makes ya wonder!

[Lvanett]

Hi all!

I know it's been awhile since I've been here...my apologies.

I still have not found a church home....and the search just became a lot more complicated. Apparently my former pastor from the last (2nd to last actually) church I attended has been trying to find out where I'm going. I knew he was trying to find out exactly where I lived and all, but I didn't think he would stoop to the point of trying to find out where I was attending and serving!

The reason I say this? Because a former "friend" who had also left that church apparently got back in touch with this former pastor. Her new church was co-sponsoring a youth concert with the former church. She'd left there because she didn't like the attitudes of some of the members, who came from money and could (and probably still can) be snooty and arrogant, as well as the fact that she wasn't able to understand the Pastor's sermons. I thought it was safe to share with her a little more about what happened. WRONG!

During this event she not only had a heart to heart talk with some of the members, but she also talked to the Pastor and told him everything that I shared with her in my emails.

Tonight, after weeks of friendly emails, I got a nasty one from her saying that she was suspicious of my attempts at trying to be friendly with her, she didn't think we should be friends, and she didn't like the way I was talking about this former church! Then she began yapping about how "they" were offended at the way I left there, that "they think" I lied about going to a new church and to another worship team position, that I should be concerned with what they think about me (ha!) - and, to top it off, that I have a personality disorder! And this came from a gal who left that church and is schizophrenic herself - and has gone off on myself and others!

Well, not to be outdone, I sent her one last email letting her know: I DON'T CARE WHAT "THEY" THINK. I CARE ONLY ABOUT WHAT "HE", THE GREAT ALMIGHTY, THINKS! and told her goodbye forever.

I realize now that this former friend was and is too spiritually "immature" to understand the control issues going on at that church, and that even now they are trying to not only win her back, but are STILL contacting friends and buddies as to where I'm attending and serving. (BTW, the pastor of the "new" church this friend attended is buddies with the pastor of this former church!) For all I know the Pastor has probably promised her the moon and stars just to win her back... a classic trait of his....and she's probably gone back there.

Still it makes ya wonder, why do controlling churches (and cults) relentlessly pursue those who they believe have left their precious church in a "sinful" manner????

[ex-shep]

[QUOTE=Lvanett;37717]Hi all!

It was getting late and I have to turn in for bed. I did glance at your post. Others will more fully respond shortly. We are good that way. I feel sorry about your friend. I have a friend who still sees me as a slanderer of the brethren and an agent of Satan because I am critical of the church. This battle has been raging on for over 20 years. It is tragic when one is blinded to the denial of their abusive church. The sad thing is Tammy has been out of her church for years and she is still stuck in the mindset.

My heart goes out to you. Keep on posting. We will listen, pray, and support. Virtual coffee pot is always brewing. There is always somebody on line.

[Lvanett]

Hi ex-shep, I remember you from some of my other posts a few months back. :) :) I know this place is good for support, prayer, and encouragement.


A couple of other things that make me wonder... is it common for local Pastors to become friends or "buddies" with each other? Y'know, like a "pastoral fellowship?" I also wonder if they share amongst each other who is good, bad, etc. and warn their fellow pastors of troublemakers? This just doesn't seem right.

Makes ya wonder doesn't it!

[Anna Marta]

Hi Lvanett,

I am relatively new to this forum so you sure don't know me, but I just read your post and wanted to reply. My best friend back in the states was a pastor's wife.

Yes, pastors do have colleagial relationships and yes, they do share about parishoners, esp. problem ones. So there may very well be a certain amount of talk. They are not supposed to break confidences, but some do in private.

When several churches work together on projects it is certain we will rub elbows with those from former churches. May I encourage you to BE YOURSELF? What they do or say speaks loudly of them and what you do or say speaks loudly of who you are.

Let your love demonstrate itself, the mouth speaks what the heart is full of... Even Jesus didn't deal with the detractors unless they tried to trap him. Remember WHO he was at war with, and it wasn't the sinful and unclean, those :) he loved... but the white-washed ones - uh oh :mad:

It sounds like your former church was a tad intellectual and affluent, huh? What a breeding ground for phariseeism - not only are they more intellegent than the masses, but also on a higher socio-economic level. And we know Jesus had a LOT of TIME for them!!!

Have you read the book "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore?" It is free on the Internet in pdf format.

Love and hugs,
Anna Marta

[FROG]

The organization that I came out of was horrible about revealing confidences of members to other pastors. Not only did they share confidences to pastors but to leadership in general. My husband and I were in leadership and became privy to everyones shortcomings and problems. I am sure that the regular membership didn't expect everyone and their dog to know what they shared in private with their pastor.

One family left their home church and wanted to attend another church of the same organization close by. After their first service the pastor came to them and told them they were not welcome to come there. He said their former pastor had counselled him on their situation.

It has been years since that has happened and they still struggle to find a church where they can trust leadership.

[Anna Marta]

It is against the law in Norway to break a confidence if you are in church leadership, legal or medical professions.

That being said, the senior pastor from the church we just left told us (we are counselors) that we HAD to tell people who came to us that we would be sharing "their stuff" with him. We sat there in shock! It was one of those moments in life that one cannot believe is actually happening. My husband calmly and simply said - "I don't think so." Added to the rest of the issues on the table - the camel's vertebrae was crushed. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Never take anything for granted when it comes to a church.

[jane]

The organization that I came out of was horrible about revealing confidences of members to other pastors. Not only did they share confidences to pastors but to leadership in general. My husband and I were in leadership and became privy to everyones shortcomings and problems.


DITTO. That was OUR experience as well.

The pastors in our town actually get together every other week to pray for the area and WARN each other about people fleecing God's sheep or church hopping.....

problem is...if you leave a church you are blackballed or labeled before even entering a new one.

jane

[SpinningHead]

Still it makes ya wonder, why do controlling churches (and cults) relentlessly pursue those who they believe have left their precious church in a "sinful" manner????

I'd say because you're being brave enough to admit when there's a serious problem and you're even saying so. That forces people to see what they don't want to see or admit...so they get angry at you and project their denial onto you...it' couldn't possibly be them! It MUST be you! You must be in rebellion, or immature, or in sin, or don't love God enough, or aren't committed enough or "something" enough.:mad:

That has been my experience and it has taught me that it is so important that I know who I am, have my intentions in check and be willing to be responsible for my actions...so when these ya-hoos come along telling me this and that is what's wrong w/ me, I'm not measuring up in some way...yada, yada, yada....I know that I'm not here to please them so I certainly don't need their validation. Bub-BYE!

The other thing I've learned (the hard way:( ) is that IF a fellow "Christian" that I'm NOT friends with but am friendly with should come along and share a "concern" for me...not to be so open to share a churchy-painful experience with them. I don't know who they know/talk to or are loyal to. I don't know that I can trust them with my pain and I've learned to be very careful about that.

There's one gal that I have been "friendly" with in the past who coo'd and "poor thing" and "that's awful" when I shared (at her request) some of the things that were going on. She was outraged! She was going to look into her own facts! She'd seen for a while now some of the things I was talking about! She hadn't been happy at that church for some time and what I'm saying is confirming some things for her!!.... Did she leave? no. Did she do her own investigation? not sure. And I know that she's been friendly with my offenders...also her offenders. When she sees me now, she is so coooool and polite and surface. :confused:

I need this?? I don't need this!

[newlife]

Hi ex-shep, I remember you from some of my other posts a few months back. :) :) I know this place is good for support, prayer, and encouragement.


A couple of other things that make me wonder... is it common for local Pastors to become friends or "buddies" with each other? Y'know, like a "pastoral fellowship?" I also wonder if they share amongst each other who is good, bad, etc. and warn their fellow pastors of troublemakers? This just doesn't seem right.

Makes ya wonder doesn't it!

Yes, it is quite common for local pastors to join "pastoral fellowships". I remember the cult leader telling us (the congregation) that if anyone ever left, he would contact their new pastor and tell him/her about them. He also said that if anyone came to his "church", he would contact their previous pastor to find out why they left. He said that he didn't want anyone coming who had a "lawless spirit"! He didn't contact the pastor where we're now going, though. I think he knew better!!! Besides, the pastor of the church where we're now going (the pastor who left in January) was fully aware that the "church" that we were leaving was actually a cult, so he wouldn't have listened to the cult leader anyway!

newlife

[Voyager]

Tonight, after weeks of friendly emails, I got a nasty one from her saying that she was suspicious of my attempts at trying to be friendly with her, she didn't think we should be friends, and she didn't like the way I was talking about this former church! Then she began yapping about how "they" were offended at the way I left there, that "they think" I lied about going to a new church...
This is the very source of the distrust that we all deal with around here. One minute we have great Christian friends.... the next minute we have paranoid enemies. It's like leaving Al Qaeda. One minute you're brothers in the faith, then next minute you're an infidel who is worthy of murder by a suicide bombing attack.

Religion sucks!!!!

:mad: