Attachment and Trust Problems (Trigger Warning)

[Voyager]

I had been doing some research on the Internet about attachment disorders today, when my mom called and told me the worst news I've heard in a long time. It seems that my sociopath brother, who is 40 years old, had his kids taken from him by DCFS today. He had them for the weekend and was getting ready to take them to see Santa. DCFS stopped by my mom's house, where my brother has been a resident since his release from prison in March of 2004. The DCFS worker told my brother that his ex-wife's 6-month-old baby died last night, and that he was there to checkup on the well-being of their other children (my brother had two children with the mother of the baby, a boy age 4 and a girl age 2).

Well, the DCFS worker left and then came back a few hours later, stating that he had to take the children into DCFS custody due to my brother's criminal record. My mom and brother said goodbye to the kids, and they left. The promised visit to Santa was aborted indefinitely. No one knows how the baby died yet. Guesses have been made that maybe the schizophrenic boyfriend (father of the baby) may have killed it. The two kids were only told by my brother that they had to leave with the DCFS worker. No reason was given to them.

I tried to tell my mom that this kind of thing would happen by allowing my ex-convict brother to move into the new home that I built for her, but she wouldn't listen. This is a mind-numbing situation. I didn't know whether to tell her "I told you so" or to sympathize with her, so I did the latter. My brother is going to be going back to prison soon anyway, so it's just a matter of time before he is heads "up the river" again. My concern is what happens to my mom between now and then.

How ironic that I had just been researching attachment/abandonment disorders today. My immediate family is riddled with them. This has long-been a source of torment for me. My mind is numb thinking about how those two little kids will never be able to trust anyone ever again.

:(

[Reg]

The DCFS worker told my brother that his ex-wife's 6-month-old baby died last night,
Well, the DCFS worker left and then came back a few hours later, stating that he had to take the children into DCFS custody due to my brother's criminal record. My mom and brother said goodbye to the kids, and they left. The promised visit to Santa was aborted indefinitely. No one knows how the baby died yet. Guesses have been made that maybe the schizophrenic boyfriend (father of the baby) may have killed it. The two kids were only told by my brother that they had to leave with the DCFS worker. No reason was given to them.

How ironic that I had just been researching attachment/abandonment disorders today. My immediate family is riddled with them. This has long-been a source of torment for me. My mind is numb thinking about how those two little kids will never be able to trust anyone ever again. :(
How very sad John.

Those poor kids. I won't quote the scripture but it says God is a Father to the fatherless/orphans. Because of my personal experience being fatherless, I know it's true. He takes special care of those who need a father. He said so. Hope that gives you a bit of comfort. I will pray for those two little ones.

Please Father, take as good care of them as You have taken care of me. Help them to always sense your presence.

[Voyager]

Thanks Reg.

:o

[Jerry]

Man John,,,,,I wish I could do something.Thats the trouble with this damn computer.Not that you can't offer support but that it is so limited.
Love Jerry

[Satscout]

How ironic that I had just been researching attachment/abandonment disorders today. My immediate family is riddled with them. This has long-been a source of torment for me. My mind is numb thinking about how those two little kids will never be able to trust anyone ever again.

:(
(((((Voyager)))))!!

My mind is rolling with questions, most of which would be hugely impertinent to ask. The comforting thing is, if your DCFS (Child and Family Services, I assume) is anything like our DSS in South Carolina (Social Services), they thoroughly screen the foster families, and there is a good chance your niece and nephew will come through this better than you think.

The subject is a tender one for me right now. Our music minister and his wife foster two children (they have four of their own, also), and just this week the court terminated parental rights on the one girl's birth mom. It was a bad situation, and very heartbreaking for them to sit in court and hear the evidence for the abuse she had suffered before she was removed. This frees M. up for adoption. In the 20 or so months she has been with that family, she has just blossomed out under all that love. And they are more than willing to pursue adoption and become M's. "forever family" (I picked up that term on the radio)...

Will you want to maintain contact with them? Did you have much contact with them before this?

I will be praying for you and the kids... and your mom, brother, and the birth mom... :(

Sharon

[Willow]

(((((((((Voyager)))))))))))))

I think you chose well with your mom. I try to choose mercy and grace as the default action when I don't know what to do too.

I'm so incredibly saddened for your neice and nephew. Is there any way you can get involved for the kids? Poor things are probably so confused :(

I'm so sorry this happened and am praying the kids are not the broken pieces in the situation.

Praying....
Amy

[Ontheroad]

Oh, Voyager. Those poor children. I'll be praying for them, for God to protect them in every way, especially their little hearts, during this ordeal.

Do you know who will get custody of the children now?

[Voyager]

Well, I talked with my mom tonight again about this situation. It seems that DCFS still has the two children. Then I got to hear my mom rant against DCFS and "the system" for about 20 minutes. I finally told her that she was blaming the wrong source. My brother caused all of this by his actions. She is promoting this type of behavior by allowing him to stay with her when he is 40 years old. He married an 18-year-old irresponsible girl when he was 36 years old. He made the bed, now he should sleep in it.

I get so sick of hearing about my brother's never-ending traumas. My mom's efforts are focused on him and his messed-up kids 24/7. My kids hardly ever see her. She's too busy cleaning up after my brother's messes. I have to admit though, I do try to distance my family from all of that chaos. I feel it's my duty to protect them from it.

It must be a maternal thing that causes moms to blindly defend their children. Look at Scott Peterson's mom - everyone thought he was guilty except for her. If this isn't a famous saying, it should be: Irresponsibility is encouraged by not holding individuals responsible for their actions.

:(

[Janice]

(((((((((((((((((((((Voyager)))))))))))))))))
I have no words right now. All I can do is hug you.

[Savedbygrace]

((((Voyager)))) I am so saddened by your situation. I will pray for you, your neice and nephew, and all involved. I can relate to the feelings you have toward your mother. My parents are also very focused on "rescuing" the adult children in my family that keep screwing up their lives. My oldest abusive brother is livng there right now, and they enable him to live in addiction and to take no responsibility for himself or his children.

So very sad.

Your sister in Christ,

Trish

[Voyager]

Thanks Janice and Trish. You know, coming from a codependent family makes it very difficult to not live in codependency. It's like being on Mars but not being a Martian. Everything we have been taught tries to steer us toward codependent situations. It's like climbing up a steep mountain to try to avoid them.

:(

[Willow]

((((Voyager))))

I know I'm not saying all the right words... but know my heart is with you.

Willow