tired of caring...

[secrethopes]

Whenever I think I’ve conquered the unrest, it surfaces again. They pursue those who are already wounded so they can control. She is a widowed single mom who is young enough to remarry. Instead, she feels safe letting them run her life. They fired her. But the story says she felt compelled (led by God) to resign. Yet she continues to attend the same church, serving under her replacement as a volunteer, and helps with the deception. She has no new job. She tells people that she is in transition or retired. And all the while she finds herself trading down to smaller apartments and searching through couches for loose change so she has gas. She calls them family—those who fired her for not having the same vision and denied her unemployment benefits because she “resigned.” She snubs those who really do care and refuses to talk to those who dared to leave the church. On the surface the church is known for community. In reality it is a thief that calls its members to the sacrifice of family in the name of busyness and a false kingdom. I am sorry I ever called her “friend.” She is not who we thought.

[Anna Marta]

Whenever I think I’ve conquered the unrest, it surfaces again.

Boy can I identify with you! It breaks my heart too when I see what happens to people are so deceived. That's the only way I can deal with it, to think of them as deceived and not just plain stupid.

Hoping you'll get back on the even keel again. Feelings really can overwhelm us at times.

Love
Anna Marta

[Jerry]

Whenever I think I’ve conquered the unrest, it surfaces again. They pursue those who are already wounded so they can control. She is a widowed single mom who is young enough to remarry. Instead, she feels safe letting them run her life. They fired her. But the story says she felt compelled (led by God) to resign. Yet she continues to attend the same church, serving under her replacement as a volunteer, and helps with the deception. She has no new job. She tells people that she is in transition or retired. And all the while she finds herself trading down to smaller apartments and searching through couches for loose change so she has gas. She calls them family—those who fired her for not having the same vision and denied her unemployment benefits because she “resigned.” She snubs those who really do care and refuses to talk to those who dared to leave the church. On the surface the church is known for community. In reality it is a thief that calls its members to the sacrifice of family in the name of busyness and a false kingdom. I am sorry I ever called her “friend.” She is not who we thought.
Dear Secrethopes,,,
Wolves in sheep's clothing??? So how do wolves behave??? They are not the vicious monsters that we imagine.Quite the contrary,,,they are very timid and reclusive only hunting when they are hungry.....When the pack hunts,they single out the weakest and most vulnerable to kill and devour.....Not unlike the people you speak of in your post ;)
Love Jerry

[SpinningHead]

:(

I do hope this single mom can look within herself and find her power & strength that God gave each of us & would provide more if she could ask... and break free from these lunatics.

What you wrote sounds exactly like something that would have taken place at my old church! :(

[jane]

it was happening at my church as well........

and young married women who were related to the pastor were barely working and getting paid plus benefits......

I remember calling the office one time and the pastor's daughter at 16 was handling the phones over the summer........I was mortified. How can a young, sheltered girl handle phone calls that come in regarding people's personal needs in marriage and life........because you could not ever leave a message for the pastor without a reason!:eek:

Anyway, I guess it was more important that she be paid then for the adults with experience in the world.. and christian maturity...with families to support!

I too hope that WHOEVER you wrote about is getting a different view of herself and her Lord....
funny, the scriptures that I read talk of the widow and wife being left young (check Isaiah 54) as the husband is her maker........remembering no more the reproach of her widowhood...........

AND talks of the proverbs 31 woman as being quite a business woman....finding supplies for her family, planting and preparing fields for income for her family.........

So Hopefully; she will find strength to STOP volunteering; believe in HER MAKER as her husband......and USE HER GOD GIVEN TALENTS to PROVIDE FOR THOSE CHILDREN!

Perhaps in those accopmlishments she will regain her self esteem that was robbed by those brainwashing lunatics........

jane

[Willow]

I was in a similar positon, but not the same exactly. I functioned as the music minister of the church. I was recognized as a helper. Statements made to me by the pastor....

When asking him for $200/mo for organizing the music program:
"My wife doesn't get paid a dime and look at all she does. The church can pay the minimum payment on your credit card for one month."
I was in financial crisis starting my own business in between my work for the church. Needless to say... it didn't work!

"I will never hire a person for music only. I will hire a pastor who will also do the music. Creative people are flakey. They fall into sin all the time and can't be trusted."

"This visiting minister is a true psalmist. We don't have any true psalmists in our church."

And when I announced I was leaving to go get a job:
"But Amy... who will do the music program? I'll have to do it myself if you are gone!"

[ex-shep]

I was in a similar positon, but not the same exactly. I functioned as the music minister of the church. I was recognized as a helper. Statements made to me by the pastor....

When asking him for $200/mo for organizing the music program:
"My wife doesn't get paid a dime and look at all she does. The church can pay the minimum payment on your credit card for one month."
I was in financial crisis starting my own business in between my work for the church. Needless to say... it didn't work!

"I will never hire a person for music only. I will hire a pastor who will also do the music. Creative people are flakey. They fall into sin all the time and can't be trusted."

"This visiting minister is a true psalmist. We don't have any true psalmists in our church."

And when I announced I was leaving to go get a job:
"But Amy... who will do the music program? I'll have to do it myself if you are gone!"


Whatever happened to trusting the Lord for the needs. Manipulative bunch weren't they? :rolleyes:

[secrethopes]

Thanks, Anna. I also have mostly dealt by reminding myself that they are deceived, but I think I'm growing tired of watching 3o and 40 year-olds with the maturity of a preteen. I can deal with most anything in a friendship and am very reasonable. But I will not accept people lying to me or betraying me. Thanks for understanding. I'll eventually rise above again. :)

Boy can I identify with you! It breaks my heart too when I see what happens to people are so deceived. That's the only way I can deal with it, to think of them as deceived and not just plain stupid.

Hoping you'll get back on the even keel again. Feelings really can overwhelm us at times.

Love
Anna Marta

[secrethopes]

Thanks, Jerry. Yes, I've watched them do just that, especially in blogging communities. One anonymous poster dared to post two unexplained Bible verses as a comment at a pastor's blog and the pastor insisted that the poster write to him in email to explain. When the poster said they wanted to remain anonymous, he deleted the comments that had been made and then wrote two pages of complete nonsense about how he had to block an anonymous poster for abusing his space. He made it sound like the poster had cussed at him or insulted him or something. I rarely blog now and try to stay away from the former church's people. I was dumb enough to confront the pastor because I saw the truth of what had happened. His attitude was "Communicate with me, in MY way and only on my terms." Thanks, Jerry, for your post.

Dear Secrethopes,,,
Wolves in sheep's clothing??? So how do wolves behave??? They are not the vicious monsters that we imagine.Quite the contrary,,,they are very timid and reclusive only hunting when they are hungry.....When the pack hunts,they single out the weakest and most vulnerable to kill and devour.....Not unlike the people you speak of in your post ;)
Love Jerry

[secrethopes]

I am especially frustrated because we took her in like family, added her to our cell plan to share our minutes because she visited dangerous parts of the city and was the only pastor without one (she was the only female, too, at the time). She told me to not speak badly of the leaders because it grieves her because she was one once. I told her not to talk well of them because that grieves me. But I also found out she has also lied to me more than once. Thanks for understanding, Spinninghead.

:(

I do hope this single mom can look within herself and find her power & strength that God gave each of us & would provide more if she could ask... and break free from these lunatics.

What you wrote sounds exactly like something that would have taken place at my old church! :(

[secrethopes]

I've been praying for God to shake her life up enough to break her free. The whole leadership is so dysfunctional. They just married an HIV positive man to a former missionary who believes she and he will someday have kids. Yikes.

Her children are now grown. One works for the church that fired her. I'd like to see someone tell that kid she should help out her mom now.

Thanks, Jane.

it was happening at my church as well........

and young married women who were related to the pastor were barely working and getting paid plus benefits......

I remember calling the office one time and the pastor's daughter at 16 was handling the phones over the summer........I was mortified. How can a young, sheltered girl handle phone calls that come in regarding people's personal needs in marriage and life........because you could not ever leave a message for the pastor without a reason!:eek:

Anyway, I guess it was more important that she be paid then for the adults with experience in the world.. and christian maturity...with families to support!

I too hope that WHOEVER you wrote about is getting a different view of herself and her Lord....
funny, the scriptures that I read talk of the widow and wife being left young (check Isaiah 54) as the husband is her maker........remembering no more the reproach of her widowhood...........

AND talks of the proverbs 31 woman as being quite a business woman....finding supplies for her family, planting and preparing fields for income for her family.........

So Hopefully; she will find strength to STOP volunteering; believe in HER MAKER as her husband......and USE HER GOD GIVEN TALENTS to PROVIDE FOR THOSE CHILDREN!

Perhaps in those accopmlishments she will regain her self esteem that was robbed by those brainwashing lunatics........

jane

[secrethopes]

I'm glad you broke free and got a job that at least pays you. My present pastor almost left the ministry due to spiritual abuse. We've not joined any new church, though. I sometimes still get queasy thinking about it. Anyway, the new pastor says that if what you are asking the person to do is beyond the occasional volunteer work, then they should be paid for the work they do, especially if it is work that they would normally receive payment for. Wow. After reading and responding to all these replies, I am actually starting to feel better. :)

I was in a similar positon, but not the same exactly. I functioned as the music minister of the church. I was recognized as a helper. Statements made to me by the pastor....

When asking him for $200/mo for organizing the music program:
"My wife doesn't get paid a dime and look at all she does. The church can pay the minimum payment on your credit card for one month."
I was in financial crisis starting my own business in between my work for the church. Needless to say... it didn't work!

"I will never hire a person for music only. I will hire a pastor who will also do the music. Creative people are flakey. They fall into sin all the time and can't be trusted."

"This visiting minister is a true psalmist. We don't have any true psalmists in our church."

And when I announced I was leaving to go get a job:
"But Amy... who will do the music program? I'll have to do it myself if you are gone!"

[Elisabeth]

Boy can I identify with you! It breaks my heart too when I see what happens to people are so deceived. That's the only way I can deal with it, to think of them as deceived and not just plain stupid.

Hoping you'll get back on the even keel again. Feelings really can overwhelm us at times.


It's especially difficult when those deceived are family, or really close friends. :(

[Willow]

I'm glad you broke free and got a job that at least pays you. My present pastor almost left the ministry due to spiritual abuse. We've not joined any new church, though. I sometimes still get queasy thinking about it. Anyway, the new pastor says that if what you are asking the person to do is beyond the occasional volunteer work, then they should be paid for the work they do, especially if it is work that they would normally receive payment for. Wow. After reading and responding to all these replies, I am actually starting to feel better. :)

Thanks for the affirmation. I've been affirmed also by my current job at a university and by the biker community. There are always those out there who will screw you and leave you bleeding and dying afterwards. Learning how to close the users out of my life has been huge for me... and not easy. I'm still learning. However... i think I'm growing.

[ex-shep]

Thanks, Anna. I also have mostly dealt by reminding myself that they are deceived, but I think I'm growing tired of watching 3o and 40 year-olds with the maturity of a preteen. I can deal with most anything in a friendship and am very reasonable. But I will not accept people lying to me or betraying me. Thanks for understanding. I'll eventually rise above again. :)

That was the mindset, especially of the women in the bible school. It almost seemed some of the students went through a reverse adolescence. It was wierd sometimes.

[secrethopes]

Her children are now grown. One works for the church that fired her. I'd like to see someone tell that kid she should help out her mom now.

I didn't realize that this sounded ambiguous at the time I wrote it. The single mom worked at that church for close to ten years. She would sacrifice everything for her children, even if it put herself at risk. She would buy a new car and then make the payments but give it to her college-age kid to drive and then drive a rusted-out junker. She would let her kids decide what cell plan they wanted and then pay as much to have that one phone as she could have paid for an entire family plan. And now the last kid is finally grown and they fire the mom.

[secrethopes]

I agree. Very weird. Forty year old women sign up for online dating services and then are offended that a forty-five year old man wants to date them... he's so old! And 50 year-old men are telling 30 year-old men that they want to be just like them. And they sign up for myspace and facebook and the majority of their online friends are half their ages. Yuck. I'm just glad we left when we did.


That was the mindset, especially of the women in the bible school. It almost seemed some of the students went through a reverse adolescence. It was wierd sometimes.

[secrethopes]

You are welcome. I appreciate your input as well.:)

It takes time to build healthy boundaries. People often told me that I was ruining our kid because I didn't punish him for questioning--their kids were to ask no questions and to just do as they were told. Well, my belief is that to get respect from your kids you need to show them respect.

There are times when questioning can be inappropriate, but if my kid truly looks confused then I let him question. I want to raise a thinker and researcher who makes decisions based on the facts as they see them... not a drone or clone.

So far I've found my kid to be trustworthy and thoughtful while some of these others have kids who are rebellious and angry. I want my kid to know that it is ok say "no" or "I don't understand"... to be his own person.

Hang in there! :)


Thanks for the affirmation. I've been affirmed also by my current job at a university and by the biker community. There are always those out there who will screw you and leave you bleeding and dying afterwards. Learning how to close the users out of my life has been huge for me... and not easy. I'm still learning. However... i think I'm growing.

[Elisabeth]

You are welcome. I appreciate your input as well.:)

It takes time to build healthy boundaries. People often told me that I was ruining our kid because I didn't punish him for questioning--their kids were to ask no questions and to just do as they were told. Well, my belief is that to get respect from your kids you need to show them respect.

There are times when questioning can be inappropriate, but if my kid truly looks confused then I let him question. I want to raise a thinker and researcher who makes decisions based on the facts as they see them... not a drone or clone.

So far I've found my kid to be trustworthy and thoughtful while some of these others have kids who are rebellious and angry. I want my kid to know that it is ok say "no" or "I don't understand"... to be his own person.

Hang in there! :)

Ruining your kid because you didn't punish him for questioning?! How are people supposed to learn if they don't question? I guess they didn't want people to learn, they want people to regurgitate!:eek:

[secrethopes]

Yeah. I can understand the not questioning aspect if the child is questioning "Why me? Can't someone else do it?" or some similar grumbling. But I've seen these people even ask their kids a question like "Did you not understand what I was asking you to do?" and then interrupt the kid when he or she is trying to answer the question by explaining why they are confused. Or sometimes they forget which kid they actually told to do something and then refuse to listen when the kid tries to tell them this. Sigh.

Ruining your kid because you didn't punish him for questioning?! How are people supposed to learn if they don't question? I guess they didn't want people to learn, they want people to regurgitate!:eek:

[jane]

They just married an HIV positive man to a former missionary who believes she and he will someday have kids. Yikes.

yeah, I can relate. I don't know if you were here when I posted about my friend who died of uterine cancer........

She had a "word" from a visiting prophet that with faith she would deliver from her womb.....

she adopted 3 special needs kids from the state foster care system.......was a deaconess.........

and benign tumor after benign tumor refused a hysterectomy to prove her faith of a birth baby.........until one day one was cancerous......


and died.


without ever giving birth.........and leaving 3 special needs teens/young adults and a new grandchild.........without their beloved mother.....

and me without my friend.

I forgive ONLY because Jesus has forgiven me..........

but my heart aches and is furious..........and wants to hurdle stones at false prophets who give false hope!

jane

[Elisabeth]

yeah, I can relate. I don't know if you were here when I posted about my friend who died of uterine cancer........

She had a "word" from a visiting prophet that with faith she would deliver from her womb.....

she adopted 3 special needs kids from the state foster care system.......was a deaconess.........

and benign tumor after benign tumor refused a hysterectomy to prove her faith of a birth baby.........until one day one was cancerous......


and died.


without ever giving birth.........and leaving 3 special needs teens/young adults and a new grandchild.........without their beloved mother.....

and me without my friend.

I forgive ONLY because Jesus has forgiven me..........

but my heart aches and is furious..........and wants to hurdle stones at false prophets who give false hope!

jane

That is so sad!:( False prophets who give false hope are a real problem.:mad: I've run into a few people who say they had a "word from the Lord" and that word turned out to be false. Fortunately, none of the instances I heard, or heard of, had the consequences that what you told did. There has been a few instances of people being disappointed, though.

[secrethopes]

yeah, I can relate. I don't know if you were here when I posted about my friend who died of uterine cancer... She had a "word" from a visiting prophet that with faith she would deliver from her womb... she adopted 3 special needs kids from the state foster care system... was a deaconess... and benign tumor after benign tumor refused a hysterectomy to prove her faith of a birth baby... until one day one was cancerous... and died.

without ever giving birth... and leaving 3 special needs teens/young adults and a new grandchild... without their beloved mother... and me without my friend.

I forgive ONLY because Jesus has forgiven me... but my heart aches and is furious... and wants to hurdle stones at false prophets who give false hope!

jane

I'm sorry. :( It angers me, too. :(