Voyager
11-19-2006, 01:43 AM
Well, for those of you who knew that I was going to a rehab for a month - I have some news. It didn't work out. It wasn't that the place was bad, and it wasn't that I am a faliure (because I am not), but it just wasn't the right time and place for me to be away from my family for 28 days.
I am not in denial. I know that sometimes I turn to things that are not healthy for me. But, I am not alone. Many of us turn to comfort foods, alcohol, prescription and/or street drugs, and other compulsive habits to try to make ourselves feel better. Obsessive compulsions are one of the biggest problems facing the human race. Right now I am not using anything, and I thank God for that.
I stayed at the rehab in the mountains for three days. It was a really nice place in Utah that many famous actors, artists, and celebrities have stayed at. Unfortunately I had a hard time sleeping because my roommate was a heavy snorer. After almost 60 hours of not sleeping, I bailed out. I signed myself out and caught the next flight to Saint Louis. I am still in Saint Louis now in a motel room as I write this (fortunately I got a good eight hours of sleep last night). I learned a lot about myself at the rehab in the almost three days that I stayed there, so I do not count the experience as a loss. I also learned a lot about what drives people to abuse alcohol, drugs, gambling, and other addictions.
As I saw the dynamics of the group sessions that I attended with the other residents, something started becoming very clear to me: People need community. I asked one of the counselors afterwards why he thought A.A. and other support groups are able to help people recover from addictions. He replied, "I don't really know, but it works. It seems like it is magic." Then I told him I thought I knew why they work, and he asked me to share it with him. I told him that I think people who abuse drugs and alcohol have a social need that is not being met in their life. They might have a family, but they may not feel that anyone in their family really needs them or even cares what they have to say. Or they may have family members who failed them due to trauma, addictions, death, divorce, etc. (this is actually the cause of codependency). In a support group, people listen to you. They act like they sincerely care for you. They encourage you without shaming or criticizing you, and they rely on you to do the same for them. When the needs for community are not being met in people, some of them turn to unhealthy addictions as a way to cope with this void (even unhealthy religious addictions).
Think about this: I went without drugs and alcohol for over 12 years while I was in my former church. After the church turned abusive and I left, I gradually turned back to drugs and alcohol to fill the void in my soul. Why did I do this? Was it because God abandoned me? I don't think so. However, I felt a big void return to my soul that sucked the life out of me. I no longer had the people around me who encouraged me and gave me a sense of purpose. Sure I still had my wife, but like I explained to her on the phone tonight - we are simply two small peices of a big puzzle. When we lost our support community, we lost the rest of the puzzle pieces. When we try to expect each other to become the missing pieces of the puzzle, we end up getting disappointed and feeling let down. We need the other pieces of the puzzle to make our lives complete.
Why are we even on this forum? Is it because we need a community of people to listen to us and encourage us? Is it so that we can feel like we have a purpose when we support and help one another overcome the wounds of our past? If all we need is God (as many would tell us), then why are we even here? For that matter, if all we need is God - why do people feel like they need a church? I conclude that the void many of us feel is due to the lack of community in our lives. Sure, we may have people around us, but are they really hearing what we have to say? Can we share our heart openly with them? Do they encourage us without shaming us or being critical? If not, then our emotional and social needs are not being met. Once people find other people that will be there for them in this capacity (such as a recovery group), the need for unhealthy addictions goes away - along with the feeling of void in our souls.
After going to this rehab for almost three days, I have decided that I still haven't found what I am looking for (I love that song!). So, my wife and I are going to start a recovery group. It's not going to be like regular 12-step groups where individuals meet for an hour to share their problems and leave. We are going to make it a full-package deal for the entire family. We're planning to buy or rent a facility and setup card and game tables for the adults, a free arcade room for the kids, a workout room so that members can get fit and healthy, talent nights for the kids, karaoke nights, potluck dinners, and the whole nine yards. But there is one thing that will be missing: Organized religion. There won't be anyone getting shamed and manipulated from the pulpit. There won't be any man-made doctrines and rules for people to obey. And most of all, there will not be an authoritarian dictator for people to worship!
Please pray for us as we embark on this endeavor. It's actually something that we have discussed doing for a few years now, and we decided today that we going for it. As many of you know who have worked or invested yourselves in churches, it won't be easy getting everyone on the same page. But what will be nice is that we won't be arguing about religious doctrines because there simply won't be any to argue about! Of course, it goes without saying that there won't be any drinking or drugs allowed in the club/organization. I realize that some people may be able to drink socially, but some cannot without becoming alcoholics, so we won't be serving alcohol. One of the focuses of the group will be to abstain from unhealthy addictions (and help others who struggle with them to do the same), but no one will be excommunicated if they don't (as long as they don't start trouble for the group).
I've always lived by the motto that where there is a will, there is a way. If something is missing in our life and we cannot find it anywhere else, God has given us the ability to create something out of nothing. We are going to create the solution for our own need, and in doing so, we will be able to do the same for many other people who were either burned by a church, are struggling with addictions, or simply want a place to go and hang out and find friends without having to go to a bar, a casino, or a church.
Anyway, I am back now. God bless all of you in your voyage through recovery!!!
:cool:
I am not in denial. I know that sometimes I turn to things that are not healthy for me. But, I am not alone. Many of us turn to comfort foods, alcohol, prescription and/or street drugs, and other compulsive habits to try to make ourselves feel better. Obsessive compulsions are one of the biggest problems facing the human race. Right now I am not using anything, and I thank God for that.
I stayed at the rehab in the mountains for three days. It was a really nice place in Utah that many famous actors, artists, and celebrities have stayed at. Unfortunately I had a hard time sleeping because my roommate was a heavy snorer. After almost 60 hours of not sleeping, I bailed out. I signed myself out and caught the next flight to Saint Louis. I am still in Saint Louis now in a motel room as I write this (fortunately I got a good eight hours of sleep last night). I learned a lot about myself at the rehab in the almost three days that I stayed there, so I do not count the experience as a loss. I also learned a lot about what drives people to abuse alcohol, drugs, gambling, and other addictions.
As I saw the dynamics of the group sessions that I attended with the other residents, something started becoming very clear to me: People need community. I asked one of the counselors afterwards why he thought A.A. and other support groups are able to help people recover from addictions. He replied, "I don't really know, but it works. It seems like it is magic." Then I told him I thought I knew why they work, and he asked me to share it with him. I told him that I think people who abuse drugs and alcohol have a social need that is not being met in their life. They might have a family, but they may not feel that anyone in their family really needs them or even cares what they have to say. Or they may have family members who failed them due to trauma, addictions, death, divorce, etc. (this is actually the cause of codependency). In a support group, people listen to you. They act like they sincerely care for you. They encourage you without shaming or criticizing you, and they rely on you to do the same for them. When the needs for community are not being met in people, some of them turn to unhealthy addictions as a way to cope with this void (even unhealthy religious addictions).
Think about this: I went without drugs and alcohol for over 12 years while I was in my former church. After the church turned abusive and I left, I gradually turned back to drugs and alcohol to fill the void in my soul. Why did I do this? Was it because God abandoned me? I don't think so. However, I felt a big void return to my soul that sucked the life out of me. I no longer had the people around me who encouraged me and gave me a sense of purpose. Sure I still had my wife, but like I explained to her on the phone tonight - we are simply two small peices of a big puzzle. When we lost our support community, we lost the rest of the puzzle pieces. When we try to expect each other to become the missing pieces of the puzzle, we end up getting disappointed and feeling let down. We need the other pieces of the puzzle to make our lives complete.
Why are we even on this forum? Is it because we need a community of people to listen to us and encourage us? Is it so that we can feel like we have a purpose when we support and help one another overcome the wounds of our past? If all we need is God (as many would tell us), then why are we even here? For that matter, if all we need is God - why do people feel like they need a church? I conclude that the void many of us feel is due to the lack of community in our lives. Sure, we may have people around us, but are they really hearing what we have to say? Can we share our heart openly with them? Do they encourage us without shaming us or being critical? If not, then our emotional and social needs are not being met. Once people find other people that will be there for them in this capacity (such as a recovery group), the need for unhealthy addictions goes away - along with the feeling of void in our souls.
After going to this rehab for almost three days, I have decided that I still haven't found what I am looking for (I love that song!). So, my wife and I are going to start a recovery group. It's not going to be like regular 12-step groups where individuals meet for an hour to share their problems and leave. We are going to make it a full-package deal for the entire family. We're planning to buy or rent a facility and setup card and game tables for the adults, a free arcade room for the kids, a workout room so that members can get fit and healthy, talent nights for the kids, karaoke nights, potluck dinners, and the whole nine yards. But there is one thing that will be missing: Organized religion. There won't be anyone getting shamed and manipulated from the pulpit. There won't be any man-made doctrines and rules for people to obey. And most of all, there will not be an authoritarian dictator for people to worship!
Please pray for us as we embark on this endeavor. It's actually something that we have discussed doing for a few years now, and we decided today that we going for it. As many of you know who have worked or invested yourselves in churches, it won't be easy getting everyone on the same page. But what will be nice is that we won't be arguing about religious doctrines because there simply won't be any to argue about! Of course, it goes without saying that there won't be any drinking or drugs allowed in the club/organization. I realize that some people may be able to drink socially, but some cannot without becoming alcoholics, so we won't be serving alcohol. One of the focuses of the group will be to abstain from unhealthy addictions (and help others who struggle with them to do the same), but no one will be excommunicated if they don't (as long as they don't start trouble for the group).
I've always lived by the motto that where there is a will, there is a way. If something is missing in our life and we cannot find it anywhere else, God has given us the ability to create something out of nothing. We are going to create the solution for our own need, and in doing so, we will be able to do the same for many other people who were either burned by a church, are struggling with addictions, or simply want a place to go and hang out and find friends without having to go to a bar, a casino, or a church.
Anyway, I am back now. God bless all of you in your voyage through recovery!!!
:cool: