ex-shep
05-12-2007, 11:01 AM
I had to find the original disk for this one. As always take what you like and leave the rest.
GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION G.O.D.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.
This is tricky business. One member stated, "I still do not know what it means to submit to God". The idea of turning over our wills to any higher power after what we had been through was terrifying. We should have turned it over to the Highest Power. Some would have put down the book and come back to the chapter when they were up to it. Again we understood all too well. If a member were to skip a meeting where the topic of the third step came up, we would not be offended. We knew some would not be up to the topic. It is emotionally too much for them. We were reminded that the only requirement for S.A.R.A membership was a conscientious desire to move beyond the trauma of our group experiences and respect the anonymity of those attending. Everything had to be done to insure the emotional safety of our meetings. The meeting guidelines strictly forbade proselytizing and trying for force beliefs or philosophies on the group. It is never tolerated.
Some of us, because of former group involvements, had developed a severe "allergic reaction" to anything sounding even the least remotely religious. One member is still violently uncomfortable when he hears traditional holiday music in a department store. Some have violent and angry emotional responses to anything sounding the smallest bit evangelical. Many still have painful memories and fear repeating the abusive patterns they left. Some felt triggered with flashbacks of horrific memories. Some would "float" or disassociate and loose emotional contact of their surroundings. We learned to respect each member's recovery and respect the personal space and boundaries of those suffering.
Saying that "God is the answer" felt like a lethal overdose for some. Some protested, "Oh yeah? That's what our group taught us and you want us to go back to THAT?" We had to remember that it was the promise of easy answers got us into our groups. In recovery, there are no easy fixes. We did not like the prospect. Having no other alternative, we worked at getting better one day at a time.
As far as the third step was concerned we could come as we are. We were advised to "take what we like and leave the rest". If overwhelmed, we were gently reminded, "Easy does it". We were under no obligation to have all the answers about our higher power.
There was an apocryphal anecdote that fifty percent of those who left abusive groups would, in time find a healthy religious fellowship; the other fifty percent would not. Some were shell-shocked. Taking a non-religious and rationalistic way of looking at things was the healthiest means of recovery. Some members over time became atheists and agnostics. They made convincing reasons why they arrived at such a conclusion. Some members found healthy religious institutions and informal fellowships. Others found that were some healthy and beneficial aspects of their former group involvement and were able to integrate it towards a healthy system of beliefs. All shared valuable pearls of wisdom from their experience, strength and hope in recovering from their former groups. We were glad they were all present at our meetings.
For those who had difficulty with God as a higher power, our friends in other twelve step groups developed the acronym of G.O.D. to mean "good orderly direction". Certainly anyone in recovery had that as an ultimate and ongoing goal.
Many used the group as their higher power. It was indeed a miracle that there was a fellowship of men and women who shared our plight and understood our afflictions. We were not alone.
Another point of reference was realizing what was not God's will. It is not God's will to physically, verbally and emotionally abuses others and us. It is not God's will to wallow in shame and worthlessness. It is not God's will to place or be placed in any form of enslavement or coercion. Trying to find the opposites and working towards them could be a good starting point.
Many an embittered person would ask how could a loving God let cults and spiritually abusive groups exist and why "was I the one chosen". It is a good question. Unfortunately we did not know. It was impossible to struggle with that one. The preamble of Al-Anon mentions "we became irritable because we tried to force solutions" Sometimes we did some introspective. Other times we had to be content with the unanswered questions. We offered our support and could empathize with the one struggling with such existential questions. Many of us had been there ourselves, so we could relate.
Some would ask, "Is healthy spiritual fellowship possible". It was also a good question. Obviously there were millions who had healthy walks with their God and went to their house of worship. There often was a jaded feeling of we could not without drifting off into trance patterns, religious grandiosity or the other psychologically destructive trappings of our former groups. They could do it. "Why not us?" we protested. Again it was a good question and one for which we did not have a ready answer. We knew that is how cults got started. For some it was like a hot iron too hot to touch. Each person's spiritual journey, if one chose to have one, was different. Each would have to go their own way. The collective experience of seasoned veterans in the fellowship was it would come with time. At this point what we needed most was a patient spirit.
GOOD ORDERLY DIRECTION G.O.D.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.
This is tricky business. One member stated, "I still do not know what it means to submit to God". The idea of turning over our wills to any higher power after what we had been through was terrifying. We should have turned it over to the Highest Power. Some would have put down the book and come back to the chapter when they were up to it. Again we understood all too well. If a member were to skip a meeting where the topic of the third step came up, we would not be offended. We knew some would not be up to the topic. It is emotionally too much for them. We were reminded that the only requirement for S.A.R.A membership was a conscientious desire to move beyond the trauma of our group experiences and respect the anonymity of those attending. Everything had to be done to insure the emotional safety of our meetings. The meeting guidelines strictly forbade proselytizing and trying for force beliefs or philosophies on the group. It is never tolerated.
Some of us, because of former group involvements, had developed a severe "allergic reaction" to anything sounding even the least remotely religious. One member is still violently uncomfortable when he hears traditional holiday music in a department store. Some have violent and angry emotional responses to anything sounding the smallest bit evangelical. Many still have painful memories and fear repeating the abusive patterns they left. Some felt triggered with flashbacks of horrific memories. Some would "float" or disassociate and loose emotional contact of their surroundings. We learned to respect each member's recovery and respect the personal space and boundaries of those suffering.
Saying that "God is the answer" felt like a lethal overdose for some. Some protested, "Oh yeah? That's what our group taught us and you want us to go back to THAT?" We had to remember that it was the promise of easy answers got us into our groups. In recovery, there are no easy fixes. We did not like the prospect. Having no other alternative, we worked at getting better one day at a time.
As far as the third step was concerned we could come as we are. We were advised to "take what we like and leave the rest". If overwhelmed, we were gently reminded, "Easy does it". We were under no obligation to have all the answers about our higher power.
There was an apocryphal anecdote that fifty percent of those who left abusive groups would, in time find a healthy religious fellowship; the other fifty percent would not. Some were shell-shocked. Taking a non-religious and rationalistic way of looking at things was the healthiest means of recovery. Some members over time became atheists and agnostics. They made convincing reasons why they arrived at such a conclusion. Some members found healthy religious institutions and informal fellowships. Others found that were some healthy and beneficial aspects of their former group involvement and were able to integrate it towards a healthy system of beliefs. All shared valuable pearls of wisdom from their experience, strength and hope in recovering from their former groups. We were glad they were all present at our meetings.
For those who had difficulty with God as a higher power, our friends in other twelve step groups developed the acronym of G.O.D. to mean "good orderly direction". Certainly anyone in recovery had that as an ultimate and ongoing goal.
Many used the group as their higher power. It was indeed a miracle that there was a fellowship of men and women who shared our plight and understood our afflictions. We were not alone.
Another point of reference was realizing what was not God's will. It is not God's will to physically, verbally and emotionally abuses others and us. It is not God's will to wallow in shame and worthlessness. It is not God's will to place or be placed in any form of enslavement or coercion. Trying to find the opposites and working towards them could be a good starting point.
Many an embittered person would ask how could a loving God let cults and spiritually abusive groups exist and why "was I the one chosen". It is a good question. Unfortunately we did not know. It was impossible to struggle with that one. The preamble of Al-Anon mentions "we became irritable because we tried to force solutions" Sometimes we did some introspective. Other times we had to be content with the unanswered questions. We offered our support and could empathize with the one struggling with such existential questions. Many of us had been there ourselves, so we could relate.
Some would ask, "Is healthy spiritual fellowship possible". It was also a good question. Obviously there were millions who had healthy walks with their God and went to their house of worship. There often was a jaded feeling of we could not without drifting off into trance patterns, religious grandiosity or the other psychologically destructive trappings of our former groups. They could do it. "Why not us?" we protested. Again it was a good question and one for which we did not have a ready answer. We knew that is how cults got started. For some it was like a hot iron too hot to touch. Each person's spiritual journey, if one chose to have one, was different. Each would have to go their own way. The collective experience of seasoned veterans in the fellowship was it would come with time. At this point what we needed most was a patient spirit.