ex-shep
05-12-2007, 11:04 AM
Happy reading :)
TAKING OUT THE TRASH
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
The “big book” of Alcoholics Anonymous analogously reminds the alcoholic that a business, which fails to take inventory, goes broke. We carried a lot of emotional baggage we could now do without. There came a point where it was time to review our group experiences. What character defects and bad habits did we acquire in our group. There was also need to inventory what happened and why. To borrow from our friends in AA, we need to know how we got there, what happened and what it is like now. There was a resolve to not let it happen again and to learn from our mistakes and to grow from them and move forward in recovery.
This was a vast and emotional undertaking. Many 12-step groups would stress working on the inventory as soon as possible. However given the trauma we suffered, it was worthwhile for some to have some time away from our groups. It was also wise to have period of emotional sobriety before getting started. If a member became overwhelmed, it was okay to come back to the inventory at later date. Having been pressured into doing things against our values and wills, we were careful suggesting when it would be a good time to get started. We did everything not to coerce or manipulate a fellow member before it was time to start. We were victims of control and we had to be especially careful not to control a comrade in recovery. “Easy does it”, we were told. We told to take it one day at a time. We let the higher power of our understanding gently bring us to the right point of readiness.
There was a tendency to procrastinate and use the above paragraph as excuse to avoid the pain of looking at ourselves. The fear and anxiety is understandable. Of course not to move on with writing our experiences could leave us stuck in the past mired in mores of the old groupthink. The balance between waiting, being ready to proceed, and abject procrastination was tricky indeed.
The saying “You are only as sick as your secrets” was often a cliché to enslave the former group member. However, as we moved on the business of recovery and reintegration in our post group experiences, it was helpful to get the secrets out in the open. There was a need to evolve from shame to grace. There a need, and even in some, an urge to “shout it from the housetops”. There was post group self which deserved to bloom. Borrowing from the platitudes of a human potential group, we could and wanted to “name it, claim it, and dump it”
Eventually there came a time where it the water was fine and we ready to dive in. Pen, paper, computer, papyrus, or mop bucket in hand, we were ready to clean house. It was time to take out the trash.
There was not set pattern or prescribed treatment for this task. Some would journal. Others could jot down short notes. Some would buy recovery workbooks from other 12 step and recovery bookstores and use it as a model. The important thing that was one was making a continuous conscientious effort to move forward in writing.
The wisdom gleaned from other 12 step groups was to place particular emphasis on anger and resentment, fear, and our relationships. There are other additional components needy of consideration were the sense of loss and dishonesty.
The other additional task was to write about our group experiences. We were encouraged to recount what was it like before we got in, how we got there, what is was like in there, how we got out, and what is it like today. Written history of involvement in groups important as the former member is giving the past experience away. It also might help one who left a similar group and one who has a loved one in similar group. Some got into their groups because of situation vulnerability such as a failed exam, divorce, or loss of a loved one. Along came a group that had all the answers and comfort – with a price and eventually learned the hard way. Some just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. There was a group of us who came from broken homes or other emotionally abusive environments, which left us, predisposed for recruitment. For those of us who fit this category, it was recommend that we might explore where we might have been set up for spiritual abuse. After all, we did not want to make THAT mistake again.
For many the greatest emotion and thought was loss. The losses were many times innumerable, but we counted as much as we could. There was a distinctive loss of time, which can never be recovered. There were years spent in our groups. Some felt like Rip Van Winkle unconscious to the world moving on in history. Our friends not involved in our movements graduated, married, and were raising families. We could empathize with the prisoners of war. The time warp was depressing.
There was the loss of self. Our group, in many cases, did the leading and the thinking for us. “All for one, one for all, or none for all”, “The group was all. Praise the group!” and “Deny ourselves” we were taught. The cult experts called it dispensing with existence and assuming a new worldview. Our pre-group experience was inconsequential. Some were told that was our “old nature” or we were no longer part of that cosmos anymore. We taught to suppress our feeling and emotions as they were taught to be somehow sinful. We lacked our own privacy. Our groups had the day mapped out. Many lived in communal environments cramped in quarters that received the attention of the fire marshal. If some of us were leave, the leaders would bring us back.
Many of us gave up our possessions, our life savings, and every penny to what we thought was a higher good. One member gave up his expensive ten-speed bike because it was considered too worldly.
Many lost friends and loved ones when they joined their groups and lost close friends when they left. Relationships with family, parents, and relatives were irrevocably destroyed. Graduations, weddings, and funerals were missed because of our groups. Tragically many lost their lives serving the group. There were other losses not mentioned; nevertheless they are undeniable part of who we are and where we have been. [Continued in part 2]
TAKING OUT THE TRASH
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
The “big book” of Alcoholics Anonymous analogously reminds the alcoholic that a business, which fails to take inventory, goes broke. We carried a lot of emotional baggage we could now do without. There came a point where it was time to review our group experiences. What character defects and bad habits did we acquire in our group. There was also need to inventory what happened and why. To borrow from our friends in AA, we need to know how we got there, what happened and what it is like now. There was a resolve to not let it happen again and to learn from our mistakes and to grow from them and move forward in recovery.
This was a vast and emotional undertaking. Many 12-step groups would stress working on the inventory as soon as possible. However given the trauma we suffered, it was worthwhile for some to have some time away from our groups. It was also wise to have period of emotional sobriety before getting started. If a member became overwhelmed, it was okay to come back to the inventory at later date. Having been pressured into doing things against our values and wills, we were careful suggesting when it would be a good time to get started. We did everything not to coerce or manipulate a fellow member before it was time to start. We were victims of control and we had to be especially careful not to control a comrade in recovery. “Easy does it”, we were told. We told to take it one day at a time. We let the higher power of our understanding gently bring us to the right point of readiness.
There was a tendency to procrastinate and use the above paragraph as excuse to avoid the pain of looking at ourselves. The fear and anxiety is understandable. Of course not to move on with writing our experiences could leave us stuck in the past mired in mores of the old groupthink. The balance between waiting, being ready to proceed, and abject procrastination was tricky indeed.
The saying “You are only as sick as your secrets” was often a cliché to enslave the former group member. However, as we moved on the business of recovery and reintegration in our post group experiences, it was helpful to get the secrets out in the open. There was a need to evolve from shame to grace. There a need, and even in some, an urge to “shout it from the housetops”. There was post group self which deserved to bloom. Borrowing from the platitudes of a human potential group, we could and wanted to “name it, claim it, and dump it”
Eventually there came a time where it the water was fine and we ready to dive in. Pen, paper, computer, papyrus, or mop bucket in hand, we were ready to clean house. It was time to take out the trash.
There was not set pattern or prescribed treatment for this task. Some would journal. Others could jot down short notes. Some would buy recovery workbooks from other 12 step and recovery bookstores and use it as a model. The important thing that was one was making a continuous conscientious effort to move forward in writing.
The wisdom gleaned from other 12 step groups was to place particular emphasis on anger and resentment, fear, and our relationships. There are other additional components needy of consideration were the sense of loss and dishonesty.
The other additional task was to write about our group experiences. We were encouraged to recount what was it like before we got in, how we got there, what is was like in there, how we got out, and what is it like today. Written history of involvement in groups important as the former member is giving the past experience away. It also might help one who left a similar group and one who has a loved one in similar group. Some got into their groups because of situation vulnerability such as a failed exam, divorce, or loss of a loved one. Along came a group that had all the answers and comfort – with a price and eventually learned the hard way. Some just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. There was a group of us who came from broken homes or other emotionally abusive environments, which left us, predisposed for recruitment. For those of us who fit this category, it was recommend that we might explore where we might have been set up for spiritual abuse. After all, we did not want to make THAT mistake again.
For many the greatest emotion and thought was loss. The losses were many times innumerable, but we counted as much as we could. There was a distinctive loss of time, which can never be recovered. There were years spent in our groups. Some felt like Rip Van Winkle unconscious to the world moving on in history. Our friends not involved in our movements graduated, married, and were raising families. We could empathize with the prisoners of war. The time warp was depressing.
There was the loss of self. Our group, in many cases, did the leading and the thinking for us. “All for one, one for all, or none for all”, “The group was all. Praise the group!” and “Deny ourselves” we were taught. The cult experts called it dispensing with existence and assuming a new worldview. Our pre-group experience was inconsequential. Some were told that was our “old nature” or we were no longer part of that cosmos anymore. We taught to suppress our feeling and emotions as they were taught to be somehow sinful. We lacked our own privacy. Our groups had the day mapped out. Many lived in communal environments cramped in quarters that received the attention of the fire marshal. If some of us were leave, the leaders would bring us back.
Many of us gave up our possessions, our life savings, and every penny to what we thought was a higher good. One member gave up his expensive ten-speed bike because it was considered too worldly.
Many lost friends and loved ones when they joined their groups and lost close friends when they left. Relationships with family, parents, and relatives were irrevocably destroyed. Graduations, weddings, and funerals were missed because of our groups. Tragically many lost their lives serving the group. There were other losses not mentioned; nevertheless they are undeniable part of who we are and where we have been. [Continued in part 2]