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outcast
05-18-2007, 10:10 PM
Hello forumers. :) *hugs*

I haven't been on in a really long time and wanted to give an update on my life as I take the time to vent as well. Hope that's okay. :p

About a month ago, my father passed away from heart failure. We were at the hospital when he died and it was pretty traumatic. We are all dealing with it as well as can be expected, but the experience has definitely added more for me to process as I am already dealing with the SA issues of my old cult.

My dad and I had become pretty close over the last 10 years. He'd become a Christian and our relationship changed from what it was when I was growing up. I really, really miss him. He's the closest person to me who has ever died and in many ways it was like reliving the trauma and grief of leaving my old life in the cult. I really think God used that experience to help me prepare for this one.

On top of that situation, my husband's health has not been so great. He's been diagnosed with high cholesterol/triglycerides and sleep apnea. He's only 36 right now and he's been overweight since we married. I've always been concerned that he would have problems one day with his health and about 3 years ago I was up praying one night and I felt like the Holy Spirit was warning me that he might die. I talked with him about it a year or so ago.

When I shared this with my old abusive pastors they told me that God would never tell me that my husband was going to die. Instead they blamed it on my lack of faith and said that if I didn't pray hard enough for him to change his habits, he would most likely have a stroke and become a vegetable. (Shocking that people can be so ignorant isn't it?)

Anyway, if my hubby changes his habits and has surgery, he has a chance to live past the next few years. I've seen minimal steps taken in this area, although I try to encourage him to eat healthy. I had to realize a few years ago that this is really between him and God rather than my ability to pray him through. I do pray for him, but I've also had to lay him on the proverbial altar.

When I thought that God was warning me about hubby, it was easier to handle than it is right now b/c now I feel like I am watching it come to pass. I'm sure I sound crazy, but seeing as how I am having to walk through this situation, I don't feel like I am crazy, just practical. Of course, having had 3 years to deal with the emotions involved in this has helped.

Both of these situations have stirred up theological issues with me, as you are all probably already aware. I know God is not cursing me for leaving the cult - even though I know that is their opinion. Strangely, as much as these situations are painful, they are also deepening my faith in God. I know he understands my suffering and is the only one who can comfort me right now. I've cried out to him repeatedly over the past year and He's been very good to me despite my desperate circumstances.

If any of you have thoughts about the things I've shared here, please feel free to elaborate. I always enjoy hearing from you fellow forumers. Except for these things, everything else is going well. Although I have had to wonder lately if my middle name isn't Job...

abbey
05-18-2007, 11:09 PM
HA! My name is Job too!

Nice to see you again! Deeply sorry at your Fathers passing. I lost my dad and losing anyone close is tough! Its funny that you bring up the cult and how they led you to believe that bad things would happen if you left their covering. Ive been thru cancer and may have it again and those thoughts creep up, that maybe they were right! Maybe I did leave God. But I KNOW i have not. Its just ironic how many bad things have gone on in my life since leaving those clowns!

Nice to see you back! ALways pray for my forum friends, including you! :)

Anna Marta
05-19-2007, 05:51 AM
Good to hear from you. :D

Of course God can warn you exactly the way he did that night. Isn't it amazing that one of the things your husband has is sleep apnea and God warned you "at night". I find that pretty special and a clear sign that God and you have a pretty good communication line.

No need to comment on the old cult's curse stuff... Here's a reminder I learned, "A curse is like a bird, it has to have a branch to sit on." Don't give it the branch in your mind and it has to fly off.

Could this situation be basically between your husband and God? There seem to be times that we have to experience the worst before we wake up and deal with reality as it is. At 36 years old your husband may still feel young and vital enough that death is still a concept when it comes to himself. He may still have the I'm gonna live forever stance of youth.

Do NOT remind him constantly about the risks or his bad life style choices. That only serves to push a man away. We women love to talk about things and men don't share that joy. They communicate when they want to share information or get help.

Here's what I would suggest. Pray for him at the same time that you make healthy meals and have healthy snacks available that you offer to him in the evenings. If you do this with a sense of humor "because you are you and THE wife," he'll more than likely eat what you put in front of him as long as it is tasty. Eventually he'll come to love you for trying... You can't control what he eats outside, but you can do the best you can in the house where you are QUEEN.

Hope this helps,
Love
Anna Marta (with a chubby diabetic husband who has come to think I'm cute and values my stubbornness.)

mary
05-19-2007, 07:27 AM
(((((Outcast!)))))

I'm very sorry for your loss... My deepest sympathies on the loss of your dad. Words are inadequate; just know that we offer our condolences to you as the Lord cares for you at this trying time.

Will be praying for your husband, too. Eating habits are hard to change, I know. He's so young!!!! One thing I learned was, have nothing in the house that isn't okay for him to eat...

Glad to see you back, but sorry about the circumstances that have brought you back...

mary

outcast
05-19-2007, 08:51 AM
Thanks ladies. *hugs*

You know Abbey, I'm beginning to wonder if all of our names are not Job. Lol. I read somewhere once that scholars believe that that was the first book that Moses wrote in the OT. The message God may have been trying to send with that was that life is going to be hard at times. I know that is sooo not what the cult wanted me to believe. If things were bad they always analyzed your life to see what the root cause of it was. They were very creative. Your prayers are definitely appreciated. :)

Anna Marta,
Your words are both kind and practical. They are a relief as well b/c that is exactly how I felt God wanted me to handle my hubby concerning his eating habits. I'm a healthy eater myself so I try not to keep anything bad around. I agree that it is between him and God. I wrestled with it for a couple of years and didn't have peace until I came to that conclusion and just mentally let him go. I have to let him be the free moral agent God created him to be. I pray and encourage, but I had to learn to stop nagging him. It was hard, but I am glad I did.

Mary,
Thanks for your kindness and encouragement. You are always very sweet to me and I appreciate that more than you know.

jane
05-19-2007, 10:29 AM
outcast-
sorry about your loss.

Has your husband tried the cpap machine? Did you know that people with sleep apnea gain weight from lack of sleep?

For so long they told people that the weight caused the sleep apnea; now they are finding that people who don't sleep fulling gain weight.

just wanted you to know.

jane

outcast
05-29-2007, 08:09 AM
They have ordered the machine for him and are waiting for it to go through both doctor and insurance approval. His doctor said that the apnea could be causing his weight issues. Unfortunately, I think some of it is attitude about how he eats too. He really loves fried food and hates veggies. I am hoping that the machine will help and I will keep you all updated. :)

Willow
05-29-2007, 08:13 AM
I do'nt have any wisdom, but I can surely relate to the stress you are experiencing from this. I have a HUG for you though.

(((((((((((((outcast)))))))))))))

ex-shep
05-29-2007, 08:34 AM
I must confess I do a slow burn when I hear you are not praying hard enough. Obviously somebody did not read the lyrics of Just as I am. It is a sickening salvaltion by works "I am not praying hard enough" Equally nauseating is the "you do not have enough faith". Now that is a nice version of blaming the victim if I never heard one. Sad to say I am guilty of it with a friend back in college. [Unfortunately making amends with this individual is ill advised]

It was also interesting to see how the group kept in bondage to them by saying what bad things would happen. I got the line I would loose my salvation if I left the bible school.

I like the bird on shoulder analogy. I had a friend in AA with decades of recovery say, "Don't let it live in your head rent free". Much as hated the Eastern influence and the mind control potential, I used the mantra, "I am not my group. I am not their shame. That was then this is now". I have also had to imagery of yanking a major electrical line out of the wall, sparks fire and all. It was brutal, but it did bring the obsessive thinking to a grinding halt. I had better things to do than to have "stinking thinking" rule and ruin my day.

outcast
05-29-2007, 09:29 PM
I do'nt have any wisdom, but I can surely relate to the stress you are experiencing from this. I have a HUG for you though.

(((((((((((((outcast)))))))))))))

Thank you Amy. Sometimes I think that the love and hugs suffice when one is dealing with pain such as this. I appreciate it alot. Hugs in return.

outcast
05-29-2007, 09:33 PM
I must confess I do a slow burn when I hear you are not praying hard enough. Obviously somebody did not read the lyrics of Just as I am. It is a sickening salvaltion by works "I am not praying hard enough" Equally nauseating is the "you do not have enough faith". Now that is a nice version of blaming the victim if I never heard one. Sad to say I am guilty of it with a friend back in college. [Unfortunately making amends with this individual is ill advised]

It was also interesting to see how the group kept in bondage to them by saying what bad things would happen. I got the line I would loose my salvation if I left the bible school.

I like the bird on shoulder analogy. I had a friend in AA with decades of recovery say, "Don't let it live in your head rent free". Much as hated the Eastern influence and the mind control potential, I used the mantra, "I am not my group. I am not their shame. That was then this is now". I have also had to imagery of yanking a major electrical line out of the wall, sparks fire and all. It was brutal, but it did bring the obsessive thinking to a grinding halt. I had better things to do than to have "stinking thinking" rule and ruin my day.

Yeah. I do a slow burn too. I know that if the members of the cult knew everything I was dealing with that they would simply tell everyone that it was b/c we were cursed by God for touching his anointed. *turns head to vomit profusely* :rolleyes:

On the bright side of things, I feel as though I am learning alot about peace, love, joy and obedience through this situation and I think that is the point. In many ways I know I am closer to God than I was before. I have learned to pray for His will to be done in both my life and hubby's and I couldn't do that before.

I like your analogy about yanking the cord out of the wall. I feel I've had to do that alot over the past year. I'm sure it will continue. Thanks for your comments. The latte is on me.