Anxiety over the Holidays

[FROG]

I am planning on seeing my family over the Thanksgiving Holiday. They are all still apart of the SA church we left. I am really struggling. I don't want to be w/them and yet I do. The condemnation is hard for me to bare. I am a people pleaser by nature and I have greatly dissapointed my family by pulling out of the organization.

The relationship that I have w/my family is superficial because we pulled out. Everyone is nicey nicey to each other but there is an underlying negative current. I want my children to be apart of the complete family unit. It is hard because we no longer adhere to many of the dress standards and holiness standards that my family adhere's to. My hair is cut short and that is a big issue w/this organization. It will be the first time my family has seen my short hair. That in itself is bringing me anxiety. I want to go out and get me a wig:D .

Please keep me in your prayers. I have not slept from 3:30 am each night for the past three nights due to this.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

[Anna Marta]

Dear Dear Frog,

You will be in my prayers the entire holiday! :) I can only imagine the anxiety you are feeling. I hope that nicey nicey holds out for the whole time you are together so you and the children will have a good memory of the day.

As a people pleaser myself, I can empathize with you, knowing you are actively NOT pleasing them must be so hard. Please be encouraged Frog that Jesus was not a people pleaser and he will be at your side the whole day. This is a new era in your life and may you be strong in His strength and be the wonderful and free Frog the Lord has made you.

Here is a little thing that has helped me: "Those who are bound will seek to bind you." So maybe looking at them with pity at their NOT being free will help you so you don't let yourself get bound again.

God bless you'
Anna Marta

[Carmen]

((((Frog)))),

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Just thinking...Just because they think that they are "not worldly" doesn't mean that they are more "godly" than you are. Don't let yourself be pressured into being a carbon copy of anyone, God didn't want carbon copies of himself, but children, that is why each of us is different just as one sibling is from another. Being different from them isn't being "worldly", they just don't understand that yet. Like Anna Marta says, I'd pity them for their narrowmindedness rather than be afraid of them.

[SpinningHead]

I can empathize!!

[renee nelson]

I will be praying for you, that God would just cover you with His overwhelmingly beautiful grace and protect you.

Hurt people hurt people.

Being under the law leads feelings of to failure, guilt and shame. People so burdened with those emotions try to transfer them over to any one just for some relief. But you do NOT have to recieve it. You can say quitely in your mind "I do NOT recieve that".

Let us know hoe it goes.

Love, Renee

[DiligentLily]

Dear Frog--how hard this must be for you! Try to remember that you are joyously freed from the bondage they are still under. You are free and can rejoice in that and pity their condition.

But also, don't feel like you are a failure if they manage to get under your skin, because they will get under your skin. They know all the right buttons to push for you, and you are not far enough away from it all yet to be innoculated against their manipulation. Maybe the best thing you can do if they start to give you trouble is to say, "I love you a lot, but we can't talk about this now."

[SueJean]

Oh my dear dear FROG, hugs in abundance. I understand the anxiety. Oh, yes. Just a suggestion: decide ahead of time how long you plan on staying w/them. Then, at that time that you decided on, follow through and leave. It's just a suggestion. It helps me when I plan ahead.

[Jerry]

Dear Frog,,,,
Just remember it's better to be "kind" than to be "Right" and be yourself............When you hear someone ask ,,,,"Whats THAT sposta mean !!!!",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it's time to leave ;)
Love Jerry

[Anna Marta]

Ah, wouldn't you just love to say, "Kiss off" and leave? :D

[butterfly]

Ah, wouldn't you just love to say, "Kiss off" and leave? :D

I shut the door and left. Now I am free.

Free trying to please people who couldn"t get pleased.

Free from abuse from their attacking mouths.
My husband and children are free from Turkey Day hell.

I am sad that I am not there cause they are family. But happy because my family can have Thanksgiven without bad memories.

We make our own now and they are good.:D :D

Praying for you today Frog. soon it will be over. :D Sooner than you think maybe.

butterfly shirley

[ex-shep]

Cardinal rule of recovery. You deserve to be around healthy people-- family of origin included.

I had no problem showing a friend the door when he wanted to drag me into a contentious debate. I warned him I was too tired to argue. If he did not change the subject, he could leave. He left.

I loved "Sandy" years ago who was not going to be pushed around. She went to her folks house on 25 December for the usual holiday fare. Her parents were gripping and complaining. She walked out and came to an AA holiday marathon meeting. She had a blast. I learned early on in recovery with my folks to have nothing to do with them during the holidays. I was throwing pearls before swine.

Fortunately I have an extend family who are great fun this time of year. I like the term "holiday optional". I can take what I like and leave the rest. I may turn on the Macys parade, but I may not. Malls are off limits for me. I can go into Borders and pick some holiday music.