renee nelson
11-21-2006, 10:40 AM
I just needed to tell somebody. I had a real breakthrough this morning. This crap that came to light this summer at my church has been so extremely devestating to me. It has caused me to be depressed, angry and even to seriously question my faith. Others in the chuch seem to be handling it all much better.
This morning I realized why it's been so much harder for me. It's old shame kicking in. The pastor's sexual sins were brought out into the open. I suffered a lot of sexual abuse as a child. So all my shame kicked in when this was brought to light. I identified myself with the church therefore I felt humiliated etc. Other members felt hurt also but for me, because of my past the whole thing was extremely amplified. For instance my father betrayed my trust, my pastor berayed my trust.
It's complicated, but at least I know how to pray for myself now. And I would appreciate your prayers very, very much.
This morning I realized why it's been so much harder for me. It's old shame kicking in. The pastor's sexual sins were brought out into the open. I suffered a lot of sexual abuse as a child. So all my shame kicked in when this was brought to light. I identified myself with the church therefore I felt humiliated etc. Other members felt hurt also but for me, because of my past the whole thing was extremely amplified. For instance my father betrayed my trust, my pastor berayed my trust.
It's complicated, but at least I know how to pray for myself now. And I would appreciate your prayers very, very much.