hornblower
05-17-2007, 09:10 AM
Yes its me! Lol................good news doesnt come from me too often, just wanted to share it with you guys, my favorite people on this earth!
Its so pretty down here lately almost coolish and sort of cloudy rainey some days and that always brings me up when its not so hot and brighter so much that it blinds you..........I was taken by a post about the squirrels and looking at what God makes here on this planet..........those things always bring me so much joy and I dont say that much but they do bring gladness to my heart. Thankyou God. I have little birds in my fireplace shoot........they sing and it echoes all over this huge house. I love it.
The good news is I might have found a good therapist one that can really help me.
She explained the mpd thing to me better explaining that it gets a bad rap and that there are degrees and disasociative (sp)disorder is very common with people and she has expoerience with women being beaten and rape and so she can help me there and also this is the biggy she has a son that is the exact same age as my daughter who is special needs and is in a home and so she knows what that is like. She is definitely a Christian but she isnt seemingly upset with me not going to church although I didnt share my church abuse with her yet but all the same the way she talked Im sure she will more than understand that too.
Its far but not that far like that other place was. Money is going to be an issue but so far my husband hasnt complained yet?
She likes Joyce Meyer so do I although I still dont trust her so anyway I usually like people that 'get' Joyce Meyer.
I 'hate' 'positive thinking teachings' all of them!
So if she is in to that stuff we will have problems Joyce Meyer is and that is 'her' personality NOT mine.
The reason I say this is not because Im not a positive person because I am! How can I not be positive Im a believer in the gospel to the inth degree. I dont see the word postive in the bible at all except in one place where in the letters we are told to try to keep our minds in a better place and think on good things not bad. Good advice,of course we all want to do that, but if we have been so hurt that is beyond so hard to do and we cannot do it and that is when sympathy and love and healing and mercy come in.
I dont believe in walking by a person who has been in a ditch for awhile like the phariseess did and beaten raped money taken from them their lives bashed to smitherines andhaving the gaul to tell them to be 'positive'.
S**** that crap!
Hows that willow?
Anyway I believe in love tea and sympathy and healing which to me means learning what will work for my insides to get healed up and like she had said to me this counselor to journal and parent my inner self..........the parenting thing is pretty well broken but it did seem to work better for me when I tried it at least during the forthcoming little panic attacks I was having yesterday in BSF.
Im still very paranoid. Even if my stevens minister is telling me its not right
my thinking that people are thinking bad things about me, she all but says Im being paranoid.
I still believe it is happening.
Id like to write about this but I always feel on here like I write too much and besides my back is killing me being on here for any length of time.
Maybe later and I sure would like to know what you guys think about it? My so called paranoia.
Im still going but I am very much aware of these looks I get.
Basically Im too free for church people.
I dont fit in and I know it its silly to not acknowledge that we are all different and this is my difference. Im an artist and this is who I am! I listen to rock music and bop in my car, I wear makeup that makes me look pretty and a lot younger than I am. I dress like the world dresses only more covered up. I love designing clothes and fashion.
Im not a dowdy school teacher which most of these church people seem to readily accept as one of their own and I think they are having a severe stuck up the wazoo complex. Sorry my best friend is teacher and I taught for many years but believe me Im not them!
So anyway each to their own we should be free but I dont think they have the right to tell me how to be!
I told Jesus crying like I often do because I suffer for my freedom.
I do,
yes and we all do.
Everyone of us when we demand to be free as Jesusmade us to be. Sorry my computer is broken, Im serious it is its doing this strange thing when we type.
I think my new counselor more than knows what this is like because of her son she shared with me the immnece lonliness it causes and I can well imagine as all of us who have children who dont fit in as I dont fit in..........nothing hurts us worse than that.
How do you think the Father God felt about His poor Son not fitting in? Worth thinking on I say.
Anyway as I asked Jesusand told Him about this situation He told me in no uncertain terms..........."YOU fit in if I say you do and I fit you in long long ago!"
End of story! IM fitting in my friends like it or not! But Im staying free,if it doesnt hurt anyone. Imgoing to be myself like it or not this is who God made me to be and whats even more amazing is He likes me a whole lot so the body will just have to learn to acceptHisjudgement over their own.
Im happy today because of my new councelor its helping me feel some hope here!
Its so pretty down here lately almost coolish and sort of cloudy rainey some days and that always brings me up when its not so hot and brighter so much that it blinds you..........I was taken by a post about the squirrels and looking at what God makes here on this planet..........those things always bring me so much joy and I dont say that much but they do bring gladness to my heart. Thankyou God. I have little birds in my fireplace shoot........they sing and it echoes all over this huge house. I love it.
The good news is I might have found a good therapist one that can really help me.
She explained the mpd thing to me better explaining that it gets a bad rap and that there are degrees and disasociative (sp)disorder is very common with people and she has expoerience with women being beaten and rape and so she can help me there and also this is the biggy she has a son that is the exact same age as my daughter who is special needs and is in a home and so she knows what that is like. She is definitely a Christian but she isnt seemingly upset with me not going to church although I didnt share my church abuse with her yet but all the same the way she talked Im sure she will more than understand that too.
Its far but not that far like that other place was. Money is going to be an issue but so far my husband hasnt complained yet?
She likes Joyce Meyer so do I although I still dont trust her so anyway I usually like people that 'get' Joyce Meyer.
I 'hate' 'positive thinking teachings' all of them!
So if she is in to that stuff we will have problems Joyce Meyer is and that is 'her' personality NOT mine.
The reason I say this is not because Im not a positive person because I am! How can I not be positive Im a believer in the gospel to the inth degree. I dont see the word postive in the bible at all except in one place where in the letters we are told to try to keep our minds in a better place and think on good things not bad. Good advice,of course we all want to do that, but if we have been so hurt that is beyond so hard to do and we cannot do it and that is when sympathy and love and healing and mercy come in.
I dont believe in walking by a person who has been in a ditch for awhile like the phariseess did and beaten raped money taken from them their lives bashed to smitherines andhaving the gaul to tell them to be 'positive'.
S**** that crap!
Hows that willow?
Anyway I believe in love tea and sympathy and healing which to me means learning what will work for my insides to get healed up and like she had said to me this counselor to journal and parent my inner self..........the parenting thing is pretty well broken but it did seem to work better for me when I tried it at least during the forthcoming little panic attacks I was having yesterday in BSF.
Im still very paranoid. Even if my stevens minister is telling me its not right
my thinking that people are thinking bad things about me, she all but says Im being paranoid.
I still believe it is happening.
Id like to write about this but I always feel on here like I write too much and besides my back is killing me being on here for any length of time.
Maybe later and I sure would like to know what you guys think about it? My so called paranoia.
Im still going but I am very much aware of these looks I get.
Basically Im too free for church people.
I dont fit in and I know it its silly to not acknowledge that we are all different and this is my difference. Im an artist and this is who I am! I listen to rock music and bop in my car, I wear makeup that makes me look pretty and a lot younger than I am. I dress like the world dresses only more covered up. I love designing clothes and fashion.
Im not a dowdy school teacher which most of these church people seem to readily accept as one of their own and I think they are having a severe stuck up the wazoo complex. Sorry my best friend is teacher and I taught for many years but believe me Im not them!
So anyway each to their own we should be free but I dont think they have the right to tell me how to be!
I told Jesus crying like I often do because I suffer for my freedom.
I do,
yes and we all do.
Everyone of us when we demand to be free as Jesusmade us to be. Sorry my computer is broken, Im serious it is its doing this strange thing when we type.
I think my new counselor more than knows what this is like because of her son she shared with me the immnece lonliness it causes and I can well imagine as all of us who have children who dont fit in as I dont fit in..........nothing hurts us worse than that.
How do you think the Father God felt about His poor Son not fitting in? Worth thinking on I say.
Anyway as I asked Jesusand told Him about this situation He told me in no uncertain terms..........."YOU fit in if I say you do and I fit you in long long ago!"
End of story! IM fitting in my friends like it or not! But Im staying free,if it doesnt hurt anyone. Imgoing to be myself like it or not this is who God made me to be and whats even more amazing is He likes me a whole lot so the body will just have to learn to acceptHisjudgement over their own.
Im happy today because of my new councelor its helping me feel some hope here!