Voyager
01-24-2007, 12:26 AM
Here's something that I posted a while back, and I feel like now would be a good time to re-post it:
I've been reading a book called "Controlling People" by Patricia Evans. It talks about the psychological process that we go through that creates a triple dependency in us on the group/leader as we lose our own self identity and take on the identity of the group/leader. Here's an excerpt from it:
-------------------------------------
The Cult: A Triple Connection
The most highly organized, completely pretend world is that of a cult. The cult leader, the primary Controller, makes up everything relative to the meaning, purpose, and function of the cult, as well as to the members' lives. He/she has the final say in all decisions, even personal ones. In effect the leader becomes the members' "self".
As cultists become disconnected from themselves, they are coerced into connecting to a pretend self, the leader. In other words, as one's self is lost, the leader becomes it. In order to maintain a position of total control, the leader enforces strict conformity and often manipulates members into enforcing compliance among themselves.
The leader defines others: he or she "knows" who and what the others should be and what they should do, and rules like a God. Cultists eventually find inner self-direction to be almost impossible.
Like the interlocking pieces of a picture puzzle, the leader and the cult members fit together to form a complete picture. But this picture is not a visual one. It is instead a psychological one: a Control Connection of the greatest magnitude.
After a while, new cult candidates lose their self-connection in systematic conditioning. Not unlike severely abused children and people in severely abusive relationships, their communication is controlled or under rigid constraints. They are watched for signs of separateness and punished for them. They are relentlessly coerced to become Pretend People, designed to inhabit a pretend world imagined by their cult leader.
If cultists are successful, cult candidates will doubt themselves and open up to indoctrination. In fact, if their belief systems and personal realities are shattered, the cult, and particularly their leader, will seem to bring salvation. The cult reality, a newly fabricated belief system, then replaces personal reality. Cults are formed by this process. New members must be convinced of their "wrongs", so that their leader, and abuser of power, can "lead them to redemption" along prescribed lines of control.
Through indoctrination, brainwashing and ever-increasing pressure from members, cult candidates shift from tenuous self-connection to solid cult connection. They are finally triply connected: connected with each other, connected to their leader, and connected in conformity to one mind.
The cult leader appears to have special knowledge - knowledge that no one else could have. He/she is certain of this. His/her knowledge comes from beyond the world, from Christ, God, or a being from another planet or time. It is as if all his/her knowledge is backed by a myth that has now become real. Others are told that only with this knowledge will they be saved. He/she alone can save them. He/she alone knows what they should do, how they should be, who they are, and what they are. He does not doubt himself/herself. Convinced and convincing, he/she brings the cult into existence.
Isolation is a major factor. Cultists don't know that they are living in a "pretend world". They are allowed little or no outside contact outside the cult, or they are taught to fear "outsiders". They have no frame of reference, no contrast to enable them to make the distinction between the world we all live in and the cult's world. It is imperative that they all follow the leader's direction or they will suffer unspeakable loss: to be cast out of the "world" where there is no protection from the "evil" he/she is saving them from.
The rules are terribly strict. Members may live in their own homes, but their dress, budget, and activities are all subject to the leader's approval. They are isolated not only from the outside world, but also from each other. They are taught that they have no access to truth.
Generally, cult members must reveal all of their thoughts to their leader and so are made to betray their basic loyalties. These secret revelations are used as special knowledge to further exalt the leader. No one has a confidant. Their conversations are subject to scrutiny. Usually, privacy is forbidden. The leader can walk into any home, and bedroom, any place a member may be, and his/her invasion is accepted because his "contact" has authorized it.
The leader steps into the minds of the members with the authority of a god. He/she claims secret knowledge and plays upon any information he/she gleans from other members. He/she appears all-knowing.
Paradoxically, no cult members recognize that the group is a cult. The members feel that they are the chosen ones: Insiders, privy to secret and life-saving knowledge - knowledge that comes from the "beyond" through their leader.
-------------------------------------
This little excerpt pretty much confirms the fact that spiritual abuse wears down our self-identity to the point where your self-worth is based on what you do in your religious life and what your spiritual leadership thinks about you.
As we begin to re-gain our own self-identity that was lost in the church/cult, many of us don't even have a clue who or what that is. If you're like me, when I joined my former church/cult at the age of 22, I didn't really even know who I was to begin with. I was searching for purpose in life. Therefore I was a prime candidate to take on the identity of the cult leader. Once I joined the church, I no longer struggled with who I was - I now had a self-identity that pleased God (or so I thought). This gave me a false sense of peace. Many spiritual abuse victims return to their group or another church/cult to try to regain this false peace that was lost when they exited the group.
I believe that the empty, void feeling that most of us struggle with is the loss of our own self-identity. We became co-dependent on our former leader to tell us who and what we are. Now that many of us don't have that, we are looking behind every corner to try to find out just who we really are. Everyone wants a cause and a purpose in life. This makes us susceptible to join another controlling group in our search to have someone tell us who we are again. I have determined not to do this, but rather, I am determined to go through the sometimes painful and confusing process of finding my self identity apart from someone dictating it to me again. However, this is not the easy way (no pain, no gain). It's much easier to just let someone else do it for you - but we all know what that inevitably leads to: Another co-dependent relationship with a controller.
I wish I had all of the answers to the dilemma that many of us face in trying to regain a sense of one's self. However, if I did someone would probably become co-dependent on me - LOL! I believe that learning about the process of losing our self-identity will help us understand and work towards a healthy process of re-establishing who and what we are. This will be based on our terms, not someone else's. Articles like the one above make it clear to me that I am on the right track.
:cool:
I've been reading a book called "Controlling People" by Patricia Evans. It talks about the psychological process that we go through that creates a triple dependency in us on the group/leader as we lose our own self identity and take on the identity of the group/leader. Here's an excerpt from it:
-------------------------------------
The Cult: A Triple Connection
The most highly organized, completely pretend world is that of a cult. The cult leader, the primary Controller, makes up everything relative to the meaning, purpose, and function of the cult, as well as to the members' lives. He/she has the final say in all decisions, even personal ones. In effect the leader becomes the members' "self".
As cultists become disconnected from themselves, they are coerced into connecting to a pretend self, the leader. In other words, as one's self is lost, the leader becomes it. In order to maintain a position of total control, the leader enforces strict conformity and often manipulates members into enforcing compliance among themselves.
The leader defines others: he or she "knows" who and what the others should be and what they should do, and rules like a God. Cultists eventually find inner self-direction to be almost impossible.
Like the interlocking pieces of a picture puzzle, the leader and the cult members fit together to form a complete picture. But this picture is not a visual one. It is instead a psychological one: a Control Connection of the greatest magnitude.
After a while, new cult candidates lose their self-connection in systematic conditioning. Not unlike severely abused children and people in severely abusive relationships, their communication is controlled or under rigid constraints. They are watched for signs of separateness and punished for them. They are relentlessly coerced to become Pretend People, designed to inhabit a pretend world imagined by their cult leader.
If cultists are successful, cult candidates will doubt themselves and open up to indoctrination. In fact, if their belief systems and personal realities are shattered, the cult, and particularly their leader, will seem to bring salvation. The cult reality, a newly fabricated belief system, then replaces personal reality. Cults are formed by this process. New members must be convinced of their "wrongs", so that their leader, and abuser of power, can "lead them to redemption" along prescribed lines of control.
Through indoctrination, brainwashing and ever-increasing pressure from members, cult candidates shift from tenuous self-connection to solid cult connection. They are finally triply connected: connected with each other, connected to their leader, and connected in conformity to one mind.
The cult leader appears to have special knowledge - knowledge that no one else could have. He/she is certain of this. His/her knowledge comes from beyond the world, from Christ, God, or a being from another planet or time. It is as if all his/her knowledge is backed by a myth that has now become real. Others are told that only with this knowledge will they be saved. He/she alone can save them. He/she alone knows what they should do, how they should be, who they are, and what they are. He does not doubt himself/herself. Convinced and convincing, he/she brings the cult into existence.
Isolation is a major factor. Cultists don't know that they are living in a "pretend world". They are allowed little or no outside contact outside the cult, or they are taught to fear "outsiders". They have no frame of reference, no contrast to enable them to make the distinction between the world we all live in and the cult's world. It is imperative that they all follow the leader's direction or they will suffer unspeakable loss: to be cast out of the "world" where there is no protection from the "evil" he/she is saving them from.
The rules are terribly strict. Members may live in their own homes, but their dress, budget, and activities are all subject to the leader's approval. They are isolated not only from the outside world, but also from each other. They are taught that they have no access to truth.
Generally, cult members must reveal all of their thoughts to their leader and so are made to betray their basic loyalties. These secret revelations are used as special knowledge to further exalt the leader. No one has a confidant. Their conversations are subject to scrutiny. Usually, privacy is forbidden. The leader can walk into any home, and bedroom, any place a member may be, and his/her invasion is accepted because his "contact" has authorized it.
The leader steps into the minds of the members with the authority of a god. He/she claims secret knowledge and plays upon any information he/she gleans from other members. He/she appears all-knowing.
Paradoxically, no cult members recognize that the group is a cult. The members feel that they are the chosen ones: Insiders, privy to secret and life-saving knowledge - knowledge that comes from the "beyond" through their leader.
-------------------------------------
This little excerpt pretty much confirms the fact that spiritual abuse wears down our self-identity to the point where your self-worth is based on what you do in your religious life and what your spiritual leadership thinks about you.
As we begin to re-gain our own self-identity that was lost in the church/cult, many of us don't even have a clue who or what that is. If you're like me, when I joined my former church/cult at the age of 22, I didn't really even know who I was to begin with. I was searching for purpose in life. Therefore I was a prime candidate to take on the identity of the cult leader. Once I joined the church, I no longer struggled with who I was - I now had a self-identity that pleased God (or so I thought). This gave me a false sense of peace. Many spiritual abuse victims return to their group or another church/cult to try to regain this false peace that was lost when they exited the group.
I believe that the empty, void feeling that most of us struggle with is the loss of our own self-identity. We became co-dependent on our former leader to tell us who and what we are. Now that many of us don't have that, we are looking behind every corner to try to find out just who we really are. Everyone wants a cause and a purpose in life. This makes us susceptible to join another controlling group in our search to have someone tell us who we are again. I have determined not to do this, but rather, I am determined to go through the sometimes painful and confusing process of finding my self identity apart from someone dictating it to me again. However, this is not the easy way (no pain, no gain). It's much easier to just let someone else do it for you - but we all know what that inevitably leads to: Another co-dependent relationship with a controller.
I wish I had all of the answers to the dilemma that many of us face in trying to regain a sense of one's self. However, if I did someone would probably become co-dependent on me - LOL! I believe that learning about the process of losing our self-identity will help us understand and work towards a healthy process of re-establishing who and what we are. This will be based on our terms, not someone else's. Articles like the one above make it clear to me that I am on the right track.
:cool: