beginagainrose
08-14-2006, 01:01 PM
As work on my manuscript about Ezekiel 34 Shepherding has continued, I have had to review my many journals during the past 9 yrs. They left no weapon against me untouched; even to supeona my journels. I was reviewing the entry last night and while it did "trigger" the pain and emotions, there was also the quiet gratitude as I saw on these same pages the faithfulness of the Lord to strenghten me and give me courage to stand firm. I thought someone might be encouraged by it... Sept 13, 2003... "They want my journals?! Jesus hung naked on a cross for me - this is as naken as it gets! They want to examine me bearing my soul to You Lord? There truly is no limit to the ruthlessness of war...(I hear You say) Take up your cross and follow Me. God is my vindicator! He will reward them as their deeds deserve - their turn is coming! (I hear You say) Broken bread and spilled out wine - No matter what they do to me - I choose to stand up and say NO MORE! THIS IS SO WRONG! So this is part of the price? Raped - again!? So be it Lord! For Your purpose! Your plan! Your Kingdom - for broken people - to know their pain - humiliation - outrange - Let them come - I have been raped before I will NOT SURRENDER! It is the cost of being a freedomfighter... BRAVEHEART!...Oh, God give me the courage to endure this! I have been molested, raped - but THIS is GANG RAPE!!! By four men at once (attorneys)-OK GOD! I am ready! I pray Father, let me make You proud...BUT I plead - Father, let them be utterly ashamed, let them know this kind of pain and humiliation - let them know this kind of loss and devestation that they may ALWAYS remember me - let what they read in these years of these pages shame them, surprise them, Lord, may even they see; get it and be pierced of soul and heart - that their hearts would be broken and never be the same! Father - I forgive them - it's done before Your face! As they sit and read - perhaps in delight - mocking with Ah HA! Ah HA! - Let them burn with revelation: that You are right there with them WATCHING! May they hear my husband's sweet words ring in their souls: (I AM) God's Little Girl! I remember being molested as a little girl - the pillow over my face - I knew then that (he) was taking my body, buy my soul was in Your Hands God and it still is! You took me to "another place" then - you will again. I know they are coming any time now - not to rape my body this time! NO! This time - to rape my soul! BUT by the Power of the Mos High Jesus Christ ---THEY WILL NEVER TOUCH MY SPIRIT! I AM STILL STANDING AND WILL BE WHEN THE 4 OF YOU ARE FINISHED! So, come boys! - have your fun - God is watching you!...and He is still watching over me. ENJOY!"
Note: Just after this entry the Lord lead me to three verses... Math 27:46... "Eli, Eli!, lema sabachthani!", (Jesus crying out on the cross), Luke 23.34...Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, they dont know what they are doing" and John 19:30...IT IS FINISHED! (I knew the Lord was asking us to surrender - and we did) Sometime later the Lord spoke to my spirit, (It is finished; it's not OVER! - Not until I say it's over!) We are still waiting, believing... trusting... May your hearts find some encouragment and courage in your own recovery and healing journey...Remembering all the way the Lord has lead me...With Love, "Rose":)
Note: Just after this entry the Lord lead me to three verses... Math 27:46... "Eli, Eli!, lema sabachthani!", (Jesus crying out on the cross), Luke 23.34...Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, they dont know what they are doing" and John 19:30...IT IS FINISHED! (I knew the Lord was asking us to surrender - and we did) Sometime later the Lord spoke to my spirit, (It is finished; it's not OVER! - Not until I say it's over!) We are still waiting, believing... trusting... May your hearts find some encouragment and courage in your own recovery and healing journey...Remembering all the way the Lord has lead me...With Love, "Rose":)