Jesus Loves Me
05-16-2007, 11:23 AM
The person who I experienced spiritual abuse from was a woman named Sandy in my church who is clawing her way into leadership positions. She has the support and friendship of our Associate Pastor. About a month ago the Associate Pastor preached a message that freaked me out cause it sounded so much like the things Sandy used to teach. The next day I send him an email, shared some of my experience with Sandy with him, told him I was angry that it was allowed to go on in my church, told him I was having problems forgiving them both (her for everything that has happened and him cause he supports her), told him she was teaching false doctrine and that I felt like I had been in a cult etc... I got a phone call from his secretary, he wanted to schedule a meeting, so I called her back, left a message and have heard absolutely nothing, that was a month ago....that really bothers me.
Monday night there was a Ladies Tea at my church, my friend offered to baby-sit for me so I decided I would go. When I got there I looked and saw Sandy and I freaked out!!!! I was feeling really vulnerable and was scanning the room looking for someone I knew and couldn't find anyone and then there she was. I had flash backs of all the hateful horrible things that woman has said to me....I started crying, I drove to my friends house to collect my daughter and go home and her sister was there, they wanted to know what happened, I started crying and said I saw Sandy there. I was hysterical, I am sure they probably think I am completely crazy and maybe I am....My friend's sister shared with me that her friend is not even in church anymore because of her experience with Sandy, basically some of the same things that happened to me she did to her friend. There are several of us former Sandy students/victims in the church, the unique thing about me though is I am the only one who stayed for a long time, I stayed for over a year, close to a year and a half. She has people in her group that followed her from the church she got kicked out of several years ago which is over 70 miles away and several towns away. Her followers left family and friends to follow her here, she likes to compare herself to Jesus a lot, maybe that's why...ugh, it's sick! I don't know how they can take it, I was dying inside when I was in her group, I still hear the hateful things she said to me going over and over again in my head. I am pretty messed up...I was messed up when I met her which made me easy prey. I feel like I am losing my faith. I don't want to go to church anymore...I am going to make myself go tonight cause it's been so long since I have been in service...Sometimes I think if I just hold on God will intervene and stop this crazy mess and she will leave my church and I will be able to relax. It's a big church, I think there are over 3,000 people, you would think I would be able to just avoid her. I am struggling with forgiving this woman and now I have issues with the Associate Pastor..I am so disappointed in him....I see her go up to the brand new people in the church...it makes me mad!!! She's looking for followers, people who are wounded, who don't know much, people she can control. It makes me so mad...sometimes I get so angry, I don't want anyone to go through what I went through but there she is, why can't the pastoral staff see it? It reminds me of the children's book "the Emperor's New Clothes", I feel like screaming the emperor has no clothes, can you see it?!!!!!! Look!!!!!!! The Emperor has no clothes!!!! Ugh!!! I am venting.....I don't know what to do, should I be insisting on an appointment with the Associate Pastor? I am almost afraid to meet with him, afraid it will be horribly disappointing...despite everything that's happened, I love my church and I don't really want to find a new one. I love the little kids in my Sunday school class and I want them to know how much Jesus loves them and I really want them to have a real understanding of it and remember it always so that when they grow up they won't believe someone like Sandy who makes them feel like God is constantly mad at them.
Monday night there was a Ladies Tea at my church, my friend offered to baby-sit for me so I decided I would go. When I got there I looked and saw Sandy and I freaked out!!!! I was feeling really vulnerable and was scanning the room looking for someone I knew and couldn't find anyone and then there she was. I had flash backs of all the hateful horrible things that woman has said to me....I started crying, I drove to my friends house to collect my daughter and go home and her sister was there, they wanted to know what happened, I started crying and said I saw Sandy there. I was hysterical, I am sure they probably think I am completely crazy and maybe I am....My friend's sister shared with me that her friend is not even in church anymore because of her experience with Sandy, basically some of the same things that happened to me she did to her friend. There are several of us former Sandy students/victims in the church, the unique thing about me though is I am the only one who stayed for a long time, I stayed for over a year, close to a year and a half. She has people in her group that followed her from the church she got kicked out of several years ago which is over 70 miles away and several towns away. Her followers left family and friends to follow her here, she likes to compare herself to Jesus a lot, maybe that's why...ugh, it's sick! I don't know how they can take it, I was dying inside when I was in her group, I still hear the hateful things she said to me going over and over again in my head. I am pretty messed up...I was messed up when I met her which made me easy prey. I feel like I am losing my faith. I don't want to go to church anymore...I am going to make myself go tonight cause it's been so long since I have been in service...Sometimes I think if I just hold on God will intervene and stop this crazy mess and she will leave my church and I will be able to relax. It's a big church, I think there are over 3,000 people, you would think I would be able to just avoid her. I am struggling with forgiving this woman and now I have issues with the Associate Pastor..I am so disappointed in him....I see her go up to the brand new people in the church...it makes me mad!!! She's looking for followers, people who are wounded, who don't know much, people she can control. It makes me so mad...sometimes I get so angry, I don't want anyone to go through what I went through but there she is, why can't the pastoral staff see it? It reminds me of the children's book "the Emperor's New Clothes", I feel like screaming the emperor has no clothes, can you see it?!!!!!! Look!!!!!!! The Emperor has no clothes!!!! Ugh!!! I am venting.....I don't know what to do, should I be insisting on an appointment with the Associate Pastor? I am almost afraid to meet with him, afraid it will be horribly disappointing...despite everything that's happened, I love my church and I don't really want to find a new one. I love the little kids in my Sunday school class and I want them to know how much Jesus loves them and I really want them to have a real understanding of it and remember it always so that when they grow up they won't believe someone like Sandy who makes them feel like God is constantly mad at them.