Don't know what to do???(long)

[Kerrin]

:confused: A very dear friend of mine is getting married. He is inviting us to the wedding. The problem is he is part of the church that"abused"me, and is on the leadership councils and ministriesetc. He is our Vicars "Shining" star, A model christian. A humble man.
He has been brought up christian and remained faithful to God all of his 27 years. A virgin and very disciplined with a very well paying job. (it always seemed he had the [perfect life). We used to have many long hours of discucssion......... (sometimes used to wish God had him reserved for me ,he,he :p )
He has been a good friend , although he too hurt me when our Pastor?vicar "warned' him to stay away from me because of my "jezebel"influence, and WHOOPS< he might even be seen to be "rescuing"me if he helped me out at all during the really tough times. I sent him a print out of a brief definition of spiritual abuse, asked him to please pray about it and think of his other,once close friend ,who has been disowned by the church.
I told him what had been done to me and how incredibly hurt I was.
His reply was very polite, acknowledged the sorrow at the pain i had suffered but fell short of making any commitment to change or even to support me on this. I felt really let down. we were such good friends until this pastor got a hold on him, This young man has been called to Minisrty and he is an excellent teacher.I hate to watch my old church destroy such a beautiful persn.
Point is I'm still hurt. Do I go to the Engagement party and have to face all those "pharisees" again???????? I care about him and want to see him happy, Many hours of our conversations were about marriage etc... I met my man, and we have discussed his friendships and it saddens me to think it's over.
(LIGHT BULB!) Of course things have to change I am married now and he is engaged! da. :o
The thing is how do you get a church to change from the inside out, SURELY they can see by the numbers leaving in "rebellion". What are they thinking especially someone like him who seems to genuinely care for people and help? Why would he stay? I don't get it. :confused: :confused: :confused:
Kerrin

[Jerry]

Dear Kerrin,,,,
Hmmmmmmmm,,,,,,,,,,,This young man,called to minestry,an exellant teacher,is about to become the "Master of His Own House".He has invited you to celibrate that with him,in direct contridction to what he has been instructed concerning you.Luke 14 / 7-12,,,,,,,Then reread the verse that you include with all your posts.
Love Jerry

[The Prairie Tortoise]

Dear Kerrin

That's a difficult one. I don't know the details about your abusive church, but mine was not dissimilar to a cult. People behaved as though they were brainwashed. So it was probably quite a step for him even to write you the letter he did, even though it wasn't that supportive. And as Jerry said, the fact that he's invited you to his wedding might have taken some courage cos he was to rebelling against the pastor (I assume the pastor is a bit of a control freak? 'Jezebel' - ugh - my ex-pastor loved that term as well :mad: )

So, anyway, I think if it were me, I'd go, because maybe (putting on my optimistic hat) this chap is showing signs of beginning to 'wake up'.

But only go if you're strong enough to face the rest of the pharisees. Cos it wouldn't be worth months of trying to get over more hurts.

Hope this helps?

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[Jerry]

Dear Kerrin

That's a difficult one. I don't know the details about your abusive church, but mine was not dissimilar to a cult. People behaved as though they were brainwashed. So it was probably quite a step for him even to write you the letter he did, even though it wasn't that supportive. And as Jerry said, the fact that he's invited you to his wedding might have taken some courage cos he was to rebelling against the pastor (I assume the pastor is a bit of a control freak? 'Jezebel' - ugh - my ex-pastor loved that term as well :mad: )

So, anyway, I think if it were me, I'd go, because maybe (putting on my optimistic hat) this chap is showing signs of beginning to 'wake up'.

But only go if you're strong enough to face the rest of the pharisees. Cos it wouldn't be worth months of trying to get over more hurts.

Hope this helps?

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For both you and Kerrin,,,,,,,I know this will be crass and not very polite,I feel I can't say this strongly enough ,,,Jezebel was a murdering slut !!! Any Pastor that would compair one of his charges with that evil woman should be takin behind the Church and "Horse Whipped" but good !!!! I just don't give Pastors very much slack........
Love Jerry

[Ontheroad]

Dear Kerrin

(I assume the pastor is a bit of a control freak? 'Jezebel' - ugh - my ex-pastor loved that term as well :mad: )




I guess labelling someone a "Jezebel" is a favorite thing amongst abusive pastors. Mine labelled anyone who disagreed with him as a Jezebel and as rebellious and -oh, my other favorite - "unteachable".

[Ontheroad]

Kerrin -

Wow, that's a tough one. For me I couldn't set foot near my former church again, no matter whose wedding it was. There is just too much pain there. (Plus, I honestly think my pastor would have me escorted out :o )

Also, I guess I feel just a little bit of a caution flag going up about your friendship with this person who still is so heavily involved in your former church. I just don't want to see you get hurt more than you already have. He is obviously still brainwashed in some for or another, to see how people like you have been treated by the church, yet to still stay there anyway. I can say this with some personal perspective, as I once was the same way at my ex-church, staying loyal to it and my pastor, while I watched others leave and be treated wrongly. I somehow justified it in my thinking and defended my pastor's actions. It is one of the things I regret most in my life, that I didn't see the handwriting on the wall much sooner and defend my friends who were being treated so badly just because they disagreed with the pastor and had to leave. Of course, once I decided to leave, then it was my turn to be mistreated by those left.

I just don't want to see you get hurt is all. Plus, I wonder what kind of leader the church will eventually turn your friend into. I hate to say it, but if he stays under that leadership, being trained by them, then osmosis and his environment may eventually mold him into their likeness. :(

Please just be careful.

[Kerrin]

:(
Thanks for all your support.
i guess I posted on this dilemma 'cos it didn't "feel" right. I know now my initial instinct, not to go is the right one. I posted him an Engagement card wishing him well. Another ,"blow" to me any ways, My husband who is in Brisbane, (out of state) , perm with his new job, had a visit from this "dear" friend and his fiancee' at the weekend!!!!!
Apparently it was a lovely time of talking about how WE are doing!
I was so mad :mad:
I asked my husband why didn't he tell me sooner they were visiting, seeing as they just jumped on a plane and happened to be sitting right outside his apartment when they called him to have coffee (i never told them where he was livng).
Anyway, hubby is all defensive,says J is his friend, and that he wasn't "hiding" anything. BUT he certainly wasn't protecting me either which is what he dosen't GET!
I am the one they abused.They LOVED him. And apparently all the questions were about "how we/me were doing!

:confused: :confused: Again I'm confused about whether our marriage really is worth it. This is not the first time my hubby has stood by puffed up with a pidgeon chest while they put the boot into me.............sigh
I am shaking like a leaf.
I realize I'm not strong enough to cope with them.
To think I agreed to a public forum to expose this pastor just last night 'cos I thought I would be up for it. I'm too scared.
Kerrin

[Jerry]

Dear Kerrin,,,,
What can I say but I was worng ,your disearnment is serving you well.I wish my first post to this thread would have been right .
Love Jerry

[The Prairie Tortoise]

Dear Kerrin

Do you know whether this guy would have received your engagement card before he went to see your husband? I was just wondering whether he knew before he visited your husband that you weren't going to the wedding, and so went to your husband to find out anything he could about you. If so, then grrrrrr!!! :mad:

It's so out of line to go to a husband to try to find out about the wife. Very underhand, and typical of cult behaviour.

You are better off having nothing to do with them - I hope you're feeling better soon - I know how these things can churn you up :(

Lots of love (((Kerrin))), take care

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