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Reg
11-24-2006, 09:46 AM
To Love Others You Must First Love Yourself

Each person is unique. If you know, accept & appreciate yourself and
your uniqueness you will permit others to do so. ... If you recognize
your need to be free to discover who you are, you will allow others
their freedom to do so also.


To love You Must Free Yourself of Labels

Love Involves Responsibility

The love of humanity is the natural outgrowth of love for a single
individual.

For only a deep relationship offers "the adventure of uncovering the
depth of love, the height of our humanity. It means risking ourselves
physically & emotionally; leaving old habit patterns and developing new
ones; _being able to express our desires fully, while sensitive to the
needs of others._"

Through loving a single person, Herbert Otto feels that one acquires
enough strength to assume the responsibility for the community of man.

This, it seems to me, is the essence of loving another, to assure them
that we are dedicated to their growth, to the actualization of their
limitless potential. ... For real love is dedicated to a
continuous learning.

I was amazed to find that when I did get the courage to form a
relationship, I actually became stronger. I acquired two minds instead
of one, four hands, four legs, and another's world. in joining forces
with someone, I got twice the strength to grow, with twice as many
alternatives. Now, it's easier for me to love others. I am stronger and
am less afraid.

On any day you can be taken on with energy, enthusiasm and a
determination to make it one of the best days of your life.

Love is communication.

Love in marriage or any close relationship is the process of growing
hand in hand, but separately. Separately, because it's impossible to
expect that two individuals, even in love, will grow at the same rate
and in the same direction.

Love is always changing and always learning. Love offers the greatest
flexibility.

It's a matter of accepting the person unconditionally for what he is at
the moment, realizing that what he is today is not what he will be
tomorrow. A lover is, then, constantly watching, listening, waiting,
feeling, adjusting, readjusting & changing. if two people grow apart in
love, it is usually due to the fact that one or the other refuses to
grow or change.

In fact, love only acquires meaning only when it's shared.

But love goes beyond hope. Hope is a beginning. Love is forever.


Love Recognizes Needs

Man's basic psychological needs are these. He requires to be seen,
recognized, appreciated, heard, fondled, sexually satisfied.

Each individual seems to be far too busy these days to stop and look at
or listen to anyone, even his own family.

If you love someone you will look at them carefully. Each day they are
changing through a beautiful, gradual process which you will surely
miss if you do not learn to watch.

Perhaps if we listened to another person, truly listened, we could hear
his joy or his cry. Love listens. Love hears. Love touches, fondles.
Physical love is necessary for happiness, growth & development. Man
needs to be touched.

Love is not sex, though sensual gratification in varying degrees is
always a part of love.

Love needs freedom. ... We cannot force others into our way; we can only
encourage them to find their own way.

He must be free to go his own way, in his chosen manner and at his
special rate. he must be free to make his own mistakes and learn from
them what he can. Our love is there to give him sustenance, the strength
to continue seeking securely, in joy, and offer him the day-to-day
encouragement he will require.

He has his path and love encourages him on his way, even if his path
does not intersect with our desired path. ... I am simply suggesting
that man must listen to his own "drummer" or he will be marched right
out of himself.

We are so involved in what must be done that we have no time to do what
we will to do. In other words, we are so busy doing the necessary things
in life we never seem to have enough time to do the important things.


Love Requires One To Be Strong

To live in love is life's greatest challenge. ... On the one hand, man
may know that only by being vulnerable can he truly offer and accept
love.

To be open to love, to trust and believe in love, to be hopeful in love
and live in love, _you need the greatest strength._

Society has little place for honesty, tenderness, goodness or concern.

It's as if they cannot handle perfection, as if it causes them to reflect
upon themselves, to move them to change, the though of which is
perhaps too uncomfortable and painful.

If he deals in the world of men he's more likely to come upon
selfishness, cruelty, deception, manipulation and like parasitic
actions. ... To cope with what he finds and to still love, he must have
great strength. ... He must dedicate himself to love, be resolute in his
love and unwavering in his love. ... he must see love as the greatest force.

To be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the
very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist,
the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the
tolerance of the dedicated, the knowledge of the scholar and the
fortitude of the certain. A tall order!


Love Offers No Apology

"...and we ourselves shall be loved for awhile and forgotten. But the
love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the
love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a
land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge is love, the
only survival, the only meaning." - Thornton Wilder

"Vulnerability is always at the heart of love."

Reg
10-22-2007, 10:52 AM
Again bringing this one up for the newer folks here struggling with the affects of SA.

This is pregnant with gems and I myself have to keep reading it to get the fullness of what it says. It is key in our recovery.

Here are the other two threads.

LOVE (Part One)
I read this book about 15 years ago. It was very meaningful to me at the time. I wrote out some (a lot) of quotes I felt were significant. Hope they are to you also.


LOVE - 'A Warm & Wonderful Book About The Largest Experience In Life'
by Leo Buscaglia.
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=5761

LOVE (Part two - A Question of Definition)
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=5762

It comes back to the quote beside my signature....

"If we want to set our lives right and find peace, it is not the tolerant attitude of others that will do it for us. It will come about, rather, by our learning how to show compassion to them.....

LadyBassPlayer
10-24-2007, 02:00 AM
Reg,
Thank you again for reposting this. It was so very helpful for me to read at this point in my recovery. Honestly, I realize that many things contributed to my being so vulnerable to being misled by my cousin. I suppose the first and largest thing was the fact that I wanted to be a "good" Christian because it MUST be the way to receive the greatest rewards in heaven and I wanted that! I'm not talking about salvation here, but talking about being one of the "chosen", that I was groomed to be. The second largest reason that I was so vulnerable was because when I married at barely 17 (in 1980) to my much older husband he was a very affectionate man, which was exactly what I needed after coming from my childhood home with an unaffectionate father.. But within a couple of months of our marriage, my new husband started rejecting me (partially because I was so needy, of course!) and I continued to reach out to him to try to fill my empty heart with love. At that time I was not saved, and did not get saved for 20 years after that.

Anyway, reading this article on love validates to me that even though having the love of Christ diminishes a good portion of my need to be touched, (which is a basic human need!!) I still need to be touched, affectionately, as all humans do. My husband is still a completely unaffectionate man. Living with this for 27 years has been my own internal hell... Love? Do I love him? Absolutely. Why? Because I know he loves me. He demonstrates his love in many, many ways besides being affectionate. That's why I love him after all this time. But, what is it within him that keeps him from being affectionate? I surely wish I knew... It's something we have rehashed over and over and talked about so many, many times over the years. But, nothing ever changes in that respect. All I can do is pray.

Wondering if any of you might have any insight as to why an individual might not be affectionate with someone they love? Is it because he doesn't love himself enough to be? And if so, is there anything I can do to help him? It all boils down to love again, doesn't it?? I'm willing to do whatever I can to help him love himself more, so that we can all live in FULFILLED love. And no, he is not saved, or if he is, he won't say so in so many words. Anyone that I've ever known who is saved will say so, joyfully!!

Love. What a difficult subject.

An insomniac's rants.

Penni aka LadyBassPlayer.


To Love Others You Must First Love Yourself

Each person is unique. If you know, accept & appreciate yourself and
your uniqueness you will permit others to do so. ... If you recognize
your need to be free to discover who you are, you will allow others
their freedom to do so also.


To love You Must Free Yourself of Labels

Love Involves Responsibility

The love of humanity is the natural outgrowth of love for a single
individual.

For only a deep relationship offers "the adventure of uncovering the
depth of love, the height of our humanity. It means risking ourselves
physically & emotionally; leaving old habit patterns and developing new
ones; _being able to express our desires fully, while sensitive to the
needs of others._"

Through loving a single person, Herbert Otto feels that one acquires
enough strength to assume the responsibility for the community of man.

This, it seems to me, is the essence of loving another, to assure them
that we are dedicated to their growth, to the actualization of their
limitless potential. ... For real love is dedicated to a
continuous learning.

I was amazed to find that when I did get the courage to form a
relationship, I actually became stronger. I acquired two minds instead
of one, four hands, four legs, and another's world. in joining forces
with someone, I got twice the strength to grow, with twice as many
alternatives. Now, it's easier for me to love others. I am stronger and
am less afraid.

On any day you can be taken on with energy, enthusiasm and a
determination to make it one of the best days of your life.

Love is communication.

Love in marriage or any close relationship is the process of growing
hand in hand, but separately. Separately, because it's impossible to
expect that two individuals, even in love, will grow at the same rate
and in the same direction.

Love is always changing and always learning. Love offers the greatest
flexibility.

It's a matter of accepting the person unconditionally for what he is at
the moment, realizing that what he is today is not what he will be
tomorrow. A lover is, then, constantly watching, listening, waiting,
feeling, adjusting, readjusting & changing. if two people grow apart in
love, it is usually due to the fact that one or the other refuses to
grow or change.

In fact, love only acquires meaning only when it's shared.

But love goes beyond hope. Hope is a beginning. Love is forever.


Love Recognizes Needs

Man's basic psychological needs are these. He requires to be seen,
recognized, appreciated, heard, fondled, sexually satisfied.

Each individual seems to be far too busy these days to stop and look at
or listen to anyone, even his own family.

If you love someone you will look at them carefully. Each day they are
changing through a beautiful, gradual process which you will surely
miss if you do not learn to watch.

Perhaps if we listened to another person, truly listened, we could hear
his joy or his cry. Love listens. Love hears. Love touches, fondles.
Physical love is necessary for happiness, growth & development. Man
needs to be touched.

Love is not sex, though sensual gratification in varying degrees is
always a part of love.

Love needs freedom. ... We cannot force others into our way; we can only
encourage them to find their own way.

He must be free to go his own way, in his chosen manner and at his
special rate. he must be free to make his own mistakes and learn from
them what he can. Our love is there to give him sustenance, the strength
to continue seeking securely, in joy, and offer him the day-to-day
encouragement he will require.

He has his path and love encourages him on his way, even if his path
does not intersect with our desired path. ... I am simply suggesting
that man must listen to his own "drummer" or he will be marched right
out of himself.

We are so involved in what must be done that we have no time to do what
we will to do. In other words, we are so busy doing the necessary things
in life we never seem to have enough time to do the important things.


Love Requires One To Be Strong

To live in love is life's greatest challenge. ... On the one hand, man
may know that only by being vulnerable can he truly offer and accept
love.

To be open to love, to trust and believe in love, to be hopeful in love
and live in love, _you need the greatest strength._

Society has little place for honesty, tenderness, goodness or concern.

It's as if they cannot handle perfection, as if it causes them to reflect
upon themselves, to move them to change, the though of which is
perhaps too uncomfortable and painful.

If he deals in the world of men he's more likely to come upon
selfishness, cruelty, deception, manipulation and like parasitic
actions. ... To cope with what he finds and to still love, he must have
great strength. ... He must dedicate himself to love, be resolute in his
love and unwavering in his love. ... he must see love as the greatest force.

To be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the
very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist,
the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the
tolerance of the dedicated, the knowledge of the scholar and the
fortitude of the certain. A tall order!


Love Offers No Apology

"...and we ourselves shall be loved for awhile and forgotten. But the
love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the
love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a
land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge is love, the
only survival, the only meaning." - Thornton Wilder

"Vulnerability is always at the heart of love."

Jerry
10-24-2007, 05:23 AM
He demonstrates his love in many, many ways besides being affectionate. That's why I love him after all this time. But, what is it within him that keeps him from being affectionate? I surely wish I knew... It's something we have rehashed over and over and talked about so many, many times over the years. But, nothing ever changes in that respect. All I can do is pray.


Dear Mr.LadyBassPlayer,,,,
I am now retired and I would guess on the downhill side of it all.. :eek: As I look back over my life I occasionally remember something I regret,,,but with a "funny" twist that one would not expect........I do not regret one single thing I ever did !!!! The things I didn't do,,,,,,,these things are what I regret :(

Love Jerry

LadyBassPlayer
10-24-2007, 07:48 AM
Jerry,
Those things we don't do are the things we regret the most.. very true. I wonder if he will feel that way in years to come. I suppose that's between he and the Lord. :)




Dear Mr.LadyBassPlayer,,,,
I am now retired and I would guess on the downhill side of it all.. :eek: As I look back over my life I occasionally remember something I regret,,,but with a "funny" twist that one would not expect........I do not regret one single thing I ever did !!!! The things I didn't do,,,,,,,these things are what I regret :(

Love Jerry

Jerry
10-25-2007, 04:24 AM
Jerry,
Those things we don't do are the things we regret the most.. very true. I wonder if he will feel that way in years to come. I suppose that's between he and the Lord. :)

P.S. Mr.LadyBassPlayer it's never too late to do them ;)

LadyBassPlayer
10-26-2007, 07:31 AM
Thanks, Jerry. I'm continuing to pray!


P.S. Mr.LadyBassPlayer it's never too late to do them ;)

Reg
10-26-2007, 10:34 AM
Dear Mr.LadyBassPlayer,,,,
I am now retired and I would guess on the downhill side of it all.. :eek: As I look back over my life I occasionally remember something I regret,,,but with a "funny" twist that one would not expect........I do not regret one single thing I ever did !!!! The things I didn't do,,,,,,,these things are what I regret :(

Love Jerry
Jerry,

If you knew more about my life journey you would know that I don't regret very much. :D

LadyBassPlayer
10-26-2007, 12:05 PM
Reg,
You are very blessed to not have many regrets. Honestly, I really only have one major regret myself. But, it was before I was a Christian so I look at my life much differently then, just 7 years ago. I'm a new person in Christ!!

Woohoo!

Penni




Jerry,

If you knew more about my life journey you would know that I don't regret very much. :D

Jerry
10-26-2007, 11:35 PM
Jerry,

If you knew more about my life journey you would know that I don't regret very much. :D

Good :)