there are places on the continuum of greater and lesser "healing" in a given area, and some areas are linked (that is, if you trigger HERE, it will trigger over THERE even though it didn't trigger over THERE to start with). *scratches head* And the interlinkings are unique to each person and the experience.

And just because one is triggered in an area that before seemed "healed", "partly healed", "mostly healed", or whatever, doesn't negate the healing that has occurred or in an of itself cause regression in that area. It could just mean that one had healed to a certain point and needed a season of rest in working on that area until enough healing had occurred in other places for that issue to be "safe to work on" again. This phenomenon seems to occur a lot with child sexual abuse cases - decades later, after a LOT of maturing, growing, and "partial healing" has occurred, and when the person thinks herself perfectly adjusted/normal/handling life/etc., then out of the blue comes this Issue (that may or may not be complete with repressed memories) that sideswipes her.

*sigh* Then I make myself remember that in eternity this will all go away and true complete Jesus-engineered healing WILL take place.

Sharon

[Jerry]

a trigger means that we have not completely healed in that particular area, or it's just a defense mechanism and we may very well already be healed in that area?


YES
Love Jerry

[ex-shep]

Triggers here

Triggers there

Triggers, triggers everywhere.



Makes me high than makes me low

So far I do not know where to go

I need to accept nothing less

except the fact that I am powerless.


When I get that crazy feeling in my bod

Then I know it's time to turn to God.

Instead of staying in same old story

I can do that moral inventory


If there is one I did offend

I can try to make a healthy ammend.


In spite of the pain and strife

I possess a fruitful life

In spite of triggers here, triggers there, triggers triggers everywhere.

[Pinkie Pie]

Everyone's replies are so encouraging, and every single one has something comforting in it. I am slowly but surely coming out of the tailspin I found myself in from Sunday. I was soooo discouraged this morning because I was still "reeling" from it after 4 days and trying to sort out my feelings, and your responses are helping me get grounded again and my heart is starting to feel settled again.

And I think I'll just stop trying to process all these emotions and thoughts that were triggered and just ride it out knowing that I'll come out on the other side okay.

Thank you ALL for your support. Whew I am so thankful for this place and for all of you. :)

[Beautiful_Dreamer]

As someone dealing with triggers, I think some of them are defense mechanisms but there may be some things that you may never fully be able to participate in or deal with. I am still learning what some of mine are and I know that there are some things that I am going to have to stay away from, at least for the time being, for my own sanity.