emailed friend still in group

[ex-shep]

Feeling scared at the moment. I emailed a friend who I had a falling out over group involvement. After a month of prayer and journaling, I decided now was the time to try to settle our differences. My only regret was the only way I could contact her was at work. I did if she had a personal email to contact me there.

Please pray that we can be reconciled. This has been an ongoing conflict since 1984 and I would like to have some closure.

[Kerrin]

Please pray that we can be reconciled. This has been an ongoing conflict since 1984 and I would like to have some closure.[/QUOTE]
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:) Have prayed for you and will. I have a wrecked friendship that saddens me deeply. You are vey brave and no matter what happens your motives and intentions are within God's will, so "fear not" little one!
Bind your friend's mind, to the mind and will of Christ. For me, this helps, amd works.
I pray I too can reconcile one day.
In God's hands,
Kerrin ;)

[Willow]

((((ex-shep))))

I've read your post a few times and haven't been able to post because I'm not sure how to identify the feeling inside of me re: you contacting and reuniting with your friend. I think it must be the same woman you have been writing about here before. I think it's unhealthy and feel you are about to fall over a cliff by contacting her. Please don't do it. Stay on the straight and narrow. This feels like an addictive action on your part to me and I'm not going to mince any words with you lest you destroy your life. I know it's been hard for you with your job and life lately. Please don't go off the deep end in an effort to escape reality.

Written with love and the knowledge I may be totally wacked!

Amy

[Janice]

Not really sure how to pray.
So many times I pray for what "I" want and maybe it's not what God wants. I'm not saying that is the case with you, I'm just saying that is what happens with me.

Dear Lord Jesus,
I pray, right now, that YOU give ex-shep wisdom, discernment, and guidance on how to handle this situation, and to grant ex-shep peace over the decision they make, so they know beyond the shadow of a doubt it is what You want them to do. In His Name I pray, Amen.

[Jerry]

Dear ExShep,,,
The only safe way to do this is with confidence,and without expectation.
Love Jerry

[Kerrin]

I think Willow has a point, you DON"T know how this persn will react, or if they have even changed. Maybe you've moved to a different place.
You know God's voice. I ,too, with Janice pray He will give you wisdom in what you should do so that no-one is further hurt, that you both will be blessed,
and you will have complete peace about it,
Love Kerrin

:D ands pearls from jerry againxxx

[ex-shep]

I think Willow has a point, you DON"T know how this persn will react, or if they have even changed. Maybe you've moved to a different place.
You know God's voice. I ,too, with Janice pray He will give you wisdom in what you should do so that no-one is further hurt, that you both will be blessed,
and you will have complete peace about it,
Love Kerrin

:D ands pearls from jerry againxxx


I have a feeling the Lord has his hand on this one. I feel the attempts at contact were meant to be. Before I sent the email I was struggling with my motivations.

It has set off some incredible times of searching and introspection. The jury is still out on lot of this. It is going to take some time before I can really some meaningful observations.

As far as what my friend would think. My impression is anger, fear, and violation. The obvious question is why I do such a cruel thing. The only answer I can come up with is was meant to get her thinking. It was not the original intention. It was an attempt to settle our differences. The email did not go out on impulse. It had been quietly on the back burner for quite some time. My wife had been urging to contact her. Other friends in recovery felt OK with my intentions. Thursday morning felt like it was time.

I have been in recovery from sex and love addiction since 1987. I have taken Willow's most seriously-- even before she wrote I have been triple checking my motivation. I do not sense any dubious motives. I have not felt any temptation to rescue. I have sensed not any preoccupation at all. I am extremely careful to check for any remotely smacks of fantasy or denial or any other danger signals. I have increased my meetings and have been checking in with other members.

Given my cult experiences I know how to smell a rat. The last thing I want to be is denial or delusion. I pray on that issue daily. I joke with my wife, "The last thing I want to be is in denial. Guido will come and break my arms and I like them, thank you very much"

I am in a church where the senior minister has a short fuse with religious experientialism, aggressive witnessing and the "super christian" mentality. There is an implied form of accountability there which keeps me in check and causes me to double check my motivations.

The impressions, albeit subjective, I feel make sense to me and I am OK with what is meant to be. I do believe everybody involved is right where they are supposed to be at the right place and the right time. I am sure there is a lot to be learned and we will all be the older and the wiser.

I will try to share more when the dust settles and I can effectively collect my thoughts

[Willow]

((((((((((ex-shep)))))))))))

Sounds like you've left no stone unturned and have all the pitfalls keenly in sight. Follow your instinct. I'm glad you understood my concern.

Amy

[ex-shep]

((((((((((ex-shep)))))))))))

Sounds like you've left no stone unturned and have all the pitfalls keenly in sight. Follow your instinct. I'm glad you understood my concern.

Amy


Thanks for keeping me straight. I spent a better part of an hour praying that the Lord keep my motivations pure. I was reading Stephen Aterburn's book on love addiction just to check. So far so good. Of course I am fully aware that denial is not a river in Egypt.

For the first time in 20 years I have a little glimmer of hope that I can hang my hat on. It keeps me going and humble.

[Jerry]

Dear ExShep,,,
All we are is seed planters,God is the guy with the watering can.It's nice when we can whitness the germination of a seed we have planted,but that is a "Gift" and an exception to the rule.For the most part,we never know if our efforts have born fruit.But then we don't own the vinyard either ;)
Love Jerry

[ex-shep]

Dear ExShep,,,
All we are is seed planters,God is the guy with the watering can.It's nice when we can whitness the germination of a seed we have planted,but that is a "Gift" and an exception to the rule.For the most part,we never know if our efforts have born fruit.But then we don't own the vinyard either ;)
Love Jerry


Keeps me sober :)

[ex-shep]

My wife and I bought a poinsettia for my friend and placed on the altar for the Christmas eve service in her honor. It was also printed in the church bulletin,

I did email her a second time letting her know and in appreciation the profound and encouraging place she has been in my life over the years, maybe if only in spirit.

There have been some overtures towards reconciliation in the group. I was blown away when a friend of mine who was exit counseled over 20 years ago had dinner with the top elder of the church. The church has come a long way, it still has miles to go in recovery-- but that is another post.

I sense there is an opportunity for healing all in God's sweet time. I had to watch over a sermon at church on the website. [That will teach me not to forget my notebook] The pastor took a swipe at instant gratification and that some of the best things have mystery, take time and are worth the wait. [In context, he was refering to the distance in time between the writings of Isaiah and Matt and Lukes' treatment of the birth of Jesus].

In the meantime, my wife and I work on our issues. I keep the issue in prayer. I will make a commitment to make an appointment with the pastor to get his wisdom and counsel. My wife and I will go bowling. I take reservation calls. The cats get their monthly bath. Life goes on in the meantime.

When the situation first came to light, a mutual friend of our happened to be reading a devotional that day on faith. He remembered that if he did not trust the Lord, it would backfire. As I say to my wife, "If this is Shep's gig, then the gig is up." Also the prospect of Guido breaking my arms keeps me humble too.