Hurting pretty badly tonight.

[hornblower]

Im going to go to bed....finished cocos sweater. Buttons and all. Going to be cold too so hopefully it will keep his little toot warm. Trying to be positive and keep busy but I should have gotten outside more today...........really down about my recent thing with my sister. Im so dreading thanksgiving it will be so bad. Im not upset that I wont see her because she always ignored me during the holidays anyway, now i know why? I wish I had some arms to hold me right now.
Exactly like my Mother always was when I was younger.

[Jerry]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hornblower))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[hornblower]

Jerry my stepsons wife sent me their famous sweet potatoe pancake mix that all of my grandsons are in love with. Your baby picture looks like youve had a ton of them for breakfast.
thanks for the hug I needed that..................need a hundred margaritas too but not doing that any more.:rolleyes:

[Reg]

Hi Hornblower,

Here are a couple of good ones for you.

NACR Daily Meditation for Wednesday, Nov 15, 2006

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"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give
you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and
humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is
easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

God desires to give us rest. But we resist this gift. No matter how
badly we may want to rest, it is not an easy gift to receive. We may be
weary. We may be burdened. But we are good at minimizing and avoiding
our needs. As soon as we get this next task done, then we will rest. As
soon as there's time for it, then we will rest. We want to rest, but we
have to work real hard to make time for resting and then when we're back
at work we will need to work real hard to make up for the 'lost' time.

While we resist the gift of rest, many of us welcome burdens. We find
it easier to believe that burdens are the gift God really wants to give
us. We will welcome a difficult mission from God, a task, a challenge.
We welcome the opportunity to wear ourselves out in ministry.

But the heavy burdens, the weariness are not God's plan for us. God's
burden is light. God's plan for us is not exhaustion but soul rest. God
wants us to be so rested that it sinks down to the foundations of our person.
God wants us to be rested down to our souls. In rest we find that many
of the burdens of life do not belong to us. We find the freedom to give
back to God those things over which we have no control.

Give me the courage to come and receive from you, Lord.
Burdens weigh heavy on my soul.
Give me the courage to come and receive from you, Lord.
My restless soul longs for you.
Give me the courage to come and receive from you, Lord.
Replace these burdens with your rest.
Share with me your easy yoke
so that I can find rest for my soul.
Amen

Copyright 1991 Dale and Juanita Ryan

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NACR Daily Meditation for Thursday, Nov 16, 2006

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There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone
who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from
his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest . . .let us
then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive
mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:9-11,16

God rested from his work.

And God invites us to rest from ours. In our time of need God invites
us to experience the rest-full-ness that comes from receiving mercy and
grace.

But we resist. Rest is such a reversal of our expectations. We don't
expect mercy and grace. We expect criticism. We don't expect to be invited
to approach with confidence; we expect rejection. We don't expect rest,
we expect to receive a list of demanding tasks to perform. Becoming the
kind of people who are capable of rest will require us to change. It will
require effort on our part.

First, we will need to change the way we see ourselves. We are attached
to the illusion that we have no limits. We may not claim to be immortal,
but if you examine our behavior, we act as if we need less rest than God.
God rested. We don't. Clearly something is wrong. If we are to become the
kind of people who are capable of rest, it will take some effort to change
the way we see ourselves.

Second, to increase our capacity for rest, we will need to change our
behavior. Rest is not an idea. It is a behavior. It will take some effort
to change the way we live. We will need to learn the skills that make it
possible for us to say no to over commitment. We will need to build rest
into the rhythm of our lives.

God rested. We need to do the same.

Help me to acknowledge my need for rest, Lord.
Help me to make quiet spaces in my life
when I cease all my doing
and allow myself to be.
Help me to make the effort to rest today.
Amen.

Copyright 1991 Dale and Juanita Ryan

[hornblower]

Oh how i do love this place and all of you! Thankyou so much reg. Rest I will try to just rest today, to enter in, to let Him be all in all, inside of me. He is my shelter and I am His! Please do not quit praying polease please please its helping helping.
Suicidal thoughts were hot and heavy last night and early this morning. Just letting it go not trying to hold on to save face to be anything but to just let it go and cry! Just crying it out. He brings releaf to me. I know my husband is hurting from what they are saying about him also and my son.
This was all my idea you know.

My sister and I were in my swimming pool the pool God gave to me to help with the pain of my daughter. I miss it so much. I could go there and feel Him see him know he was there. My daughter saw Him one day standing there at that pool. If you knew her you would know this does not happen with her it was a vision He gave to her so He could confirm to me what I hoped for and knew in my heart.

There my sister and i agreed to settle on this way of taking care of my parents. I would be the caretaker. I told her i was anyway for my daughter how much more can it be anyway? (I was doing it anyway)
It was definitely too much for me to handle. Way way too much. I wanted to help my husband to pay off bills, to get and save money for my daughter's care in the future, and to assure my parents hard earned money would not be scarfed up by nursing homes that wouldnt keep them together or care for them as good as i knew or thought I could.
I wanted to do better for both of them. I rubbed their feet with oil and cut their nails, nursing fasilities do not do these things, in case you dont know, and sang to them. I wanted to do so much more but at the end of the day I was exhausted.
So now my husband and I are being accused and bashed for everything we did. Judjed.
I leave it to God to be my judge and jury. If He thinks I did wrong then i did wrong and I stand accused forever.
One way or the other I want these voices of accusation to shut up in my head. Silence and rest. Do I deserve that or not??????????
Like David the king I wait for His judjement to come down.
My own sister the one I trusted that i took into my heart hates me without cause.
Take it all, I really dont care any longer about the money I only wanted to help the ones i love. I am not without fault. There were times when I visited him in the hospitals i couldnt take it any more I had to go buy something anything most often a sewing pattern wishing I could do the old thinghs but never could I get anything of my own done. On and on I go with my self pittying i make myself naseous and more than anything i know I do you too if you are reading this and i hope you are not.

I will never to my knowledge let them run over me any longer ...................Ive had enough!
Let them all get on with it, these self righteous christians and that is what his family is all about. My sisters husbands family.
They see their own caretaking as being better than mine! They my friends are very very rich people.
I would do it all again to make up to my parents and gain my loving them back which this is what God gave me. Complete healing from my past with them that is what he gave me.