A Common Trait?

[Voyager]

I would bet that many of us here on this forum share a common trait. We were hurting inside, so we went to a church to find answers. We were so desperate to be healed that our heart was saying "God, just tell me what to do to be healed, and I will do it!" Once the abusive "man of god" (or woman) gets wind that we are "200% surrendered", they play on our vulnerabilities. They give us more and more humiliating, shaming, and "flesh burning" tasks to accomplish in order to fulfill "His will" for our lives. They cross the line and exploit the most sacred part of our being - our spirit. They damage its ability to trust.

If more people were educated on this process, they would be much fewer casualties. Someone needs to make exposing Spiritual Abuse a nationwide crusade. Get it on CNN. Tell people the signs. Sure, there would be a huge backlash from the authoritarian camps - but it would be worth the lives being spared from the grips of wolves.

:cool:

[Willow]

That's exactly the vision of CFF and Wellspring Retreat... and so many more my brain won't think of this morning. Perhaps you could hook up with some of them.

[diva]

If more people were educated on this process, they would be much fewer casualties. Someone needs to make exposing Spiritual Abuse a nationwide crusade. Get it on CNN. Tell people the signs. Sure, there would be a huge backlash from the authoritarian camps - but it would be worth the lives being spared from the grips of wolves.

:cool:

I whole heartedly agree! However, as I try to write articles that will resonate with the general media, I find it is essential that I not be my sole example. Getting stories of spiritual abuse and how to recognize it is extraordinarily difficult. A couple of weeks ago, I published a list of characteristics on this forum and asked if anyone could give me examples of how their experience fit those characteristics, I got one, count it, one, response and that gave me no particulars, only "I think you're on the right track."
I'm trying to raise awareness, but it is hard to do alone! Here's a cooy of my original post labeled seeking stories.

I've only recently realized that I experienced what I will call spiritual abuse about five years ago. I was, apparently the first of many in that congregation and, like so many victims, I am now searching for ways to help others. My particular interest is in developing a list of syndrome characteristics by which a pastor or mental health professional might recognize someone who has been spiritually abused.

My rather imperfect list includes:
-unconditional submission to authority (submission to pastoral authority over Biblical authority)
-fear/cowering -- might be fear of social disgrace, separation from God's love, --being without spiritual direction
-taking blame for perceived failures
-dependence on voice of pastor for assurance of salvation
-unable to see an alternative -- no forum for complaint or resolution, fear that one would not be accepted at any church
-depression -- belief that church trouble is a personal character flaw
-continual excusing of the offender -- the pastor is right, I am unworthy of God's love
-secrecy-silence-shame
-lies
-eroding of support system

I think these are generally the characteristics associated with a range of abuses. I would like to offer examples of how these characteristics play out in spiritual abuse. I could use my personal experience, but I think it would be more powerful to be able to use experiences from many people.
Is this within the framework of this forum? Anyone interested in sharing how these (or other characteristics) played out in their experience?
Thanks

[Ontheroad]

I would bet that many of us here on this forum share a common trait. We were hurting inside, so we went to a church to find answers. We were so desperate to be healed that our heart was saying "God, just tell me what to do to be healed, and I will do it!" Once the abusive "man of god" (or woman) gets wind that we are "200% surrendered", they play on our vulnerabilities. They give us more and more humiliating, shaming, and "flesh burning" tasks to accomplish in order to fulfill "His will" for our lives. They cross the line and exploit the most sacred part of our being - our spirit. They damage its ability to trust.
:cool:

Voyager,

I think you very much hit the nail on the head. It is sad and despicable, but true, that abusive pastors usually do prey on the hurting ones the most. They know that they can control them and beat them down, unlike an emotionally healthier person who would stand up and say "no!".

This was the case for me, in two aspects: My pastor emotionally and spiritually abused me both as my pastor and as my counselor. He really messed me up badly. :( :mad: I left the church 7 months ago, and God is healing me. But some days I still feel so confused and sad. Today is one of those days. :(

[Reg]

If more people were educated on this process, they would be much fewer casualties. Someone needs to make exposing Spiritual Abuse a nationwide crusade. Get it on CNN. Tell people the signs. Sure, there would be a huge backlash from the authoritarian camps - but it would be worth the lives being spared from the grips of wolves.

:cool:

Yes, John, that's exactly how it happens to many of us. It was with me. We do share that common trait.

About the getting it out there and CNN. Go for it. Hey, where's Alice when you need her? :D I bet if you teamed up with her, it could happen. ;)

BTW, where is Alice??? Anybody know?

[Reg]

I whole heartedly agree! However, as I try to write articles that will resonate with the general media, I find it is essential that I not be my sole example. Getting stories of spiritual abuse and how to recognize it is extraordinarily difficult. A couple of weeks ago, I published a list of characteristics on this forum and asked if anyone could give me examples of how their experience fit those characteristics, I got one, count it, one, response and that gave me no particulars, only "I think you're on the right track."
I'm trying to raise awareness, but it is hard to do alone! Here's a copy of my original post labeled seeking stories.

Diva,

Here's one story about me you could use.

An Example of Spiritual Abuse
http://www.marktab.org/borrow2.html

BTW, I read this out to my x and she agreed and said that is exactly what happened. The pain and suffering this caused me, not to mention the extreme anger I felt took me quite awhile to get over. Thankfully, God is good and has healed me to a large degree. But, I can never forget. Do what you can to get the message out. Thanks.

[diva]

REG --
Thanks for your story! :)
Anyone else? I'll maintain confidentiality and change whatever it takes to protect your privacy if I use your example in any articles.
I really want to tie examples to specific characteristics (modified from spouse abuse characteristics, BTW, from the DSMV-IV). The closer we can come to codifying like the DSMV, the easier it will be for mental health professionals and others to recognize spiritual abuse as an identifiable syndrome and the easier to get national attention from the syndrome.

[Reg]

REG --
Thanks for your story! :)
Anyone else? I'll maintain confidentiality and change whatever it takes to protect your privacy if I use your example in any articles.
Thanks for your concern. I've had this webpage on the net since 1996 and over 1000 people have read it. It's on the public domain so you can use my name and the entire article as is. No need to edit it. But, thanks again for wanting to maintain our confidentiality. That's one thing we cherish so much and as a result have learned how valuable it is to maintain Trust in others. Our abusers have trashed ours and severely injured our trust muscle.

[The Prairie Tortoise]

Dear Diva

Would you be interested in a story from England? If so then I'll give you the link as soon as I've finished writing it.

I've only just discovered this forum, and it's got me thinking about writing the whole experience out, once and for all. That way I won't have to think about it again if I want to communicate it - I can just give the person the link / printout. I'm hoping it also might be a healing thing.

Thank you for your list of characteristics - I will use them as guidelines.

Will be in touch as soon as I can.

xxxx

[Janice]

I would bet that many of us here on this forum share a common trait. We were hurting inside, so we went to a church to find answers. We were so desperate to be healed that our heart was saying "God, just tell me what to do to be healed, and I will do it!" Once the abusive "man of god" (or woman) gets wind that we are "200% surrendered", they play on our vulnerabilities. They give us more and more humiliating, shaming, and "flesh burning" tasks to accomplish in order to fulfill "His will" for our lives. They cross the line and exploit the most sacred part of our being - our spirit. They damage its ability to trust.

If more people were educated on this process, they would be much fewer casualties. Someone needs to make exposing Spiritual Abuse a nationwide crusade. Get it on CNN. Tell people the signs. Sure, there would be a huge backlash from the authoritarian camps - but it would be worth the lives being spared from the grips of wolves.

:cool:

Amen to that!

[Kerrin]

Amen to that!
:) Amen & Amen
(Whose gonna do it??????)
Kerrin