View Full Version : Old Church: Down to 11...!
My husband heard yesterday at his men's Bible study that our old church, the one that threw me out, is "down to 11 regular members." (Must step away from the computer now and do a little dance... or as much of a dance as I can do with a "continuously fractured" left hip... :) :) :) :D )
Okay, I'm back. If that's true, then just from the responses that we've gotten so far to the events for the new church whose first events will be Tuesday and Wednesday of next week, there will be many more there than are "members" of that coven whose chief warlock threw me out a year and a half ago.
Getting a little nervous about the ministers coming and the events scheduled. What's making me most nervous is the dinner party I'm having here on Monday, because my hip really hurts and I don't want anyone to notice. Plus, there won't be any other ladies at it (just our family, including our son, and the ministers) and so I won't get any "useful" help. The Lord will work it out. Got my hair cut yesterday because I needed it and also, my stylist is someone of near-master chef abilities and I wanted to pick his brain for recipes - and he did part with a couple of his own tried-and-true ones for me.
Oh, it's so heartening to hear that the Lord is taking that old church apart like a clock and kicking the pieces to the curb! :cool: :D Sometimes, things do happen for the best, and "right" is not completely obsolete in this world!
mary
Jerry
06-02-2007, 05:03 AM
and Mary,,,,,did smite the disgusting thing,and remove it from the sight of the people ....................... :D
Anna Marta
06-02-2007, 06:38 AM
Mary,
How do you spell CATERER? ;)
And what's the big deal if someone sees you have a hip problem? :confused:
Get real girl... superwoman was a comic book character. Even the ladies of the bible had helpers...
Love
Anna Marta
Thanks, Jerry... The Lord smote this place :D :D :D... And He continues to smite it! I praise Him for it - He may have been thinking of me, among others, when He began to smite it, but -- it's His project!!! For some reason, before I heard about this yesterday, I'd been occasionally looking at the commercial real estate ad listings in the suburb in which this church is... It's gonna be there one of these days!!!! And it'll be a beautiful thing!
And Anna Marta, yeah, I know about caterers, but this really won't be all that much trouble... To me, caterers always connote the perennial plans of a "J.A.P.," if you get my drift and at least in this area, and my grandmother used to use them for her frequent parties, which I thought was kind of a waste because she was a great cook and she was healthy as a horse. If you're only having two people besides your family, then it seems kind of more effete than I like to think of myself as being; I don't want to be thought of as someone who's "too ill" to do anything. Been fighting that image since the aplastic anemia diagnosis so long ago. Not to disparage anyone who uses caterers routinely: certainly, when we had an open house here for our son when he got his doctorate, I had that catered. If the situation warrants, by all means, have it catered... I shouldn't have been on here whining about it this morning! :o :p
Q. What do J.A.P.s make for dinner?
A. Reservations... :D :D :D
Love,
mary
ex-shep
06-02-2007, 09:10 AM
Q. What do J.A.P.s make for dinner?
A. Reservations... :D :D :D
Love,
mary[/QUOTE]
Too bad the 1971 album Jewish American Princess is deleted. It was produced by Brooks and Foster with Bea Arthur starring as the Jewish mother. The album is unabashedly stereotypical and hillarious.
Q. What do J.A.P.s make for dinner?
A. Reservations... :D :D :D
Love,
mary
Too bad the 1971 album Jewish American Princess is deleted. It was produced by Brooks and Foster with Bea Arthur starring as the Jewish mother. The album is unabashedly stereotypical and hillarious.[/quote]
I remember the album... You'd never get away with it now, unfortunately. And the stereotypes -- well, they'd probably pale now next to the real thing! :p ;)
Off topic, but it's my thread anyway... :cool: This is a true story:
The daughter of a Jewish attorney I used to work for was turning 3 years old. Her parents had a big party for her and she got a number of gifts... She was opening them in front of the guests, and when she got to one in particular, it was a beautiful little dress, still on a hanger, and she held it up for everyone to see... Her mother said, "Oh, look, Jill, isn't that pretty?" The little girl looked at the giver, then back at the dress with a critical eye and said, "So, where did you get this?" A true little J.A.P. in the making! :D :D :D
mary
Willow
06-02-2007, 01:36 PM
well... all I can say to that is... they've reaped what they've sown. Thank GOD
Elisabeth
06-02-2007, 02:01 PM
Off topic, but it's my thread anyway... :cool: This is a true story:
The daughter of a Jewish attorney I used to work for was turning 3 years old. Her parents had a big party for her and she got a number of gifts... She was opening them in front of the guests, and when she got to one in particular, it was a beautiful little dress, still on a hanger, and she held it up for everyone to see... Her mother said, "Oh, look, Jill, isn't that pretty?" The little girl looked at the giver, then back at the dress with a critical eye and said, "So, where did you get this?" A true little J.A.P. in the making! :D :D :D
Kids are so cute, aren't they? Here's a story about little girls and dresses.(And this little girl wasn't even Jewish!)
A friend of mine was talking to her two children about Jesus at Christmastime. She asked her kids what they could do to honor Jesus. The 8 year old boy knew all the right things to say: pray, read the Bible, etc. The 5 year old girl thought hard and said "Well, Mommy, if I see a girl in Sunday School with a prettier dress than mine, I promise not to rip it!" :eek: :D :D :D
well... all I can say to that is... they've reaped what they've sown. Thank GOD
You're absolutely right, Amy... They've reaped the whirlwind - and they're getting ripped off the face of the earth. None too soon!
mary
Kids are so cute, aren't they? Here's a story about little girls and dresses.(And this little girl wasn't even Jewish!)
A friend of mine was talking to her two children about Jesus at Christmastime. She asked her kids what they could do to honor Jesus. The 8 year old boy knew all the right things to say: pray, read the Bible, etc. The 5 year old girl thought hard and said "Well, Mommy, if I see a girl in Sunday School with a prettier dress than mine, I promise not to rip it!" :eek: :D :D :D
That's hilarious, Elisabeth! It reminds me of the "I Love Lucy" episode where Lucy and Ethel are wearing the same dress (each having promised to return hers when they realize they'd bought the same one, but reneging on the promise) for a stage performance in which they were singing "Friendship" in a duet... During the performance, Lucy rips the flower off of Ethel's dress, I think, and then Ethel rips the sash off of Lucy's... :p :D
mary
ex-shep
06-02-2007, 03:52 PM
Too bad the 1971 album Jewish American Princess is deleted. It was produced by Brooks and Foster with Bea Arthur starring as the Jewish mother. The album is unabashedly stereotypical and hillarious.
I remember the album... You'd never get away with it now, unfortunately. And the stereotypes -- well, they'd probably pale now next to the real thing! :p ;)
Try sitting in a Jewish deli in a good neighborhood. :eek: I love Jewsih humour. It is in a class all by itself.
I remember the album... You'd never get away with it now, unfortunately. And the stereotypes -- well, they'd probably pale now next to the real thing! :p ;)
Try sitting in a Jewish deli in a good neighborhood. :eek: I love Jewsih humour. It is in a class all by itself.
Strange you should mention Jewish humor... The last couple of days, I've been watching some Jackie Mason clips on YouTube and laughing my head off. Funny, funny man. Tonight, we were watching "Take the Money and Run," a classic Woody Allen movie (yes, I know, Woody Allen: yuck. But someday, if you haven't already, take a look at "What's Up, Tiger Lily?" and tell me that's not funny... :D ).
Ever read Alan King's book, "Help, I'm a Prisoner in a Chinese Bakery!"? A little dated now, but still hilarious.
I still think there was no one, ever, quite like Groucho Marx.
Mike Nichols and Elaine May. Garry Shandling with his "How's My Hair?" band... Victor Borge. "Sheila Levine is Dead and Living in New York." Sid Caesar. Soupy Sales (whom I actually got to meet). So many others.
They say that "humor is the good manners of despair." If so, it's easy to see why the Jews have a corner all their own on humor...
I get a huge kick out of my hematologist because he's a lot like Mort Sahl if the latter were a nattily dressed hem./onc. doc. He's often a riot - even when he's delivering not-so-good news... :)
Good, clean Jewish humor: there's nothing like it. The other kind: "Feh! We can do without it!" ;) :p
mary
Anna Marta
06-04-2007, 06:45 AM
Mary,
Yes, Jewish humor is my favorite. I think I would love to sit in a Jewish deli for a day! I think the secret of the Jew's humor is that they know human nature so well and aren't afraid to comment on it. Having been to Israel and having made the acquaintance of some Israelis, I can testify that one should stay out of that culture if you are thin skinned. :p Even a normal conversation in Hebrew sounds like an argument! I learned a lot in Oslo from an Messianic Israeli gal. She didn't last long in Norway. She offended people right and left with her straightforwardness and remained clueless about it. She and her Norwegian husband finally moved to Israel when she started to wither like a dried out house plant. I mourned the loss of a fun friend.
I am currently working on writing a drama that takes place in NYC in an elevator stuck between floors during a terrorist action. There are 5 roles and one is an old Jewish man who had survived WWII with his humor intact.
Love
Anna Marta
ex-shep
06-04-2007, 04:54 PM
Of course there is Allen Sherman.
ex-shep
06-04-2007, 04:55 PM
Of course there is Allen Sherman.
lest I forget my favorite Jack Benny.
Patty
06-04-2007, 07:00 PM
what's wrong with your hip? Mine's been hurting too...overuse from too much running/jugging and I suppose...aging....or too much "wrestling with God!" (ha-ha)
lest I forget my favorite Jack Benny.
Yep, him, too. I forgot one of my all-time favorites: Robert Klein. There was also David Steinberg... And Milton Berle!
Allen Sherman was a riot - too bad he died so young.
I wonder whatever happened to Robert Klein... :confused: :confused: :confused: (Time to Wiki him.)
mary
what's wrong with your hip? Mine's been hurting too...overuse from too much running/jugging and I suppose...aging....or too much "wrestling with God!" (ha-ha)
"I will not let thee go, except thou bless me..." (Gen. 32:26c) - Right, Patty?
I had some biochemotherapy for aplastic anemia several years ago; it involved some heavy doses of IV Solu-Medrol, a powerful steroid, and that destroyed both hips. I've been gimping around for a long, long time. The right one reached a point a few years ago where the joint was totally destroyed and I had good enough platelet, red cell and white blood cell counts to have a hip replacement done. This time, the left one has deteriorated, but I don't have good enough counts - so they told me I'm "not a candidate for any surgery at this time." Whatever, dudes...
I do know one thing: if your hip hurts, you should get it checked out. There are a lot of things they can do for a painful hip short of surgery and new things are coming along all the time. And also, you can "nip something in the bud" if there is some sort of arthritis starting up... Believe me, it's no fun just letting it get worse...
mary
Mary,
Yes, Jewish humor is my favorite. I think I would love to sit in a Jewish deli for a day! I think the secret of the Jew's humor is that they know human nature so well and aren't afraid to comment on it. Having been to Israel and having made the acquaintance of some Israelis, I can testify that one should stay out of that culture if you are thin skinned. :p Even a normal conversation in Hebrew sounds like an argument! I learned a lot in Oslo from an Messianic Israeli gal. She didn't last long in Norway. She offended people right and left with her straightforwardness and remained clueless about it. She and her Norwegian husband finally moved to Israel when she started to wither like a dried out house plant. I mourned the loss of a fun friend.
I am currently working on writing a drama that takes place in NYC in an elevator stuck between floors during a terrorist action. There are 5 roles and one is an old Jewish man who had survived WWII with his humor intact.
Love
Anna Marta
Anna Marta, you're quite right! Sorry about your friend... No, I can imagine that Norwegians would get offended no end by some Jewish people, especially a woman who didn't quite understand them.
I miss that kind of thing, though. I miss being able to say whatever comes into my head at work (when I worked in places where I was the only Gentile) and not having someone get their nose out of joint. They dish it, but they can take it, too... In fact, they expect to get it back. :D
Remember "Springtime for Hitler" in "The Producers?" The ultimate in gallows Jewish humor. Having been immersed at one time in Irish-American Catholicism, I can say that the two types of humor are not that far apart. Strange world we live in.
I'll be interested in hearing more about your drama!
Love,
mary
BTW, the ministers for the new church start-up were here for dinner tonight and it went just fine! The ministers are very nice and we have big plans for them to meet with a number of people tomorrow and Wednesday, along with the meeting and service that are scheduled for each night.
A nice touch: I did not get into any "massive train wrecks" of multiple recipe snafus that my dinner parties are somewhat famous for! :D Everything went fine and my husband and son helped me a lot!!!
Thanks for the encouragement, Anna Marta and everyone else! :) :) :) God bless you!
Love,
mary
P. S. (I'd put this on my other thread, but it's getting an awful lot of views and... well, y'all know... :confused: )
abbey
06-04-2007, 10:03 PM
Down to 11? Hip-hip-hooray!
Isnt is nice to see justice served mary? I dont know your SA story but i believe you have been wronged!
Vengence is mine saith the Lord! I know He will get my abusers too.
And another Hooray for your new church! May all go well and it be a glowing light for the Lord!
love ab
Thanks so much, Abbey!!!! (Yeah, I was SAed... I could tell you about it in a PM. I've bored folks here enough with it over the last 18 months! :D :D :D )
We're getting ready right now to take the ministers to check out the building that we have reserved for tonight and tomorrow. They're going to put the lectern and the chairs where they want them, etc. Then this afternoon, there'll be sort of a pre-informational meeting with a bunch of interested folks at a local restaurant.
This is looking exciting so far!
Thank you again for your encouragement. How are you feeling these days? Could you give us an update????
Love and cheer,
mary
abbey
06-06-2007, 05:08 AM
Hey mare, IM doing OK! My divorce will be final around july 25th, but i do have state insurance. I have to call Khan and ask him what i should do with the changing of insurances.
Ive been smoke-free for 9 days! Hoo-ray! Im taking a drug that blocks your nicotine receptors or some such thing.Praying to Jesus for strength. Nice weather eh?
thx for asking, i guess im cancer free? :)
Anna Marta
06-06-2007, 05:23 AM
Mary,
I am so excited I can hardly sit still. Please be sure to post under a new thread everything that happens.
Love
Anna Marta
That's great, Ab! Yes, you are cancer-free!!! :D :D :D :D :D
Okay, so you'll have state insurance... That's fine. I think you can still see Dr. Khan; I believe he is included in that plan. If you can, if I were you, I would stay with him for your follow-up visits.
Oh, I'm so glad you're smokeless now! The Lord Jesus will help you keep putting out that fire! ;)
Love,
mary
freedom seeker
06-06-2007, 08:29 AM
New to forum, Suffered spiritual abuse in the form of "professional ministers" stealing and usurping ministries in large mega churches when I was a "lay" leader. After many years of continuing to go back and forth into mega churches, I think I have finally broken the cycle.
I saw this post and wanted to offer the following. I believe churches have absolutely nothing to do with size. I also believe pastors have nothing to do with titles. It's taken me quite sometime to understand this, but the designation of "Pastor" placed on someone either by a seminary, or a ministry is the surest clue that they are not what they claim to be.
Further, the word pastor, should be seen as a verb more often than a noun. No person can effectively pastor - shepherd more than 8 - 10 families. And, their position as shepherd or pastor should be earned through the gradual respect and trust they earn as they are observed over time to exhibit the proper attributes of spiritual leadership, and should never be out to gain or have placed on them the title of pastor.
So, to conclude, I believe any person who carries a title of "pastor" is someone you should stay clear of. By its very nature it is a legaistic designation placed on a person.
Welcome, Freedom Seeker! And thank you so much for your thoughtful and well-reasoned post. I'm looking forward to discussing these things with you when I'm not so tired...
I'm going to post some details of what happened with the new church effort in another thread.
Again, welcome! Your short capsule summary - I can say AMEN! to it! :)
mary
With regard to the humor reference posts on this thread in the past, I recalled an old Allan Sherman song, set to the tune of "I'm Called Little Buttercup" from "H.M.S. Pinafore." It's called, "I'm Called Little Butterball:
Little Butterball
I'm called Little Butterball,
Dear Little Butterball,
'Though I could never tell why.
My calories mount.
My cholesterol count
Is as high as an elephant's eye.
They told me to diet.
I promised I'd try it,
Yet somehow my weight would not budge.
Each Metrecal cookie
To me tasted ookie,
So I covered it with hot fudge.
I ate watercresses,
And other such messes,
And pushed all my favorites aside.
I said to the caterers,
"No more mashed potaterers,
Just baked, and hash browned, and french fried."
I sing this sad song
'Cause my diet went wrong,
'Though I honestly tried to pay heed.
I don't care how high
Is an elephant's eye,
But an elephant's rear I don't need!
Allan Sherman was a very funny man... :D
Anyone else remember Victor Buono? Another funny guy with a poem about weight... Here it is:
A DIETER'S PRAYER
Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.
"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated.
And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.
And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney.
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from Jujubes.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won.
Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.
Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
and of pasta a la Milanese...
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth. Amen!
mary
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