Expressing the inexpressible

[Anna Marta]

I am posting a poem I have written. I have tried to paint a picture of what it was like for me to be a part of an abusive church - granted after the fact of becoming aware of it.

I just wanted to share it and hope that it may speak to someone's heart or help another to try a different medium for expressing their feelings and thoughts. The way to read it is to pause at the end of each line.

Out Upon the Moor

by Leah Garhovd


It’s dark
I am lonely
and afraid,
I have boldly stepped out
into a swamp.
I thought
I was walking onto solid ground.
Bushes and thorns
are rooted in sinking sand
no firmness underfoot,
no footprints,
nor path to follow.
I am worn out
from smiling at people with no faces
and seeking relationships with shadows.
I touch something,
it disappears and I discover
I have been trying to embrace a specter.
It is like being caught
out upon a Scottish moor
on a damp cold night.
I am confused
and cannot tell from face or voice
what is truth and what is not.
Is what I see
what I see?
Is what I hear
what I hear ?
What do they feel or sense,
they, that dare not surface?
This is the substance
of Evil.
This is the evidence
of the Liar,
the Thief,
the Father of Confusion
who woos the children to worship the lie
and bow to the deceiver,
while thinking they are going
to Jerusalem.

[Ladybug]

Good expression and description.

[ex-shep]

There are hardly any pieces of art, music, or literature on former group involvement. I saw a modern dance routine at a cult recovery conference. It did not do anything for me. I played with writing a tune when I first got, but it sounded too Pete Seeger for my taste. It was just to reactionary. For me, it is hard to describe.

[outcast]

Wow...
How did you do that? Say how I feel and all. It was beautiful and I hope you don't mind if I copy and share it with others. You have a wonderful way with words.

[ex-shep]

Wow...
How did you do that? Say how I feel and all. It was beautiful and I hope you don't mind if I copy and share it with others. You have a wonderful way with words.

Of course my belated compliments for a job well done. :)

[Elisabeth]

Wow. That tugged at the very heart of me. Wow.

[mary]

It is like being caught
out upon a Scottish moor
on a damp cold night.


In my case: "it is like being caught by a Scottish boor (or boar?) on a damp cold night." :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :D :D :D

Seriously though, it's a beautiful and poignant poem, Anna Marta... You have such an ear and ability to put deep emotional content into words. Very few people can do that.

This poem needs to be the foreword to a book. I am not kidding.

Love,

mary

[Hope 98]

Very well written!

The images you describe touch the way it feels to me too.

[abbey]

Your very talented with words AM! I can relate to how you feel/felt as well! Thanks for sharing!

Love ab

[Anna Marta]

Thanks you all. :o

Mary. maybe a well disguised Scottish boar/bore is what has been lurking behind the pulpits in many churches. The problem is they keep chasing and eating us instead of us chasing and getting rid of them!

Did anyone see the picture of Hogzilla on the Internet with the 11 year old boy who hunted and shot the 1 ton thing standing and leaning on it? Made me think of you Mary, exposing that big old blow-hard. Little Mary and the big old snaggle toothed bore.

Love
Anna Marta

[Reg]

Hi Anna,

Thank you for your very moving words.

Here is a poem that brought tears to my eyes written by Julie on the old Forum Wednesday, November 19, 2003.

It was rather significant to me because it was written on my birthday.


Broken Things - (c) Julie Miller

You can have my heart
But it isn't new
It's been used and broken
And only comes in blue
It's been down a long road
And it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean
And wash the pain away

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my heart if you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

So beyond repair
Nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself
But it was only worse when I got through
Then you walked right into my darkness
And you speak words so sweet
And you hold me like a child
Till my frozen tears fall at your feet

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my heart if you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

[mary]

Thanks you all. :o

Mary. maybe a well disguised Scottish boar/bore is what has been lurking behind the pulpits in many churches. The problem is they keep chasing and eating us instead of us chasing and getting rid of them!

Did anyone see the picture of Hogzilla on the Internet with the 11 year old boy who hunted and shot the 1 ton thing standing and leaning on it? Made me think of you Mary, exposing that big old blow-hard. Little Mary and the big old snaggle toothed bore.

Love
Anna Marta

Yes, I did see that picture of Hogzilla and almost as a reflex, I noted the family resemblance between H'zilla and "pastor." :D :D :D It's remarkable how those genes express themselves... :p :D

(I need to get myself into a more sober frame of mind; it's only 4 days until those ministers arrive for the meetings and service next week and I need to "tone down" the snarkiness. I'm entertaining the daylights out of myself lately, but it wouldn't be appropriate demeanor in front of them.)

You bet we should be running off all of those Pulpit Hogzillas! Trouble is, Ezekiel 34 says that they'll scatter us, but the Lord will gather us. Okay... :rolleyes: How long will it take, Lord?! :)

Love,

mary

[Elisabeth]

You bet we should be running off all of those Pulpit Hogzillas! Trouble is, Ezekiel 34 says that they'll scatter us, but the Lord will gather us. Okay... :rolleyes: How long will it take, Lord?! :)


A U2 song started going through my mind when I read that "How long, how long must we sing this song, how long?" :D Some of the Psalms ask that same question. I think that Psalm 13 is one of them.

[InTheory]

A U2 song started going through my mind when I read that "How long, how long must we sing this song, how long?" :D Some of the Psalms ask that same question. I think that Psalm 13 is one of them.

That's the song Sunday Bloody Sunday.

They also use similar lyrics ("How Long, to sing this song") in their song "40," which is a close paraphrase of Psalm 40.
They generally close their concerts with this song, and it is MIGHTY powerful!!! :)


-Dan

[Willow]

I just now got to read and process your writing Anna. Beautiful and haunting all at the same time. Thank you for sharing.

[Anna Marta]

Reg, Thank you so much. That poem would make a wonderful worship song.
It is poignant and moved me to tears.

Love
Anna Marta

[Willow]

Anna... that poem is a song. It's someone that was in ministry with me back in the day. The song is gorgeous. Here's a link to it... Click on the title "Broken Things". Both she and her husband have suffered spiritual abuse too.

http://www.myspace.com/buddyandjuliemiller

[Anna Marta]

Thanks Willow, I am always interested to receive links to others who express their (abuse) experiences in different mediums. Wish you lived closer you sound like a really neat gal with lots of interesting friends. Love
Anna Marta