Why??

[SJPEERYVA85]

I was just reading the thread that Elizabeth started and I felt so many feelings. Anger, disgust, confusion, fear... to name a few.
Why would people, knowing what is going on stay in the situation??? What causes us to stick our heads in the sand and deny what is right in front of us???
Why do we fall for this crap in the first place? I feel so vulnerable. Some of you folks that have been here for a while and studied this out, tell me what you have learned concerning the tendency some of us have to be so trusting.
And what is the answer, TO be distrustful? Is there a simple answer to any of my questions? I doubt it, but I look forward to reading the answers you give me.

[Jerry]

Why would people, knowing what is going on stay in the situation??? What causes us to stick our heads in the sand and deny what is right in front of us???


Such an easy/hard answer :D ........It states in the Bible,,,,"Even Satan appears as an "Angel of Light".....Sweetie,,,,,thats how we become decieved....In Genesis we are introduced to the serpent,,,,,but that is a mistranslation of the Hebrew word "Seraph" meaning,,,,get this,,,"Shinning One" :eek: All of us here have at one time been deceived and followed a "Shinning One".....Is that a sin?????,,,,,,,,,,,,, ;) NO,,,,remaining deceived would be the sin,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,we are not in sin because we have found the light ;)
Love Jerry

[Elisabeth]

I found that fear caused me to want to run back to the legalistic SA church I was in for over 10 years. I started going to a healthy church after that and was amazed at the debate that was going on. It scared me to see people disagreeing with each other. At times I wanted to go back to the "safe place" that was my former church. The pastors opinion on everything was the only opinion being discussed there.
I had a great support system at my new church and would talk to them about my flight feelings. Everytime I wanted to fly back to the "safe" church, they would talk to me and help me to see how controlling the old church was and how that is NOT safe!!

Eventually it passed, but it took a couple of years, really. Fear makes us do and think things, that we would not otherwise.

You posted this in another thread, and I think that's actually part of the reason why my in-laws behave the way they do. It feels safer. They are being spiritually abused themselves, since the pastor's opinion is the only thing that matters, and he's always right. :( To leave would put themselves in the scary place where they would have to question what they have believed for a long time. It's a real mess my family's in, and I feel torn most of the time.

[Elisabeth]

I just realized something interesting. I have been allowing my in-laws to talk so much about their church and their pastor because I know they are being spiritually abused by the man and are too blind to get out of it. But by allowing that, I am allowing them to keep reminding me of the terrible abuse I've suffered. This is enabling, and I am doing them no favors by sparing their feelings.

[SJPEERYVA85]

Yeah, good point Elizabeth! The best thing you can do for them, you and everyone else is to give yourself time and grace to heal. I hope you have a good support system nearby. It's so hard to heal if someone keeps picking at the scab. Kind of a yucky illustration, but it works.

[Elisabeth]

I can really think of somebody whose linen closet I would enjoy seeing an unclean camel defiling, but he would probably make his wife wash the sheets!:D

[mary]

Well, Beth, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family (uh, after you've married into one...). On another thread just a week ago, I posted the details of a break-up with a "friend" from the church I was booted from (re: PM). She was trying to get me to reconcile with "pastor" and she disregarded completely my warnings that she was hurting me badly. So I dropped her like a hot potato.

Now, obviously, your situation is a lot trickier. You're not going to "drop" your in-laws, but if they're following this "angel of light," then they're in grave danger. They should not be bringing any conversation or mention of this "AOL" around you. I could, but I am not going to, put into words exactly what I think of this. I haven't felt so strongly about anything like this in a long, long time. I mean it.

I'll end this right here... Beth, the only thing I'll do now is tell you that you will be on my prayer list starting TODAY!!!! And there you will remain.

John 14:27...

In the love of our Lord Jesus Christ,

mary

[Elisabeth]

Thanks Mary! That was one of the most uplifting things I've heard in a long time. I have heard so much, from my husband and friends, to be gentle with my in-laws, and understanding of them. I realize that even understanding part of the why they do what they do doesn't give them the right to totally disregard my needs to not be continually reminded of past abuse.

[wizeone]

I think for many people leaving a church means leaving friends, families, loved ones, and sometimes jobs. For many people if they leave, they are leaving everything, so they say and tolerate ther bad points of the church


www.kingdomlost.com the author runs a site called cultwatch.com it described my old church perfectly, its kind of a scary read. However you can order copies anonymously for friends and familes still left behind in the church