sry but gotta vent somehwere..

[Janice]

..and I guess this place is it.
What a freakin year! Our son's wedding was the happiest day we've had all year long.

Don't tell me to trust God & seek God cause I've been doing that! Like I said,
it's gotten worse!

Both hubby & I are mad at Him right now!

He has allowed me to get cancer, have surgery, complications with bleeding
STILL, have no idea how to stop this hematoma from growing more into my vagina, catheter in, catheter out, catheter in, catheter out, tests, doc visits,more tests, more doc visits, chemo & radiation dead ahead with a copay due for EACH AND EVERY daily visit and, finances completely gone, and now He is taking away our best friends.

Don't tell me He doesn't give us more then we can handle!

We ARE NOT handling this!! We are BARELY existing.

Hubby was going off about stupid stuff this morning and I just locked myself in the bedroom until he left for work.

Both of us just have an " I don't give a shit" attitude. Not a good place to
be, we know that. But..this is where we are and guess what...we don't care!

[ex-shep]

I am glad we are no holds barred. I am sorry to see that you are still suffering. That certianly sounds messy and dehumanizing. I have had equivalent surgery for men. It was never a fun place for me. I wish you nothing but the best of recovery.

The problem I had was the explicit descriptions of what is going on. I had trouble processing it. An excellent is Christian Survivors Forums

http://www.christiansurvivors.com/forums/

There are closed supportive forums where you will definitely get the specific support. I have found them helpful when I had to vent with issues too delicate for the forum. The only other thing I might suggest is a trigger warning in the title by-line. Also private messages or off forum emails might be a better idea.

I must confess the post was a little too much for my system first thing in the morning. I do hope you were not offended for setting boundaries. No need to apologize. Chalk it up to experience. Any one have a spare can of Horowitz Marageten clear chicken soup with Matzo Balls? :)

[hornblower]

Oh my dear Janice how I do love you so very much. Sure do wish I lived closer to you. Its ok my friend believe me please at least know that is a good thing you can at least be coming here to talk and vent doesnt matter whatever it is its ok!
Is there anything that you can find and get a little tiny bit of enjoyment out of. I know money is hard coming but maybe a tv show or a magazine to read or look at. An old book? Yesterday I found my old book my parents read to me. I just looked at those old pictures and read those weird poems and well remembered some. Good times way back.
Maybe writing if its too painful to write in a journal(sometimes I know it can be that bad where even writing alone is too much energy) then come here and write whatever you want. We are here for you. You have been a blewssing for others let us now trry to be a blessing for you. Tell us any little thing that maybe we can do to help.
Would you like a pretty bracelet to wear? I can make you one and send it to you right away. Any color your heart desires. Just send me your address. PM me because I have as yet gotten on my email not sure about this virus protection yet Im missing something and its going to take me a few days to get it on here so anyway I could write to you in snail mail...........paint you some pretty paintings, little ones. Something anything to let you know you are dearly loved despite all of this crap you are going through.
I know my husband is in such a horrible way right now with all of the troubles. That really sends me into depression if anything is wrong with him. He is a rock and to see him like this is unbearable.
This had to come some time though for me to learn that I cannot depend on him. Its a very troubled time for me and I can sit here and make up and think up all I can to help you but only you can possibly know what might be a real help.
No I for sure wont tell you those things that I know you already know to do and believe. You are his child and such a precious child to Him.
Many are the troubles of the righteous man.........remember that one?
Its so allright to be angry at Him. Its so ok. I promise you go ahead and let it go, let it rip, as we say here. He can more than take it..........He knows how this feels to be and feel forsaken and abandoned, sick and alone.
Please if I have said anything that hurts please forgive me. I ramble on and I know nothing.
If I was there I would be quiet with you if that is what you need.
Let me do something anything for you please.

[Reg]

That's OK Janice. We are here for you.

Again, thank you for being so real.

One day I'll tell you a bit more about my journey. I've been there. :(

[beginagainrose]

WAY TO GO HORNBLOWER!!! What beautiful, heartfelt sincere love! Can we all stand in agreement with Hornblower for Janice here?.... JANICE... dear one, Your pain and anger are so acute and understandable. God is big enough to handle your anger. My post about pity was not referring to anyone in the throws of fresh ongoing crisis. Goodness... I am 9 yrs from the onset and 3 yrs from the last battle and when I came here I was so STUCK... two totally different situations! Just BE LOVED. Listen to Hornblower... give her your address and let her reach out to you. Sometimes the best medicine for some of us here is to reach out to others for whom the situations are more tender and overwhelming. Sometimes it is to give a "nudge" to move foreward and for us to look what others need and be whatever kind of tool God wants to use us for... BUT NO apology is needed when you are quite literally still bleeding! This is a recovery room but sometimes people have emergency needs before they can find there way back to the ER or OR and the people at hand need to be willing and to jump in and do what they can! (;) to Ex-Shep:) )

[leelees]

if i could take it all from you i would

[Carmen]

(((((Janice)))))

[Hope 98]

God is so way bigger than your anger. He knows what is in your heart, you might as well let it go.

vent as much as you need to

Prayers in your direction.

[mary]

(((((((Janice!))))))

Prayers going up right now...

No, no one should say to you right now that God never gives us more than we can handle. One of my Messianic rabbis also says, "Don't ever quote Romans 8:28 to someone who's at the end of their rope! It doesn't help!" How right he is on that.

It all hurts; it just hurts. I know; I've been right where you are now, with everything that you have going on, and the Lord came through. He will come through for you. Someday soon, very soon, you'll marvel at the way He's taking care of you. I pray for the imminent relief of all of your pain, worry, distress, discomfort...

Take the blue rose that's my avatar, Janice -- that's for you... :o

Love,

mary