Shadow
10-29-2004, 03:24 PM
Life is so short to learn all its lessons and yet the most important lesson there is ...is to live and let live. In my journey's to wellness I come across different ways to live but the real key to me is just live. Don't complicate life but live.
As I stood in the hospital room today with chill of what could loom ahead for my dear sister in law (yes that I have held many grudges against but love her nonetheless) I saw this frail figure with the skin just barely covering the bones in her body. I have never seen anyone look like that in my entire life. I had a grandpa that died with bone cancer and he still didn't look this frail and helpless. She looked so at the mercy of God and other people and my heart just breaks into tears and hurt not for myself but to her vulnerablity and her human desires and for love for her. We talked and she was telling me she was going to live. I nodded as she shared. My sister in law has been told they need to get her on a list for a liver transplant. I don't know if that is still the plan or not but they have given her 4 things of transfusion for her to keep going. As I saw my very frail sister in law, I couldn't help but think why? Why? WHY? And yet as she was trying to get out her words they were not about her but about getting bake goods to keep thier local library and asking me to thank God for her because she was just too tired to get out the prayers. My heart broke and it broke big time...to think we even have God to come to and here she is so sick and she wants God thanked.
My problems are small and pale even though they are important they pale as I looked this very young sister in law who looks like she is hitting 100 and she wants to thank God.
What an unthankful child I have been for His goodness and how much I have taken for granted and had attitude about.
I just want to thank God that He is not only in recovery with my sister in law that without Him it is impossible. I want to thank Him for all He is to me even though I don't even realize it.
I don't want to take another day for granted. I want to thank God for today and though I feel bitter and angry at life at times. I thank Him that He even understands and won't leave me there.
I know that in the steps to recovery that gratitude is essential to wellness. God forgive me for the times that I have been so thankless and failed to give you thanks and failed with a heart that lacks gratitude even in the middle of the crisises in my life and the lives of my family. Help me to see things that I need to be thankful for and to express it.
Life is too short to let it go another day.
As I stood in the hospital room today with chill of what could loom ahead for my dear sister in law (yes that I have held many grudges against but love her nonetheless) I saw this frail figure with the skin just barely covering the bones in her body. I have never seen anyone look like that in my entire life. I had a grandpa that died with bone cancer and he still didn't look this frail and helpless. She looked so at the mercy of God and other people and my heart just breaks into tears and hurt not for myself but to her vulnerablity and her human desires and for love for her. We talked and she was telling me she was going to live. I nodded as she shared. My sister in law has been told they need to get her on a list for a liver transplant. I don't know if that is still the plan or not but they have given her 4 things of transfusion for her to keep going. As I saw my very frail sister in law, I couldn't help but think why? Why? WHY? And yet as she was trying to get out her words they were not about her but about getting bake goods to keep thier local library and asking me to thank God for her because she was just too tired to get out the prayers. My heart broke and it broke big time...to think we even have God to come to and here she is so sick and she wants God thanked.
My problems are small and pale even though they are important they pale as I looked this very young sister in law who looks like she is hitting 100 and she wants to thank God.
What an unthankful child I have been for His goodness and how much I have taken for granted and had attitude about.
I just want to thank God that He is not only in recovery with my sister in law that without Him it is impossible. I want to thank Him for all He is to me even though I don't even realize it.
I don't want to take another day for granted. I want to thank God for today and though I feel bitter and angry at life at times. I thank Him that He even understands and won't leave me there.
I know that in the steps to recovery that gratitude is essential to wellness. God forgive me for the times that I have been so thankless and failed to give you thanks and failed with a heart that lacks gratitude even in the middle of the crisises in my life and the lives of my family. Help me to see things that I need to be thankful for and to express it.
Life is too short to let it go another day.