Anna Marta
09-09-2006, 10:06 AM
My tank has a hole in it! I am working through Jake's Story and finding it quite hard. Am questioning pretty much everything right now.
Just finished baking Steinar's favorite bread and the house smells like a bakery.:D He's dancing around juggling bread slices like hot potatoes. I should be laughing, but...
I ask myself if I belong in Jake's story. What was I going to church for "a people fix" or to worship or ?
I discover that in the church I tended to filter waiting with baited breath for a reaction. Accountablity is an issue that I took for granted all my life. Now I am beginning to see the damage it has done. I ask what have I done to others and perpetuated in them?
Bear with me as I try to sort this out, okay? I am trying to make sense of things and put them into perspective. How could I get it in one area of life and totally miss it in the most important area???:mad: :mad: :mad:
As we read Jake's Story, we realize that God showed us the secret to putting relationship as the highest priority - freeing each other to be what we were as individuals in our marriage journey. We have sat and traced the process and its' impact on us personally when we stopped trying to change each other. We started to love the good things in each other and say thank-you for the little niceities. And we spoke truth when we did something to hurt the other telling what it was and what the effect was. It was amazing to discover how much we did without meaning to and how much we had been hurting each other and worse - HIDING from the other one because of fear of each other.
Steinar had an emotional crash in Dk. when his decision to move there ended in bankruptcy. His pain was so great he wanted to die. That was when we truly learned that God was ALL we had. We saw how important the unconditional love of the other was... To think he would choose to die rather than risk losing my respect or love. He needed to know we could walk through the consequences with our best friend without shame or guilt. We found a tiny little church in Dk that loved us as we have never been loved before. That was God's provision at that time. So there are good people and good churches... not perfect, just good.
Now, neither of us is particularly afraid of the other's reaction even when we screw things up. It is why our married couples love to come here for help. They are desparate to "get" what they see in us. We watch them learn and cry with them and laugh and refuse to let them go no matter how often they threaten to sign the papers again.
THEN we lead these couples to a church that teaches them that their God is someone who could withdraw their salvation if they don't conform. We need to make some changes in not being so eager to connect people with "The Body" that may not be Christ's, huh?????
But I feel so bad right now. Just wanted to tell somebody. This is a hard journey. Thank you for listening. :)
Anna Marta
Just finished baking Steinar's favorite bread and the house smells like a bakery.:D He's dancing around juggling bread slices like hot potatoes. I should be laughing, but...
I ask myself if I belong in Jake's story. What was I going to church for "a people fix" or to worship or ?
I discover that in the church I tended to filter waiting with baited breath for a reaction. Accountablity is an issue that I took for granted all my life. Now I am beginning to see the damage it has done. I ask what have I done to others and perpetuated in them?
Bear with me as I try to sort this out, okay? I am trying to make sense of things and put them into perspective. How could I get it in one area of life and totally miss it in the most important area???:mad: :mad: :mad:
As we read Jake's Story, we realize that God showed us the secret to putting relationship as the highest priority - freeing each other to be what we were as individuals in our marriage journey. We have sat and traced the process and its' impact on us personally when we stopped trying to change each other. We started to love the good things in each other and say thank-you for the little niceities. And we spoke truth when we did something to hurt the other telling what it was and what the effect was. It was amazing to discover how much we did without meaning to and how much we had been hurting each other and worse - HIDING from the other one because of fear of each other.
Steinar had an emotional crash in Dk. when his decision to move there ended in bankruptcy. His pain was so great he wanted to die. That was when we truly learned that God was ALL we had. We saw how important the unconditional love of the other was... To think he would choose to die rather than risk losing my respect or love. He needed to know we could walk through the consequences with our best friend without shame or guilt. We found a tiny little church in Dk that loved us as we have never been loved before. That was God's provision at that time. So there are good people and good churches... not perfect, just good.
Now, neither of us is particularly afraid of the other's reaction even when we screw things up. It is why our married couples love to come here for help. They are desparate to "get" what they see in us. We watch them learn and cry with them and laugh and refuse to let them go no matter how often they threaten to sign the papers again.
THEN we lead these couples to a church that teaches them that their God is someone who could withdraw their salvation if they don't conform. We need to make some changes in not being so eager to connect people with "The Body" that may not be Christ's, huh?????
But I feel so bad right now. Just wanted to tell somebody. This is a hard journey. Thank you for listening. :)
Anna Marta