Please if you can continue to pray:

[hornblower]

My daughter is sick tonight, she wanted us to come over and pick up her dog and bring him over here and care for him, bring her some soup. We cant do that as we are trying to sell this house I just cant do it!

My husband is beyond worn out. He has this disfunctional guy working there that hassels him and makes life a living you know what for him. He doesnt say much about it because its really making him sick. I remember what that is like.

Then she (my daughter)locked herself out of her apartment and we are the only ones with the key so there we go anyway to take the key to her. Im trying to be tough and make her take care of herself. I got over there and I feel so sorry for her but I went ahead and told her she could drive to the store and get her things. She didnt seem to be anything but really tired to me. Who knows though?

I get confused about all of this. My Mother would never have even come over to let me in my apartment I dont think. My Mom waited on everybody when they were in her home but thats it. She really didnt take care of me ever since I moved out at 17. She was a fantastic grandmom though, baby sat often for us but then we didnt go anywhere that often. I dont know if Im being selfish or not???????????

After all nobody takes care of my dog but me when Im sick. No one goes to get me soup or even a glass of water so?????? Well not often anyway. Oh I just dont know if Im doing the right thing or not..............When we got there she seemed drowsy and I know its from the pain pills she took last night or yesterday.

I know all of you are dealing with much more pressing problems much more serious than this but Im scared for her. There have been a lot of breakins and and quite a few murders of women here lately. Its all over the news, theres no way to escape listening to it all, everyones talking about it. Some shlepp is breaking into families homes while they are there and asleep. Shot one woman in the leg as she tried to run away.

All of this doesnt help me sleep any better thinking about her being over there alone and so helpless.
I did find out that I can call the police and have them call on her if I cant get in touch with her since she is disabled. I will do that next time. It will help them too to know where she lives.

Anyway I would appreciate your prayers. Thankyou anyone, everyone. Im going to try to get some sleep, good night all, I love all of you.

[Janice]

((((((((((((((((Hornblower))))))))))

praying!

[Jerry]

((((((((((((((((Hornblower))))))))))

praying!

ME TOO

[peanut]

I praying too, Hornblower. Also praying that today is a better day for you.

Love,
Mimi

[hornblower]

Im going back to sleeping too much again. Staying up later and later at night scared and restless coming here checking posts hoping everything is all love and light again.

Worrying about her thinking Im so awful again trying to help her shopping for her online saving the bags because Im scared to ask my husband for money we dont have.

Shes got a new job and shes hot its so awfully hot here now. Gad you wouldnt believe how awful everybody feels. You just want to find some bathwater to sit in or sleep under an air conditioner all of the time. Its no wonder shes sick. She is always getting sick.

I have a sin in my past that makes this whole thing more understandable about her. It never leaves me alone just sitting there waiting for the next thing to happen so it can pester me over and over again. YADADADADA!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE SO BADDDDDDDDDDDDD YOU MADE THIS HAPPEN ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!
Thats how that sin goes inside of me.

Ive maybe got some weird mental illness now because words and sentenses keep going over and over and over in my head.
I know somebodies going to tell me its adhd or metd or ptsd or poopey poorpey.........
Im sorry.
I want all of this stuff to stop on here because Im a spoiled little brat and I want my forum back. RIGHT now!
I understand how both of you feel. I dont know of a cure for any of it. Its like a stupid popularity contest. Like the every girls dream of being on the squad or something whatever those things were called.

Its all just triggering everything inside of me. I HATE IT!

I want everybody to love everybody. I want LOVE and family! The FAMILY I never had!

[jimsmuse]

Im going back to sleeping too much again. Staying up later and later at night scared and restless coming here checking posts hoping everything is all love and light again.

Worrying about her thinking Im so awful again trying to help her shopping for her online saving the bags because Im scared to ask my husband for money we dont have.

Shes got a new job and shes hot its so awfully hot here now. Gad you wouldnt believe how awful everybody feels. You just want to find some bathwater to sit in or sleep under an air conditioner all of the time. Its no wonder shes sick. She is always getting sick.

I have a sin in my past that makes this whole thing more understandable about her. It never leaves me alone just sitting there waiting for the next thing to happen so it can pester me over and over again. YADADADADA!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE SO BADDDDDDDDDDDDD YOU MADE THIS HAPPEN ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!
Thats how that sin goes inside of me.

Ive maybe got some weird mental illness now because words and sentenses keep going over and over and over in my head.
I know somebodies going to tell me its adhd or metd or ptsd or poopey poorpey.........
Im sorry.
I want all of this stuff to stop on here because Im a spoiled little brat and I want my forum back. RIGHT now!
I understand how both of you feel. I dont know of a cure for any of it. Its like a stupid popularity contest. Like the every girls dream of being on the squad or something whatever those things were called.

Its all just triggering everything inside of me. I HATE IT!

I want everybody to love everybody. I want LOVE and family! The FAMILY I never had!


((((Hornblower)))))) we are your family, everything is alright!

[Janice]

((((Hornblower)))))) we are your family, everything is alright!


(((((((((((Hornblower))))))))))))
I love you my sister. ;)
Hang in there!

[ex-shep]

Prayers and virtual lattes coming your way. Keep checking in. Coffepot is always on. Actually in the Texas heat, I should offer sweet tea. Sorry for the breach of ettiquette. :)

[hornblower]

well I cant believe it my husband is willing to go ahead and buy some things for her. We just cant stand her poverty. Really we cant! Ive been there and didnt think a thing about it when I was but shes not used to it. It really has always been this way for her since she got sick. Its really like a bag lady. Like she doesnt understand or she cant keep up or something.

So much to do around here. Packing up and sewing making beds cleaning bathrooms cooking washing...............all I want to do is have some starbucks passion ice tea..........lol. Or something stronger. Wish I could go take a long bath but this carpet cleaning guy is coming. I know this is girl talking. Wish I had some friends again. Just too b ---- too understand?

I miss my girlfriend that always seems to say the right things but then always seemed to not care about me. Even though she keeps saying she does. She is just like that single girl that was in somebodies church causing all of the trouble there. My firend would have said the exact same thing about that whole situation. But NEVER out loud! Never would she have taken it to a pastor. I think single women deal with these deep feelings.

We all want to fit in. Be one so to speak. I sure do miss her, my friend. Man that married crap was hard to take for me. I wanted some understanding and all she could give me was jealousy. My own daughter is jealous of me being married and having a house. Oh please??????????? We all want what others have dont we?

They NEVER have to give one thought to what their significant other wants or thinks. They can make their plans and do them. They never ask or discuss anything?
Ive never in a way really wanted my daughter to get married. I would love to have a grandaughter............more than anything anywhere i would love that and I would love for it to be my daughters daughter too. I would do all of those things I was too busy to do with my little girl grandbaby. Sooooooo many things I missed out on with my own daughter so many. But then if he was bad to her like my abusive men were to me.................Id kill him or them I would! God must know I would so He doesnt heal my daughter. Lol I know Im nuts!

Oh Lord here I go again.

And my friend reads all of these help books. Sheesh. Whatever happened to a gut feeling?
Oh well.
Shes gone really. All of that over some pieces of jewelry. Our whole relationship just drown in it. It was gone anyway a long time ago. She was the last hanger on from the past.

Now its nothing and nobody now except me and my man. And he never says two words.
ha. last night I was snoring so loud and all I heard was him saying...........in this really deep voice.............very low so I could barely hear because I think he was half asleep poor guy...........ok now youd better stop it you are snoring so loud now youd better stop....................

I rolled over and then it just cracked me up! Whats he going to do? Beat me? Stuff a pillow over my face? lol. I could barely stop laughing. The dog was licking him and the sheets too. That dog worships him. It was waking him up as much as I was. Still the whole thing was so funny. Like where is he going to go? There arent any more beds not really not like our bed.

Lol does this kind of junk happen to all of you?
Oh its so hot.
Im not hot but its so hot.........the light really gets too me.
I feel like im Van Gogh stuck in Arles France..........lol fixin to cut off my ear! Lol.

[hornblower]

This is a change of subject here you know Im just lonely but hey I thought I might as well tell you all........I have the most beautiful PC screen in the world..........according to me anyway....lol.
If anyboidy wants to know how I did it Id be glad to tell you. I change and make up desktops to go with any backgrounds I get or make or take a picture of.. Really! This particualre desktop set (haha) I call Blue Seas.........you should see it. The print is a darkish blue purple. The bottom strip across the bottom of the screen is a dark misty geyish blue..........the title bar is a bright aqua and the top bar goes from darkish blue to a lighter tone aqua.

This is all going together with my background I found on this new art site Ive been going too where artists make their own art backgrounds like I used to do when i had my really good programs. I should do it again anyway even if it does kill my back. I should have invested in photoshop instead i got paint shop pro 7. Not as good.
The background I have on here today is a darkish blue scebne with a lady dressed in dark blue green with blue wings like an angel there are blue flowers in the sky very faint you can barely see them and the hills are avivid green dark and cool looking with a weird spooky like tree on the hillside beside her. There is like stars or something scattered all over to make the whole thing twinkle.

I love doing this stuff. Im so glad my husband knew better than I did. I hated computers and everything about them. When my husband bought this I was going to kill him but for some strange reason I sat down and learned all of this cool stuff, completely entranced with it. He tried to teach me but I cant learn a thing from him. I just had to suffer it out and teach myself. Like sewing and everything else I try to do.
Hmmmmmm carpet strinks upstairs now after he did what he did. Hmmmmmm house is clean though one more box packed up and ready..........out of newspapers.

[Jerry]

Hey Hornblower,,,,,,yer doin good :D
Love Jerry

[mary]

HB, you are cool... You da gal, Hornblower... (Up here in Motown, that's a huge compliment... ;) )

Keep going, Hornblower; keep praying and the Lord and you will keep it all together.

(If it makes you feel any better, it's predicted that we're going to get some Texas-style heat here this weekend and into next week... Not looking forward to it, but it's par for the course.)

Grace in bunches to you,

mary

[hornblower]

Mary find yo self some big trees to sit under and keep still. Wear cotton 100%. Drink lots of ice cold water and ice tea with loads of fresh lemon. Break out those airconditioners, you're going to need 'em.

Hate those things and love em at the same time. Some times I just go sit in my husbands car and turn on the coldest air, drive fast so it'll get way down and dream I'm back in that Kansas ice storm.
Thankyou and I love you, your my family you know?