Oh my gosh it is in the air...I will try to relay this

[Oopsie Daisey]

Today I went back to the doctor and of course ...in view of things late it is hard to come home from the doc smiling. LOL But I had to pick up the stinkin' mail and in the mail was a letter from my former church...Informing me that I could come back to church but I had to attend every Sunday morning and Life Group...My mom blew when she read it and I cried because I don't know what to do with it. I so tired of being alone that I am almost willing to go back and suck it up. It hurts so bad....They never came near me while I was flat on my back but now that they knew that I am not going to need anything, I can come back but I have to attend every Sunday morning and life group..... I am so sad....I can't go into any more details but I am not sure I am reading it right even to my mom.
Need feedback.....Really I do,.....: I will take what works from each and leave the rest.

Love,
Melanie

You all were there when I was sick, and down and out...You were the ones who have been holding me. You are the ones that have held my hands in the night hours when I was alone and afraid and abandoned...I need your input....Your the ones that care. They think the prednisone done damage to my heart.... so I have to have tests on Wednesday for that.

This is the way the actual letter reads: WORD FOR WORD

Dear Melanie:

Please forgive me for taking so long to reply to your phone call. J___ and I were gone for almost three weeks and had a lot of catching up to do when we returned.

If it your desire to establish a fellowship throu whcih God an work in your life and, through you, in the lives of others, we believe it would be wise to begin by regular attendance at Sunday morning worship. Relationshps are the basis for the life of any family and they are established by spending time together. Our small groups flow out of this time on Sunday___what the Lord is saying and doiong in people's lives and the collective experience of worship an dHis direction through the Word and service.

You have experienced a great deal of disappointment and frustration in the past. Our prayer is that taking this approach will give you the best opportunity to bear fruit and experience the joy of the Lord in greater measure. Psalm 23 reminds us that it is His will for us to lie down in green pastures, beside still waters, for the restoring of our souls. May the Good Shepherd guide you.

In His service.

The pastor signed his name

[Jerry]

Dear Melanie,,,,,
How would I define a true friend???????? Hmmmmmmm thats a tough one............I guess I would say that a true friend is someone who loves me ,,,,,,even when I am not lovable,,,,someone who will stand for me even if I am wrong......Someone who will act on my behalf,,,,even if it is against their own best interests.....Someone who will hold me up when I can't stand alone....these things define friendship.......
Love Jerry

[Turtle]

What concerns me about the letter from the pastor is whats IMPLIED.
From the sounds of the history of your experience there, the suggestions of regular attendance sound more like a "veiled threat" if you don't do this and that, than encouragement of getting closer to God.

It's tempting sometimes to go back to the familiar. Is it worth all the crap of head games? Can you nurture and be nurtured there?

Take care of yourself :)

[Oopsie Daisey]

What concerns me about the letter from the pastor is whats IMPLIED.
From the sounds of the history of your experience there, the suggestions of regular attendance sound more like a "veiled threat" if you don't do this and that, than encouragement of getting closer to God.

It's tempting sometimes to go back to the familiar. Is it worth all the crap of head games? Can you nurture and be nurtured there?

Take care of yourself :)

You know Turtle, that is exactly what my Mom said and she said that they act like they are doing me a favor and that they have no remorse for their behavior in the past and I told her that I had basically asked to go back several weeks ago but they failed to get back to me. The pastor was home because the associate pastor said he was.... My mom also said that from what she can see that they lost it somewhere along the way. I told her that I was fuzzy because I knew I got funny ideas sometimes and that I found myself frantically obsessing over whether I had heard right and she said, Mel, you were never like that before, and she says your just starting to snap too. She said they acted like it was one of those things that they were laying out all the conditions and made it look like they were doing me a favor. I can't go through again. I can't go through it. As much as I wanted to have things be this wonderful friendship I thought we had, it is not there any more. I have my eyes too open and my mom indicated that since they never seen where they done wrong then why would I think it would be any better... And she is right and so it wasn't just me reacting to the letter. Now Turtle you have seen and my mom is saying it. Also all those that left before me and after me see it.

So I remain alone but thank you so much for the honest answer.
Gratefully,
Melanie

[Oopsie Daisey]

Dear Melanie,,,,,
How would I define a true friend???????? Hmmmmmmm thats a tough one............I guess I would say that a true friend is someone who loves me ,,,,,,even when I am not lovable,,,,someone who will stand for me even if I am wrong......Someone who will act on my behalf,,,,even if it is against their own best interests.....Someone who will hold me up when I can't stand alone....these things define friendship.......
Love Jerry


And are you saying that my ex church fell short in that area???? LOL.... guess so ...there was no true friends made there. Bummer.... :confused:

I am going to be done with this torment one way or the other.

Thanks Jerry.

Melanie

[Emerging]

(((Melanie))), what those people are doing to you is just plain manipulative, :mad: but you already know that. It's hard for us sometimes as we are healing and all trying to learn what are healthy boundaries and how to set them let alone require that they be respected .... :confused:

And I hear how this is breaking your heart to have people who said they cared for you ... do this to you ... again! :frown:

But you know it's like Jerry said, how this isn't real friendly behavior. And you TOTALLY deserve BETTER than this!! :p (I love to keep saying that about you!! :) )

Finally, I just had to send a "thanks for the memories" email to someone who'd been a close friend for years! :) ... until I started to want our relationship to be more fair and equal vs her being able to call all the shots. She couldn't stand it .. and so I said "thanks for your friendship, it was nice, but you are saying it's over and I care enough for you to respect your choice even though it hurts me a lot" (after venting all over my diary) and stayed on the high road with it all ... so she can't hate what I said. And she may be gone "forever" ... and it hurts SO much! :frown:

But none of us can really heal if we let anyone treat us badly without truly apologizing for their poor choices, because it sucks us right back into that krap that so deeply hurt us in the first place. :mad:

Which is all to say that I care, I kind of understand, and just in case any of this is helpful to you I wanted to share. Most of all I pray that God will pour His love and peace out upon you and help you find people who *truly* care and support you. :)

This whole thing was Them, NOT YOU!!!! You deserve only GOOD things in your life!!! :cool:

[Oopsie Daisey]

(((Melanie))), what those people are doing to you is just plain manipulative, :mad: but you already know that. It's hard for us sometimes as we are healing and all trying to learn what are healthy boundaries and how to set them let alone require that they be respected .... :confused:

And I hear how this is breaking your heart to have people who said they cared for you ... do this to you ... again! :frown:

But you know it's like Jerry said, how this isn't real friendly behavior. And you TOTALLY deserve BETTER than this!! :p (I love to keep saying that about you!! :) )

Finally, I just had to send a "thanks for the memories" email to someone who'd been a close friend for years! :) ... until I started to want our relationship to be more fair and equal vs her being able to call all the shots. She couldn't stand it .. and so I said "thanks for your friendship, it was nice, but you are saying it's over and I care enough for you to respect your choice even though it hurts me a lot" (after venting all over my diary) and stayed on the high road with it all ... so she can't hate what I said. And she may be gone "forever" ... and it hurts SO much! :frown:

But none of us can really heal if we let anyone treat us badly without truly apologizing for their poor choices, because it sucks us right back into that krap that so deeply hurt us in the first place. :mad:

Which is all to say that I care, I kind of understand, and just in case any of this is helpful to you I wanted to share. Most of all I pray that God will pour His love and peace out upon you and help you find people who *truly* care and support you. :)

This whole thing was Them, NOT YOU!!!! You deserve only GOOD things in your life!!! :cool:

Oh Emerging, I am so sorry that you are going through all the painful stuff of a friendship and wanting it to be fair. I sure do know where you are coming from. You know Emerging, you have a lot of worthwhile stuff you say. Stuff that really makes a lot of sense is really healthy. This is probably one of the hardest things I have done is just getting a fresh new start with healthy relationships and health in the relationships with any relationships. ;) I am going to go through some really good changes here in the next little bit and some of it is going to be distancing myself emotionally from people I am addicted too, and some that I feel that I have hung on to that have caused a lot of conflicts that have weighed out to be on more on the side of pain than joy. Yes this does include the ex-church family. :confused: This was a test and I have made a choice to forgive and move on. I have chose to love them and yet distance myself. :( I have chose to obtain healthier relationships and look forward to being back on my feet so I can do that. I need to detach from the unhealthy life style I have had for the past several years and realize that there is a healthier lifestyle :) and worship service with others to fellowship with. I do not blame everything on my ex-church family but I do realize it is not healthy for me and I am moving on. :confused: I must forgive because it is tearing me up not to forgive. Trust has to be earned so does respect and I will not return there. I need to learn how to be a healthy friend and someone to worship with and fellowship with. Right now I have nothing to offer except brokeness and disappointments, a feeble body. Thanks for your sharing...It really helped me ...Hugs for all the ones you really need ..... Love, Melanie :o

[Jerry]

And are you saying that my ex church fell short in that area???? LOL.... guess so ...there was no true friends made there. Bummer.... :confused:

I am going to be done with this torment one way or the other.

Thanks Jerry.

Melanie

No that isn't what I said,,,A "True" friend Hmmmmmmmm I think there is only one who fits the criteria ...............
Love Jerry

[Oopsie Daisey]

No that isn't what I said,,,A "True" friend Hmmmmmmmm I think there is only one who fits the criteria ...............
Love Jerry

See Jerry, sometimes I don't understand and so thank you for clarifying. Actually, I really have a hard time unless it is spelled right out like you did above figuring out what is said. This is not a problem reflected on you but it is a problem that I have because I have it ...Beats me why..... I just am aware that I can get the wrong conclusions......Thanks for clarification....

Have to run ...I go back to the Hematologist today and the other doc and will be out of town all day for my physical being.... and driving myself and am so tired. My lymphocyte count is still outrageous along with other counts ....although still shows signs of improvement and I know I am .....still tire easily. So will be offline today. God bless.

Melanie :) :) :)

[Doug64]

Hi Melanie:


I didn't come away with the same feeling that Emerging did.

The letter did suggest Sunday morning attendance. Most churches would do the same - they all want to see you (us) on Sunday morning. I didn't see any direct reference to small group
attendance.

I agree they haven't been supportive. I think I'd go back if I liked it there, have friends there, etc., and if it's not that appealing, go somewhere else.

Love in Him,
Doug

[Oopsie Daisey]

Hi Melanie:


I didn't come away with the same feeling that Emerging did.

The letter did suggest Sunday morning attendance. Most churches would do the same - they all want to see you (us) on Sunday morning. I didn't see any direct reference to small group
attendance.

I agree they haven't been supportive. I think I'd go back if I liked it there, have friends there, etc., and if it's not that appealing, go somewhere else.

Love in Him,
Doug


Hello Doug,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :) :)

Ah ha...Very good reason for the post. My brother didn't see it the way my mom and I did. He asked me what I felt up to and I said, not much of anything...See in the letter, when the pastor refers to the small groups Our small groups flow out of this time on Sunday___what the Lord is saying and doiong in people's lives and the collective experience of worship an dHis direction through the Word and service. the pastor is referring to "Life Groups " which is held in someone's home. The life groups are in a smaller setting and less formal and I had asked if I could attend life group until I can be in larger crowds which Emerging knew something about via email.... So that is how she had a little more of an idea.... so that is when the pastor put stipulation as to what the life groups were for. He used to announce from the pulpit if you can't make it to church, try to make it to life group...well now it appearst that I can't attend "Life Group" unless I set an under is preaching on Sunday mornings. Which is also understandable. The whole process of having to beg to come back to church, and then ignored on several occassions before going to his leaders and saying...that I thought there was a problem there.....I finally gave up when I was so desperately ill and he didn't contact me. He was home from the State of Washington when I placed the call to inquire about coming back. Well needless to say by the long drawn out process that it all has become I am not up to the whole thing....My brother asked me if he resolved any of the older issues and I replied NOPE...and he will not discuss them...that too has been one of my issues... But yes you are right that overall the letter sounded friendly...It didn't sound like they wanted me but it does sound like I want them... I am still too tender, I could tell yesterday...but I can tell that it is time to put this all behind me and finally move on...
Yes indeed, you heard like my brother.... But my brother did have an advantage on you of knowing what three letters before that said too...but my brother ended up saying essentially the same thing as you. So I am still in prayer about it and trying to figure out if God is in this for me to go back or if this is where I let go of all my anger and move on? I don't know...I teeter and I am very unstable in my thoughts.

Thank you DOUG~~~~

Melanie :) :) :) :) :) :) :( :)