Voyager
11-23-2006, 11:01 AM
It dawned on me this morning that we all face a common problem on this forum, and I believe it is the cause of 99% of the emotional turmoil that erupts here.
Most of us came from abusive churches where a particular religious doctrine was preached that we and other fellow members were compelled to adhere to and obey. Many of these doctrines were based on Biblical principles, but for the most part, we were force-fed our pastor's personal interpretation of the Bible. Most of us were told that anyone who did not obey these doctrines was going to hell. Compliance to the pastor's interpretation of the Bible was usually strictly enforced. Now here's the big one: Most of us were taught not to fellowship with people who didn't believe like we did, and it was our religious duty to set them straight if they didn't.
Then one day we decided to leave our abusive church, or we got kicked out. As the influence of our former pastor's doctrines slowly wore off, we gradually began to develop our own religious beliefs. For most of us, these beliefs are still based on the Bible. Unless we joined a different church right after leaving the abusive church, there is a good chance that the new religious beliefs we develop are different than anyone else's. However, one of the principles that we were taught at our former abusive church may still remain as part of our belief system: We still think it is our religious duty to set people straight who do not believe like we do.
Personally, my religious beliefs have radically changed in the past eight years since I left my former abusive church. However, this did not happen overnight. For the first six months, I probably held onto 90% of the teachings that I had been under for the past 12 years. Within a year, I probably still believed in 75% of what I was taught at the church. With three years, this number had probably dwindled down to 60%, and so on. At the current time, I probably only believe in 10% or less of what I was taught at my former abusive church. In addition, I would imagine that it took me a good four years to allow others the liberty to believe whatever religious doctrines they wanted to without me "setting them straight" when their beliefs didn't align with my religious beliefs.
I no longer adhere to fundamentalistic Christian beliefs. That doesn't mean that I don't believe that Jesus died for my sins to make me right with God, because I do still believe that. But that's about the only doctrine in the Bible that I really embrace. I now believe that much of the Bible was written by men who added a lot of their own beliefs along with the cultural traditions of their day to their writings (i.e. women should not speak in church, gays should be murdered, etc.). This new belief system of mine is not widely accepted on this forum, because the majority of you seem to adhere to Christian fundamentalism. I don't knock anyone for that, because I have finally accepted the fact that no one is required to believe the way I do to validate my belief system. However, many of you still feel the need to set people straight when they post something that doesn't align with your religious beliefs. This is exactly what causes this forum to go into chaos on a regular basis.
Now that I can see more clearly what caused me to get upset and threaten to take a break from the forum over the past few days, I am reconsidering my decision to leave for a while. I am probably going to simply back off from any religious debates and understand that many people here still feel the need to set people straight when they post something that doesn't align with their religious beliefs. I can now see this as more of a reflex action than anything. I don't think people here mean to shame others into compliance to their personal religious doctrines, but rather, this is just an automatic reaction that was instilled in them due to being under the teachings of their former (or current) abusive church.
To get a better idea of how this principle works, we can look at the different fundamentalistic religions out there. Take Islam for example. The teachers of Islamic fundamentalism require their followers to not only adhere to their strict legalistic religious rules, but they also command their followers to force others to comply with them. They even go as far as to strap on suicide bombs and blow up buildings with airplanes to intimidate others who do not follow their religious beliefs. Granted, the people who follow abusive religion in the USA may not go to these extremes, but the underlying principle is the same: The followers of these religions place the value of their religious doctrines above the value of their fellow human beings. Your worth and acceptance in these religions is based on your religious performance. This is a very hard influence to get rid of. Some are able to shake it off faster than others after they leave these religions, which is usually due to how quickly they get educated on the symptoms and principles of authoritarian cults.
I believe that what I have outlined above is the biggest problem we all face after leaving our abusive churches. Most of us were taught that everyone around us was supposed to adhere to the specific religious beliefs that we did, or they would go to hell. After leaving our former abusive churches, we take on our own religious beliefs. Chances are, unless you are in another fundamentalistic church, no one around you believes exactly the same way as you do anymore. Heck, my own wife doesn't even believe the same way I do! She has her own set of religious beliefs now, which are probably more fundamentalistic than mine are. This puts us all in a catch-22. If we decide to follow the teachings of our former churches and set people straight when they profess a different belief system than ours - we will be spending a lot of time correcting those around us. This leads to a lot of frustration and emotional turmoil. How many times have we seen this forum erupt into a big fight due to this very reason? It's probably in the hundreds by now. The moderator has even had to step in on numerous occasions to break up the fights.
I am going to make it a point from here on to try to remember what I have said here. If I see someone using shame to ridicule my beliefs, I pray that God will remind me that I used to do the same thing before I came to the conclusion that everyone is entitled to have their own religious beliefs, even if they don't even come close to aligning with mine. I also pray that we can all find the common ground that we do share on this forum as victims of religious abuse, and focus on that instead of on our differences.
As I conclude my post, I want to wish every one of you a very happy holiday season. If I have offended anyone here, I ask you to forgive me, and I apologize for having done so.
Voyager :cool:
Most of us came from abusive churches where a particular religious doctrine was preached that we and other fellow members were compelled to adhere to and obey. Many of these doctrines were based on Biblical principles, but for the most part, we were force-fed our pastor's personal interpretation of the Bible. Most of us were told that anyone who did not obey these doctrines was going to hell. Compliance to the pastor's interpretation of the Bible was usually strictly enforced. Now here's the big one: Most of us were taught not to fellowship with people who didn't believe like we did, and it was our religious duty to set them straight if they didn't.
Then one day we decided to leave our abusive church, or we got kicked out. As the influence of our former pastor's doctrines slowly wore off, we gradually began to develop our own religious beliefs. For most of us, these beliefs are still based on the Bible. Unless we joined a different church right after leaving the abusive church, there is a good chance that the new religious beliefs we develop are different than anyone else's. However, one of the principles that we were taught at our former abusive church may still remain as part of our belief system: We still think it is our religious duty to set people straight who do not believe like we do.
Personally, my religious beliefs have radically changed in the past eight years since I left my former abusive church. However, this did not happen overnight. For the first six months, I probably held onto 90% of the teachings that I had been under for the past 12 years. Within a year, I probably still believed in 75% of what I was taught at the church. With three years, this number had probably dwindled down to 60%, and so on. At the current time, I probably only believe in 10% or less of what I was taught at my former abusive church. In addition, I would imagine that it took me a good four years to allow others the liberty to believe whatever religious doctrines they wanted to without me "setting them straight" when their beliefs didn't align with my religious beliefs.
I no longer adhere to fundamentalistic Christian beliefs. That doesn't mean that I don't believe that Jesus died for my sins to make me right with God, because I do still believe that. But that's about the only doctrine in the Bible that I really embrace. I now believe that much of the Bible was written by men who added a lot of their own beliefs along with the cultural traditions of their day to their writings (i.e. women should not speak in church, gays should be murdered, etc.). This new belief system of mine is not widely accepted on this forum, because the majority of you seem to adhere to Christian fundamentalism. I don't knock anyone for that, because I have finally accepted the fact that no one is required to believe the way I do to validate my belief system. However, many of you still feel the need to set people straight when they post something that doesn't align with your religious beliefs. This is exactly what causes this forum to go into chaos on a regular basis.
Now that I can see more clearly what caused me to get upset and threaten to take a break from the forum over the past few days, I am reconsidering my decision to leave for a while. I am probably going to simply back off from any religious debates and understand that many people here still feel the need to set people straight when they post something that doesn't align with their religious beliefs. I can now see this as more of a reflex action than anything. I don't think people here mean to shame others into compliance to their personal religious doctrines, but rather, this is just an automatic reaction that was instilled in them due to being under the teachings of their former (or current) abusive church.
To get a better idea of how this principle works, we can look at the different fundamentalistic religions out there. Take Islam for example. The teachers of Islamic fundamentalism require their followers to not only adhere to their strict legalistic religious rules, but they also command their followers to force others to comply with them. They even go as far as to strap on suicide bombs and blow up buildings with airplanes to intimidate others who do not follow their religious beliefs. Granted, the people who follow abusive religion in the USA may not go to these extremes, but the underlying principle is the same: The followers of these religions place the value of their religious doctrines above the value of their fellow human beings. Your worth and acceptance in these religions is based on your religious performance. This is a very hard influence to get rid of. Some are able to shake it off faster than others after they leave these religions, which is usually due to how quickly they get educated on the symptoms and principles of authoritarian cults.
I believe that what I have outlined above is the biggest problem we all face after leaving our abusive churches. Most of us were taught that everyone around us was supposed to adhere to the specific religious beliefs that we did, or they would go to hell. After leaving our former abusive churches, we take on our own religious beliefs. Chances are, unless you are in another fundamentalistic church, no one around you believes exactly the same way as you do anymore. Heck, my own wife doesn't even believe the same way I do! She has her own set of religious beliefs now, which are probably more fundamentalistic than mine are. This puts us all in a catch-22. If we decide to follow the teachings of our former churches and set people straight when they profess a different belief system than ours - we will be spending a lot of time correcting those around us. This leads to a lot of frustration and emotional turmoil. How many times have we seen this forum erupt into a big fight due to this very reason? It's probably in the hundreds by now. The moderator has even had to step in on numerous occasions to break up the fights.
I am going to make it a point from here on to try to remember what I have said here. If I see someone using shame to ridicule my beliefs, I pray that God will remind me that I used to do the same thing before I came to the conclusion that everyone is entitled to have their own religious beliefs, even if they don't even come close to aligning with mine. I also pray that we can all find the common ground that we do share on this forum as victims of religious abuse, and focus on that instead of on our differences.
As I conclude my post, I want to wish every one of you a very happy holiday season. If I have offended anyone here, I ask you to forgive me, and I apologize for having done so.
Voyager :cool: