What would you tell your best about your former group?

[ex-shep]

I and Tammy are starting to talk about our experiences in the "Community". It is a beginning of a healing process. It is interesting hearing her describe what she was feeling from her perspective.

I have already discussed the issue of slander. I was able to show that in the literal NT definition there was no way I could evil accuse her of slander.

Gossip is going to be tricky. Not because of the group defiinition, but because I may have genuinely erred in the early years of the schism. I was trying to find information about her and the church. I can concede culpability there. The issues of gossip in the group and the double standards are interesting indeed. Confidentiality issues preclude details.

I have touched on the mind control dynamic in the realm of avoiding negative thoughts.

The question is if you could have a conversation with a long lost friend, what would you want to discuss? Part is for my own edification; the other is to generate some healing discussion for other forum members. Private messages and off forum emails are OK for privacy. Any takers on the topic?

[Anna Marta]

If I could have a conversation with a long lost friend -

I would do what the father in the bible story did when his son returned, meet my friend and celebrate the love of coming together again. No agenda, no expected discussion of any topic, simply bathe in the joy of being together again and let God take care of the rest. Knowing that I have already done the work of dealing and healing, I would take this person where he/she is and go from there.

Answering their questions about me and listening to whatever they chose to share would probably be the wisest thing I could do. I would love them exactly where they are now and let them experience my acceptance of it.

When it comes to having been in such intrusive and life altering groups earlier, I would think the freedom to be received and valued as I am and simply NOT have to BE or SAY or EXPLAIN anything would be a great relief.

Just my 2 kroners worth.
Anna Marta

[ex-shep]

Just my 2 kroners worth.
Anna Marta[/QUOTE]

Two kroners? How about the conversion of $50? Great words of wisdom. Actually when I left things evolve, they do come out with some wonderful results. So far so good. Next latte on me.

[Ladybug]

Anna Marta,

I like your answer to Ex-Shep's question/situation.

I believe we all want to be accepted where we are at today. That as a best friend, you can see the potential within your friend as they heal and recover. :)

[ex-shep]

Anna Marta,

I like your answer to Ex-Shep's question/situation.

I believe we all want to be accepted where we are at today. That as a best friend, you can see the potential within your friend as they heal and recover. :)


If I were not convinced, I would be now. Next latte for that poster. I am convinced. That certainly was my desire when I got out of my groups. I have been extremely careful to except the situation on the situation's terms. I have not been disappointed.

[Anna Marta]

He who has you as a friend is blessed indeed! :D Hopes and prayers that all goes well.

Shalom
Anna Marta

[ex-shep]

Answering their questions about me and listening to whatever they chose to share would probably be the wisest thing I could do. I would love them exactly where they are now and let them experience my acceptance of it.

When it comes to having been in such intrusive and life altering groups earlier, I would think the freedom to be received and valued as I am and simply NOT have to BE or SAY or EXPLAIN anything would be a great relief.

Just my 2 kroners worth.
Anna Marta[/QUOTE]

After some thought, I believe you may be on to something. I am reminded there are two styles of evangelism [this assuming a healthy church setting]: confrontational and relational. Tammy has gotten the brunt of my abuse. She heard news that some of the exit counselors were a bit aggressive. Maybe they had to be, We can talk about it some day. Curiously she has questions on exit counseling or inventions to facilitate leaving an abusive group. The in your face "I'm right; you're wrong" failed miserably. It was brought home during a pastors conference at church. The speaker related how he studied up for a confrontation with a favorite door knocking group. He felt great until a classmate asked if they were coming back-- great way to feel six inches tall.

The relational approach has actually been fruitful and most heartening. By letting Tammy be herself, allow herself the time to sort the mess, some warm, albeit brief exchanges have emerged. There is emotional honesty I have never seen before. I have seen a post group Tammy emerge. The fact that we are able to kid around and exchange a quick email is priceless. Seeing the fruit borne so far, I am content to let the exchanges evolve on their own. Her church has been supportive of the reconciliation as well. My wife and I will drive down to Midwest City this weekend. I also confess I am dying for some Mexican food from the restaurant down the street-- but that is another post. I am content to let go and let God. I like what I have seen so far. It have been worth the wait.

Next latte on me. :)