What did you do?

[Anna Marta]

I have been trying to write the story of the spiritual abuse and what I have and still am learning as a result of it.

I am finding this to be MUCH harder than I had any idea it would be! :eek: When I introduced myself here, I shared my story in bits and pieces it was mostly just a pouring out of my heart with not a lot of rhyme or reason to the structure. Now that I desire to actually commit it to paper I am finding it to be nearly impossible. I actually get up and leave the room to recover a bit before I can return and continue. I am having bad dreams, flash backs and other signs of post traumatic stress.

Anyone else experience this?

Anna Marta

[yeshua'smags]

I know exactly what you are saying. When I wrote here about what happened to us, it made me so mad and upset, I had to do it in two parts. I was so mad and when I wrote it down it sounded even worse than it did in my head! I had flashbacks, and guilt, and regretted not yelling at more people! I felt like we walked away from fights that could have still been fought, and that made me feel like a coward.
Once I got it all out, and got reactions from people, I felt so much better!

I highly recommend it!;) Good luck!

[mary]

Anna Marta, maybe the Holy Spirit within you is encouraging you to leave it alone... PTSD, bad dreams, flashbacks -- those are not something He wants you to suffer unnecessarily. He wants you to have peace as only He gives it (John 14:27), maybe not by reliving what you suffered at the hands of those who are likely "chaff."

I have had to force myself not to relive what happened at the old church, especially as to "pastor's" and my "private moments." :eek: I don't think that even if our circumstances were different, the Lord would have you relive hurtful, harmful things that only denigrated you and your sterling witness for Him. Maybe it's too soon for you to write about it and this could be put off for "another day..."

You could write an account of your journey in sanctification, which, I know, has been the Lord's own very precious gift to you... Have you ever read the book "Stepping Heavenward - One Woman's Journey to Godliness?" It's by Mrs. E. Prentiss and it's published by Barbour Publishing, Inc. (www.barbourbooks.com (http://www.barbourbooks.com).) Its ISBN is 1-57748-342-1. Elisabeth Prentiss was a pastor's daughter who was born in 1818 and wrote the hymn "More Love to Thee, O Christ." When we were members of a particular church in Oakland County, the pastor's wife held a book study for the women and this was one of the books we read. Even though we left that church, that book is still one of my favorites. Some of Mrs. Prentiss's "stuff" involved disputes with other Christians and is very edifying - and uplifting.

I don't like to see you in "psychic" discomfort, Anna Marta; you have enough of the physical to put up with!

Love as always,

mary

[ex-shep]

I like the statement of the HS advising against writing. Gut level indicators are reliable indicators. Maybe holding off until you get some more recovery might help. There were certainly times where there were things I was not ready for.

I wrote a factsheet on the bible school a month and half after walking out of my group. My roommate went home for the holidays. I borrowed his typewriter. It was the best Christmas present at the time. Ultimate response was lukewarm. Nevertheless, getting it out on paper was freeing.

I seem to have my fruitful efforts speaking out on the group I lost Tammy. I found myself with better support. I had found an audience with discussion of cults and mind control. I was freeing for me as it was an education for them.

It will be interesting to see what the Lord does with your story.

[Elisabeth]

Took me a long time before I was able to write or tell my story! Do it when you're ready. Sometimes, though, it's necessary to bring up the uncomfortable feelings to work though the past trauma. One of my counselors called it "emotional vomiting". So if you feel like it's time, even though you have to take breaks, maybe it is. If you don't have a counselor, maybe you need one. Only you can answer this for yourself; you are the only one who knows what's inside. I myself have had times of major PTSD. Nightmares, flashbacks, the whole works. Then was when a counselor really helped.

[Ladybug]

Ann,

When writing and when it's coming from the Lord it should "flow." I know when I write and the Lord is directing me. I can hardly type fast enough to get the thoughts. Then when I share with friends and post it at www.faithwriters.com. I usually receive good feedback and how it encouraged.

That's not to say that I haven't written about some tough issues. It sounds like to "me." You are having too difficult of a time if this is causing you "I am having bad dreams, flash backs and other signs of post traumatic stress. "

When I worked through sexual abuse with my counselor. Afterwards, I was able to write, "God's Photo Album." It wasn't easy in ways, but it didn't cause me to have bad dreams or other ill effects. I felt the Lord giving this to me to share and to encourage others.

You may need to find a counselor first and work through this so it's not controlling you emotionally. It's good you were able to share here as the Lord lead you. Then as the Lord leads, He may enable you to write about it to help others.

Hope this helps. :)

[Janice]

I have been trying to write the story of the spiritual abuse and what I have and still am learning as a result of it.

I am finding this to be MUCH harder than I had any idea it would be! :eek: When I introduced myself here, I shared my story in bits and pieces it was mostly just a pouring out of my heart with not a lot of rhyme or reason to the structure. Now that I desire to actually commit it to paper I am finding it to be nearly impossible. I actually get up and leave the room to recover a bit before I can return and continue. I am having bad dreams, flash backs and other signs of post traumatic stress.

Anyone else experience this?

Anna Marta

UNFORTUNATELY, ALL TOO OFTEN. IF YOU'LL NOTICE, I DON'T WRITE HALF AS MUCH ABOUT MY S/A AS I USED TO. TENDS TO TRIGGER ME TOO MUCH.

[Jerry]

I have been trying to write the story of the spiritual abuse and what I have and still am learning as a result of it.

I am finding this to be MUCH harder than I had any idea it would be! :eek: When I introduced myself here, I shared my story in bits and pieces it was mostly just a pouring out of my heart with not a lot of rhyme or reason to the structure. Now that I desire to actually commit it to paper I am finding it to be nearly impossible. I actually get up and leave the room to recover a bit before I can return and continue. I am having bad dreams, flash backs and other signs of post traumatic stress.

Anyone else experience this?

Anna Marta

Dear Anna,,,
Perhaps you can't write because it has been written......What you need to do is download your 729 posts,,,,,,and edit ;) ....................There's your book
Love Jerry

[secrethopes]

I have been trying to write the story of the spiritual abuse and what I have and still am learning as a result of it. I am finding this to be MUCH harder than I had any idea it would be... Now that I desire to actually commit it to paper I am finding it to be nearly impossible. I actually get up and leave the room to recover a bit before I can return and continue. I am having bad dreams, flash backs and other signs of post traumatic stress.

Hi Anna. I think it helped me to distance myself from the story. At first I did not consider my family to be spiritually abused. We were unpaid volunteer leaders at the church. The more involved we got, the clearer we saw what was going on. I mulled things over in my mind for months before I actually wrote them down. At first it was just telling the story of what we saw and was a multitude of disjointed, disorganized pages. We decided we would meet with the head pastor as we did not realize his complete immersion at the time and actually thought he would want to hear the truth. When he wouldn't listen, we eventually wrote a letter to send to his superiors... who were also involved. Anyhow... it helped me to sit back and categorize the things I saw and remembered. I took an article that outlined spiritual abuse and another that outlined dysfunctional churches. Then I set up what I considered to be the main factors and began to outline experiences as they fit under these categories. This really helped since I could focus on different points and where they should be categorized rather than the emotions it all invoked. It is a difficult task but, like letters counselors tell you to write even if you never plan to send them, it helps to slowly remove the poison.

[ex-shep]

UNFORTUNATELY, ALL TOO OFTEN. IF YOU'LL NOTICE, I DON'T WRITE HALF AS MUCH ABOUT MY S/A AS I USED TO. TENDS TO TRIGGER ME TOO MUCH.

That for many can be a distinct possiblity. If in that state, it is OK to pass on it.

[Anna Marta]

UPDATE:

I took Ladybugs advice and have joined the Christian writers website. :eek:

I am discovering that this is a good thing for me. I needed an outlet for using and practicing my talents and gifts. Hoping that as I allow my abilities to be honed and sharpened I'll be able to record my experience more effectively. Concentrating on the form and format rather than the emotional content may be just the ticket. Get my mind off me and on to the task. :cool:

Hey Mary, maybe this is another of God's "other ways" to accomplish something so it will have more impact.

Love
Anna Marta

[Reg]

Hi Anna,

That's great!

I found this book immensely helpful in my own writing.

Writing to Save Your Life: How to Honor Your Story Through Journaling )
by Michele Weldon

http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Save-Your-Life-Journaling/dp/1568387423/ref=sr_1_5/104-1899793-7889568?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180350367&sr=8-5

[ex-shep]

That for many can be a distinct possiblity. If in that state, it is OK to pass on it.

As an afterthought, I meant to pass on it for the time being until some recovery and emotional strength has been achieved. This recovering proscrastinator would love to do everything to avoid getting around to it.

[mary]

UPDATE:

I took Ladybugs advice and have joined the Christian writers website. :eek:

I am discovering that this is a good thing for me. I needed an outlet for using and practicing my talents and gifts. Hoping that as I allow my abilities to be honed and sharpened I'll be able to record my experience more effectively. Concentrating on the form and format rather than the emotional content may be just the ticket. Get my mind off me and on to the task. :cool:

Hey Mary, maybe this is another of God's "other ways" to accomplish something so it will have more impact.

Love
Anna Marta

I will check it out, Anna Marta... You have to have an outlet for your own unique talents and insights, I heartily agree with you on that. We all certainly need to fixate on what we can do to build up the Body of Christ in our particular circumstances - and look away from ourselves. I'm way too guilty of looking too much at myself. But when one is under the -ahem- prognoses that I am, one gets very aware that the Lord is likely giving one a very limited time in which to work, and the work must be done.

Thanks so much!

Love,

mary

[Reg]

Dear Anna,,,
Perhaps you can't write because it has been written......What you need to do is download your 729 posts,,,,,,and edit ;) ....................There's your book
Love Jerry
Jerry's right Anna.

I am starting to write mine. I have put together 22 pages so far. There's lot more to go. :eek:

[ex-shep]

I am not sure if my story is in the current forum or original forum which was destroyed by a hacker in 2004. I have a factsheet on the bible school which I will supply in a PM.