Hesitant

[Janice]

I've been hesitant to post lately for several reasons:

1. I am always soooo tired anymore

2. Been having a hard time and I feel if I can't come on here and be positive then I shouldn't say anything at all.

3. I feel I've given way too many 'updates" and you guys are getting tired of hearing them.

I guess i'm just getting overwhelmed.

I was so positive in the beginning and now it seems things just keep getting worse.

I am still trusting God with my life but, it's getting more & more difficult.

My body isn't cooperating, and it's getting harder & harder to trust & be positive when I'm feeling like crap.

It's just one thing after another, got 'tatooed" today for my radiation, plus had thyroid tests, go back tomorrow for thyroid, thurs go for ANOTHER ct scan for the "fluid" *sigh* been bleeding 7 months now!
For all these tests there are referrals to get, approval numbers, etc...have to make so many appointments and keep all my docs, and tests, & meds straight.......things a healthy person would have trouble doing so much of this and I have to do it feeling shitty.

saw a bankruptsy lawyer last night....he said IF we file we have to file chapter 7 cause..get this..we make TOO MUCH MONEY to file chapter 13. I hate New Jersey!

Very thankful we have insurance but, even the copays are cathing up to us know. I need at least 28 radiation treatments and 6 chemo treatments. have to pay a co pay for EACH visit. (34 visits) possibly more.

Trying, trying, trying but just can't see the forest for the trees.

Sorry for being so negative.

I covet your continued prayers.

[Jerry]

Now you just forget that negative stuff about posting here,,,,,,:( We have to know what to pray for don't we ???? I am one of those guys who can't get excited about "Unspoken" prayers,,,,I like to be spacific when I ask God ;)
We/I love you Janice,,,,,,,,,,,Jerry

[Anna Marta]

1. You are allowed to feel tired
2. You are allowed to not be positive
3. You are allowed to give as many updates as you want. If somebody doesn't want to read them, they won't.

My prayers are with you - asking the Father to keep your mind ordered when it comes to the appointments or to send you a buddy to handle the details for awhile. It must be hard to get those tatoos and have look forward to the treatments.

It sounds like you could use a magic money tree, unfortunately they only grow kroner here or I'd send you a clipping.:p

You are precious and loved. I value your put-ins whatever they are. Just be you.
Warm Norwegian hugs coming to you from
Anna Marta :) :) :)

[SpinningHead]

(((((Janice))))))

Honey, your body is not available to you right now. But that doesn't define who you are. Nothing wrong with putting your pain out there and ask for support and prayers. You don't always have to be strong in your faith when in fact you are feeling tired and weak. You know at your core that you love Jesus with all your heart, all your mind and all your soul...regardless of what your body is doing.

You keep sharing as you're able...we keep praying. That's the deal.

[Jo Jo]

Oh post and share... all the stuff. We don't just want to hear from you when you are up or handling things. You'll find that so many have gone through similar stuff, maybe that will help. We can all commiserate, and cry on each others shoulders. You must be tired and your body must feel like crap. You are going through horrendously horrible stuff right now. When my mom started her radiation she felt more tired and crappy, but that might not happen to you, but it might and then even get on here and type the word crappy if you can, if you want... you know we will always be thinking of you and praying for you.

Mom is alive and well 26 years after her hysterectomy and radiation therapy.

[Reg]

Hi Janice,

Don't get the time to post very much in the summer. I just had to comment here to tell you thank you for being so transparant and vulnerable. You are just being a normal human being feeling what you are feeling. You are so real and with your husband's permission, I would just like to (((((hug))))) you and say, hang in there. Although you may not realize it or not, it seems that our God has something special for you. He promised He would never let us go through anything that would be to much for us to handle.

1 Peter 4:12
Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)
13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Janice, you just have to believe that. I do!

[mary]

I've been hesitant to post lately for several reasons:

1. I am always soooo tired anymore

Of course you are, ((((Janice!))))) You're just a month out from major surgery and you've been bleeding. I'd be "shocked! shocked!" if you weren't exhausted... It's not fun, I know, but it's very much to be expected... I'm sorry you're so tired :o

2. Been having a hard time and I feel if I can't come on here and be positive then I shouldn't say anything at all.

Oh, no, don't give us that! ;) :) You're not getting off that easy, lady! :D If you're up for posting, then we're up for reading whatever you want to say. As Jerry said, we need to know how to pray for you.

3. I feel I've given way too many 'updates" and you guys are getting tired of hearing them.

Ditto #2 reply. I'd get concerned if you weren't giving us updates... Just let us know or have your husband let us know if you're not up for posting for awhile. We'll understand and we'll keep praying...

I guess i'm just getting overwhelmed.

I was so positive in the beginning and now it seems things just keep getting worse.

One day at a time, one minute at a time. That's what happened, I found, when I was three months flat on my back during and after my ATGAM chemotherapy for aplastic anemia, and after my breast cancer surgery, and after my hip replacement, and after my two months confined to home and the hospital for septicemia last year. It's miserable, but the Lord doesn't make you do it all at once, does He? There will be breaks of sunshine here and there, I promise you. And I wasn't even a believer yet during the chemo. or the breast CA treatment. The Lord will provide and He knows that it seems to you that things just keep getting worse. He'll take care of even that for you.

I am still trusting God with my life but, it's getting more & more difficult.

My body isn't cooperating, and it's getting harder & harder to trust & be positive when I'm feeling like crap.

It's just one thing after another, got 'tatooed" today for my radiation, plus had thyroid tests, go back tomorrow for thyroid, thurs go for ANOTHER ct scan for the "fluid" *sigh* been bleeding 7 months now!
For all these tests there are referrals to get, approval numbers, etc...have to make so many appointments and keep all my docs, and tests, & meds straight.......things a healthy person would have trouble doing so much of this and I have to do it feeling shitty.

I hear ya: been there, done that. As to getting through some of these medical procedures, here's what you do: if you don't feel as though you can stand something another minute or if you just feel too weak to go through with something, tell someone. Loudly. Insist that they accommodate you in whatever way is necessary. That's what I did last year while being treated for the blood poisoning (septicemia). (I did not put up with the nonsense that they pulled on me when I was having my son: they wanted to do a bone marrow biopsy on me when I was in early labor and I just said, okay. That was unbelievably painful... :( ) You are not Superwoman. You should be made as comfortable as possible in all circumstances!

saw a bankruptsy lawyer last night....he said IF we file we have to file chapter 7 cause..get this..we make TOO MUCH MONEY to file chapter 13. I hate New Jersey!

Very thankful we have insurance but, even the copays are cathing up to us know. I need at least 28 radiation treatments and 6 chemo treatments. have to pay a co pay for EACH visit. (34 visits) possibly more.

The Lord will provide, even when it looks impossible. This is the type of thing He delights in providing for His little ones - which you and your husband are.

Trying, trying, trying but just can't see the forest for the trees.

Sorry for being so negative.

I covet your continued prayers.

You certainly have our prayers (they're good things to covet! ;) ). One day this'll all be over and you'll be back to your old self, only better. It's the Lord's pleasure to give good gifts to us, after all.

Love,

mary

[Scooter]

Aww, Janice. You're allowed to feel the way you feel. Feeling overwhelmed and tired and crappy is not a sign that your faith is lagging. Anyway, God understands that you are human and that there are times when it's very hard to trust. But He won't condemn you for that.

A counselor once said something to me that I found very comforting. Perhaps it will be for you. He told me that he believes when we're not able to sustain our faith - for whatever reason - that other believers can carry it for us. Let us help you carry your faith.

[butterfly]

Aww Janice Reg and Scotters post say what I feel.

When I am in my Darkest Storms its like I am in a boat in the middle of the ocean.

I am rowing against the tide and stormy waves. When things calm down some I look over board. I see I was only in about 2 ft of water all along.

The Lord had me near the shore line all the time.:D

During the rides on the waves. I hate God. He isn t real if so He doesn t love me. I care less about anything to do with Him.
You Janice are human. I love you the way you are.

If you were praising GOd like you were at a pep rally. Feeling nothing because you werent suppose to I would be worried about you.

Know why? You would be 100% Fundy.

Oh I am so glad you are a human Christian!!:D :D

Human feelings are what He has given us.

[leelees]

i feel privaledged to share in your pain...your a massive blessing to me..really! :o

[jane]

Janice-

I certainly think that your updates are helpful so that I know how you are...

please keep sharing as you are able....
love,
jane