Willow
11-09-2004, 06:29 PM
This is not a new topic for me to write about. Forgive me if it becomes redundant. A number of the members of the group I was with are like me... aging and never married. I can't help but believe that the cult involvement had something to do with it. Have any of you here noticed a larger than normal sector of your former groups who are still single. I notice it especially among women, but know of a few men too. Maybe it's that the cult involvement took so much of our time in early adulthood that we didn't have time to find a mate while we were young and pliable. Or... maybe the deception by a male leader tainted our view on all male leadership. Or... maybe the strict rules separating males from females in the congregation had something to do with it. Maybe we even carried the separation into our post-cult lives. Or.... maybe the submission doctrine scared some of us away from giving away our personal power and independence. I have a male friend who attributes his homosexual dysfunction to the notion emblazened on the young men that women were the devil in a skirt. He developed a disdain and aversion to females due to this teaching.
On another note... I've had a really wild summer. I surrendered my virginity at age 42. Caught a scare of possibly being pregnant.... then another scare of possibly being infected with an STD. None of the above were true, but that is how freaked out I was about even trying to date and how to do it and how to stand up to the pressure to be physically involved... especially when it went against everything I was taught about purity and abstinance. I know everyone has an opinion about this stuff. However... I'm on a journey. I'm going "THROUGH" something. I won't stay here. It's almost as though I had to backtrack in order to get to the place of true adulthood. My therapist said it's like I'm going through my teen years in an adult body. I have experimented with alcohol and hung around places I would have avoided previously. Places like biker bars and local pubs and new age drum circles. It's truly been freaky. None of those things are me, but I had to check them out. I had run so hard away from anything that didn't have the label "christian" on it. I just wanted to see what people are like on the other side of the church wall.
I guess that's my check in. Feedback is welcome, but try to leave the "shoulds" at the doorstep.
Much love to you all,
Willow
On another note... I've had a really wild summer. I surrendered my virginity at age 42. Caught a scare of possibly being pregnant.... then another scare of possibly being infected with an STD. None of the above were true, but that is how freaked out I was about even trying to date and how to do it and how to stand up to the pressure to be physically involved... especially when it went against everything I was taught about purity and abstinance. I know everyone has an opinion about this stuff. However... I'm on a journey. I'm going "THROUGH" something. I won't stay here. It's almost as though I had to backtrack in order to get to the place of true adulthood. My therapist said it's like I'm going through my teen years in an adult body. I have experimented with alcohol and hung around places I would have avoided previously. Places like biker bars and local pubs and new age drum circles. It's truly been freaky. None of those things are me, but I had to check them out. I had run so hard away from anything that didn't have the label "christian" on it. I just wanted to see what people are like on the other side of the church wall.
I guess that's my check in. Feedback is welcome, but try to leave the "shoulds" at the doorstep.
Much love to you all,
Willow