Confessions of a Spiritual Abuser

[riverdove]

Here's an article written by a Youth Pastor and his confessions
of spiritual abuse. The article was dated today. Since he has a
good understanding of what spiritual abuse is, maybe the others
in the church may also have knowledge of it? In case you wish
to investigate this further, here's the link to his article.

http://www.youthspecialties.com/articles/topics/spirituality/abuser.php

[mary]

Good grief. :( :mad: What a horrible thing for a "youth pastor" to have done. He thinks he's made things right - but he "apologized" to only one of his class. How many untolled others did he destroy the possibility of any Gospel witness with?

How awful. But then, isn't that what each of our abusive pastors do with us, even if we're adults when it takes place? Don't they (figuratively) rip up the Bible in front of us - or rip it away from us?

These people are demons. I hope and pray that the Lord has truly converted this man since he did this awful thing...

mary

[dougjb]

Hi everyone,
What that youth pastor did was really stupid. More than likely, there were many students harmed by that stunt. After reading the article, he appeared to possess an understanding of the gravity of his behavior and is in progress of making positive changes in the way he does ministry. Even though he may have injured many teens in the past, at least he sees his problem and hopefully his abuse will come to an end.
I wish that the LORD would grant all abusers the ability to repent and stop their abuse. In the many years I been a Christian, seen very few leaders make true confession of their sins and make the necessary changes. Having someone like this actually confess his sin is a sign of hope and encouragement.

Some food for thought
Dougjb

[Elisabeth]

Sounds to me like the guy was too immature and full of himself to be a youth pastor at that point! But he has grown; I too wish that all who have done things to abuse and wreck people's faith would truly repent. Yet, the Bible is clear that there will always be false shepherds. And there has been, throughout history, to the point of the truly faithful being tortured and killed by these false shepherds for their beliefs.

[dougjb]

hi Elisabeth,
You made a great observation in that youth pastor was too immature at that point in time. Maybe that is one of the problems in youth ministry, churches put too many immature people in leadership who end up making a mess of things. This illuminates another problem. Why didn't anyone do anything about it? Maybe there was no accountability.

Some food for thought
Dougjb

[abbey]

boy can i relate to THAT story. partculiary, the part about the young man feeling that it took years to get over it and redefine god. At least hes repentent and saw the error of his ways.

i remember my leader saying to me, (because i said i didnt want to stay in thei group and follow the Lord)--"My mother was terrified to die cause she was an atheist, and here you are, saved, and blowing it"

I got some great replies in my post called is God love conditional. however, due to the damage suffered, i cant reply or relate to it. IT will take YEARS to find out the real God for me.

SA abusers dont undersand the impact of their abuse.

[jane]

I am touched by the fact that this man is going public with what he did. I NEVER saw anyone accept ANYTHING that they were doing when we were watching and experiencing abuse.

Like he writes... the abuse is part of the culture of our churches; people EXPECT it.

Someone here posted, why didn't someone say something to him...

well, in my church, I can see someone doing that being called "brave for Christ" or "speaking the truth and the kids needed to hear it".

I can't imagine anyone in my old church calling what he did spiritually abusive.

Thank God he was able to ask for forgiveness.

Thank God he is writing about it.

Hopefully it will open eyes of other abusers....

and yet there is a part of me that wonders.......what more did he do? Maybe he was only willing to write a small part.:(

-jane

[MelissaT]

Here's an article written by a Youth Pastor and his confessions
of spiritual abuse. The article was dated today. Since he has a
good understanding of what spiritual abuse is, maybe the others
in the church may also have knowledge of it? In case you wish
to investigate this further, here's the link to his article.

http://www.youthspecialties.com/articles/topics/spirituality/abuser.php

This man sounds like the man who abused me. I know it's not but it's good to know that someone has realized what they have done. I would give anything to get an apology.

[MelissaT]

Here's an article written by a Youth Pastor and his confessions
of spiritual abuse. The article was dated today. Since he has a
good understanding of what spiritual abuse is, maybe the others
in the church may also have knowledge of it? In case you wish
to investigate this further, here's the link to his article.

http://www.youthspecialties.com/articles/topics/spirituality/abuser.php

This man sounds like the man who abused me. I was abused for years in my old church and then when I was 18 my youth pastor crossed the line. For years he told me to get my dad to come to church. He even told me to write a letter to my dad. What he didn'tunderstand is my dad got very angry when I would try to get him to go. My youth pastor told me it was just the devil. When I failed to write the letter he told me he was disappointed in me. Later that year he finally crossed the line. He pulled me into an empty room and continued to talk about my love life with me and the fact I was letting my father go to hell. I said he didn't think I was saved. I was outraged and I had to hold my dad back from filing charges. A few weeks later the Churchs pastor called and asked where we were. I told him what happened and he asked me if he was right. Then he told my mom she shouldn't have left the church and said she needed to come to him and be admonished!

I went back a few years later and wrote the youth pastor a letter. I told him about how he violated me and how he has scared off teenagers from the church before. Nothing happened but a few years later he did the same thing to another girl but her dad was a decon. He was then removed from his position. Sadly only after he hurt a lot of other people.

I feel glad I stood up for myself but I would still give anything for a heartfelt appology. I want to beleive in the church and be able to fellowship without the guilt I cant seem to get rid of.

[Lamisa]

Wow, I can very readily relate to that man. I may have been in a spiritually abusive situation, but I was a leader myself and being trained up to be just like them, I really was just like my leaders. Praise Jesus for His grace and that that is what we are all desperate for.
I really respect that man for recognizing what he did wrong.
But, I could see myself doing the same in the past.
I feel where he is coming from.

I'm so thankful to the Lord that He has taken me out of that, but I know for me personally, I have to be careful not to think that I am any better than those who abused me. They just need to know His love and grace and Truth all the more.
It doesn't change the fact that their actions have wreaked ridiculous amounts of havoc in my life and even hurt me in the deepest place, in my relationship with Christ, but I HAVE to believe that my God is bigger than their actions and that His love will go deeper than the hurt that they inflicted.

[Elisabeth]

i remember my leader saying to me, (because i said i didnt want to stay in thei group and follow the Lord)--"My mother was terrified to die cause she was an atheist, and here you are, saved, and blowing it" ...
SA abusers dont undersand the impact of their abuse.

Saved and blowing it?! :eek: More like you upset their numbers game. You're right; SA don't understand the impact of their abuse. What's more is most others in the church don't understand the impact of SA to those so abused. They encourage us to forget it; to forgive, and follow God. They don't realize that spiritual abuse presents God as totally different from who He is and the notion of forgiveness is often also turned totally backwards from what forgiveness really is in a spiritually abusive situation.

Even if it takes years for healing, you are on the right track, Abbey. Hang in there. :)

[Elisabeth]

I'm so thankful to the Lord that He has taken me out of that, but I know for me personally, I have to be careful not to think that I am any better than those who abused me. They just need to know His love and grace and Truth all the more.
It doesn't change the fact that their actions have wreaked ridiculous amounts of havoc in my life and even hurt me in the deepest place, in my relationship with Christ, but I HAVE to believe that my God is bigger than their actions and that His love will go deeper than the hurt that they inflicted.

That is one thing I have to keep in mind and believe, also. All abusers need to know God's love and grace and Truth. It's so easy to want justice.

We need to always keep in mind that God is bigger than the abuse and His love will go deeper and heal our hurts. :D I have a funny feeling that part of that is to abandon the thought that the abusers are the devil incarnate (though some their actions make them appear to be! :D ) and to abandon the need for justice. God is the one who judges, and His justice is perfect.

I will say this, though: STAY AWAY from unrepentant spiritual abusers. Probably most of us, myself included, have had forgiveness taught as actually restoring the relationship. That is not biblical; if someone is a false teacher, the Bible says to avoid them. Abandoning the thought that the abusers are the devil incarnate and abandoning the need for justice does NOT mean that we are to meekly allow ourselves to be abused again. It also does not mean that we can not "turn them in." By all means, if you can make things better by turning in a spiritual abuser, do so! :D

[SpinningHead]

I remember one time when I was a youth say 15 or 16 my youth group went to a water park in Alburquerque NM. I lived in Farmington at the time. Anyway at this water park I wore, naturally a bathing suit (one piece), T-shirt & flip flops and like a lot of other kids, played games in the arcade...I can still remember the game too. As I left the arcade part of the park, made my last splash with other and headed back to the bus...the youth pastor screamed at me for being a flirt, a jezebel all the while holding my up by my elbow. He was going to have a talk with my mother! :eek: I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about as I hadn't been around any boys at the time...I was in the arcade conquering the highest score and winning myself a panda!! He wouldn't listen to any of it but continued to berate me the entire 3 1/2 hour bus trip home with all my friends in the back snickering or pitying me. He even made me sit in front next to his wife so he "could keep an eye on me". Never mind me telling you what his own daughter (my age) was like with boys!! I wasn't even allowed to be friends with her because my mother called her "wild".

I can't tell you how nieve I was at the time but it took me a long time to realize that horror of an experience was about his pervertedness and not my fun afternoon in the water park's arcade. But it scarred me for a long time and I became real introverted and shy when around my youth group until he left. I really hated him after that day.

[abbey]

I remember one time when I was a youth say 15 or 16 my youth group went to a water park in Alburquerque NM. I lived in Farmington at the time. Anyway at this water park I wore, naturally a bathing suit (one piece), T-shirt & flip flops and like a lot of other kids, played games in the arcade...I can still remember the game too. As I left the arcade part of the park, made my last splash with other and headed back to the bus...the youth pastor screamed at me for being a flirt, a jezebel all the while holding my up by my elbow. He was going to have a talk with my mother! :eek: I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about as I hadn't been around any boys at the time...I was in the arcade conquering the highest score and winning myself a panda!! He wouldn't listen to any of it but continued to berate me the entire 3 1/2 hour bus trip home with all my friends in the back snickering or pitying me. He even made me sit in front next to his wife so he "could keep an eye on me". Never mind me telling you what his own daughter (my age) was like with boys!! I wasn't even allowed to be friends with her because my mother called her "wild".

I can't tell you how nieve I was at the time but it took me a long time to realize that horror of an experience was about his pervertedness and not my fun afternoon in the water park's arcade. But it scarred me for a long time and I became real introverted and shy when around my youth group until he left. I really hated him after that day.

WOW what a moron!

Yer right! It was his own perverted mind that created that situation! im sorry SH--the world is full of idiots!

[Elisabeth]

I remember one time when I was a youth say 15 or 16 my youth group went to a water park in Alburquerque NM. I lived in Farmington at the time. Anyway at this water park I wore, naturally a bathing suit (one piece), T-shirt & flip flops and like a lot of other kids, played games in the arcade...I can still remember the game too. As I left the arcade part of the park, made my last splash with other and headed back to the bus...the youth pastor screamed at me for being a flirt, a jezebel all the while holding my up by my elbow. He was going to have a talk with my mother! :eek: I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about as I hadn't been around any boys at the time...I was in the arcade conquering the highest score and winning myself a panda!! He wouldn't listen to any of it but continued to berate me the entire 3 1/2 hour bus trip home with all my friends in the back snickering or pitying me. He even made me sit in front next to his wife so he "could keep an eye on me". Never mind me telling you what his own daughter (my age) was like with boys!! I wasn't even allowed to be friends with her because my mother called her "wild".

I can't tell you how nieve I was at the time but it took me a long time to realize that horror of an experience was about his pervertedness and not my fun afternoon in the water park's arcade. But it scarred me for a long time and I became real introverted and shy when around my youth group until he left. I really hated him after that day.

I can see how it would have traumatized you for a long time. :mad: He shamed you in front of the whole group for several hours, and it was he that had the issues, not you. :mad: That is definately spiritual, and when it comes down to it, sexual, abuse. :( I'm glad you eventually saw that it was him and not you, and you got over it.