What to do?

[Elle]

Trigger possibilities here: I grew up (literally) in an church that called all the shots, from what to wear, what music to listen to, etc. We also had our weekly dosage of "if you don't believe in Jesus, you're going to HELL", at the age of 5. And then there were the movies - I'm sure most of you have been privy to the graphic nature of many of them. It's funny, my parents wouldn't let me go to the movie theatre, but they would have me watch at least a PG-13 if not R for violence, at church at the very mature age of 8 and 9. I can't begin to count the number of times that I "asked Jesus into my heart", just to turn around and do it again because I thought I wasn't sincere enough. Finally, I gave up. I can never BE sincere enough. I'll always have alterior motives for wanting to be a Christian, and they're all based on fear. I would love to know a God who is gentle and loving and would love me even more perfectly than I love my own kids. How do I get all the stuff I was brainwashed with growing up, out of my head. How do I get rid of this gnawing feelng that I'm never going to quite cut it, and at the judgment seat, I'm just going to get a swift kick in the ass into the lake of burning fire, while my two little kids look on, wondering what their mommy did that was so bad. I know this sounds really crazy, but how can I ever be really sure when my entire childhood, I was taught to always question whether I was really a Christian?

[Voyager]

Elle,

I deal with the exact same issues. The only solution that I could come up with was to close off my mind to religion altogether. Who needs all of the fear, guilt, and shame that goes along with it? I sure don't. If God wants to show me His goodness, that's fine. If not, I am not going to jump through hoops to try to find it anymore.

:cool:

[Savedbygrace]

Elle and Voyager,

Your posts really touched my heart. It is so strange, but even though I do not think the church I was saved at taught salvation the way you described, I still find myself wondering if I "really sincerely gave my heart to Jesus" "Why" I ask? Maybe it was just my catholic upbringing, where salvation was never really talked about. In my head I know that my "good works" way of getting to heaven is not true, somewhere deep in the core of my existence, I still hold on to it.

But here is the good news. God does not like religion!!! Isn't that AWESOME???? When I think of some of the past "religious role models" I have had, I have to classify them in the class of PHARISEE. That gives me a good mental picture of how I THINK Jesus feels about their legalistic approach to salvation.

What is required of us to BE 100% ASSURED of our salvation? This is my take on it.
1. Do I believe that Jesus Christ is real son of God?
2. Do I believe that Jesus was truly cruxified on the cross to redeem me from my sins?
3. I believe then that once I (1) confessed that I was a sinner, that by my own strength I could never live a life good enough to make it into heaven. and (2) allowed Jesus to pay the penalty for my sins, GOD DOES NOT SEE NOR DOES HE REMEMBER MY SIN!

Then I have to remember that I do not need any Godly man to tell me whether I am saved or not. I need not ever step foot in a church, I need not ever follow any of the rituals or rules of man to prove my salvation. My salvation is something very personal between me and God.

I am so sorry that your experience has left you so bruised. I pray that your abusive past does not cause you to turn away from God. He was not in that house. He did not speak through that preacher. That whole experience was not of Him.

But he has healing for you. Trust HIM, not a church, not a pastor. Trust him. Trust him...

In his mighty love,

Trish

[Jerry]

I know this sounds really crazy, but how can I ever be really sure when my entire childhood, I was taught to always question whether I was really a Christian?
Christ doesn't question it ;)
Love Jerry

[Doug64]

Your church sound similar to the one I attended for years.


Good comments by all.

It's really so simple when you understand it correctly. None of us can measure up- But we don't have to! Accepting Jesus places our weaknesses and/or sins on Him. He paid the penalty for us.

You are well on your way.

Doug :cool:

[Savedbygrace]

It's really so simple when you understand it correctly. None of us can measure up- But we don't have to! Accepting Jesus places our weaknesses and/or sins on Him. He paid the penalty for us.
Doug,

How is it you guys here can sum up in so few words what takes me two pages to try and convey? :D Well put brother! Thanks,

Trish

[Dolphin]

Elle, it is hard to realize what you have realized you know? That there is something wrong with things you were taught. You are going in the right direction though now! The right direction is not the destination but it has the hope of it. I loved the church I went to as a child. My parents chose right. It was the churches as a teen and adult that were kind of strange that I choose or my friends that i followed in their churches. It is somewhat of a paradox in that we can chose a church we think is sincere and strong and leading us in the right way only to find out that it is very harmful instead.