Hard time going to church.

[Roberta]

I used to love going to church. I could hardly wait for Sunday morning to come around. Sometimes I would get there an hour early just to chat with others. If no one was around, I'd read my Bible.
I lead youth group.
I lead children's church.
I was the captain of the prayer team.
I served on the breavement committee.
I helped with the food pantry/clothes closet.
When the secretary went on vacation, I covered in her absence.
I participated in plays/skits.
If a volunteer was needed, I was there.

It became clear to me that I needed to spend more time being a wife and a mom because I was sacrificing my families needs to serve at the church- doing jobs that others could do. Also, by being "Super Christian" I was not giving others a chance to serve.

I slowly gave these ministries up. The last ones for me to give up were the hardest because they were youth group, children's church and the prayer team. (I'm still a member of the prayer team, I'm just not the captain anymore.) Those I would only give up if the right people stepped forward. They did. We've had some awesome people take over those areas.

It broke my heart to give those up.

Now I can hardly go into the church building without having a panic attack. I get sick to my stomach during the services sometimes. It's not just my church. I've attempted to go to other churches and I have the same problem. I start feeling like I can't breathe. I feel like all eyes are on me. I feel like they are judging me, even though I am pretty sure that most aren't.
Most Sundays I just don't even go. This angers my husband. We get into fights about what a bad Christian example I am.

I want to go to church, but for some reason I just can't.
Has anyone else struggled with this? What did you do?

[jane]

Roberta-

I can relate to your experiences in church.


I used to love going to church. I could hardly wait for Sunday morning to come around. Sometimes I would get there an hour early just to chat with others. If no one was around, I'd read my Bible.
I lead youth group.
I lead children's church.
I was the captain of the prayer team.
I served on the breavement committee.
I helped with the food pantry/clothes closet.
When the secretary went on vacation, I covered in her absence.
I participated in plays/skits.
If a volunteer was needed, I was there.

when I read this; I get exhausted remembering all the things I was racing to do.


No WONDER you panic- the inner you is TERRIFIED about being sucked dry and used up by what is NOT FROM GOD....

Trust your heart.


I didn't have the problem with my husband...... I don't have any advice- I guess if it were me I would try not to argue- but truth be told; I could see myself in a screaming match lately- if I felt like my husband didn't understand and wanted me to do things while panicking....


hugs to you.... I HOPE you get the support from your husband that you need.


Maybe show him the mary martha story....and give him the list of all the things you are involved in....

maybe him arguing with you is his fear.....maybe he feels that same way and wants to squelch it before he leaves the church because he is afraid that he will be ensnared by Satan....and fall away....as we are all taught.

Sometimes are biggest fights with others are really the biggest fights with ourselves.


keep us posted...and HUGS

love,
jane

[Scooter]

Roberta,

To answer your question, yes, I have experienced the same difficulty with going to church - any church. Some Sunday mornings my heart sinks and I can't bear to think of battling through my emotions just to sit through a service in agony. I'm not sure why some Sundays are okay and others aren't, but lately they've been more on the "not okay" side. Crying, gripping the pew, digging my fingers into the palms of my hands, and feeling like I'm going to climb the walls

Usually, I end up deciding not to go if my anxiety and depression are too high that morning. I really struggled with whether it was a sin or wrong to not go to church, because of countless messages I received at my old church. I'm sorry that this is a point of difficulty between you and your husband. I'm praying for God to bless the communication between you about this.

I still wrestle with feeling guilty for sometimes not going to church. Sometimes, though, it's more detrimental for me to force myself to go than it is for me to rest and rely on God's grace. Church attendance or adherance to any rule does not determine God's approval of us or our status as His child, nor should it affect others' perception of us as His children.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing panic attacks and difficulty going to church. Take a breath - it's okay to give yourself some space.

[Jerry]

Has anyone else struggled with this? What did you do?

Dear Roberta,,,
Yes I struggled with this.........What did I do????,,,,,,,,,basically nothing but grow wiser over time ;) A time came when I realized that Ecc 3 1-8 applies to everything..........A time to be worship leader,,,,,,,,A time to be lead in prayer,,,,,,A time to serve others,,,,,,A time to be served by them,,,,,,truly a time to every purpose under heaven ;) A time to focus on Church,,,,,,,,A time to focus on family ......Each in its place in time......The most important thing you need to do in life Roberta,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,is be Roberta :D Remembering that God Created you,,,,,because He wanted someone ,,,,,,,just,,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,you ..............

Love Jerry

[Scooter]

Roberta,

Reading Jerry's message made me realize that I missed the point of why you're feeling anxious about being in church. I'm sorry.

I agree with Jerry. Every time in our lives requires something different of us. If God is nudging you to spend more time as a wife and mother, that is your God-given mission. It's extremely hard to step back from a flurry of activity and serving...and *poo* on anyone who judges you for doing so. Perhaps there are a few people who do judge or who don't understand, but they are not looking through the right lenses. They're looking through "works-based religion" lenses.

Perhaps there are more people, especially wives and mothers, who see your actions and think, "Wow! If she's okay limiting time on church stuff to spend time with her family, maybe I can be too." You might be an encouragement to others who feel the pressure to jump at every request to volunteer or serve, relieving them of the burden of overperformance.

[hornblower]

I used to love going to church. I could hardly wait for Sunday morning to come around. Sometimes I would get there an hour early just to chat with others. If no one was around, I'd read my Bible.
I lead youth group.
I lead children's church.
I was the captain of the prayer team.
I served on the breavement committee.
I helped with the food pantry/clothes closet.
When the secretary went on vacation, I covered in her absence.
I participated in plays/skits.
If a volunteer was needed, I was there.

It became clear to me that I needed to spend more time being a wife and a mom because I was sacrificing my families needs to serve at the church- doing jobs that others could do. Also, by being "Super Christian" I was not giving others a chance to serve.

I slowly gave these ministries up. The last ones for me to give up were the hardest because they were youth group, children's church and the prayer team. (I'm still a member of the prayer team, I'm just not the captain anymore.) Those I would only give up if the right people stepped forward. They did. We've had some awesome people take over those areas.

It broke my heart to give those up.

Now I can hardly go into the church building without having a panic attack. I get sick to my stomach during the services sometimes. It's not just my church. I've attempted to go to other churches and I have the same problem. I start feeling like I can't breathe. I feel like all eyes are on me. I feel like they are judging me, even though I am pretty sure that most aren't.
Most Sundays I just don't even go. This angers my husband. We get into fights about what a bad Christian example I am.

I want to go to church, but for some reason I just can't.
Has anyone else struggled with this? What did you do?

Roberta are you really sure you should have stopped doing this? It occurs to me that maybe people like you and myself we might be outgoing which I am to quite a degree and getting into these situations feels so "us" in so many ways. Now heres the rub ok so many people call this a calling on our 'your', 'my' life. Maybe it is maybe it isnt? Who knows for sure but really does it make a difference in the end? Doesnt God want us to be happy? Yes He does. He said He came to give us life and more abundantly. So why do we always set ourselves up to suffer when we dont have too?
I go through what you are suffering right now all of the time. I have these panic attaks often always in a church and I know why too.
This was what was going through my mind and heart too the last time I had one.

Im not doing it any more..................that stuff I used to do and I loved it!!!!!!!!!!! I loved doing it but now Im not but oh no IM SUPPOSED TO BE DOING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there it comes full blown panic attack..............bam!
Its the supposed to be doing it thing, it feels like its God saying it to me, but is it? I dont know!
I DONT KNOW! Thats whats causing me to feel this way the heavy guilt Im feeling. Now how bout you is this whats really going on????? Im just asking ok? I go through this stuff too. I used to be a prophetess. I thought, someone told me I was, a lot of people told me I was, AM I???????????????????
Is God going to throw me out of heaven for NOT BEING ONE?
I used to give my testimony. It was awesome. I loved it it was like flying. What a high. Now everybody else does it everywhere I go not me.....:(
Does God still love me the way I am?????????????????????
Yeah mentally I am supposed to believe He does but truthfully I dont really know if He does love me any more....................:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :confused:

[Jerry]

Dear Roberta&Hornblower,,,,
It isn't about weather you should or shouldn't do something,rather,it is about moments in time,and being in tune having relaxed confidence. Give testimony or don't give testimony,either way as you are so moved.It is your presence alone that honors the Savior.The same Savior that commands "Testimony" also instructed us to pray in the secret place that we might be rewarded openly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the very essence of "Freedom in Christ" ;)
Love Jerry

[outcast]

Roberta. I just wanted you to know that I still go through that too. I've only been out of my old church for 7 months and I struggle to want to go to my new one every sunday. The way I deal w/it is similar to how Jerry responded. Sometimes I don't go and I realize that's okay. I understand this is a normal response to what we've all been through. A friend of mine who went through it too recently told me to just go when I felt like God wanted me to be there. Do it out of love for him - not compulsion or to meet a quota or even to just be scriptural. God knows where you are right now. Give yourself time to heal from this.

[dougjb]

Hi Roberta,
Thank you for sharing part of your life with us. There are a lot of people, including myself, who are able to identify with your situation. You may have given yourself the answer to your particular situation. At the beginning of your thread, you stated that you loved going to church, but there was a change where now you now are having panic attacks.
It appears that how you defined the relationship with yourself and your role in the church changed. In the beginning, you went to church and fellowshipped with other people and with God. Church attendance was relationally based. As time progressed that bond or connection between you and the church changed from one of 'personal relationship' to an 'activity based relationship.' In other words, the relationship not based on who you are as a Christian but on what activities you perfom as a member of a church.
It sounds like it was the best thing you could done in ceasing your activities in the church because it was destroying your Christian faith. There are times when we need to decompress and re-examine what we are doing. Maybe, the Lord wants you to go back to the place that you described in the first sentence of your thread. I do not know how on point I am with this but it was the impression I got. If it helps, praise God.

some food for thought
Dougjb

P.S. I went to a similar experience and I realized that I had left my first love through too much busy work for God.

[hornblower]

Dear Roberta&Hornblower,,,,
It isn't about weather you should or shouldn't do something,rather,it is about moments in time,and being in tune having relaxed confidence. Give testimony or don't give testimony,either way as you are so moved.It is your presence alone that honors the Savior.The same Savior that commands "Testimony" also instructed us to pray in the secret place that we might be rewarded openly,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the very essence of "Freedom in Christ" ;)
Love Jerry
I know Jerry that really God wants me to be 'at home"with Him. Its NEVER going to be about performance in any way, it never should have been and I was very deceived in so many ways I think. For me I think this is why the abuse happened to me in this last church. They were all into performing whether they knew it or not. I didnt realise I was doing that either but now I know I was. I know I was because when I got hurt all of my so called gifts stopped immediately. This was the double whammy and its still very hard for me to grasp. I know that even now when I am trully serious about hearing from God I always do its a question of being still and believing in Him and not myself any longer.

Church though, because I dont attend at all any longer, is a huge step for me. It brings back years and years of struggle and wrong motives maybe Im still not sure about any of it. I blame myself, not the system any more. However the system of church is faulty in so many ways its hard to not fall away again and get wrapped up into the old patterns. I dont expect anyone to buy in to this like I do and am doing but its really the way I feel about it. If you go to church more power to you but as for me its way too hard to go. I cry and cry and its embarassing, then if any kind of participation comes Im reminded about the past and I start questioning again and there it goes, the panic attacks.


Miserable stuff but this is not the only way or place it is happening to me either. My husband and I went too a volley ball game last night that my daughter was in. I started cussing because the guys on the team and the girls too were shunning my daughter and she was so very sweet to them, always friendly always so supportive, just in general trying to do such a good job and its so hard for her. She began to have one of her migraines and she kept looking over at us and was hurting I could tell because nobody would talk to her they all had their own little cligues.
D----- them ALL! Oh yeah Ill bet they all thought they were being so kind and good to even have her on their team. Im sorry I cant deal any longer!

Between my so called phoney a-- friends and this s--- Im right back to being a sinner big time again. Where is my God who loved me and wanted me to be His own? Why is He doing this to me?????????? My daughter accidently hit the ball right into this guys face, my husband was all 'Oh No!' but me? I was, "Well its not exactly like he didnt deserve it!!!!!!! What is it they always say to me???????????? "ALL THINGS WORK FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE WHO LOVE THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I hate that scripture the way these idiots use it on me all of the time! This same guy was telling her over and over again to move out of the way so he could take her spot in the line so he could shoot the ball back over the net, like she couldnt do any thing and believe me my girl can whop any of them shes so tough! All it would take is some real friendship on their part and she would have been their best player. I sat there and prayed my heart out and she made 9 serves in a row one time! More than any of them had.

Im a wreck last night and this morning. I shouldnt hate them but I do. I cant deal with her either. So Im as much to blame as they are. Shes quit her job again ............all MY fault! She called me crying at 1:00 in the morning last saturday night asking me what to do shes so miserable at that job. People just use her they dont care that shes sick. They give her the lowest of the low and never let her do anything with any respect to it. She doesnt understand and it hurts her so much.

How many of these same people have been through what she has in their life times????????????
I tell you I cant watch it go on any more and all I want to do this morning is die again just die and be rid of this damnable place and all of its pain!!!!!
Shes never hurt anybody except me and she isnt responsible for that. I probably am. If you knew her you would know how really good to the bone she is! Much better than anyone in this world deserves.


I had more fun with her downstairs housemate, hes been in a car wreck, so hes only got a nub for a right arm and his poor head is smashed up on one side so his mind is affected. Let me tell you that man loves His God and He stood up in that gym and stretched out his arm to pray for the girl that got hurt on my daughters team. The two wise a-- people on the front row nof her team started laughing about it.


He is so funny, he laughs constantly about everything thinks everything is so wonderful and there he is all smashed to smitherines. These are the people Jesus came for. The sick and the lame and the poor. S---- the others!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry Im so mad I am no good at all on here! Or anywhere for that matter!

[ChurchHappens]

Hi Roberta,

It sounds like you're going through withdrawal symptoms. This happens when someone is detoxing from something. It can happen with any addictive substance or habit. Even a religious one.

Here's a good article called "Detoxing From Church":

http://www.theofframp.org/Detox.html

It will take some time and some education to see that God Loves You even if you don't do one more thing. It would be like telling your children that you only love them for what they do for you. You love them for who they are and not what they do.

I would recommend reading a book you can read online called "He Loves Me" and you can find it on my site at: http://www.churchhappens.com

Mike

[outcast]

The article you mentioned was interesting. I think there is a measure of truth to it also.

I am not at church service today. This makes two Sundays in a row. Haven't done that in years if ever.

I threw out my upper back at the end of the week so yesterday I lived on my heating pad and took back pain medicine all day. Amazing what not sitting up straight for hours at a time will do to you. :( I woke up late this morning. Too late to get ready for service and be on time. Hubby went w/o me. I felt bad about that part. He was understanding though.

I won't go to the cell group tonight. He isn't going either. There's alot for me to do today to get ready to go back to teaching in a week.

In the back of my mind I keep thinking "I know my former pastors would have a field day w/the knowledge that I've skipped 2 sunday services in a row." They predicted that would happen. Their view was that it was b/c I would become carnal after leaving their church like all the others they said.

I actually feel better that I'm not at church today - in some ways. I don't have to worry about the charismaticky language that triggers anger in me so easily right now. I don't have to feel miserable. That is nice.

What is not nice is the misunderstanding that follows b/c people who haven't been here don't realize what it's like. The friends I have at my new church take my lack of attendance as a slam against them. That is frustrating.

Sometimes I just want the RL people at church to leave me alone and let me heal.