What do others make of this? [Archive] - Christian Recovery Forums

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exwitchoz

11-16-2006, 01:49 AM

I don't even know why I'm posting this but it is something that has been turning over in my mind after reading of others triggers and flashbacks...

I dunno why I do it... I've tried to analyze it... but I dunno *shrugs* ... it doesn't make much sense even to me....

I don't like sleeping in my own bed in my own room... the place I should feel safest... but I just don't...

Now if I go away and stay at my brother's place or a motel I LOVE being in a bed... it's sooooo comfortable... but at home I'll sleep curled up on a two seater lounge (I'm 6 foot tall so curled up in a ball is the only way I'll fit on it) with a blanket over my head even in the HOTTEST weather...

When away from home in a motel or whatever and I am enjoying sleeping in a bed I'll sometimes wake up in the middle of the night (something I do ALL the time at home - but rarely do away from home) panicy and sweaty and only be able to get back to sleep on the couch or just curled up on the floor...

Do others experience anything even remotely like this?????

Anna Marta

11-16-2006, 02:14 AM

HI

The waking up sweating etc. sounds like classic panic attack. I did that for a while too. Safe and your own bed... If it were me I would start by asking myself some questions to try to pin things down:
When did it start?
What time do I wake up? (Is the time of usual coven activity?)
Can this be a spiritual attack to prevent you from being refreshed and rested?
Have you slept or did things in that bed that unconsciously bother you now that you have left that life?

I'll be praying for you and asking God to guide you through this process. It seems he is speaking to your heart since you felt compelled to share this and the Holy Spirit is guide and comforter. This may be an important step in His taking you to deeper healing?

Love
Anna Marta

exwitchoz

11-16-2006, 02:26 AM

When did it start?

It's something I've done since I was a teen...
What time do I wake up? (Is the time of usual coven activity?)

3-00am (almost) without fail... and like I said it's something that I've done since well before my becoming a Pagan...

Can this be a spiritual attack to prevent you from being refreshed and rested?

It COULD be... I honestly don't know... but funnily enuff if I don't go to bed and just crash under a blanket on the couch I sleep better and am more rested than if I try and force myself to go to bed...

Have you slept or did things in that bed that unconsciously bother you now that you have left that life?

OK... wasn't going to mention this... but I guess it could very well be relevent... I was abused as a kid... but none of that took place in bed... it was away from home in fact... which is one reason I can't understand WHY I don't feel safe in my own bed...

I'll be praying for you and asking God to guide you through this process. It seems he is speaking to your heart since you felt compelled to share this and the Holy Spirit is guide and comforter.

Thank you MUCHLY!!! :)

Anna Marta

11-16-2006, 03:12 AM

I would think the abuse issue is quite relevant. And bed is where we are supposed to be safe. But you are making a little cocoon somewhere else. The curling up, blanket over the head on the sofa... it all makes more sense now.

When I first read your post - the words "look to your childhood" came to my mind, but I did not write them because I don't like to presume something comes from God when it may just be my nutty brain. Teens are really just tall children and just as vulnerable. Those are delicate and precious years and serious trauma during them has an affect in different ways.

Keep digging and praying Jean-Luc. You are a remarkable and loving and caring person. God is not about to stop until the job is done in your life... (or anyone else's for that matter) I just have this strong sense you are "on to something" that will make a big difference in your life in years to come. :)

Carmen

11-16-2006, 03:45 AM

I have heard that some wake up because of snoring, air getting cut off by the tongue in the back of the throat. Sometimes I wake up because of that, but this is then at different times during the night (not always at 3 AM). I have also heard that some just stop breathing, that the brain may not regulate that well when asleep for some people.

I'd check into sleep disorders just not to leave a physical or neurological problem out. If the doctors find nothing, then I'd check childhood experiences (whatever you do, no auditing a la Scientology). Just my opinion.

clementine

11-16-2006, 04:57 AM

EWO!!!
I hope that you'll get to the bottom of this one. Broken sleep is terrible. Can't say I have any bright ideas but I hope for your sake that you are able to figure it out.
Is it possible that there is an abuse scenario that you have forgotten (I was sexually abused as a child also and only have fragments of the memory of it and for a long time had no memory of it at all).
I agree with what Anna Marta said too - the spiritual side of things. Have you ever had prayer for the sexual abuse? (Don't feel like you need to answer all these questions...I'm just throwing them out there for you to think through, if it helps.)
Hope and pray you find some satisfactory answers.
Peace to you...
Clementine

exwitchoz

11-16-2006, 05:14 AM

EWO!!!
<snipped>
Is it possible that there is an abuse scenario that you have forgotten (I was sexually abused as a child also and only have fragments of the memory of it and for a long time had no memory of it at all).

Unfortuneately I don't think it's a repressed memory thing... I wish in a way it was... I can remember it ALL... have TRIED to bury it over the years but it's never worked at all...

My abuse was all away from home... had nothing to do with any family member... in fact the perpetrator was my Sunday School teacher and it all happened at the church hall... ...the @#$% told me I was "chosen by God for a special purpose"... but it was all just a ploy to get me to ... well y'know...

I agree with what Anna Marta said too - the spiritual side of things. Have you ever had prayer for the sexual abuse? (Don't feel like you need to answer all these questions...I'm just throwing them out there for you to think through, if it helps.)

No... not really... it's only really been in the last 12-18 months or so that I've even acknowledged it happened at all... to anyone... let alone seek prayer for it...

I just tried to get by burying it and pretending it never happened... it wasn't me it happened to...

...but I guess you can't do that forever... something has to crack and give in the end...

I'm not sure how comfortable I am talking about it here... but I've opened my mouth now so I'm stuck huh? *feigns a weak smile*

Thanx tho' for your kind thoughts and prayers...

exwitchoz

11-16-2006, 05:33 AM

TO ADMIN:

I can not deal with this now... I am sorry I brought the whole mess up... :( :( :(

Admin can you PLEAZE remove this thread...

renee nelson

11-16-2006, 09:09 AM

[QUOTE=exwitchoz;

No... not really... it's only really been in the last 12-18 months or so that I've even acknowledged it happened at all... to anyone... let alone seek prayer for it......[/QUOTE]
You are definitely not alone in your experiences. I also suffered sexual abuse. The Christian book I really got a lot out of was the Wounded Heart it also has a work book. Go for your healing, it's definitely worth all the work:)

SpinningHead

11-16-2006, 09:23 AM

((((((Jean-Luc)))))))

You were brave to ask but probably weren't prepared to face something you've yet to deal with...that's OK!!! maybe it's in line with what my 2 cents would have been in that basically, when you're not at home, you are being distracted from something your system isn't quite ready to deal with...and that's ok!!

Just know you are not alone!

We're all here w/ comfort food on our tables ready to support you.

:)

jimsmuse

11-16-2006, 02:11 PM

Jerry

11-16-2006, 05:07 PM

TO ADMIN:

I can not deal with this now... I am sorry I brought the whole mess up... :( :( :(

Admin can you PLEAZE remove this thread...

Dear JeanLuc,,,,,
I am inclined not to do that,,,,,this is a good thread......Since you are the author of the Thread if you insist just PM me and I will accommodate you. :(
Love Jerry

Anna Marta

11-17-2006, 03:18 AM

Whenever we bury something that isn't dead it comes up later to bite us in the ass!

butterfly

11-17-2006, 11:20 AM

Pinkie Pie

11-17-2006, 04:00 PM

Wow I can so identify with this. I don't do it as much now, I guess I haven't for about a year or two.

But I went through this period where I would sleep on my living room couch, on the bathroom floor (would put all the couch cushions on the bathroom floor to make a "pallet" and cover up with an old old comforter from my childhood), or else I would make a pallet on my bedroom floor. I couldn't STAND to sleep in my bed.

But I just went with the flow, would sleep wherever I felt like that night. It was actually kind of freeing for me, it made me feel like I had some control in my life, like "Hey I can sleep wherever I want to, I don't HAVE to sleep in my bed." And I still love to sleep in hotel beds. Over time that desire kind of faded away, but looking back, I think I was working some things out, but not sure what, unless, like I said, it was simply to feel like I had some power and control in my life. This started happening a couple of years after I left the abusive church.

yeshua'smags

11-19-2006, 02:54 PM

Oh Oz, please don't be embarassed! I'm so sorry all of this is happening to you and I will be praying for that little boy (you)!;)

hornblower

11-19-2006, 09:47 PM

I would not be surprised that most of us here have had sexual abuse in our background and speaking for my part or my rememberance no matter how much I remember in therapy there is always more that I DONT want to remember.
There may be a chance that it is not the sexual thing but the fact that you have never payed much attention to it means there is a lot of denial. I did and still do the exact same thing with my past issues. Its as if they are not important my memeories. I think its because Ive remembered it for so long evne told about it and no one else got upset.........they werent upset when it happened to me, they covered it up then and people cover it up now, so the lesson here is (accordiong to those around me?),cover it up all of the time.

Whats wrong with that???????? Its totally not what The Lord does. He wants these hidden things, these sins that others did to us revealed as much if not more than our own sins are uncovered. We fellow abuse victims are more adept at hiding this pain than anything else.

I run away from my bed when I am so angry I cannot stand it. There is a very hurt damaged part of me that never comes out of the corner. She is so imatiated and frail she cannot speak or do anything but shiver from the cold. Me on the other hand I do nothing BUT talk! But this person that is talking does she really say what she is needing to say?

Whats worse is if she did speak would anyone be able to help her anyway? All of this is very frustrating. Often I curl up I even sit that way most of the time and would like to cover my head up, my whole bady up forever!
You are not alone here.

There is nothing to be ashamed of you didnt not do anything wrong something was done to you and now you are hiding. My house was never safe but I never wanted to see that. We want to believe that we are not hurting the way we so obviously are. Healing this way takes huge amounts of courage. We are so brave because we know the Healer! He is for us so who can be against us?

Women that were sexually abused by authorities in the church are not a new thing, scriptures tell about it. God is in the business of healing us. Something is causing you to react this way.

I have been asking my husband.............about sleep? Why is it that I seemingly can be doing fine and then first thing when I wake up in the morning theres is the persecuters words hitting me square in the ears????????? What is that? Why? There must be something about sleep and the subconsious mind? A good Christian counselor could really help and this abuse you have suffered is severe! Very serious I think and needs healing. It may take a long long time. Just because you remember it means nothing I remember mine too and didnt pay any attention to it either. I remember it but didnt grieve it or get angry yet, meaning I havent processed it at all.

My daughter says she remembers every single thing about her attack yeah maybe she does??????????????
But she doesnt "FEEL" it and that tells me something is very very wrong because I can see and her father can see its affected her entire life. It causes her to make many strange wrong descions for herself..
I believe that when we stuff things they can make us very sick. Certainly it could very well affect our sleep in all kinds of ways.
Heres one way I can see that this might be working in your life. This was in a church? A spiritual leader? The bed is in your own home, in your own room.

Jesus showed me a few years ago that He is my 'home'. He is my rest. Look at Song of Solomon and the girl getting out of her bed to answer the door where her lover was knocking. The lover is God..........the lover of her soul. The knocking was the door of her heart.........heart home.......bed speaks of intimacy to me.
Yes, this is the way I see this, see if it helps you? If not, ignore it, but the bed at home is the intimacy you are seeking with the Lord. You cannot go there because of the sexual abuse. This person this evil sexual abuser has interferred with the deepest part of your soul 'your home' 'your bedroom' 'your bed where you are called by Him to rest in His love'. You cant because of the abuse that has been perpetrated on you.
Dear one we are all praying for you about all of this. My heart goes out to you. Many of us have been abused this way do not feel ashamed ever or hide any longer. He loves you, all of you. You are his bride, whole, pure and lovely.
Healing is coming your way. I know it is hard and hurts a lot but He will heal it and make you completely His. You are His already always have been. Much love my friend.

beginagainrose

11-20-2006, 05:09 AM

Try www.christiansurvivors.com when you're ready... this site is very much like this one; but a bit more options. You will find wonderful people there...when you're ready. I am a survivor who didnt even begin to deal with my sexual abuse until about 15 yrs ago (I am 53 now)... God knows when you are ready. Don't be afraid. God knows what you need and He will lead you through it. The enemy loves to make things from our childhood like the "boogieman" under the bed... oooh.... did that just leap in your spirit like it did me?... hmm... maybe that is something for you right there... anyway... I used to terrified about my bed when I was younger. I wasnt abused there; it was what "it" represented. May the Lord lead you in your healing journey in all things. You are a trophy of His Grace... dont let the enemy rob you of that truth. Jesus gotts you!

DiligentLily

11-22-2006, 08:20 AM

Oz, I've been away for a few days and am just catching up. I pray for you to find the way to complete healing. God loves you more than you know and He will gently take you through the healing in the right time. I am so sorry for your pain.

On a slightly different note--I am not superstitious and am not even at all attuned to real things like spiritual warfare, but I have heard somewhere that 3:00 am is a classic time of spiritual attack--a kind of inversion of the holy hour of 3:00 pm on Good Friday. I don't know at all whether it really is significant, but Jean Luc you may know something about that from your former coven experiences.

beginagainrose

11-22-2006, 11:17 AM

Carmen

11-23-2006, 01:56 AM

Don't know how I forgot to mention this... in my training years ago with "Freedom Ministry" (spiritual warefare ministry), part of it was the insight received from ex-satanic followers.... they shared that the "satanic church" regularly calls on demonic activity against christian at 3:00am. I have experienced this countless times. It is the 4th watch of the night... but we must remember that "greater is He that is in us...":)

I cannot find any evidence for such things in scripture. I don't think that satanists can release some satanic power to attack Christians or anyone else, unless they are carrying out the attack with their own bodies, hurting someone, breaking in somewhere...

Releasing power, whether it be God's or Satan's is not an idea that is contained in scripture as far as I can tell, though I have heard of the concept in Word-Faith/Spiritual Warfare (Spiritual Mapping) circles.

In Ephesians (a short book) Paul tells us of God's power and how it works through the Christian. Our prayers can cause God to act, but only if he wants to, if what we asked for was legitimate, and if it is within his will. But scripture contains no flip-side to that coin that I can find, that Satan's servants (most people though they don't know it) can release evil by calling on him directly.

The first chapter of Job shows how little power Satan really has, I think. People don't release his power to work - unless directly through their evil actions - according to Job, only God can allow or not allow Satan to do something.

All this as far as I can tell. If anyone knows of any verses that support that evil can be called upon and released at 3:00 AM successfully, I'd be glad to know. Frankly, this sounds more like voodoo to me. For a scientific explanation of something I'd rather reference a serious scientific journal like the American Association for the Advancement of Science than the National Enquirer. In the same way, I'd rather reference scripture on spiritual matters than a New Age magazine. I know that these ideas are circulating in Christian circles and are very popular in some groups, but do not believe that their origin is found within Christianity. Just my opinion.

yeshua'smags

11-23-2006, 08:08 AM

It wouldn't be in the Bible. It's something satanists believe in, they made it up. I've heard it too, and I have no freakin idea what "spiritual mapping" is, nor have I ever been a part of it. Methodists don't get that deep.

Hopefully Oz will come back and clear all of this up.

beginagainrose

11-23-2006, 10:46 AM

Carmen... I just hardly know what to say to your response... YS is correct that not everything is literally in black and white in the Bible... this is satanic acitivity. I have heard personal testimonies on this as well as teaching from those who have experienced these things. If you dont believe in demonic power, activity or influences...??? Scripture is FULL of references about such things... I'll give you one example though... there is REALLY a spirit of offense working in this forum at the moment... and BTW... I am letting this one pass. Bless you, Carmen... you have been a blessing to me several times and I appreciate your participation here.:)

Carmen

11-24-2006, 07:41 AM

I hope what I said didn't offend you, Beginagainrose. :o It is just that all this talking about spirits reminds me so much of when I was deceived in Charismatic/Pentecostal churches. At that time, someone told me that I had two gods, God and the devil, because I was so preoccupied about evil spiritual influence, praying against it "in the name of Jesus" and praying "spiritual hedges" around myself, my family and whoever. I would even walk around the perimiters of our property praying protection on our house and those within. With a shock I realized that their words did hold truth in them. I was not believing that God is in control, was afraid of evil spirits, perceiving them behind every odd or bad occurence, especially those I did not understand.

There is a Christianese that is used in such groups, even the phrase "a spirit of ...." belongs to it. I know that it is normal for some Christians to use such phrases, but since I deal a lot with unbelievers, I have gotten used to not using Christianese though I used to go at it full throttle. Hearing or reading certain Christianese terms is very triggering for me.

I disagree that there is a spirit of offense working within a particular domain on the internet, namely this one, that just doesn't make sense to me. I think that people are personally influenced by good or evil, letting the one or the other work within them, through the choices they make every day, even every minute. Disagreement in itself is not due to any spirit, it is just another opinion. We can agree to disagree.

ninaspirit

11-24-2006, 08:45 AM

I disagree that there is a spirit of offense working within a particular domain on the internet, namely this one, that just doesn't make sense to me. I think that people are personally influenced by good or evil, letting the one or the other work within them, through the choices they make every day, even every minute. Disagreement in itself is not due to any spirit, it is just another opinion. We can agree to disagree.

yes... Disagreements are usualy people trying and strugling to understand and to be understood by each other more than anything because we are human. when these situations are treated as being about evil spirits wanting to destroy, we focus more on that than learning how to comunicate with each other better.

DiligentLily

11-25-2006, 09:02 AM

All this as far as I can tell. If anyone knows of any verses that support that evil can be called upon and released at 3:00 AM successfully, I'd be glad to know. Frankly, this sounds more like voodoo to me...

Yes, Carmen, you are right. The 3AM thing does sound like voodoo, and God is indeed in control of everything that happens, not the devil. You have a good point. But still, maybe there is something psychological going on with Jean Luc and the 3AM hour. I wouldn't know, because I know so little of Jean Luc's experiences, but maybe the coven got under his skin with that little superstition. Our abusers got under our skins in so many ways.

exwitchoz

11-25-2006, 10:52 AM

OK... I have read EVERY post here.... and what follows is meant in the same spirit of love that ppl had when they posted their replies...

I understand ppl's concerns about my previous involvement in the occult and that they were concerned about Voodoo or even Satanic practices being involved... especially when it came to me mentioning a particular time... ie 3am...

I would like to remind ppl... and again I want to stress that I say this in the same spirit of helpfulness and concern that they had when they posted... it is NOT - IN ANY WAY - meant to belittle that concern... we live on a globe... it is ALWAYS 3am SOMEWHERE... the hour is NOT signifigant occulticly... it really isn't...

It may be 3am here where I am but in Wisconsin (by way of example) it is 1pm (if I did the Math right) like wise when it is 3am in Wisconsin it is NOT 3am here in Oz...

...and I am not big headed enuff to think that Satanists in Wisconsin or New Jersey or where ever consider lil' ol' me enuff of a 'threat' to them to be doing any sort of working timed to coincide with 3am in my part of the world...

Voodoo??? Well Voodoo is specific to a cultural group and is almost totally unknown here in Australia... not a lot of African-Australians on the ground... ;) Voodoo, Santeria and associated beliefs/practices may be widespread in some places but they are VERY much an 'unknown' in my part of the world....

After a lot of tears and a lot of soul searching I believe what it comes down to is past sexual abuse as a kid... I was abused by my Sunday School teacher... it has to do with that... but none of it happened in bed... in fact it happened on a couch under the stage in the church hall...

I have felt like dirt for as long as I can remember...

What it all comes down to is that I blamed myself... I felt it was my fault... I didn't think I DESERVED any better... and soooooo.... I retreated to that couch under a smelly dog blanket instead of a safe comfortable bed...

I NOW realize that that is NOT true.... I DO NOT deserve that... I didn't deserve it THEN... I don't deserve it NOW...

I want to move on now....

Sooooooo......

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...

I ask everyone to show the same concern they showed in replying previously by NOT replying on this thread again ....and just simply let it die and eventually be archived...

Thanx in advance...